


The Lay Over

by Hydra_bitch_please01



Series: The Lay Over [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A very good runner, Abortion, Alternate Universe - Flight Attendants, Alternate Universe - Star Wars Fusion, Assassination Attempt(s), Basically everyone is pro-choice, Cassian Andor and Jyn Erso are Rey's parents, F/M, Finn is the real MVP, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, I told you there would be all the tropes, I wasn't kidding, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Leia will be fine though I promise, M/M, Modern AU, Naomi Ackie is Nia, One Night Stands, Oral Sex, Paige/Jessika is a ship I will follow to the grave, Rey is a runner, Rey lives in denial, Rey still has abandonment issues, Reylo - Freeform, Shower Sex, So she's Latina, Wall Sex, Why Did I Write This?, because why not?, finn and rey are besties, girl time, mild mention of racism, soft boi solo, tropes galore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-28 18:26:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 106,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14455167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hydra_bitch_please01/pseuds/Hydra_bitch_please01
Summary: The adventurous Rey Andor became a flight attendant once she graduated from NYU. Two years later, she spent the majority of her days in airport lounges, cafes and hotels in between moments at home and going to class. That is, until one day she ran into a brick wall, a man, actually, at JFK airport. When the flight to Paris was derailed because of a snow storm they touched down in Iceland and the layover that was supposed to be only a couple of hours was delayed until the next day. After getting stuck in an airport lounge with the man and arguably drinking too much red wine Rey did something she rarely did. She made a move on him, which quickly turned into her joining him at his hotel room. Rey assumed the one-night stand would be just that, one night, but something happened that will inevitably change the entire course of her life.aka Three Weddings and An Assassination Attempt





	1. Chapter 1

 Have you ever had one of those days where in one moment your entire life was turned upside down and you couldn't decide whether it was for the best or not?That’s what happened to the young and adventurous twenty-two-year-old orphaned flight attendant, Rey Andor, two months ago when she met the mysterious Ben Solo at work. Rey had been torturing herself with countless questions since that fateful day. Questions she'd wished she'd cared about then. He might not have been an ass like she originally thought upon meeting, but was he a good man? Would she ever see him again?

 

_**Two Months Ago** _

 

“Shit, shit, shit,” she muttered under her breath as she half jogged, half power walked through the airport, dragging her luggage behind her.

Her phone rang.

“Hey,” she answered calmly. Almost as if she wasn’t currently speeding down a long hallway lined with floor to ceiling windows, maneuvering the crowds while attempting to avoid twisting her ankle in her absurdly high heels. She regretted wearing them the second she left her apartment.

“Where are you?” her friend hissed into the phone.

“I’m almost at the gate. I promise,” Rey mumbled as she started to run. “Long story – _really_ bad night and I overslept. I’ll tell you on flight.”

“Okay, fine. Just get here. People are already boarding and Poe is getting pissed.”

Rey groaned into the phone and after another promise to be there in a minute she hung up.

While speeding up, she looked down to throw her phone in her leather handbag, someone came out of the blue and bumped into her. Her bag was knocked out of her hands, the contents of it spread across the floor, and she very nearly fell down in the process. She caught herself. However, her ankle wasn’t as lucky. It was already starting to burn. She wanted to scream as she hurriedly gathered her things, not bothering to look at her attacker.

“Fuck,” the man grumbled. “Look where you’re going next time!” he yelled.

She froze and glared up at the stranger who towered over her. He held his phone and a coffee in the other hand, which appeared to have spilled.

Anger boiled in her veins. She didn’t have time for this. And anyways, _he_ knocked into her, not the other way around.

“Excuse me,” she hissed, throwing the last few things into her bag. “You knocked into me!”

He glared back at her. “You were running _and_ looking at your phone. How would you know?” 

She gritted her teeth and looked at her phone, cursing again. “Fuck off, asshole,” she spat  as she grabbed her things and ran off in the direction of the gate, refusing to waste another second on the rude asshole.

She had ten minutes at most. She didn’t have time for giants, even if they were well muscled. Once she made it to the gate she calmed down, slowing her pace substantially, untying her red scarf and easing out of her black wool knee length coat, revealing her uniform of a black blazer and pencil skirt.

Katie, another flight attendant she sometimes flied with was standing at the gate desk and ushered her past the barrier. She made it onto the plane and put her things into the overhead compartment before the majority of the passengers were allowed on board.

“Where the _hell_ were you?” Jessica whispered, walking out of the cockpit.

Rey refreshed a coat of her red lipstick. “I’ve had the worst morning,” she muttered out of the corner of her mouth as she smiled at the passengers struggling to store their luggage in the overhead compartments.

“Clearly,” Jessika hummed.

Poe walked out of the cockpit to greet passengers like he did every flight.

“Morning,” Rey whispered politely.

“Glad to see you could make it,” Poe said with a tight grin.

She nodded in reply, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from replying. Poe took his job seriously and she understood why. They usually got along, but when she was late – possibly throwing off his flight schedule – he wasn’t pleased. Another reason to be grateful she made it on time.

More passengers started boarding, so all three of them stood to the side, smiling politely and wishing people good morning in between speaking in low whispers about their weekends. Rey covered her mouth as she yawned, her bones still fatigued from the long night and little sleep; Not to mention, in the rush this morning she forgot her latte. Rey hated early morning flights, but she didn’t have a choice. She'd only been a flight attendant for two years, so she got almost last pick for her work schedule every month. Thus, she stood here waiting to take off on an early morning international flight. On a _Sunday_.

The majority of the plane was now boarded. Poe was back in the cockpit and most passengers were safely in their seats, so she started to relax. She liked her routines, and at this point in a flight it’s all routine. She’d gone through the steps too many times to count. She could assist people on a flight in her sleep. She checked her watch; only five minutes until they closed the doors and pulled out of the gate.

Being a nice friend, who knew she had a rough twenty-four hours, Jess took the annoying job and was currently walking up and down the aisle assisting people with their luggage. All she had to do was stand in the doorway and look reasonably amiable. She could do that. At least she thought she could.

She was checking her phone one last time when someone approached the airplane door. She lifted her eyes, a smile plastered on her face, assuming Katie had come to say goodbye and was instantly startled by the sight of the massively tall man with jet black hair and a scowl on his face. The same man, who not fifteen minutes ago she’d told to fuck off.

They locked eyes and he froze, his eyes widening in shock, one foot in the plane and one hand holding his phone up to his ear.

“Good morning, Sir,” she said politely, her face turning as red as her lipstick. Her voice seemingly shook him out of his thoughts.

He nodded in response and walked past her, turning into the curtained off section and sitting down in his seat without a second look in her direction.

“I just boarded the plane and the bitch I was just telling you about works on the flight,” he ground out, clearly thinking himself out of earshot. “Yeah, Yeah. I know… I’ll talk to you later.”

She ground her teeth together and her knuckles turned white as she clutched her fists, anger welling up within her at his comment. Who the fuck does he think he is to call me a bitch? She envisioned running over to him, punching his nose and then grabbing his head and repeatedly bashing it against the seat in front of him. It gave her some satisfaction but not enough. Instead, she took a deep breath and walked away after closing the airlock. Getting as far away from him as she could.

Great, she thought to herself, a first-class dipshit on a ten-hour flight. Just my luck.


	2. Chapter 2

Once the plane was safely in the air and they’d illustrated the safety procedures Rey and Jess huddled together whispering fiercely.

“So, what happened to make you an exhausted bitch on wheels this morning?” Jess mused, her lips tauntingly happy. While a strange man couldn't call her that, her close friend certainly could.

Rey rolled her eyes and blew a piece of hair out of her face ignoring it's truth. “For one, I got in a fight with Finn last night,” she mumbled. ‘He’s usually so supportive, but I’ve barely seen him in months. Between class, flights and layovers, I’m never home. He’s worried about me.” She threw her hands up in frustration. “So, of course, I blew up at him. As any rational person would,” she added suddenly sounding more annoyed with herself than anything else.

Jessika took a sip of coffee and nodded, waiting for her to continue.

“Two. We had the fight after I got home from a last-minute trip to Los Angeles I was forced to take – it was a red eye, I’d barely slept in twenty hours – so I was already feeling like a bitch. I yelled _a lot_ at him. Told him he wasn’t my father. That he needed to get his own life and stop bugging me. All that jazz… It… It was a disaster. I barely slept last night. Hence, not hearing my alarm this morning,” she explained apologetically. “Hopefully, Poe wasn’t too mad.”

Jess waved off her concern. “He’s fine… Did you talk to Finn this morning?” she asked hesitantly.

Rey grimaced, guilt consuming her. “He had work early, so no. But he left me pancakes in the fridge with an apology note on ‘em – I ate them, still cold and bone dry, in the cab. I was in a rush to say the least.”

Jess bit her lip. “He’s such a sweetie. Remind me why you two aren’t a couple?”

Rey stifled a laugh and shook her head. “It’s not like _that_ ,” she said.

She wasn’t lying. She’d known Finn since she was seven years old and he was ten, when she had been forced into foster care in England. He had protected her, showed her the ropes at her first foster home, and they’d stayed in contact since. It was because of Finn that she had gotten out of a dangerous situation and ended up in America as a teenager. They were tethered together forever, but it wasn’t romantic. Anyway, even if she wanted to, he wasn’t interested.

Jess shrugged, clearly unaffected. “Well, I still think you’d be great together. He’s attractive, sweet and good for you, even if he can be a little overly clingy.”

“He’s gay, Jess. Move on,” Rey teased, knowing her friend had a bit of a crush on him.

Jess shrugged and continued staring at the cabin, watching people in their seats. “Maybe he’s bi.”

Rey smiled widely and laughed at the hopeful tone in her voice. “Believe me, he has no interest in tits or anything womanly,” she whispered. “I’ve known him forever. I would know.” Jess stayed quiet. She leaned against the cubby and glanced behind Jess and into the curtained off section of the plane. “Can you do me a favor?” Rey asked hopefully, trying to change the subject.

Jess quirked her head at her friend, following her gaze to a tall man who had his eyes closed in first class. “Okay,” she agreed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing much, just… Well, I _kind of_ called that dude an asshole this morning and told him to fuck off when he knocked my purse on the ground on my way to the gate.”

“What?” Jess squeaked a little too loudly. A few people were staring at them questioningly.

Rey turned away from onlookers, ignoring their perplexed gazes, and stared helplessly at her friend. “Can you please deal with the first-class passengers this flight?” she pleaded. “I would prefer if I didn’t have to see him again... He wasn’t exactly pleaded with me either."

Jessika sighed exaggeratedly. “Fine, but you owe me. There’s always one entitled old prick who constantly tries to cop a feel up there.”

Rey nodded fiercely. “Yes, anything,” she agreed, relief flooding her immediately. “And anyways, first class or not, there’s always a dick who thinks he can slap your ass,” she teased. “You do have a nice ass though.”

Jessika snorted. “True dat."

 

With that handled and the plane finally in the air, Rey could settle into her normal routine like muscle memory: smiling robotically, walking the aisles every ten minutes, taking orders, answering questions and making mindless small talk with passengers. It was easy for her, despite how painfully boring it could be sometimes. It had been a mostly painless flight, thanks to Jess’s sacrifice, and she promised herself to come up with a brilliant way to thank her later.

In between their duties she talked to Jess about their stagnant love lives, making plans for a movie night, and reading a book that she’d been meaning to read for over a month on her kindle. Once in a while she’d look up and stare out the window savoring the sound of the engines revving as the plane pushed through fluffy white clouds. She didn’t truly understand what she loved so much about being thousands of feet in the air, but it soothed something deep within her. A longing that had been in her since she could remember. It made her feel whole.

Maybe it was biological. Her father was obsessed with planes as well. Yet, maybe he wasn’t. Her memories of her father, Cassian Andor, were blurry at best. She remembered his smile, the heavy Mexican accent of his voice despite growing up in England and the way he used to rub his stubble against her cheek until she broke down into a fit of giggles as a little girl.

The most prominent of memories though, if she remembered correctly, was when her parents took her on a plane for the first time. It was a small jet. She sat on her mother’s lap, still just a toddler, as they took off. At first, she was terrified at the loudness of the machine and of the way it made her ears hurt. If she closed her eyes tightly she could still hear her mother’s reassuring voice in her ear and the feel of her soft fingers running through Rey’s ponytail in an attempt to calm her down; it always worked. She remembered the way her dad’s eyes lit up as he explained the aircraft to her mid-flight. After that day, she told anyone who would listen that she wanted to grow up to be a pilot like her daddy. She still recalled the way it always made him beam with pride.

Her throat tightened and she clutched her necklace absentmindedly as the onslaught of memories came rushing to her mind for the first time in over a year. She tried to tamper them down. Lack of sleep was clearly affecting her more than she realized, so she closed her eyes and gave herself five minutes. Once she got her emotions under control and a little sleep under her belt she was a new woman. She was a practiced veteran at avoiding things, especially her emotions, thanks to her childhood.

She put her book down and was about to walk the aisles of coach one last time when she noticed Jess passed out in her seat. Rey froze. They still had a little over an hour left of the flight and Jess could use a break. The passengers had been relentless; constantly demanding one thing after another. Surprisingly, the grumpy mystery man wasn’t one of them. Other than asking for a cup of coffee and a bit of food, he’d been easy. At least, that’s what Jess told her when she asked.

Without another thought she quietly grabbed some gloves and the trash bags next to her friend and opened the curtain, walking into the lion’s den before she could change her mind. She walked down the aisle, her feet barely making a sound, asking people for their trash. And for the most part, people were polite.

There were a group of four middle-aged business men, wearing expensive suits, huddled closely together talking in French. She overheard whispered words surrounding some sort of merger and continued on as to not appear nosy.

Next, she picked up a plate and an empty plastic wine glass from a greying man who was attempting, not so subtly, to hide his tablet from her. She swallowed her discomfort at the fact that he was watching porn and pretended not to notice – it still astounded her that so many men watched porn on a plane. Rey silently took his trash and walked to the next row, trying desperately in vain to erase the mental image of the old wrinkly man in a leather collar, a woman holding a whip over him.

She made her way toward the grumpy man, who, despite being in a first-class seat still had to turn his knees in an uncomfortable position to stretch out; if she wasn’t so tense she would probably have laughed at the sight. He was engrossed in a novel of some sort, so she took a moment to look at him from a distance. He was obviously tall, that was something she’d noticed right away – hard to miss while you’re kneeling on the ground looking up. With his peacoat off, she noticed he was wearing a navy sweater that stretched across his strong shoulders, a broad back and well-defined abs. He wasn't traditionally attractive besides his physique; his nose stuck out too far, his face was lean, possibly too lean, and his ears, which peaked out from behind his black hair, seemed too large for his head. Yet, if she could forget the scowl on his lips, she might actually find him attractive. The thought struck her as odd as it was connected to the man she'd been avoiding for hours, but she ignored it as she walked up next to him, holding out the trash bags. She stood there for a few seconds. He didn’t move. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at his evident lack of awareness around him. Instead, she smiled brightly and glared at him to get his attention. Eventually, he broke his determined gaze from the book, evidently not completely unaware, and grabbed his trash, throwing it away without even looking at her face. He went back to his book like she was an invisible maid. Most people ignored her as such, but for some reason with this man it pissed her off.

So, she did what she never bothered to do. “You forgot a bag,” she said with a little too much bite.

He looked surprised as he registered her voice and glanced up to meet her questioning gaze. His lips pressed together in a frown. She grinned widely at the realization that her appearance had been what set his face aflame. For some reason startling him gave her a sense of satisfaction.

She nodded to the location of the empty food bag to speed him up. He shook himself out of his thoughts once again and placed the missed food wrapper in the trash bag she held out for him.

“Thank you,” she said, her voice drenched in thinly veiled sarcasm, and walked back to her seat before he could say anything in reply. She didn’t interact with him again all flight, even if she did catch herself on occasion staring at him.

Forty or so minutes later, the in flight phone rang. She answered it knowing it had to be Poe. “Yes,” she hummed. She was grateful to be touching down soon – it was putting her in a good mood.

“You sound happy,” Poe grumbled. The tone in his voice told her everything she needed to know.

She whirled around to hide her face from the passengers and whispered, “What’s wrong?”

“There’s a nasty snow storm. We just got the call that KEF is closing down all flights until the storm clears. We’re honestly lucky to be allowed to touch down there.”

“Great,” she whispered. “Jess will be thrilled,” she added sarcastically.

“Guess we’re all stayin’ in Iceland tonight,” Poe said. “I’ll tell the passengers soon.”

“Kay,” she agreed before hanging up.

The last thing she wanted was to miss her connecting flight to Paris. Depending on how long the storm lasted it could quite possibly throw off her entire week’s flight schedule. Nor, did she have any interest in dealing with the loads of passengers who would undoubtedly be pissed with her as if somehow the weather was her fault.

It was going to be a long couple of hours.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this next chapter would be around 2000 words, but it's more like 6000 so I'm breaking it up a bit so I can get it to you sooner.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Rey walked into an empty first-class lounge. Taking a deep breath for the first time in hours she closed her eyes, breathing in the stale airport air. To her, it smelled like home. She ran a hand through her hair, untangling it with her fingers and set down her luggage next to an oversized chair. She looked at cushioned seat longingly.

She debated changing into jeans and a sweater but decided against it. Technically she was still at work, even if she wasn’t on duty. Any minute one of the passengers or a co-worker could walk in. Instead, she made herself comfortable by kicking off her heels, taking off her blazer, revealing a white button up, and slipping out of her required black tights. Instantly, she felt less stressed.

Rey headed over to the bar. After a number of strongly worded arguments she had with some furious stranded passengers she desperately needed to unwind. She opened a few cabinets until she found clean wine glasses. “Score,” she mumbled under her breath, grabbing a glass and a bottle of open merlot. Wine in hand, she ambled back to the chair, where she sat down and curled her legs up under her butt and poured herself a glass.

She silently reminded herself to leave cash for the bottle.

Soon she was sipping wine, enjoying the calm warmth that enveloped her limbs. She settled into a chair and opened her tablet to look over her latest assignment; she might as well make the layover worth her time. It wasn’t straightforward getting her master’s degree while being a flight attendant. However, it was possible. The classes only met once a week and she did the majority of her work on the road.

Her best friend, Finn, constantly worried about her burning out. She lost count of the amount of times he’d asked her to get a less demanding job, so she could be home and finish her degree like a ‘normal’ person. Each time, she’d brush him off and roll her eyes. She never bothered telling him that she could choose to take less flights. It would only make their fights worse. The next day they always made up, so she didn’t concern herself with it too much. Plus, she needed the money.

Although they both grew up in foster care Finn didn’t understand her perspective. He clung to normalcy. The same sort of stability consisting of having two parents, family dinners and weekend game nights. The whole shebang. Being abandoned as an infant, he never had that - she at least had seven years - whereas, she preferred the opposite. Never staying in one place for too long after feeling trapped and isolated in foster care as a kid was freeing; she needed to explore, to see the world. Being in the air and always on the road felt right to her and she doubted that would ever change. Maybe, she clung to air travel because it reminded her of her parents. The thought made her uncomfortable, so she pushed it aside, like she did everything else, and moved forward.

She pulled up a pdf of her latest assignment and a word document to take notes.

As she started her reading assignment, she thought of Jess. Hopefully, her friend would call her soon with good news that she’d found a hotel room, but Rey wasn’t holding out hope. With the influx of cancellations, hotels always became increasingly and frustratingly busy to the point of where sometimes even flight attendants ended up stranded at an airport. If that was the case, then Rey would have to say screw it and change into her sweats. She refused to sleep in a tight skirt on an uncomfortable chair – even she had her limits.

Time flew by as her eyes darted over the pdf on the psychology of childhood trauma. The next time she glanced out the windows at the falling snow storm she noticed the sun setting. It colored the horizon a beautiful shade of orange. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, knowing in her gut that the room must have fallen through; she would have heard from her by now otherwise. She’d slept many-a-nights in worse places than an airport first class lounge, so she wasn’t concerned. Her friend, however, has not had such experiences.

Jessika Pava grew up in a stable suburban home with a two-parent family and multiple siblings. She’d never worried about where she might get her next meal or somewhere safe to sleep. Having only graduated from NYU and joining the airline a year ago, she doubted she had much experience with unexpected layovers either. Rey loved Jess, but their childhoods were so vastly different it still shocked her sometimes that they became such close friends during university.

She shot Jess a quick text, checking up on her, and went back to work as she stretched her tanned legs. She glimpsed at them momentarily, admiring the color that she’d only gotten last week in her twenty-two hours in Barbados. Considering that the uniformed black tights easily hid the subtle shadow of stubble she usually wore, she didn’t always concern herself with shaving them, especially when she knew she would be heading to colder climates. However, after her fight with Finn she’d taken a long and relaxing bath and decided to shave them to save herself time another day. Stretching out her bare legs she silently thanked herself for such a brilliant thought, enjoying the loss of constriction and the smoothness of her skin.

She poured herself another glass of red wine and got back to work, loosing track of time once again.

The door to the lounge opened with a creak. She glanced up from reading to see the same man that had been shadowing her all day. She looked away before he noticed her staring and got back to typing her notes. She bit her lip, cursing herself. Of course, he’d be in the first-class lounge _,_ she realized bitterly.

The last thing she needed was a rich asshole glaring at her all night.

They sat in silence for who knows how long, the awkward tension in the air distracting her from her work. Her phone vibrating pulled her from her thoughts. She diverted her eyes from the man hunching over awkwardly in a chair that looked painfully small for him and answered the call.

“Hey, babe. You okay?” Rey asked quietly, trying not to disturb the stranger.

“Yes,” Jess said. “Are you good for the night?”

“Yea, I’ll just stay at the airport. The lounge is fine.”

“Rey,” Jess whined.

She laughed at the awkward tone in her friend’s voice. “What’s wrong?” she asked, feeling equally confused and curious.

“I couldn’t get a room – even after I spent an hour on the phone with the airline.”

Rey groaned in sympathy. “Sorry, that sucks.”

“Poe told me I could stay with him,” Jess blurted out.

Rey continued staring at her computer screen as a huge smile crept across her lips. “Really?” she teased lightheartedly.

“I said yes.”

Rey laughed loudly at the absurdity of her friend’s embarrassment. After all, Jess and Poe had been flirting for months. Anyone who’d worked with them knew something would eventually happen.

“Well, have fun,” Rey joked.

The woman sighed on the other end of the phone. “You sure you’re okay?” Jess finally asked.

Rey rolled her eyes but was still smiling. “I’m a big girl. Stop worrying about me… Hopefully, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Fine… The storm better pass or so help me god, I’m going to be _pissed_. We have plans,” Jess grumbled.

Rey hummed in agreement. “True, but we don’t have to go to the theater. I’m sure I could get tickets for another night,” she said trying to ignore her own disappointment. She had been looking forward to the show for months.

After they both said their goodnight’s Rey hung up, tossed it onto the coffee table and shook her head while chuckling. Who knows, maybe Poe and Jess would end up a couple. He’s sweet enough, even if he is a bit older. He might even be good for her.

“Boyfriend in Paris?” a soft yet gruff voice asked, breaking her of her trance.

Her eyebrows rose when she locked eyes with him. She still didn’t know his name. “Excuse me,” she said with a little too much bite.

He suddenly looked guilty, as if he were a child caught doing something he shouldn’t. He cleared his throat and glanced at her phone in answer.

“Oh,” Rey said. “No, I don’t have a boyfriend. That was my friend Jess. She was the other flight attendant on duty with me.”

She assumed that would be the last of his questions, so she went back to typing.

“Did you eat yet?” he inquired softly.

She glanced up at the mystery man, who was still talking to her. Why does he care? “Ah, no. I planned on an elaborate meal of red wine and microwave popcorn,” she said, pointing to the open bottle of wine. “I’m off duty for the immediate future… which you already know,” she confessed awkwardly.

He nodded. His eyes never left hers and she felt her chest hitch at the intensity of his gaze.

“I’m gonna grab a burger from Five Guys, if you’d like one as well,” he offered politely.

She almost rejected his offer but quickly decided against it. If he wanted to play nice and apologize by buying her dinner, she’d let him.

“Sure, thank you. Whatever you’re having is fine,” she agreed with a small smile.

A little while later, the asshole, who turned out to be a relatively nice man – bit reserved and quiet, but not the dip shit she’d initially thought – and Rey were sitting across from each other eating burgers and sipping wine. The conversation was awkward at first, but Rey’s buzz seemed to be helping her navigate it.

“So, mystery man,” she teased. “What’s your name?”

“Ben,” he said in between bites. “Yours is Rey, right?”

She nodded, almost forgetting that she’d been wearing a name tag. “Why you heading to Paris?” she asked, trying to drum up a conversation where he’d give her more than a one-word answer. It was like pulling teeth getting him to speak.

“Family,” he grumbled. He looked like he was about to experience torture. Yet, he was meeting his family in Paris. _The,_ Paris.

She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing.  “Sounds like fun,” she quipped taking another sip to distract herself from his piercing gaze. He cocked an eyebrow at her and she shrugged. “What,” she admitted playfully. “Meeting family in Paris sounds fun to me. And considering your American accent and your lacking French skills I’m assuming you’re not from there,” she deduced out loud. “So, I’m guessing it’s a family vacation.”

He looked at her contemplating something and stayed silent. She took another gulp, hoping he’d stop staring at her like that soon.

“My mother’s French. I’m visiting her,” he admitted. He took a sip of wine and continued, “you’re right though, my dad’s American.”

She tipped her wine glass to him and mumbled, “je le savais.”

He laughed, his face breaking into a breathtaking grin. “I never said I couldn’t understand it. I just can’t speak it well.” He stared at her intently. “How did you know I couldn’t speak French?” he asked, appearing rapidly more curious.

She glanced down at her food and picked up a chip, taking a bite of the cajun goodness before replying to buy herself some time. He didn’t stop staring though. She swallowed, her face suddenly feeling warmer. “Early in the flight the person in front of you spoke to you in French. You answered in English,” she replied, avoiding his gaze. She knew what her answer would imply. That she had been watching him. Although, she had despised him upon meeting, she was still curious about the man. So, yes. On the flight she had watched him out of the corner of her eye once in a while.

He nodded slowly. “You’re observant,” he said.

She took another sip, downing the last of her glass and placed it onto the table with a loud clatter of glass on wood.

Finally becoming tired of her tight cotton button down, she undid the buttons and peeled it off. Revealing a tight black tank top underneath. She really hated her stuffy uniform – much preferring a pair of jeans and a loose cotton sweater.

When she looked up again she noticed Ben’s eyes lingering on her body too long, but before she could comment on it he cleared his throat and spoke again. “You’re from England,” he stated, forcing his eyes away from her curves and up towards her face.

 “Really,” she teased, accentuating her accent. “How can you tell?”

Up close she could see the warmth in his dark brown eyes. It made her heart race. Forcing herself to look behind him, she continued. “Yes, I grew up in England and followed a friend of mine to America as a teenager. My accent stuck. His didn’t.”

“Doesn’t explain why you speak French.”

She glared at him, the slightly patronizing tone in his voice grating on her nerves. “I’m good with languages... I studied French and psych at NYU and am also fluent in Spanish,” she said, smiling tightly. “I may be a bitch,” she added sharply, “but I’m a smart bitch.”

Instantly, his eyes betrayed his thoughts. Rey found him surprisingly easy to read. She could see the whirl of conflicting emotions: curiosity, embarrassment, heat, possibly a flicker of anger at being called out and most of all, regret and genuine surprise. She felt smug as she glared at his baffled face. She crossed her arms against her chest and waited patiently for his reply.

“I… I apologize. I was having a particularly rough morning,” he admitted shyly. “My anger gets the best of me sometimes.”

She raised her eyebrows in question, but quickly relaxed. He owed her nothing.

“Yeah, so was I. Hence the _running_ in an airport,” she stated. When it seemed like he was about to explain himself further, she spoke over him. “It’s fine. I called you worse,” she said unfazed.

His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “You called me an asshole. That’s hardly worse,” he said.

“Oh, no. I called you much worse. You just didn’t overhear _my_ conversation,” she said, smirking again. She enjoyed teasing him. She lifted her hand, tallying the number of names on her fingers as she rattled off, “the classics like dick, asshole and prick were, _of course_ , thrown around, but I’m a very creative person. Dip shit, fuckhead, entitled-ass-fucker, first-class-shit-fuckity-fucker to name a few were also used to describe you.”

“Wow,” he said, his tone betraying his amusement. “No, son-of-a-bitch?”

“There’s no need to insult your mother here; for all I know she might be a lovely lady,” Rey continued happily mid-shrug, “You’d be supremely surprised how much swearing helps relieve stress. It’s been studied.”

“Hmmm,” he said dryly. “Yes, but entitled-ass-fucker… Isn’t that a little presumptuous?” he laughed.

Rey downed the glass of wine and stared at him. “You’re flying first class. Your coat is what? Armani _._ Your leather tote and shoes probably cost thousands. Maybe, Tom Ford. So, you’re undeniably an entitled white boy,” she added dryly, shrugging. “And who am I to judge? I don’t know your proclivities.”

“Again, observant. But, you should know, I’m much more of a breast man,” he said gruffly, his mouth open as he licked his bottom lip distractedly.

Her stomach flipped at the way he was gawking at her. Normally, when she threw her intelligence in men's faces or called them on their shit they reacted in annoyance or anger. They tried to gain the upper hand. Ben, however, did nothing of the sort. He almost looked turned on by it.

The corner of his lips turned up into a smile. “I didn’t realize you were talking so much about me,” he said while clearing his throat. “I must have left quite the impression.”

She snorted and casually finished another fry. “I never said, I said _all_ of them out loud,” she explained, trying to brush off her arousal. It couldn’t go anywhere – she knew that. “Most were screamed mighty loudly in my head after you called me a bitch – that is, they were uttered between me imagining beating the shit out of you,” she said in between bites of food.

He tilted his head at her, eyeing her size. “I doubt you’d win,” he muttered arrogantly.

“Wow,” she said dramatically. “You’re admitting you’d hit a woman. I see you _are_ a class act.”

“No,” he stuttered. “Never, I –”

She raised a hand. “You fluster easily,” she teased. “No, but seriously I’m just grateful you didn’t report me to my boss… At least, I’m assuming you didn’t since I haven’t gotten a call.”

“I wouldn’t,” he said sincerely. Oddly enough, she believed him.

“You a writer or something?” Ben asked, staring at her tablet.

She gawked at him. “God, no. Just work,” she said, avoiding the question all together. When he looked confused she pointed to the empty bottle and asked, “You want another?”

“Sure,” he agreed, letting the question go.

She stood up and sauntered over to the bar, grabbing another bottle and attempting to open it. He followed closely behind.

“Are you sure we can drink this?” he asked hesitantly.

She grinned and popped the cork. “I’ll leave money. Don’t worry about it,” she hummed as she poured them both another glass. “Jack won’t care.”

“You’re on a first name basis with the bartender,” he asked mid-laugh.

“If you’re suggesting I’m a drunk – I’m not. I’ve run this flight at least twice a month for over a year now. Jack’s a friend, so I get free food and non-alcoholic drinks when he’s on duty.”

He nodded along clearly amused by her defensiveness. “You make friends easily, don’t you," he said.

“Yes, especially when I put out,” she added dryly.

He looked startled by her bluntness, so she rolled her eyes. She wasn’t some innocent virginal girl and she refused to start pretending. For anyone. And anyway, didn’t he understand sarcasm?

“Yes, I do _actually,”_ she added seriously, skating by her last comment. “Most people don’t almost knock me on my ass, make me twist my ankle and scream at me on a first meeting,” she growled, smiling up at him. “I’m much nicer than you might assume.”

“You got hurt,” he inquired, his face suddenly looking a lot less pleased with their banter. He almost seemed worried.

She shrugged; she wasn’t used to people outside of her small friend group showing sincere concern over her well-being. It felt weird.

“It’s a little sore, but I’m fine,” she said walking by him to avoid his inspective gaze.

When he didn’t back up, their arms touched fleetingly as she made her way around the bar. The warmth radiating off his body set her skin on fire, but she refused to lean into him. Instead, she walked back to her seat and lifted her arms dramatically. “See I can walk just fine,” she said happily.

She sat down, crossed her legs and rested her feet on the coffee table. Rey waited for him to join her.

He was still standing at the bar when she caught him staring at her. She grinned, but it quickly flickered from her lips as his heated gaze locked onto hers. Her heart leapt from her chest as he downed the entire glass in one and slammed it down onto the counter with a thud. He walked over and sat across from her. She was momentarily disappointed, but what he did next made her blink rapidly in confusion.

“What are you doing,” she said as he lightly touched her foot, turning it slightly. She let him. She didn’t know why.

“Which foot,” he whispered.

She swallowed. “What?” she asked, suddenly feeling stupidly overwhelmed by the delicate touch.

He glanced up at her and smirked, his dark locks falling in his face. “Which foot did you hurt?” he asked again, amused by her obvious response to his touch.

“Oh,” she mumbled, crossing her arms. “The left. But it’s fine, _really_.”

He lightly grasped her left foot in his hands and bent it slowly. “Does this hurt,” he asked.

“No,” she admitted shyly, her voice betraying her arousal by going up an octave.

“This,” he whispered softly. Too softly.

“No.”

“This,” he said again as he bent her foot in another direction.

She shook her head, even though she felt a slight twinge. It wasn’t enough to be a problem. She’d take some Advil tomorrow and be fine. At the moment, she was more focused on the way his warm fingers felt against her skin and the way he touched her as if she might break. It made her heart race.

“Good,” he hummed. “You should be fine, then. I doubt anything is broken.”

She nodded slowly, her chest rising and falling too quickly.

She silently berated herself for not slowing down on the wine earlier as she realized she was more than buzzed; she was drunk. Not black out drunk but drunk enough. And it had been way too long since the last time she’d been with a man. This spelled disaster, but she quieted her thoughts. Forcing herself to focus on the fact that he hadn’t released her leg yet.

He hesitated. She wanted to pull him up on top of her and kiss him but waited. She needed to know what he would do. She didn’t have to wait long to find out. He pulled her leg higher as he ran his fingers from her ankle up to her calf. His hair covered his features as he lightly placed his lips to her ankle and whispered, “I’m sorry,” against her skin.

She swallowed roughly at the sincere apology that was uttered so quietly she doubted he realized she heard.

She had no idea why, but it was one of the hottest things she had ever seen. Or maybe it was just the exorbitant amount of red wine in her overly fatigued body. Either way, she didn’t care. It was doing things to her.

He started lightly trailing his fingertips over the outline of her tattoo. She bit her lip. It was becoming impossible to ignore her throbbing cunt.

“Do they have meaning?” he whispered, his voice deeper. His eyes were studying the tattoos on her foot.

“Simple. I love the night sky,” she lied.

He gazed up at her questioningly. He didn’t believe her.

She stared back unflinchingly, refusing to give way, until he looked away and went back to tracing the stars on her foot. In no uncertain terms did she want to have that discussion with a stranger. Or anyone, really.

Abruptly, she pulled her leg away from him, making him whip his head up to look at her. His irises were blown wide. Yet, in response, he sat back in his chair awkwardly.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

She grinned at the man sitting across from her, enjoying the way her supposed rejection made him look like a wounded puppy. The ball was completely in her court; she liked the power it gave her.

I have a bad feeling about this, she thought to herself absentmindedly as she stood up.

The heat in his eyes made her bold.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since tomorrow is May fourth, I decided I'd celebrate early and post the next chapter! 
> 
> Part one of sexy times is here - hehehe - hope you enjoy! If you have any critics or thoughts on what you'd want, let me know! I'm always interested in feedback. :-)  
> Also FYI prob not necessary to say, but you probably don't want to read this chapter at work...

Biting her lip, Rey brazenly sauntered over to the chair where Ben sat frozen in place. Staring into his dark eyes she took his hands in hers and pulled him to his feet; he followed her lead without question. Before he could say or do anything else she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down so she could taste his lips. It was tentative at first. Slow and sweet, but soon he responded with fever as their lips crashed together deepening the kiss. Her whole body lit up in sparks of electricity. He tasted like paprika, pickles and a hint of wine – it was oddly good, she realized. Her head began spinning; It felt intoxicating. It felt _right._

She ran her fingers through his smooth hair and down his neck, enjoying the way his locks twisted in her fingers pulling a moan from him. Her heart pounded in her ears when she opened her mouth to him, their tongues exploring each other’s mouths reverently. He groaned in appreciation and grasped her upper back tightly with one hand. His other gently pushed her hair out of her face and then slowly traced down her spine until he was grasping her hips, drawing her flush against his body. The slightly aggressive move startled her, but Rey quickly responded in earnest. Pulling her with him, he started walking backwards toward a chair. His lips never far from hers. She planted her feet on the ground, stopping them mid-step.

“Wait,” she gasped, suddenly out of breath.

He pulled his hands away from her in confusion over her statement, but she just smiled up at him, interlocked his much larger fingers with hers and led him to the woman’s bathroom.

“In here,” she explained, her voice cracking. He swallowed in response his eyes following her every move.

Once they were both inside the small room she shut the door and locked it. The moment she turned around he was on her. His plump lips attacking hers ferociously as his hands untucked her tank top. Breaking the tank top free of her skirt, his warm callused hands slid up her sides, exploring every inch of her until he reached her lace covered breasts. She released a throaty whined as he squeezed them roughly through her bra. It wasn’t enough.

She released her hold on his neck, peeling off her tank top in a frenzy of movement and threw it thoughtlessly on the floor so she could go back to kissing him. It was sloppy and rough. In her drunken haze she wasn’t sure if she could get enough of his lips. Despite his best efforts, like with his voice, every movement of his lips betrayed his thought. He couldn’t hide the sincerity behind his unnerving cold exterior. She could feel the way he desperately wanted to please her, responding rapidly to every breath and moan of hers and repeating it until it made her toes curl. The gentle yet wild waves washing off of him went straight to her core.

His fingers danced along her shoulders sliding her straps down but when she refused to release her hands from his face, his hair - which he didn’t seem to mind - he forgot his efforts and instead pushed her against the door. His hand slid down her hips and thighs until he reached around for her ass. Rey gasped into his mouth when he lifted her effortlessly. Rey’s head slammed against the door with a deafeningly thud. She groaned in pain, but quickly shook it off, wrapping her legs around his waist and grinding against his clothed hard cock, ignoring the headache that was bound to come.

He hissed at the contact, making her smile against his lips.

“You okay,” he growled, his mouth touching hers lightly.

“Yes, don’t stop,” she breathed headily.

“Thank god,” he sighed, kissing her slowly, drawing her to him like a moth to a flame. He ran one hand up her back before flipping her cup down to play with her breast as he palmed her ass with his other. She gasped as he lightly pinched her nipple, the slight pang of pain making her cunt wetter. She leaned her head back against the door, mouth hanging open. He took her bottom lip between his teeth and bit it softly as she composed herself. She ground her hips against his in response, searching desperately for more friction. He supplied some as he bent down a tad to start laving at her neck, leaving small red marks as he went, his nose tickling her ear. Moaning loudly, she closed her eyes and tried to find purchase against the wall.

Her head was spinning. An overwhelming need overtook her every thought. Every breath. She needed his lips covering every inch of her – she needed him to taste her. At the thought, her mouth went dry. 

She ran her hand down the back of his neck through his silky soft hair until she met resistance and he slid his tongue down her clavicle. She groaned in annoyance and pleasure and grabbed the edges of his sweater, pulling at it until he stopped what he was doing and assisted her. Before long, their tops were thrown aside on the bathroom floor completely forgotten.

She glided her hands along the ridges of his stomach, pecks, arms and finally bit his ear. She felt his hot breath hitch and rapidly become ragged, so she continued delicately sliding her tongue along the cartilage of his ear. He pushed her harder against the door, his fingers gripping her thigh tightly. Too tightly; She’d surely have a bruise tomorrow, but she didn’t care. She relished the pain. She bit his earlobe rougher in response and he hissed. Smiling, she whined when his head dipped lower and took her nipple in his mouth, sucking on her softly, his teeth grazing over her sensitive flesh. In a frenzy of movement, he slid his hands up her warm thighs attempting to move her skirt out of the way. When he huffed in annoyance against her breast, she sensed the issue and pushed his chest away so she could untangle herself from him and jump on the ground.

His wild eyes momentarily registered concern. That is, until she unzipped her skirt in one swift motion and it fell to the floor revealing a matching black lace thong. He racked his eyes over her body as she stood there for him, his breathing labored. She was small against his towering frame but she stared up at him with a determined glare, refusing to feel vulnerable even if she was the only one almost completely naked. Normally, she’d be self-conscious being so bold with a stranger, but she was drunk and horny. The combination was always dangerous for her. At the moment it was helping her self-confidence substantially. Not to mention, the way he marveled at her like she was the most breathing piece of artwork he’d ever seen. That didn’t hurt either.

He looked like he was about to pounce on her when she put her hands on his chest to stop him. “Wait,” she whispered again, breathing heavily.

He took a deep jilted breath and diligently placed one hand above her head on the door as his fingers ran down her shoulder absentmindedly. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the door frame. “Hmm,” he asked, not daring to look at her.

She smirked. He was clearly struggling as well, but reality, once again, pulled her from the daydream.

“Condom,” she ordered. He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. Before she could stop herself, she leaned forward and licked his neck setting goosebumps scattering over his pale skin. “Please tell me you have one,” she whined against his skin.

He seemed like he might punch the door. “Don’t move,” he growled as he pulled away from her and threw on his sweater.

Ignoring the way his growl set her skin on fire she mumbled, “Hold on.” Then she ran over to wet a paper towel.

“What -,” he started but she cut him off by rubbing the towel on his lips and cheek. She smirked at his confusion and held up the paper towel that was now bright red.

“In case someone’s out there, you don’t want lipstick all over you, do you?” she explained lightly, the pounding in her ears subsiding enough so she could think.

“Rey, if someone sees me leave the bathroom and then come back in here after grabbing a rubber, I doubt it will be a mystery,” he said gruffly.

She ignored the way she throbbed when hearing his rough tone and wiggled her eyebrows. “Yes, but maybe an old person who can’t see well is out there. They wouldn’t know you’re going into the ladies’ room or what your holding. _However,_ unless they’re colorblind they’d notice the lipstick from a hundred miles away.”

“A hundred miles, huh?” he asked bringing his lips down to meet hers in a chaste kiss.

She nodded seriously. “Most definitely,” she agreed, pretending not to feel her stomach flutter.

He smiled, his chest still rising and falling quickly. Before he could leave the room, she grabbed his belt and pulled him closer. His eyes lit up and she internally groaned at how responsive he was to even the slightest touch.

“Look quickly,” she rasped before standing on her toes and kissing his nose.

Without another word, she stumbled away from the door, still only in her bra and a drenched thong while he closed the door behind him, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

She swallowed roughly as she glanced at her reflection in the mirror. _What am I doing_ , she thought to herself, thinking of the way she had just kissed him back. It was too intimate. Too comfortable. She decided it must be the red wine. She was not only drunk horny Rey, but also affectionate Rey. That’s all. This was just a moment of drunken comfort for both of them.

This is a horrible idea, she realized bitterly _._ He’s still on my flight tomorrow; it’ll be the most awkward morning after in existence. Yet, she didn’t really care. It felt too good. Too right to care, so she shook off her nerves and waited.

Refusing to overthink it she stripped off her bra, throwing it on the pile with her skirt and top and locked the door again, and quickly rubbed her lips free of her smudged lipstick. The last thing she needed was an elderly woman - who just needed the loo - walking in on her naked. As it is, this verged on incredibly improper work behavior; she hadn’t read the entire manual, but she had a feeling this wasn’t allowed. Before she could speculate about whether or not this was a fire-able offense someone knocked on the door.

Her hand hovered nervously over the lock when a familiar soft voice said, “Rey, no one’s out here. Can you let me in?”

She opened it instantly, letting him in without seeing her and closed it behind him with a soft click of the lock. She turned around to face him and bit her lip as he stared at every inch of her. Suddenly, she regretted her earlier decision to greet him in only a thong. A thong that she desperately wanted him to tear off her with his teeth.

“Ben,” she said aggravated, getting his attention. “Did you get one?”

“I’m all out,” he admitted sheepishly tearing his eyes away from her breasts.

Rey whined in reply, thinking back to the time she used the last one she kept in her purse with an ex. She silently reprimanded herself for not buying more and cursed her cheating ex whose dick ruined this for her. Like it did everything else.

“Can we without one,” he asked, searching her eyes for the permission he desperately needed.

She glared at him, only a little annoyed because she was currently asking herself the same question. But she wasn’t going to tell _him_.

“I don’t even know your last name, so no,” she hissed while licking her lips.

“It’s Solo,” he whispered, smirking. “Does that help?” he asked tilting his head at her, his eyebrows raised in mirth. He took a few steps closer to break the distance between them.

Leaning against the wall, her mouth fell open in a frustrated bark of laughter. “No,” she sighed in resignation. “I have no interest in being a single mother.”

Grimacing she leaned forward and patted his shoulder in consolation before grabbing her clothes and quickly slipping on her tank top. All while avoiding his gaze.

She might be drunk, but she wasn’t _that_ drunk. She’d walk away from this with her head held high even if her cunt was throbbing and impossibly wet. She’d find somewhere else to sleep tonight. Hell, she might even go to a bar and find another man. One who was smart enough to keep a condom in his damn wallet. Granted, she could have thought to keep some on hand, but that was beside the point.

“Wait,” he pleaded, grasping her arm lightly – she could have easily walked away, but she didn’t. “Don’t go.”

Her eyebrows shot up in annoyance. She refused to be left unsatisfied, if that’s what he was asking. If he called her a tease or a slut for walking away now, she already planned on punching him. It would be easy; at least she would get out some of her frustration. But he didn’t.

Without another word he led her to the counter along the opposite wall. She continued glaring at him – but she moved without question – unsure of what he was about to do. Before she could utter a word, he palmed her ass and effortlessly pushed her up onto the counter. She squeaked at the sudden movement as the onslaught of cold marble registered against her hot cheeks. It was a shock to her system. He continued squeezing her ass crudely, scooting her forward. She closed her eyes enjoying the mixed sensations of warm fingers and cold stone. She placed her feet against his chest keeping him in place a distance away from her.

“What are you doing,” she gasped when he began kissing down her leg slowly.

“Let me,” he whispered against her calf, “make it up to you.”

“Hmmm,” she breathed, thoroughly enjoying where this was going. She’d judged Ben Solo wrong. She realized that now. She’d assumed he’d be like most other one-night stands she’d had; Only caring about his own selfish release.

“How chivalrous of you,” Rey said flippantly, watching him closely, her eyes darkening with desire as his lips made his way up the inside of her thigh. The whole time his hands worked on her ass, making her cunt rub against the unsatisfying lace. “Take off your shirt,” she demanded.

Without a moments hesitation he did as she said and then fell to his knees between her legs. She leaned back and grasped the edge of the counter as the cold air caused a chill to go up her spine, making her nipples pebble through her half ridden up tank top. He slipped her legs over his bare back and began pulling down her thong tantalizingly slow as he edged them off of her. Placing open mouth kisses, his tongue sliding roughly, against her hipbone he teased her as her thong fell to the floor next to him. She placed one leg on his shoulder and kicked her other up on the counter, opening herself up to him, and opened her mouth breathless in anticipation, her chest heaving, as he deliberately moved his lips toward her dripping pussy.

One of his hands snaked up under the tank top on her smooth stomach to tease her breasts as his other gripped her ass, pulling her closer to his mouth. She emitted a low animalistic noise and closed her eyes tightly when she finally felt his tongue dart out and lick her slit. He teased her deliberately, his tongue running along her labia, his hot breath causing waves of anticipation to run through her body. She bucked her hips at the contact. Wanting more. _Needing_ more.

“Oh,” she sighed in pleasure.

Her knuckles turned white as he teased her cunt, ignoring the two parts of her that screamed for his attention. He snaked his hand down her stomach, between her legs and opened her further so he could trail light kisses along her labia, his tongue licking her velvety purpling skin sparingly. His nose bumped up against her clit as he finally teased her entrance, circling it with his tongue over and over again. She ground her hips against his mouth in a feral moment of instinct and pushed her top up to reveal her breasts to the airport air and grasped them herself. It was killing her not to grab his head and push his wet hot mouth against her cunt harder – she wanted him to _stop_ delaying it – but instead she played with her breasts roughly, hoping he’d take the not so subtle hint and lick her out already.

He did not.

He casually enjoyed teasing her entrance before running his tongue up and down along the edges of her slit, touching her engorged clit for a second before doing it again and again. He did this for god knows how long. She’d lost all sense of time and space. All she knew was that she was panting heavily and her legs were shaking from exertion when he finally slipped his tongue inside her, licking her intently, as if his life depended on it, and pushing his nose against the small bundle of nerves. She started moaning loudly, the sensations sending her over the edge. Unable to control herself any longer she gripped his hair, pulling lightly as she rocked her hips against his face in ecstasy. Humming at the sensation of her pulling his hair, he sent shivers down her spine as he ate her out. The familiar heat coiling deep within her quickly building up. The noises emanating from her became substantially louder sending an echo throughout the small airport bathroom.

“Yes, I’m – I’m _almost_ ,” she whined.

Suddenly, he released her cunt from his glistening mouth and nipped at her inner thigh. Ben glanced up still hovering over her.

She sat there in shock, staring down at the man whose tongue had just been intensely fucking her and was speechless. Her annoyance got the better of her. “Fuck, dude. _Why_ did you stop? I was almost there,” she ground out in a pathetic mixture of a whine and growl as she ran her fingers across his shoulders.

A mixture of confusion and surprise crossed his features. He shook his head and smirked at her as he slowly slipped a finger inside her tight warmth. She gasped in response as he slipped another finger in and bent them so they could rub her g-spot, but he paused inside her. She was painfully turned on, her body a sweaty mess, her cheeks and chest flushed. His teasing was becoming torture, but she bit the inside of her mouth and waited for him to move. Knowing that if she said something else she might try to bite his head off and that would do her no good. Suddenly, she realized she understood black widows a lot better.

“I’m not stopping,” Ben said, his voice gruff from lust, while staring into her eyes. He slowly pumped his fingers in and out of her, never breaking eye contact. She was mesmerized by his touch, his mouth, his eyes like nothing else. It consumed her.

“Good,” she sighed, biting her lip as she met his thrusts with her own, chasing her own release.

 She didn’t look away from him though. Ben was staring up at her as if she was the only one for him. The meaning, the emotion, behind his eyes caught her by surprise, but she was too distracted by his fingers to think on it further.

She closed her eyes, the lude sounds of her wetness leaking out of her as he finger-fucked her was ringing in her ears. She was running her fingers through his hair slowly while she grasped the counter with an iron grip. Before long she was writhing in his arms, his hand wrapped around her thigh, keeping her body from slamming into his face as he licked and sucked her clit and thrust his fingers inside her wet cunt. Her body fluttered around his fingers, her hips canting uncontrollably as she pushed his head against her pussy, her orgasm rocking inside her. She ground her hips against his face, desperate for his lips on her. He let her. After her orgasm subsided, he continued fingering her slowly while sucking on her inner thigh leaving marks behind for a couple of minutes.

Rey’s breathing was harsh as she gripped the edge of the counter to keep from falling backward as she came down from the high. Waiting for her to come to her senses he sat in front of her, letting her rest her weak legs on his shoulders. She playfully ran her feet up and down his back as Ben casually glided his fingertips over her legs which he had his arms wrapped around, keeping her open to him still.

 _My god is his adorable,_ she thought to herself in drunken awe, watching a man she barely knew kneeling in front of her kissing her leg. Even her ex-boyfriend never cherished her like this. Sure, he’d go down on her, but he never acted like _this_. Holding her gently and waiting patiently as he caressed her thighs absentmindedly.

“Better,” he asked, the hint of a smile appearing as he gently kissed her leg again.

Once her breathing had slowed and her mind regained some sense of herself she nodded.  “Yea, thanks,” she mumbled. The second the words were out she felt herself blushing further, if that was possible.

He looked smug. “You’re welcome.”

She groaned “shut up” in annoyance and playfully shoved his face away, but the grin that was plastered on her face told him the truth. She was far from angry with him right now. He’d have to do something truly rude or immoral for her to bother getting upset.

She ran her hands through her hair getting the sweaty mess out of her face and closed her eyes trying to wake herself from her stupor. “Okay,” she mumbled smiling, her eyes closed. “Your turn.”

He chuckled into her leg, placed a feather light kiss on it and stood up. “Don’t worry about me,” he said.

Her eyes whipped open to stare at the man now towering over her. Stunned, she said, “What, now?”

“Come back to the hotel with me,” he asked nervously, his lips still shining with her wetness. When she only stared at him in confusion and contempt Ben continued quickly. “I got a call about a room when I was grabbing food. We can stop at a drugstore on the way.”

She was still breathing heavily, her chest rosy from her climax. “Only if you do _that_ again,” she teased.

“Deal,” he growled, leaning forward and kissing her roughly. She tasted herself on his tongue. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” she agreed, catching the panties he threw at her.

Fuck. What was she doing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm working on the next chapter now, but I'm not sure it will be ready by Monday... We'll see. However, a little readers love/comments/kudos would definitely help inspire me. ;-) 
> 
> Come talk to me on tumblr @fabradicalfem  
> XOXO


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me way too long to write this chapter. I was losing my mind over how to make Rey and Ben sexy times hot enough and tender at the same time. It ended up being a massive chapter. Basically, just 10k words of teasing and smut. Hopefully, I hit the perfect spot my friends! ;-) 
> 
> I wanna add a shout out to my new friend and beta The-Little- Momaid for being the best and helping me through some writers block. You da best, girl!
> 
> Check out my mood board on tumblr: https://fabradicalfem.tumblr.com/post/174695552301/the-lay-over-chapter-update

 “I’m not coming in,” Rey said. “I’ll stay right here.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m in my uniform and if I go in there with you everyone will know,” she said, hoping against all odds that the driver wasn’t listening to them. The music station was particularly loud. God might take pity on her this time.

He huffed in annoyance.

“I may be a bit of a bitch, your word, not mine, but I’m not gonna look like a slut too,” she said defensively, beating him to the question that was on both of their minds. The alcohol was wearing off and her self-consciousness was returning. She almost considered getting her own uber and turning around. _Almost._ The pulsing between her legs made her stay.

He covered his face with his hands and grunted something unintelligible.

She grinned ruefully, loving how easily she could get under his skin. Truthfully, it was a turn on.

“Okay, fine. But you’re not a slut,” he finally said.

Rey was disconcerted by the sincerity in his tone and forced herself not to snort in bemusement. “Like you would know,” she said flippantly, reminding him that they were still practically strangers. “Just go... Go grab what you like before I change my mind.”

“Is someone going to get out or should I continue to the hotel?” asked the driver when the young man pulled into the parking lot, his lips turning up in a knowing grin.

 “No, I mean yes. Please stop. I’ll wait in the car,” Rey replied coolly.

 Ben nodded and practically jogged into the drugstore. Biting her lip, she smiled to herself at his quickness.

Glancing out the windshield at the snow storm covered streets she attempted to calm her nerves, taking steady deep breathes through her nose. No matter how hard she tried though Rey couldn’t shake herself out of her anxieties.

When the man’s, who was sitting in the driver’s seat, eyes roamed over her body appreciatively, too appreciatively, she scowled at him.

“He’ll be out soon,” she said, crossing her arms protectively and resuming her gaze out the window.

Once Ben came back with the condoms they headed to the hotel. The driver kept looking back at them amused by their banter and awkward silences. She rolled her eyes. _This better be worth it_.

When they made it to the hotel Ben checked in. Standing behind him Rey pretended to be busy on her phone but couldn’t help but feel the receptionist glaring at her. She ground her teeth together to keep herself from saying something rude and smiled tightly. Anger could get the best of her and right now she was on edge. It was killing her not to touch Ben for the last thirty-four odd minutes. But she wasn’t counting. No.

Rey was chill.

It didn’t help that she was a nervous mess now that the alcoholic orgasmic haze had lifted.

She wasn’t normally uncomfortable with her own sexuality, nor did she have a problem with sleeping with someone she barely knew – as long as she felt a spark. Yet, something about the way she caught Ben looking at her in the car made her stomach flip and her head light. It made her slightly nauseated and she had no idea why. It wasn’t the normal lustful or drunken stare she was used to. It was something else entirely. Something she couldn’t pin-point.

It terrified her.

She pushed her thoughts aside when Ben took the hotel key from the woman who had daggers for eyes and turned toward the elevators. Her heels clicked against the vast marble expanse of the luxury hotel floor as she made her way toward the elevator, refusing to look at Ben the whole time. She could feel his gaze prickling her hot skin wantonly.

He’d mostly resisted touching her in the back of the uber. Each time she’d darted her eyes to catch a glance of him she noticed his taut jaw and fists clenched, making his knuckles bleed white. His hands were resting on his legs, evidently desperately trying not to reach out to touch her thigh. His deep soulful chocolate brown eyes still blown wide for her with lust. She’d wanted to tease him but thought better of it after brushing her thigh against his leg. His response was instantaneous; he had eyed her like a caged animal ready to pounce at the slightest movement of hers. It felt like he was burning through her, going straight to her soul. Her legs grew weak at the sight.

The simplest touch electrified her and it seemed it did for him as well.

Although she loved his response and hoped to test her theory later, if he broke down and touched her now while they were seated in the back seat of a moving car she wasn’t sure she would be able to stop. Herself or him. A dangerous predicament considering it was a felony. She couldn’t risk it, so she scooted away from him, crossed her arms and looked out the window until her breathing fogged up the glass. They stayed as such until they reached the hotel.

He was surely watching her now and sulking close behind.

Close enough to touch.

Gaining renewed confidence with each step Rey let out a deep breath. The look in the woman’s eyes as they checked in was far from non-judgmental and it was grating on Rey’s nerves. She’d been told on many occasions that letting go wasn’t her strong suit. They were right.

She hated being judged, especially for something she guessed the woman herself, or at least a close personal friend, also did with ease on occasion. It made her skin boil. Wanting to either scream or reach out and punch something in anger. She knew she shouldn’t be embarrassed. Truthfully, she wasn’t. Even if it was difficult for some people to comprehend.

No man would ever tell another man to be ashamed of hooking up with a hot woman. They would bump chests like gorillas and high five in celebration. She’d seen it play out as such and rolled her eyes each time. It was a despicable double standard that placed a senseless amount of pressure on women to be demure and innocent. To somehow be purely made for male sexual desire. An object per say. Rey was not an object.

It fueled her every movement with purpose. They were both consenting adults and they were going to be safe about it. There was nothing else to it. She knew it was a one-night thing. No way would a rich businessman – well, she assumed he was a businessman – be interested in a twenty-two-year-old flight attendant, who had more college debt than she was willing to admit, for more than a quick fuck.

She hadn’t noticed a tan line on his ring finger so he wasn’t married and he hadn’t called anyone or looked at his phone all night. He didn’t have a girlfriend then either. That’s all she needed to know. She understood the deal. It was easy and very little in her life was, so she relished in the simplicity of it. Knowing she could ask for whatever she desired, get hers, and then move on with her life. He would do the same and no hearts would be broken. It was freeing.

Once the elevator doors closed behind them, they were alone for the first time since the airport bathroom. Tension hung between them like an old friend, something comfortable yet fresh swimming around their limbs. Ben had chosen to stand against the opposite wall, looking like he might snap in two from the effort of standing still. He was staring at the floor numbers as they dinged and lit up the wall panel. Each time, meaning they were getting closer. Closer to finally being able to touch, kiss, lick, bite and fuck.

She bit her lip, unsatisfied with his lack of interest in her and decided on a plan. Slowly she slipped off her coat and placed it through the luggage handle to lay neatly on her bag. He didn’t notice. She raised her eyebrows in confusion and rolled her eyes – the man really knew how to hyper focus. Something more drastic was needed.

She rolled her hips gently, moving her hand behind her back to graze under her skirt to avoid his eye and tugged on her thong. Eventually it came loose around her thighs and fell to the floor. She smiled slyly and picked it up.

“Ben,” she called out, tossing it at his face. She had good aim.

_____

 

His mind whirled with thoughts of Rey as he stared intently at the elevator panel, desperately trying to hold on to his control while he still could, because he knew the second they reached the hotel room door he would break. Even he had his limits.

A flurry of images continued to threaten his control. Thoughts of fucking her roughly against a wall until her legs quivered and her walls squeezed his dick. Of taking her in the shower from behind, her body pressed against the wet tiles while his hands slid all over her slick body as she moaned his name and he came, spurting sticky white cum inside her. Of licking her, savoring the way her folds tasted on his tongue. Of slipping inside her, her sitting on him and melting into her body as if it was his only savior. His only light. His only air. Of her hair tousled and shiny from sweat. Her small breasts bouncing as his body slapped against hers. Of the way her honey hazel eyes sparkled after her orgasm. Of the way her entire face lit up every time she genuinely smiled or laughed. It was intoxicating. He felt high and he’d barely touched her yet. It was sign, he knew it was. That this could be more. More than lust. More than anything he’d ever had. Yet, his life wouldn’t allow it.

On the other hand, the second he saw her stunning smile and her perfect teeth and heard the sweet sound of her laugh, he was a goner. He needed to get to know her, to apologize, so he had offered to buy her a burger. He had no idea this is where the night was going to lead. He had no idea he’d be lucky enough to usher out needy whimpers from her, to make her moan and sigh in ecstasy. To push her over the edge until all she could do was writhe in pleasure in his arms as he licked and finger fucked her pussy. It felt like a dream.

This woman, this _Rey_ , was unlike anyone he had ever met. He was drawn to her. He wanted to be consumed by her until he didn’t know what was up or down or right and wrong. He’d never felt this way about anyone, even as a hormone-induced-crazed teenager, and the thought petrified him.

Very little scared Ben Solo.

Rey did.

Hearing his name, he turned at once blinking rapidly at the woman standing before him, suddenly awakened from his stupor when a pair of sweet smelling wet black mesh lace panties grazed his nose. He grabbed them before they hit the gummy elevator floor and glanced down. The small patch of soft yet rough wet fabric in his overly large pale hands. Heat coiled in his stomach. _Holy fuck._

He slipped the thong in his pocket and moved. Sweeping her up in his arms he pushed her against the metal wall, his lips attacking hers shamelessly. He was desperately seeking some sort of release from the pit of lust that threatened to consume him entirely. She melted into his form, running her nails through his locks headily pulling his neck closer as she wrapped her legs around his waist. It felt like his whole body was on fire. Her touch was electrifying him from head to toe.

With a soft ding the doors opened to an empty hallway forcing them from their daze. Ben went to carry her out of the elevator but stopped when she jumped out of his arms. Startled, he knit his eyebrows together in confusion and bit back his frustration.

She surely isn’t going to leave now, he reminded himself when a slight panic set in.

She grinned and held the door open. Her eyes glittering honey and green as she stared at him with openness and warmth.

He was captivated.

She chuckled lightly, grabbed her suitcase and tilted her head at him. “Forgetting something?” she teased.

He blinked and spared a short glance in the direction of her gaze. He tried to will away the slight blush bound to reach his cheeks. Then walked over, grabbed his bag and headed to the hotel room. She casually followed. When he was about to grab the key, she slipped her hand into his pocket, brushed against his bulge, lingering a little - making his dick twitch - and pulled the key out. Staring at him with a dazzling smile she opened the door and walked backwards into the room, luggage dragging in front of her.

 “You coming?” she yelled as she set down her things and kicked off her shoes.

Ben swore his heart stopped momentarily at the sight before him. Something unfamiliar stirred within, but he pushed his feelings aside knowing he only had a limited time with this woman. He wanted to make the best of it.

Slamming the door behind him he dropped his bag by the door and barreled towards her. Not even bothering to take his coat off he cupped her face and kissed her, ushering a little squeak in shock from Rey, which quickly turned into breathy moans from his attention. Ben kissed her passionately, savoring her soft pink lips like they were a deity and he’d only just found god. He wanted, no needed, to cherish her. To tell her everything with his mouth that he knew he’d never get the chance to say. Pouring himself into it he told her a story of his desire for her. A silent frantic plea asking her to let him love her, even if only for the night.

It would be enough. It had to be.

She sighed into his mouth, sliding her hands down his chest and his mind went wild. He needed her soft and small warm hands on his skin. Any and everywhere all at once. He shrugged off his wool coat, breaking his hands free from her jaw only long enough so he could chuck it aside. But she had other plans. She tugged at his sweater and pulled it over his abs and chest, her hands lightly trailing over his skin, leaving goosebumps as she went, and tossed it once his arms were free. She traced her thin fingers over the large vastness of his heaving chest, his skin jumping at her touch. He hungrily watched her as she drank him in. Her fingers ran over his pale skin diligently passing over every beauty mark, every scar, every line on his chest like she was on a mission. His eyes fluttered closed as he enjoyed the soft sensation of her touch on his stomach.

Despite being painfully aware of his hard cock and how long he’s waited to be inside her, he stopped himself from picking her up and throwing her on the bed. Once he gained some semblance of control over himself again, he opened his eyes. Her own were blown wide like two gorgeous black holes with only specs of hazel remaining.

Not wanting to wait another moment for fear that she’d disappear he finally relented.

He kissed her. This time it was slow and deep as he started to unbutton her wrinkled white shirt. He fumbled with the top buttons as he ravaged her wet lips and her hands ran through his hair. Her nails scraping at his scalp. The subtle pain sent waves of pleasure to his core. His head was spinning in the best of ways, but Rey was pulling at his body too much that he couldn’t get at the rest of her shirt. He growled into her mouth and she pulled away giggling, taking three large steps back.

Ben was staring at the most breathtaking woman he’d ever met: all fire, compassion and hope wrapped up in a tanned and muscular package of hazel eyes and a smile he’d never forget. She could legitimately be the woman of his dreams, he realized, as she stood before him tauntingly undoing her shirt revealing more and more skin. She was stripping, stripping _for him_. A stranger. A moan caught in his throat when he noticed she had nothing on under the top, also remembering she had nothing on under the skirt.

“Sit,” she ordered playfully, tilting her head in the direction of the dark couch.

Not taking his eyes off of her, he sat down. His throat bobbed as he watched her slowly slide her shirt off her shoulders revealing more and more skin.

Fuck. This woman could be the death of me.

He didn’t care. If this is how he died, he would embrace it with open arms.

Slipping her shirt off her in a way that was truly sinful and made his throat dry she dropped the cotton on the floor and proceeded toward him. He opened his legs in invitation and clenched his fists while clinging to his composure. He wasn’t going to let a woman he just met know how much control she truly had over him. He’d never lost himself to a woman. Nothing would be different now, even if she could strip quite well and was grinning at him like he was her plaything. He refused to let her win, so he waited. He tensed his muscles and refused to move. He refused to let her know how desperate he was to feel her skin sliding against his own. To finally be inside her warm cunt.

Play it cool, Ben, he chided himself. If this is how she wanted to play, well then, oh, he’d play.

Without a word she sat on the coffee table right in front of him, wearing nothing but her flight attendant uniform skirt. She opened her thighs a little. His eyes darted to between her legs, but all he could see was a dark shadow. Fuck you, hem length, he thought in frustration. But at least he had a full access view to her perky small tits.

“Foot,” she said, smirking like she’d just won a bet.

It took him a moment to register her words for he was reeling as he admired her chest. And he swore he felt a blush creep up to his ears at his distraction. Thankfully, they were covered with long hair. Yet, somehow the way she was looking at him made him think she knew anyways.

She patted her knee expectantly and glared at him. He lifted his leg and placed his foot on her leg. Ben watched her closely as she untied the laces and edged off his shoe and then his sock. As he watched her gently remove them he realized no one had taken the time to take care of him in such a simple way in a very long time. It felt oddly intimate. He swallowed roughly at the thought. She worked off his other shoe and sock and then placed his feet on the ground.

He watched her with rapt attention when she stood up and leaned forward capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. His control snapped; he grabbed her small waist and pulled her onto his lap.

That didn’t last long, he thought.

Feeling her bare breasts pressed against his chest for the first time was like a drug. The warmth and softness. The tickle of her hard nipples brushing against his skin. He ran the large expanse of his hands around her hips and up her waist - he could practically reach his other hand – and she sighed into his mouth. Biting on her bottom lip he ran his hand across her stomach and captured her breast in his palm, it fit perfectly, and squeezed softly. She keened and closed her eyes in response, grinding down on his dick. He released her lip and kissed her softly as he continued playing with her breast and ground up against her core. Despite the multiple layers of rough clothing in his way, layers that pulled uncomfortably on his cock, he didn’t care. He needed some sort of release. Even if it wasn’t the kind he wanted most. The fact that he could feel how hot her core was though his pants made his jaw clench in an attempt to resist the urge to moan.

Instead he angled his head and kissed her deeply, while his free hand cupped the side of her face in a desperate plea to pull her closer and his other hand tweaked her nipple. Grinding against him roughly she gripped the back of the couch for purchase and they pulled apart gasping for air. He rested his forehead against hers with his eyes closed, but he could feel her smiling so he opened them and what he found shocked him to the core. Hovering over him, still grinding against him teasingly was Rey pleasantly flushed, eyes now only flecks of hazel swallowed by blackness, hair cascading down her bare shoulders, smiling down at him. The wind was knocked out of him.

What the fuck am I doing? I should be asking her to dinner, not fucking her in a hotel. I don’t even know her last name.

Before he could begin truly doubting his actions he bent forward and placed his lips and tongue on her neck, trailing feather light kisses down to her collarbone. She gasped loudly as he began sucking on her perfectly tanned skin and her hand entwined in his hair as his lips reached lower and lower until his mouth replaced his hand on her breast. He sucked lightly, using his teeth to urge her to be louder. Knowing he was the one responsible for making her moan thrilled him.

“Y- _Yes_ , _oh_ ,” Rey whined.

With his now free hands he palmed her ass, squeezing and rubbing them to increase the friction between her legs. He pushed her against his pelvis assisting her. He released her breast with a wet pop of his mouth and went for her other nipple, which wasn’t nearly as erect as he wanted. He needed to fix that. He licked and nipped at it before taking it in his mouth and sucking hard. As minutes went by she was getting louder, her moans and gasps turning into a frenzy. He was pleasantly surprised to realize he could probably get her off this way, but before he could do so she started going for his belt, which was difficult considering she was almost flush against his lap, their stomachs touching.

“Wait,” she gasped, pushing his face away from her chest, startling him. No woman had ever done _that_ – so he paused and looked up at her face in a mixture of concern and confusion. She barked; an oddly dry sound somewhere between a laugh and a whine. “You look like I just kicked you,” she said when she readjusted herself farther away from his cock and sat on his knees.

“Pretty close,” he said as he watched her undo his belt and pull it out of their loops.

“Sure,” she teased, throwing the belt somewhere. He didn’t care where. All he cared about in the moment was that this girl was sitting on his lap mostly naked and sincerely smiling at him like he was a god. How the fuck did he get this lucky?

He slid his hands up and down her hips as she unbuttoned his pants and tugged down the zipper. He groaned in frustration as she stood up and out of his reach, but she just smiled at him and shook her head like he was a petulant child. Normally, the gesture would make him angry. Not right now though.

No.

In this moment, he would have done anything if it made her happy. Without words he lifted his hips when she bent forward and pulled at his pants, knowing she would rather do it herself for whatever reason. He’d much rather just strip down and get to it, but she was an insistent tease apparently. Kneeling between his legs, she left his boxers in place and ran her small fingers along his clothed length while watching his facial expression closely with hungry eyes, and, my god, she was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. He was struggling not to breath heavily for he didn’t want her to know the extent of how much her touch affected him, but waiting was killing him.

He didn’t know how much longer he could wait.

Standing back up she reached behind and he heard the distinct sound of a zipper. His heart was racing. She jiggled her hips a little and the black skirt fell to the floor, revealing her entirely naked body to him for the first time. His mouth went dry at the sight.

In the bathroom there was always a thong or tank top in the way. He hadn’t seen everything at once.

Suddenly she was straddling him on the couch and he didn’t know what to touch, so he touched her everywhere. His hands going over every plane and curve of her skin in worship as they kissed and she ground down on his hard cock. The only cloth separating them now was his thin boxers. His head spun as he felt just how hot she was for him and how wet his boxers were getting. He palmed her ass, pulling her against him roughly. She gasped in his mouth at the feeling and it’s like something switched. They both cracked to attention.

“Condom,” she whimpered.

“Pants pocket.”

Nodding she climbed off the couch to grab one and came back, kneeling in front of him. Rey started laughing. He felt his ears turning red in humiliation and confusion.

She lifted the condom and glared at him in amusement. “ _Really?_ These were the best option?”

He shrugged, the embarrassment wearing off now that he realized why she laughed. “In my size, yes,” he said smirking.

She raised an eyebrow in appraisal, but quickly shook her head and continued giggling. “A little _cocky_ , huh?” she teased, biting on the wrapper and tearing it open.

“Wait, you get the reference?” Ben asked baffled, the blood rushing to his cock making it difficult to think.

“ _I will not be your father_ and a sketch of him, _really_? Of course, I know who Darth Vader is,” she answered. “He’s badass. But not the prequels version. Although the Clone Wars cartoon did make his fall to the dark side truly believable.” She stopped herself, realizing she was on the verge of a long-winded argument and bit her lip nervously.

He swallowed, his eyes wide like saucers, his heart racing. “You like Star Wars?” he asked softly, his voice cracking despite himself.

She sat on her bare ass and tilted her head at him while batting her eyelashes in genuine confusion. “More like love, but yes. Is that good?” Rey said, brushing a few stray hairs behind her ears.

He nodded.

Shit. She’s perfect.

_____

 

 

Rey’s heart was beating a mile a minute as she stared up into his warm and intensive almost black eyes. Ben looked at her like she was the most beautiful angel he had ever seen and a blush creeped up her neck. She bit her lip. I guess he likes Star Wars, she thought feeling slightly shy. Odd that this is what made her embarrassed after everything they’ve done and were about to do.

Apparently, Rey wasn’t completely shameless. You learn something new every day.

“Come here,” he growled. It was in such a deep whisper she almost missed it.

A shiver ran up her spine as she stood up with the condom still in hand. Her chest suddenly felt tight, unable to break his gaze. It entranced her. Before she could take a step closer he stood up and her eyebrows shot up in question.

Was he going to finally take charge?

Her stomach flipped at the thought and yet she felt somewhat disappointed. After all, she loved being on top.

But before she could utter a word he grabbed the waist of his black boxer briefs, quickly ripping them down his hips carelessly and stepping out of them. For a split second she let her eyes wander to his newly freed bulging cock now bouncing and red. Biting back a groan, her eyes shot up to his face again. She knew his equipment was superior than her last partner just from the outline of his junk through his underwear, but, my god, was he large. It made her mouth water at the thought of him filling her completely; hitting spots no one else could.

Without another beat he sat back down on the hotel sofa and eyed her challengingly, his soft plush lips turning up in the corner. Pulling herself from her thoughts she smiled brightly at him, refusing to be intimidated by his girth or his attitude.

A thrill ran through her at the realization that he was more than willing to let her lead. It was hot as fuck.

She bit her lip again and let her hand slide up from his knee to his thigh, making his muscles jump under her touch; Most people wouldn’t have noticed it, but Rey wasn’t most people. At the same time, Rey kneeled on the ground and slipped the rubber from its wrapper. Rey watched Ben’s reaction with hooded eyes as her small fingers reached his groin. He shuddered softly when she ran her soft finger along his tip slowly spreading his precum around in tantalizing circles.

When his eyes met hers again she swore she saw the same caged man she saw in the car, which made her smirk. She most definitely held the power tonight.

After wetting her hand properly and pumping him a few times, he finally gave in and thrust into her hand, letting out a soft torturous sigh. She slipped the condom on his tip and slowly, painfully slow if she was going from Ben’s breathing, began rolling down until he was fully sheathed.

At some point, she didn’t know when exactly, he had opened his legs and she had found her way between them, her mouth only inches from his dick. Before standing up she placed her lips lightly against the underside of his hot and throbbing cock and licked the vein all the way to the top where she placed a soft kiss. Nothing much, really, but it seemed Ben was enjoying it, she realized happily. His face was flushed and his mouth was clearly holding in a groan. His hands had somehow found the pillows and he was gripping them like she hoped he’d be gripping her ass soon.

She stood up and positioned herself above him on the couch, straddling him and trapping his legs between hers with her knees on the cushions. His strong warm hands engulfed her sides.

“Wait,” he whispered. “Are you sure you’re ready?”

She threw her hands behind his neck on the back of the couch and laughed. “I don’t remember the last time I had this much foreplay. Yeah, I’m more than ready, even for _you_ ,” she breathed.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” he grunted.

His lips were so close to her chest that the hair on the back of her neck stood up in anticipation. He slid his hand down her stomach until he met the apex of her thighs at which point he dipped his fingers below to feel her drenched silky folds. He let out a whine that she wasn’t sure she’d ever heard from a man before. It made her toes curl and her breathing became erratic and rushed. My god, she wanted his fingers in her again. The anticipation of it all was making her legs weak.

 _Not yet_ , she reminded herself brashly. _We have all night._

She grabbed his hand and pulled it away from her center, forcing herself to not whine at her own actions. She interlaced their slippery fingers together behind his head and locked eyes with him. She barely knew the man, but for some odd reason she needed this connection. She wanted to see him come undone, to watch him as she feels him all around her. Within her. It was unlike anything she’d ever felt. It was dizzying and enthralling.

She edged forward slightly and wrapped her small hand around his cock once more. She teased her entrance with it, making them both sigh and moan before she slowly sunk down, allowing him to enter her for the first time in what felt like years of waiting. The second they joined together her eyelids fluttered shut and her eyes rolled back in her head at the overwhelming sensation. It was too much. She took him inch by inch until his hard warmth was fully seated within her. She had never felt so full.

No man or sex toy and certainly not her own fingers ever felt like this. It felt like she was swimming in the ocean for the first time; the sun on her tanning skin, the cool breeze sending shivers down her wet limbs as she floated and thrashed around in warm salty water. It was intoxicating. She wanted to stay like this for the rest of her life.

With her mouth agape and her eyes prickling with something she didn’t understand she adjusted to the new sensations and his overwhelming girth. She leaned forward, resting her forehead against his and rocked against his pelvis. She ran her free hand through his sticky tangled jet-black hair and their hot breath mingled together as one when she started moving. She felt a hot tingling in her core as he barely rubbed against her tight walls. The noise coming from between them was sinful; she was still so wet. When she felt his gentle palm grasping her back in support she opened her eyes to find Ben staring at her with emotion-filled eyes. Her breath hitched at the intensity and openness of his gaze and something coiled deep within her. Something she doubted she’d ever felt before. Trembling she leaned down and captured his lips in a soft open mouth kiss and began rocking back and forth against his pelvis.

Knowing in her gut that it would all be too fleeting she closed her eyes, trying to memorize the feeling of his mouth slanted against her own. Trying to brand the memory of his sprawling hand on her lower back and of the way it made her feel; Safe. Of his other one squeezing her much smaller fingers sincerely. Tightly. Of him releasing her hand to push her hair back and slide it’s comforting warm embrace on her neck, sending shivers down her spine as he went. Of his scent mixed with the heady musk of the old hotel sofa. Of the way he breathed deeply every time she dragged her ass against his balls. Of the way his lips moved down her neck delicately as if he was treasuring her like some sort of miracle.

It was all too much. Blinking rapidly, she tried to push away her emotions and focus on the climb, but it became surprisingly difficult. Her emotions rocketed through her and swam around their limbs making the experience breathtaking. Even earth shattering as everything else melted away and all that was left was her wrapped in Ben’s warm strong body. Rocking against him was a slow deep rumble within. They stayed as such for what felt like hours. Slowly tantalizingly climbing together, but she needed it to spike. To make her forget everything, including the fact that tomorrow they would be strangers once again.

But tonight, tonight she was his.

She gripped his shoulders and her nails dug into his skin ruthlessly, making him hiss in discomfort against her clavicle. But he didn’t stop. Didn’t ask for her to either, so she continued. She braced herself, pulled her hips up and thrust down in one rough motion knocking the wind out of her. She gasped for air, too distracted to notice his response other than how his hands gripped her back tighter. _When did his other hand get there?_

As soon as she found her breath again she repeated the movement much slower, again and again until they found a sweet burning rhythm that sent her head spinning and her heart racing wildly in her chest like a horse on a race track. Clumsily he kissed her chest as she rode his dick, licking and sucking on the delicate skin of her breasts. The sounds and feeling of his wet mouth on her skin making her flush further as she remembered his tongue somewhere else. His palms grasped her cheeks for dear life, assisting her movements with ease as he attempted to thrust into her. Lust burned within her.

She let her mind wander, her eyes along with it, and found her eyes staring at a small microwave sitting atop the lush kitchenette countertop . She zeroed in on the clock, panting heavily. Her movements became harsher, more rushed as she felt her core burning and the familiar tightness return. Ben thrusted deeply into her, poking the spot that made her see stars and she lost herself completely in it. She whimpered deafeningly; a noise no self-respecting woman should make in front of a man she’d known less than six hours. He responded by continuing to pound up into her sloppily as she roughly bounced on his cock.

“I’m close,” she gasped, gripping his hair tightly as he bruised her skin and bit her neck softly.

He wound his hand between them and brushed his thumb against her mound of nerves sending her heart in her throat. Rey gasped, refusing to look at him, as he nuzzled her neck and rubbed her sensitive clit in tight circles.

“Yes, yes. Don’t stop,” Rey whined, grinding her teeth.

“Come for me, Rey,” he whispered, his voice sounding gritty and deep, yet, soft and comforting.

The contradiction was her undoing. Her head whipped back, her mouth in an O shape and her legs shook and gave out from under her. Her orgasm rocked through her in intense waves that momentarily blinded her vision as she crashed against him. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her flush against him and kissed her neck. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, blinked away tears and gripped his body like it was her only tether to reality and she was about to blow away. Once she stopped spasming, her legs felt like jelly and she could hear her heart beating rapidly in her ears.

Coming back to herself, she said in surprise, “You didn’t.”

He laughed against her neck, his fingers trailing up and down her spine in soothing patterns. “No, not yet,” he mumbled against her skin. “If you’re too tired I can –”

She shook her head unwilling to admit defeat. “No, no. I’m fine. I just need a minute.”

“Hmmm. Take all the time you need.”

She bit her tongue to avoid groaning. Why the hell was the simple courtesy so hot? It didn’t hurt that he was still inside her and hitting at the right spots, making her want to go again. Maybe I could get a third or fourth tonight, she thought feeling staggered.

Her heart returned to an almost slow steady beat and her breathing evened out. Her legs burned. She’d be sore tomorrow, but it wasn’t atrocious. She threaded her fingers through his long hair, finding she liked it on men more than she once thought, while her other fingers lightly skidded down his damp chest.

“You like a woman on top, don’t you?” she hummed, teasing him as she ground her hips around in a tight circle.

He hissed against her ear and nodded sharply.

“Good, you’ll like this then,” she muttered as she lifted her legs up off the sofa slightly.

“No,” he groaned, his jaw taut, as he was pulled out of her.

He tried to pull her back against him but she giggled lightly and resisted his efforts. The haze making her painfully content as her limbs still tingled with pleasure. She turned around on the couch so she was facing the coffee table. The movement was a bit awkward. It was anything but sexy. However, when she positioned herself her ass was on full display for him and he growled, sliding his hands down her sides and over the slight curve of her hips to palm her ass.

She licked her lips and slowly sunk down on him again as he gripped the base of the condom to keep it in place. She let out a little gasp at the change of position and she heard a loud intake of breath behind her. She smirked to herself and bent forward, grabbing the couch cushions tightly for purchase.

“Rey,” he gasped as he slid his hand down the curve of her back appreciatively.

Slowly she allowed herself to edge off of his leaking cock and rock back into it. Her eyes fluttered closed at the intensity of him and he gripped her hips, leaving hard red marks.

“Harder,” he growled tightly.

She smiled at his tone, suddenly unnerved and gruff sounding and did as he asked. She pummeled into him, her lip bit and her eyebrow knot in focus as he slid in and out of her. The new position was hitting spots deep within her she’d never felt and it had her sweating and panting quickly. He used his grip, helping her move faster and she felt she loved his fingers digging into her skin. The spike in pain sent a thrill through her as her ass slapped against him obscenely and Ben’s eyes watched himself sliding in and out of her wet cunt.

She knew she was too sensitive to cum again. Yet, the noises Ben was making were killing her as he tried desperately to thrust into her from his awkward angle. She relented and sat up, the new pressure taking her breath away, as Ben slid his palm over her pebbled nipple and tugged at it and his other snaked down to between her legs to circle where they met, his palm gently placing pressure against the sensitive bundle of nerves. She closed her eyes and leaned against his muscular pecks before resuming her motions. She felt harsh puffs of hot air hitting her ear as he rubbed her folds and clit softly and she sunk down into him again.

“Fuck,” he hissed loudly, the word partially getting caught in his throat. “I’m – I am close.” She felt his nose brushing against her shoulder. “Are you?” he asked, his voice clouded with lust.

“No,” she whined, a little too headily.

He growled and slipped his fingers higher circling harshly around her clit and making her legs thrust forward from the contact.

“You’re beautiful, Rey. I love your pussy,” he moaned, rattling against her skin as he sped up his motions.

“Oh,” she moaned in surprise feeling the same tightness coil within her. “Keep talking.” She suddenly felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment, if that was even possible at this point. He was balls deep in her, after all.

“I would fuck you and your tight cunt forever.”

“Yes,” she gasped feeling herself on the verge.

“I can’t wait to lick you again. To _taste_ you. To feel your cum on my fingers,” he groaned roughly as they ground against each other, seeking as much friction as possible. “I’ll dream of licking you out until you can’t speak… or move… or grind against my mouth… you, filthy woman.”

Suddenly her vision blurred and her head whipped back against his throat wailing in desire and the world was gone once again. Her walls constricted around his cock and her hips rocked uncontrollably. He thrust in two more times and he was gone with her. She could tell from the way he breathed and shook under her, even his hands spasming on her shining wet skin. Seconds later, she let her legs drop and fell backwards against him. He pressed a soft kiss against her shoulder and then made his way to her neck.

“Well, shit,” Rey said while panting heavily, “That was hot.”

He laughed, jostling both of their bodies. “Hmm, yes. I need to get up though,” he said, licking his lips.

She sighed in resignation, let him slip out of her and moved to the other couch cushion with minimal awkwardness. Her chest was still heaving when he stood up and without looking back walked through the bedroom into the bathroom holding his dick. Rey happily admired the view and smiled to herself while watching his firm ass walk away from her - the cheeks slightly rug burned from the surprisingly rough fabric of the sofa – and his muscular back twitching as his arm swung casually.

As soon as he disappeared from view she relaxed into the couch, stretching out. She took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes, groaning quietly. What am I doing?

This was a one-night thing. She knew it was the only possible outcome, so what happened?

Something had switched in her once he slid inside her and they kissed. The way he looked at her. Cherished her. Usually staring at something else or switching positions worked when she started catching feelings. This time she wasn’t sure it would. She swallowed roughly and shook herself out of it; It was just sex.

“Help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge!” he shouted from the bathroom.

“Thanks!” she said, her voice a little too high.

She willed her game face back on, jumped from the sofa and unzipped her bag in seconds. She found her favorite tank and slipped it on before strolling over to the kitchenette and grabbing some water and downing it immediately.

“Thirsty, huh?” Ben observed lightly before walking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist.

She rolled her eyes at his joke and leaned her head against his chest.

“That _was_ quite a workout.”

“More for you than me. Why are you wearing clothes already?” He sounded disappointed.

Smirking, she turned around in his arms. “Because it’s comfy,” she said simply.

“Really,” he mumbled, his eyes dancing with abandonment and mirth. He seemed relaxed for the first time since she met him.

She nodded, thoroughly enjoying herself. “Yes, and once you left, I noticed a bit of a draft,” Rey said.

He squeezed her closer to him and whispered against her lips, “Then get in bed. _Don’t_ get dressed.”

She chuckled lightly. “How do you know I wasn’t going to be in bed if you took a bit longer?”

He shook his head, apparently giving up. “Are you hungry or want something other than water? I could call room service,” he mumbled as he nuzzled her cheek with his nose.

Her heart clutched at his sincerity. “No,” she said softly. “I’m fine now.”

“Okay.” He playfully slapped her on the ass. “Then get in bed.”

She rolled her eyes at him, sauntered into the bedroom and slipped under the covers, leaving him in the kitchen.

“Are you coming?” she yelled from the other room.

It didn’t take long for her to hear his feet hitting the carpet in earnest before he appeared, still completely naked - his hair tangled and his face flushed - with two waters in hand. He dropped the waters on a nightstand and climbed under the covers, laying on his side with his arm propping him up.

She laid back among the fluffy white pillows and glanced at him. She realized in this moment that if she let herself, she could fall in love with this man. It shocked her so she started staring at the ceiling.

“Hey,” he said softly, his hand coming up to rest on her waist. “Are you okay?”

“Yea, just tired,” she croaked out. “It’s been a long week.”

“Hmmm,” he mumbled as his fingers started running up and down her stomach. “Work?”

She rubbed her eyes and grunted, “Yes and no.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No, I really don’t. I needed a distraction tonight,” she admitted, trying to will her mind away from anything personal.

“So, I’m a distraction,” he teased, sliding his hand under her well worn grey tank top.

“Yes,” she said dryly. “I needed a good fuck.” She darted her eyes to him and saw him beaming proudly.

“Happy to oblige,” he said smirking.

She scrunched her nose up at him. “You being arrogant isn’t as sexy as you think it is,” Rey said.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. All the other women love it,” he said as he studied her features.

“Well that’s good,” she deadpanned, smirking slightly. “You clearly need the practice.”

He gripped her hip and pulled her closer, making her screech in surprise.

“Fine. Fine. Yes, you are _fantastic_ in bed.” She turned to look at him and said, “Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Only if you mean it,” he muttered softly, his eyes darting between her eyes and her lips.

She rubbed her legs together and licked her lips, which only seemed to entice him further.

“Give me thirty minutes and I’ll prove it,” he growled.

She swallowed a groan and closed her eyes. When she opened them again she said, “Deal, only if you do all the work this time. _And_ you keep your earlier promise.”

He leaned in close and whispered, “I don’t break my promises.”

Shit. Rey was a goner.

 

An hour or so later, Rey’s skin was drenched in sweat and she was screaming uninhibitedly. He held her legs up, her knees near his shoulders, as he thrust into her roughly. The man was determined. The angle allowed him to penetrate so deeply it made her toes curl and her mind go blank. She was so close. _So close._

Her thighs burned and shook, but he gripped them tightly, keeping her locked in the position that made her head spin in desire, impossibly so, making her stomach coil in lust once again tonight.

“Fuck,” she swore in between gasps as he angled his hips differently and his cock rubbed against the spongy part inside her that made her speechless.

She grasped at his shoulders desperately and leaned forward to capture his lips in a swift and sloppy kiss. All tongue and teeth. Their hot breath mingled when they both gasped and moaned into each other’s mouths as he continued to pull out and thrust in again. The sound lude and delicious.

She pulled him closer against her and savored in the solid weight of him on top of her. Steady and strong.

“Faster,” she whimpered against his lips.

He sped up instantly, drilling into her with a force that made her eyes roll back in her head and arch her back. Her petite breasts bouncing as her head almost hit the head board. _Yes,_ she thought happily as she edged towards her release.

_Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes._

Suddenly her head shot back against the pillow and she screamed the loudest moan she’d ever uttered in her life as her hips spasmed and her walls fluttered uncontrollably around his cock; a wave of warm sparks washing over her instantly.

He grunted in response. Ben’s hips thrusting in an irregular rhythm as he pounded into her a few more times before he gasped in her ear and he stopped moving, climaxing fully seated within her.

She breathed heavily, smelling his musky scent mixed with salty sweat. In an unconscious gesture of support Rey ran her hands up and down his back as he collapsed against her. He released her legs. His forearms now caging her, yet, keeping the majority of his weight off her form.

She smiled to herself when she felt his soft kissable lips press against her neck and his nose tickling her skin.

“Good?” he grunted, his voice gravelly and rough.

“Yeah,” she said emphatically as she tried to catch her breath and stretch her legs out a little. “Although, I’m going to be sore as fuck tomorrow,” she admitted.

He laughed against her shoulder before pulling out and rolling over. Without another word he stood up and made his way to the bathroom again to dispose of the condom and get cleaned up.

“Good sore, I hope,” he mumbled from the bathroom, not bothering to shut it all the way.

She turned on her side and grabbed her tank to wipe herself a little, deciding it was a better option than standing up right now.

“Oh yes, definitely,” she muttered tiredly. Her nose scrunched up in pain as she began stretching her legs. “Though I should probably start yoga again,” she whispered to herself, hoping he didn’t hear her.

He walked back into the room, evidently unphased by his constant nakedness, and blinked sleepily before sliding back into bed next to her and slipping the white duvet over his hips.

“Water,” he offered casually.

She smiled and took the bottle, downing the small thing in one go.

“Thanks,” she mumbled before kissing him softly and getting out of bed, sauntering out of the room with a little extra jazz to every step, knowing he’d be watching her.

She closed the bathroom door to pee – she had no interest in getting a yeast infection – and then rested her hands against the cool marble countertop. She closed her eyes and tried to stifle down an anxiety attack.

What the fuck was she thinking kissing him like that? She _wanted_ to kiss him, even after she’d been fully satiated. That was a first.

She took deep breaths until it steadied and her heart slowed down. It felt like hours, but she doubted it was even minutes. She swallowed her feelings and washed her hands. After splashing her face with some cold water, she was back to normal.

Letting out a slow deep breath she opened the door and slid back in bed. She assumed he’d be watching her, but he was on his phone. It was the first time she’d seen him on it and suddenly she wondered what he did for a living. She bit back the question and sank down into the sheets, turning to lay on her side so she could watch him.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, putting his phone down on the nightstand. “I had to set an alarm for the morning. Don’t wanna possibly miss a flight, you know?”

“No problem,” she whispered, her voice now gravelly with exhaustion. “I’m really tired.”

He turned to face her, their faces only inches apart on their own pillows. He smiled, his eyes lighting up despite the circles under them. “So, did I rock your world?” he teased, his hand skating over her exposed hip.

She closed her eyes and placed her hands under her pillow, getting comfortable. “Pretty good,” she mumbled happily.

She felt his lips trailed along her ear and she smirked. “ _Just_ , pretty good.”

“Fine. I’m no liar. You were great. It was truly, fantastic mind-blowing sex,” she mumbled sleepily.

His teeth grazed her ear. “You were fine,” he said, his voice deceptively bored.

Her eyes shot open and she pushed his chest away from her. “Excuse me,” she asked, thoroughly confused in her sleep deprived state. “What?”

 “Well that woke you up.”

She playfully slapped his chest suddenly realizing he was teasing. “I had a shitty week, _okay?_ And very little sleep. I’m still recovering from a red eye, so I’m not sorry that after being royally fucked for hours that I’m tired,” she said in between yawns.

“Sorry,” he whispered, his eyes softening. “I didn’t realize.”

She glanced at him from her enticingly soft pillow and smiled. “It’s fine,” she sighed, sensing he was the type who liked to talk after. Why couldn’t he be the type to roll over and fall asleep, she thought to herself, repressing a groan in frustration.

“You can sleep if you want.”

She smiled at the vulnerability in his voice. All bravado gone.

“Why don’t _you_ want to sleep?” she asked softly.

He slid his hand higher, until his palm was resting on her ribcage, his thumb stroking her skin lightly. “I have a beautiful woman in my bed. It’s hardly my first thought.”

She snorted, “Cheesy line, Ben.”

“It’s true,” he whispered against her lips. She opened her eyes to see him inches away staring into her eyes. He leaned forward, breaking the distance between them, and lazily kissed her. It made her stomach flutter. She kept her hands still and away from his face, even though every inch of her body screamed to be closer to him. He pulled away from her and rested on his forearm, his eyes never leaving hers.

She felt winded and unsure of what to do or say. Before she could over think it, she reached out and pushed his hair back behind his ear. She wanted to get lost in his chocolate brown eyes. It startled her.

She wondered how many times tonight, she’s been shocked by him. Too many.

“Plus,” he whispered, “I only got off twice. You got off four times?”

She grinned at his arrogance, too tired to find it annoying. “Five, actually,” she said.

“Hmmm.” He nodded. “I forgot about the one around my tongue.”

She sighed. “I didn’t,” she admitted despite herself.

They laid in silence for a little while, his hand playing with the skin of her waist.

“What does the tattoo mean?” he asked, sounding a little too curious.

She cocked an eyebrow at him. “Which one?” She really didn’t want to talk about the stars again.

He slid his fingers around her rib, under her bust and she nodded in understanding. He was tracing the tattoo.

“It’s Spanish. _For every dark night, there is a brighter day_.”

He hummed in thought. Before he could ask what she knew he would, she said, “It’s a Tupac quote.”

He barked a short burst of laughter. “What?” he questioned, evidently completely surprised by this revelation.

She closed her eyes, enjoying the sensation of his delicate touch. “What? A girl from London can’t like a classic American rapper?”

“I just didn’t expect it.”

She licked her lips and continued, “Very few people do. But the thing is, my accent isn’t posh. I grew up in what Americans would call the ghettos of London. Rap was popular and my best friend listened to him all the time. Some of his lyrics spoke to me,” she answered honestly, her usual walls down. “I got it when I was eighteen and moved away from home. It was a reminder and a little act of rebellion all rolled up in one.”

“Why Spanish?” he asked quietly as if any moment she would close up again.

“My dad was Latino. I was bi-lingual by the time I was two.” She yawned and stretched her legs.

“Was?” he asked quietly, his voice cracking slightly.

“He was my everything… before he and my mom died when I was a kid,” she mumbled, her eyes closed.

Her mind was drifting rapidly. She couldn’t keep her eyes open and Ben’s hand on her waist was comforting. Knowing someone she trusted was with her in a relatively unknown hotel late at night, she felt safe. Safer than usual on trips like this.

She found herself drifting off without another thought.

 

A distant soft buzzing and ding awoke Rey from a deep and restful sleep. She groaned in annoyance, still laying on her back with her eyes closed, too comfortable to move.

She was used to awakening to the sound of any noise. Growing up in care it was a learned survival instinct. As an adult she often got early calls about flight changes or she needed to wake early to make it to the airport on time for a flight. It was a handy skill now.

Slowly she opened her eyes. Blinking rapidly at the emergence of light entering her retinas. _“Fuck,”_ she growled softly as the pounding headache became more pronounced. She knew she should have drank more water last night after the two bottles of wine.

Once her mind registered the cushy bed with hopelessly soft sheets that she was currently entangled in, she froze in utter panic. The events of the past twelve hours came rushing back to her all at once. She peeked out of the corner of her eye, sucking in her lower lip nervously, and saw Ben laying on his side completely out to the word. His soft steady breathes hitting her hair resounded in her ear. She swallowed roughly realizing he was cocooning her body with his protectively, his heavy leg draped over her lower half, his left arm wrapped around her waist resting on her bare hip and his right was resting above their heads touching her hair. She closed her eyes as the feeling of his hard dick against her hip registered in her mind.

 _Fuck,_ she thought sadly, knowing she’d never get to ride it again. She was sadder about it than she had any right to be. It was just one passionate night, after all.

She laid there for a moment watching him sleep peacefully. He looked so much younger, so much sweeter in his sleep. Less lost. His eyes kept twitching when his hair hit his eyelashes and she considered brushing it out of his face but didn’t. She felt like she was somehow invading his space, even after everything they’d done last night, nor did she want to wake him. Ironic, considering he was the one currently trying to spoon a stranger.

Interestingly, Rey realized she’d have been more comfortable waking up to Ben’s mouth nestled between her thighs than _this_. If she was being honest with herself, then she’d have preferred most options over this.

The heavy warmth of his body curled against her own made her feel uncomfortable, not physically though. Physically his warmth was entrancing to her bare skin resting against his in the cold hotel room. She pushed the thought from her mind.

Panic mode returned in full force when she heard her phone alarm vibrating in her bag across the room. She wasn’t sure if she could remove herself from beneath Ben without him waking up. After a moment of contemplation, she decided she needed to risk it. Otherwise, he’d awake when the alarm became louder. She silently cringed that he might awkwardly awake to find himself wrapped around her. Moving as quickly as she could, she wanted to avoid such a possibility. She was just trying to save them both from embarrassment, right?

She slowly edged her way out of bed moving determinedly with every slide of her legs until they were both free from his. She froze when he muttered something unintelligible in his sleep, readjusting next to her sleepily, his left arm sliding to rest on her low stomach. She slowed her breathing, trying hard to keep from jostling his arm too much. At least she knew he couldn’t hear her heart practically beating out of her chest, which was a small miracle. Silently thanking God for mercy, she lifted his hand gently, slid out from under him and placed his hand back on the sheets slowly. She let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding and tip toed out of the room.

After closing the bedroom door behind her, she dug through her bag until she found her phone and turned it off immediately. She checked her messages and email and saw that the flight had been rescheduled in four hours. Good.

Taking a deep breath, she unzipped her suitcase and looked for fresh clothing: a new thong, bra and tank top. She slipped the undergarments on, hissing in pain as she bent her legs. Running a hand through her tangled mess of hair she glanced around the room looking for her missing clothes. It was too bad she hadn’t thought to bring another uniform, she thought to herself, as she picked up the discarded and wr

inkled clothing. Groaning she looked around hoping she’d find an ironing board in the closet. She couldn’t go to work like this; she’d absolutely get in trouble.

Uttering a silent triumphant scream, she grabbed the ironing board and iron and set it up after rummaging through the hall closet.

While waiting for it to heat up, she bit her lip and glanced at the bedroom door. She really hoped he was heavy sleeper. The last thing she wanted to do was go to the airport with him. Hell, she didn’t even want to stay for breakfast. For her own sanity, she needed to get out of here as quickly as possible. Otherwise, she might want to stay forever.

Thus, while she waited for the iron to reach the proper temperature she tiptoed into the bedroom to grab her old grey fraying tank top and went to the bathroom to clean herself up a bit. Once her hair had been tamed and she’d haphazardly washed her face and brushed her teeth, she left the bathroom.

She froze on the spot, panicking, when Ben turned over and grunted “morning” to her.

“Morning,” she whispered as calmly as she could.

“Come back to bed,” he said, his voice groggy and his eyes still closed.

“I have to go to the bathroom. Go back to sleep,” she said, smiling despite herself. He looked too cute not too.

“Okay,” he mumbled against the pillow before his breathing leveled and she heard him letting out slow huffs of air again.

She breathed a sigh of relief and left the bedroom quickly. Closing the door behind her she felt a sinking in her gut. She hadn’t wanted to lie to him, but it was best for everyone. Right?

She ironed her clothing, slipped them on along with some tights and her shoes and threw everything else into her bags. She glanced around one last time and started chewing on her lip nervously.

The suite was nicer than she had noticed. Apparently, she’d been too distracted to see the expensive details last night: granite counter tops, old dark wood floors covered with elaborately dyed oriental rugs, the lamps and paintings that looked like they could come from one of those luxury magazines like Architectural Digest. She swallowed roughly at the memory that this room was on the top floor of the hotel. How rich is he? she thought, feeling slightly confused that he had picked her for a quick fuck. He could get anyone he wants. Why me?

Suddenly overcome with an odd sense of guilt, she realized she didn’t want to leave it like this. She couldn’t just disappear and then see him on the flight today and act like nothing happened. She needed closure. So, she did the only thing she could think of. She grabbed the hotel pad of paper and a pen from her bag and wrote him a note. Leaving it on the kitchen counter where she knew he’d see it, she left the hotel suite without looking back.

She called for an uber and waited in the bright lobby. It took twenty minutes to get to the airport. Plenty of time to do her make up and put this behind her for good.

_________

 

Ben groaned sleepily and patted at the nightstand until he found the annoyance alerting him to a new day. Once he found the phone he turned the alarm off, putting it down again. He smiled to himself remembering last night and turned over to talk to Rey. His muscles froze and his stomach dropped when he noticed the bed was empty next to him. He twisted around to look for her.

“Rey!” he called, thinking maybe she was in the kitchen area.

He opened the bedroom door to find the room mostly spotless. Rey’s things were gone.

She was gone.

His mouth went dry when he spotted a piece of paper on the counter next to the waters. He swallowed roughly and walked over to it. He picked it up and read it:

_Great fuck. I needed it._

_Thanks,_

_Rey_

 

He blinked rapidly. Had he really gotten the night so completely wrong?

She left without even saying goodbye. It felt like a slap in the face. He didn’t realize it until just now but something changed last night. Being bottomed out in the warm heat of this miraculously woman as she stared at him with the warmth of a hundred suns. It changed him.

Rey changed him.

He knew what he had to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed the chapter drop a kudos, comment or come chat with me on tumblr peeps!
> 
> I live for praise. Please love me lol.
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/settings/blog/fabradicalfem


	6. Chapter 6

If you like the chapter, want more or have any comments or questions let me know! Kudos and comments are inspiration porn for me. Or, my fellow reylos, come talk to me on tumblr [@fabradicalfem](https://fabradicalfem.tumblr.com/)

 

 

 

Ben stretched out in his airplane seat, his heart pounding anxiously in his chest as his eyes dated around for a glimpse of Rey. Of her soft warm hazel eyes, her plush red lips twisted in a wide grin – she always seemed to smile while working – and the slight curves of her frame. Yet, no matter how hard he looked, she was almost completely absent from view. Every time he heard a noise he turned to look for her and each time he found Jessika, not Rey.

Was she avoiding him on purpose? Or was she just busy? After all, she was working. Either way, the game was getting old fast.

He swore his heart stopped momentarily when they finally locked eyes after what felt like hours of torturous waiting but was most likely just twenty-minutes of being in the air.  She was standing behind the curtain pushing a cart full of drinks when she had looked up to find him staring at her. Her cheeks seemed to glow or was that just Ben’s imagination? For a second, he thought she wanted to say something, but as quickly as her mouth opened, it closed without uttering a word. They stayed engrossed in each other’s gaze for what felt like eternity until someone said something to her, snapping her back to reality. He tried to wave her over before she became too distracted again, but she didn’t come. She never did. They played this twisted game for over an hour of the short flight; Ben trying to get her attention and her only to meet his gaze for a moment before returning to her work and becoming too busy to see him.

When Jessika came instead of Rey, he realized, no, hoped, that she must have wanted to keep a professional distance. He took the hint and pretended, albeit it not well, to not know her, carnally or otherwise. When Rey caught on that he would give her space she stopped disappearing from first class, but she still kept her distance from him.

At one point towards the end of the flight, she came to collect everyone’s trash. When she stopped in front of him and he handed her his crumbled cup their hands briefly grazed for the first time since the early morning when he woke up, pulling her into his arms to hug her against his chest. His eyes whipped up when he felt sparks shoot through him at her soft skin, but he didn’t say anything. He smiled in greeting and nodded instead, even if it felt like it would kill him not to say good morning or ask her how she slept. He wanted to know everything about her; menial details and all.

As he watched her walk out of first class he decided he had to properly ask her out once they reached the ground and she was officially off duty. Hopefully, she’d say yes and he’d take her on a date while they were both in Paris. If all things went well, the date might end with her legs wrapped around him again. Her nails digging into his arms sending waves of pleasure through him as he pounded into her.

He cleared his throat and blinked away the memory of being inside her.

He only hoped his actions hadn’t ruined his shot of this becoming something real. The last thing he wanted was for last night, her touch, her kiss, her laugh, to become a distant and blurry memory.

 _At least, she doesn’t know who I am. That might make this easier for now. I’ll tell her everything eventually,_ he decided.

____________

 

She had miraculously avoided Ben all flight, which was tough considering he kept trying to make eye contact with her. Eventually, he gave up, so she stopped hiding from him and they fell into an awkward silence every time she passed by his seat. The rest of the flight went off without a hitch.

Once they landed, Ben left the plane first along with all the other first-class passengers, so she knew he was long gone by the time her feet hit the ground. For the first time since leaving his hotel room her shoulders loosened; she could finally breath easily.

 _Finally,_ they arrived in Paris over twelve hours later than expected, but it didn’t matter. Rey was free from all obligations for the next thirty-two hours. She was free to do anything she wanted in one of her favorite cities across the globe. It felt perfect.

The snow storm had thrown off her entire week’s work schedule. As a result, her boss had called her this morning while she was on her way to the airport; He was surprisingly accommodating and apologetic for not getting her a hotel room in Iceland. Thus, she now had over a full day completely open and only one other flight later this week. Somehow, the layover not only gave her a good and much needed shag with a hot man, but some extra free time out of it as well. The knowledge made her steps and heart lighter. ~~~~

She’d get some work done at her favorite café, have a chocolate croissant and expresso, find something to buy for Finn as an apology and stop by an old bookstore to search through the vintage copies of Jane Austen, Victor Hugo, Shakespeare, Moliere and others for hours until she found one she had to own. Collecting old musky hard covered books was an odd hobby, yet, one she loved; at home she had a bookcase filled with creaking and colorful classics in an assortment of languages from all over the world. She made a habit of buying one in every new city she traveled to – a sort of odd memento of her life. Jessika and Rey would go to the show they bought tickets for months ago and then come back to their hotel room and watch something on Netflix while they dished details about their flings – she absolutely needed dirt on Poe.

Rey threw her head back and laughed at Jess’s joke, letting the stress of the past forty-eight hours wash away as they walked out of the plane toward the gates while wheeling their luggage behind them. As they walked down the long ramp Rey glanced at her friend who was currently staring at her with a knowing smirk.

“What?” she huffed.

“Girl, you look damn fuckin’ happy. Happier than I’ve seen you since before all that crap happened with Max." Jess playfully shoved Rey’s shoulder and wiggled her eyebrows. “Is the old adage true?”

“Oh yeah, definitely not a myth. He’s got massive feet,” Rey snorted, avoiding the discussion of her cheating ex-boyfriend with a ten-foot pole. He’s the last person she wanted to talk about right now.

Jess’s smile grew wider. “So,” she asked, her voice way too eager, “How was it?”

“Good,” Rey sighed in agreement. “ _Really_ good.”

“I still can’t believe you slept with him,” Jessika whispered as a colleague walked past them. “I thought you hated him?”

“He’s not what I expected. He’s actually really sweet, but, _honestly,_ neither can I,” Rey admitted. “I don’t regret it – I mean, I could never regret five of the best orgasms of my life.”

Jessika stopped in her tracks and gripped Rey’s arm. “Wait, what?” she hissed. “ _Five?”_ Jess’s face flashed between jealousy, reverence and shock.

It was Rey’s turn to smirk. “Yep,” she said nodding firmly.

“Shit, dude. _Please_ tell me you got his number and if you don’t want it, give it to me.”

Rey didn’t know what to say so she just grimaced and shook her head lightly.

“What! Why the fuck not?”

Rey glanced longingly at the upcoming opening to the airport wing and then addressed her friend, hoping to end the conversation as soon as possible. “Jess, he’s way out of my league. He’s definitely older, probably in his thirties, and is rich as fuck. There is no way he was interested in my mind, so I didn’t stick around to get rejected,” she whispered harshly, possibly too harshly because Jess let go of her arm roughly.

“Okay, fine.”

Jess gave her another look that said she didn’t agree with Rey’s actions and then clutched the handle of her carry on and started walking again, dragging it behind her. Rey let out a relieved sigh and caught up with her friend, grateful for the out.

When they made it to the desk Jess and Rey both greeted the other airline workers, recognizing some of them. “Bonjour,” Rey said happily, raising her chin to acknowledge the other flight attendants waiting by the gate to take their places on the next flight. They smiled in reply and went back to talking amongst themselves.

Jess smiled at a couple of other familiar faces and seized Rey’s arm again, this time pulling at her painfully hard.

“Two O’clock,” Jess said loud enough for only Rey to hear.

Rey’s eyebrows creased in confusion and looked around in the general direction. It took her a moment but eventually she zeroed in on a tall man standing against an airport wall with two smaller women huddled next to him talking softly. She blinked rapidly in panic as the man stood up taller and the familiar black peacoat and long relaxed curls fell into place. Ben Solo was still at the gate.

 _It can’t be_.

“He’s busy – it’s fine,” she clipped, even if her stomach twisted in nervous butterflies and her throat suddenly felt constricted. She refused to let anyone see it though.

“Ok-kay,” Jess said awkwardly as they continued walking in Ben’s eye-line.

He’d surely avoid her and she’d avoid him _. It’ll be fine,_ she told herself.

They safely walked by him without catching his eye, allowing Rey to breathe again. He was too busy speaking with two painfully attractive French women anyway. She bit the inside of her mouth to keep from saying something rude to him. Or anything, actually, because for some unknown reason she felt insanely jealous of said women.

“Rey!” She would recognize that smooth voice anywhere.

Jess smiled apologetically at her. “Meet you at the taxi stop?”

Rey nodded and swiftly turned around - she might as well get it over with - to see Ben running toward her, trying to catch up. His long legs made easy work of it.

“I’m sorry I missed you this morning,” he said, his adorable crooked teeth visible while staring at her like she was sunshine itself.

“It’s fine. I needed to get here early and we were _very_ busy last night; I’m sure you needed some rest,” she said smiling tightly as her chest felt like it would break from the effort of her heart beating through her ribs. She couldn’t get the two brunettes in tight skirts out of her head; it was making her blood boil irrationally.

He nodded, sucking in his bottom lip as he absentmindedly glanced down to look at hers. She felt a familiar heat rising again in her core. Suddenly, a memory of last night flashed in her mind and she couldn’t escape it.

_Ben was laying on top of her in the luxurious king-sized bed and, absurdly, his feet were practically falling off the end of the bed. He pulled himself higher onto her body so she had to tilt her head up to look at his face. When he met her gaze, his dark eyes filled with lust, his lips red from being kissed and his cheeks still flushed from when her hand was on his cock, she got lost in his features. In his deep-set round eyes and the delicate curve of his strong brows. He looked so massive against her slight frame, yet soft and sweet. She’d never felt safer in the company of anyone else, even her best friend whom she’d trusted with her life. Something inside her screamed for him – a touch all too new and familiar at the same time. He reached out and slowly brushed her hair out of her eyes, lightly placing his warm lips to her forehead lovingly. In response, she grabbed his ass and pulled him toward her, his tip now teasingly close to her center._

_“Come on,” she whimpered headily._

_Slowly he eased himself insider her cunt for the first time in this position and her eyes began to water as the slight pinch began to relax and she opened for him, accommodating his girth like they were meant to fit together. He nestled his head in the crook of her neck and grunted in reply. Though he didn’t speed up – he took his time. Every fiber of her being was screaming for his touch, like a brush fire finding more trees. She wanted to be consumed entirely. She tangled her hands in his hair, holding his face against her neck and closed her eyes._

_“Harder, Ben,” she hissed in agitation._

_“I don’t wanna hurt you,” he groaned against her sweaty skin. “Harder, might hurt.”_

_Her mouth went dry and her head was spinning, but she spoke without thinking. “Ben, honey, you are not hurting me right now. Please,” she gasped._

_He relented. She hummed as he thrust all the way in. With a grunt he pulled out and thrust in again, sending sparks throughout her entire body. She quickly wrapped her legs around his waist, her heels digging into his soft and muscular ass as he continued to thrust into her cunt at a faster pace._

_“I’ll never hurt you, Rey,” he promised roughly against her ear, breathing heavily. “Never.”_

_“I know.” She closed her eyes and gripped fistfuls of his wet curls, her nails digging into his scalp. “I know,” she repeated to herself, oddly believing him and knowing full well that if anything, she’d be the one to hurt him._

 

Rey swallowed roughly and looked away momentarily to get her bearings and tamper down her feelings for this man. She focused on the noises around them instead – of people speaking in French and wheels being dragged against the tile floor until she could think clearly again.

“Can I have your number?” he asked sheepishly, pulling her from her thoughts.

“From the looks of it, I doubt you’ll be alone long,” she said, suddenly eyeing the women still waiting. They looked like they were ready to throw themselves at him at any given moment and she resisted the urge to punch them. He seemed confused so she patted his chest lightly in almost mock-sympathy, heat prickling at her hand, and looked at him. “Sorry, but I’m swearing off men for a while,” she said lightly.

His eyes widened as he contemplated her response. “So, last night, you were disappointed I was a man,” he said, his voice dripping in thinly-veiled sarcasm. Leaning forward, he whispered in her ear, “If I remember correctly, you were begging, _begging_ for my cock last night… Now does that sound like a woman who doesn’t want a man?”

When he leaned back again his eyes betrayed his confidence. She could see a hint of regret, panic and sorrow in them. Realizing he was hiding behind a carefully placed mask just like her, Rey grinned at him endearingly and held back a laugh, knowing that this was all a game for him. Since meeting Ben it didn’t take long for her to realize he enjoyed games, even if they were all for show. However, Rey no longer had interest in them; last night was fun, but the sun had long since risen and the games they played while naked and wet were long gone.

“Valid point,” she admitted before throwing subtlety out the window. “Okay, fine. Let’s be real then and stop pussy-footing around the elephant in the room. We both knew what last night was and this _thing_ between us, whatever it is, wouldn’t work,” she said bluntly as she waved her hand gesturing between them.

“What? I -,” Ben shook his head vigorously. “I never said - What would you do if I said I want to try anyways?” he asked, his eyes wide open to her and filled with hope. “Please.”

Her heart clenched, but alarm bells were going off in her head that he was trouble. She just couldn’t decipher why. It didn’t matter. Rey had made the mistake of ignoring her gut with Max and she wasn’t about to do it again. She refused to be played by someone else.

“I won’t deny that there is something between us,” she admitted softly while barely able to meet his eyes and licking her lips nervously. “I don’t know if you -”

“I feel it too,” he said intensely, interrupting her question. His voice made her stomach do flips, but she shook her head.

“Ben, we are in completely different parts of our lives.”

His eyebrows raised and he stood taller. “How old –”

“How old do I think you are?” she finished for him. “If you’re in your twenties, then you most likely come from family money. A lot of money. No one owns your level of clothing otherwise, but I’m guessing your thirty-something. You probably have family money and a good job.” She pointed to his forehead casually. “Those frown lines on your forehead and the few grey hairs that you think no one can see, those are probably your only tells. So, you’re either a complete asshole who frowns constantly for no apparent reason and I’ve seen you smile plenty, so I doubt that’s it, or you have a very stressful job.”

His eyes widened and he froze.

She knew it, she was right. Straightening her spine at the knowledge that she was guessing correctly, Rey continued.

“Don’t worry, I couldn’t see the white hairs until I was sitting on your lap, so as long as you keep people a few feet away you’ll be fine,” she said smirking. Unable to stop her traitorous hand, she reached forward and ran her hand through his hair playfully.

He stared at her in open admiration and confusion, but stayed silent.

“As I was saying, we’re in completely different stages of our lives. I’m a twenty-two-year-old orphan. I’m in grad school and swamped with debt. I’m still trying to find my place in this wacky fucked up world. And, Ben, I’m a flight attendant for god’s sake. Meanwhile, you’re probably settled in a good job with great benefits and have your shit together, at least somewhat considering what I already know about you. There is no way I would fit in your world. Not to mention, you most likely are ready to settle down soon. Maybe you’re already dealing with pressure from your mom to give you babies. Or, bloody hell, maybe you _never_ want to settle down. Maybe you’d rather fuck complete strangers until you die under some young hot blonde; Hair grey, saggy balls deep in her cunt… Either’s fine. I don’t care, _really_ , I don’t, but I doubt I am the girl for you.”

She glanced up to see his face draining of the relaxed life it conveyed not moments ago. Her heart fell at the disappointment written all over his features. The realization that she was going to refuse his efforts finally hitting him. He still thought they were playing a game, she realized bitterly.

“Last night was fun,” Rey said, forcing her voice to be even. “ _Very_ fun, in fact. I gotta give you props for that, but it was just sex,” she lied. She swallowed her feelings and met his eyes once more before twisting the knife in her own gut further. “That’s all I signed up for.”

 “Rey,” he croaked out, his eyebrows furrowed in thought. “That’s not, I -. You’re only pointing out our differences.”

She sighed heavily and closed her eyes. Why couldn’t the man let it go?  Why couldn’t he let her go?

“Ben, look. We are just too different. If we exchanged numbers and did the whole dance, it would be great. Until it wasn’t. And then it would burn and everything around us would turn to ash. Believe me, it would end badly and I don’t want that. I’d much rather be able to remember our night fondly, instead of wondering if that’s when everything in my life went to shit again. Let me keep those memories intact, okay?”

“I am -,” Ben started, but he quickly closed his mouth and the mask slid back in place.

Rey resisted a sad smile. She was right, he was hiding something. Maybe he was married. Or maybe, she was just right about them being a nonstarter. Either way, she sensed she had finally won the argument. In her heart, she knew Ben would now let her walk away and in that same moment she felt relief and utter heartbreak in the fact that he wouldn’t fight for her.

She stood on her tip toes before he could say anything else in reply and kissed his cheek, quickly rubbing the cherry stain off his skin. “Thanks for the wild ride, Ben. I hope you have a good life.” Rey forced herself to withdraw her hand from his warm arm and then walked away without a second glance, despite desperately wanting to see his face one last time.

She needed to catch up with Jessika; They had _a lot_ to discuss tonight.

______

 

Rey walked away leaving him standing there baffled and speechless.

He’d never met anyone quite like her. She was smart, blunt, bubbly, yet closed off, defensive and quick to anger. Before meeting Rey, he would have found the contradiction an annoying combination, but now he couldn’t get enough of her. Ben wanted to unravel the enigma. To understand her. To make her laugh and smile. To kiss her. To make her gasp and moan his name in the heat of passion. He realized that he wanted the chance to love her, which surprised him more than he’d like to admit. He’s not sure if he’s ever felt this way about a woman.

He cleared his throat, catching himself staring at the brunette’s ass, who evidently didn’t want to be caught, and turned his head to see if the two strangers were still waiting for him. They were. He internally groaned as he realized what Rey must have thought, but like any good prince he kept the noise of annoyance in his throat to avoid being rude. Instead, he smiled politely and waved at them before turning and walking determinedly in the opposite direction, getting away from them as fast as humanly possible.

Ten minutes later while he was waiting for his luggage, his phone rang.

“Hello,” he answered.

“Ben!” a young woman squealed. “You’re here in Paris now, right?”

He couldn’t help himself when after hearing his sister’s voice, his lips ticked up into a small smile – she’d always been his soft spot.

“Hi, Kay. Yes, I’m waiting for my luggage now.”

“I can’t believe you got stuck in Iceland. How was the hotel last night?” she asked.

His jaw tensed and he silently thanked the almighty that his younger sister wasn’t sitting in front of him during this conversation. She was just like their mother, Leia; she could always tell when someone was lying.

“It was fine. Not very eventful,” he said, trying to sound bored.

“Hmm, well, Billie is very excited to see you. He wants to take you to the zoo tomorrow. Zebras are his newest obsession... You know, it’s been over a year since you’ve seen your nephew,” she said, her voice conveying a mixture of annoyance and sadness.

He rubbed his forehead with his palm. “I know, Kay. I’m sorry, I really am. I’ve missed my buddy too. Work’s been busy. I’ve barely have a chance to breathe, let alone relax, lately.”

“Mmhmm,” she mumbled, clearly holding back her indictment of his choice of workplace. “When should I expect you? The guest house is free and you can stay as long as you want.”

“I’ll be at your house in an hour.”

“Good,” she said, her voice returning to her giddy tone. “He’s been talking about you relentlessly. It gets a little annoying hearing ‘Unca Ben’ this and ‘Unca Ben’ that constantly. I can’t believe I’m even _his_ second favorite and I ruined my fucking vagina for that little shit…. But seriously, he can’t wait to have his favorite uncle in town. You know the man, right? Really tall, black unruly hair, anxious broody dude. He’s the one who always plays with his sister’s kid no matter what and is a complete pushover,” she laughed. “You better not have brought him junk food again – I don’t care how much he loves it, that shit is toxic.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yes. I believe I am familiar with the man, but I’m not a total pushover and no, I didn’t,” he argued.

She snorted through the phone. “Keep thinking that big brother.”

The phone vibrated in his hand and he grumbled something incoherent when he noticed who was on the other line.

“Kay, I’m getting a work call. I have to go.”

“You’re on vacation, Ben. Can’t Hux get someone else to cover?” Kaydel huffed. “I still don’t know why you continue to work there. You could easily have your own company, or better yet, not work. You could sit on the couch and eat bon bons all day long and literally no one would give a fuck. To the French and Alderaanian media, you’d still shit gold stars because you’re next in line for the throne of one of the richest, most socially progressive countries in the world and you’re a dorky hot bachelor who quotes popular feminists and supports his mother’s radical politics. You’re like the crème de le crème of Princes – it’s a bit sickening to be honest. Oh! Did you hear that you made it into Elle’s 100 most eligible bachelors list? You’re number 19 if you’re curious.”

“Kay,” he hissed, "I really don't need this shit from you too. I get enough of it from mom and dad." Internally he was cringing at the thought of his face and a vain description of himself, his title and wealth attached to a number. "I need to go."

“Fine. Fine,” she relented. “Go talk to your dick of a boss. Billie and Too-ey will be waiting by the door.”

“See you soon,” he mumbled before quickly transferring the call.

When the line dropped Ben grunted and threw his phone in his pocket. Of course, Hux couldn’t even wait for him to answer. A moment later, his phone dinged and he slipped it from it’s place in his chest pocket, lifting it to his ear to listen to the new voicemail from his co-worker.

“Great to see you keeping your phone handy,” Hux said. “When you eventually get this message call me back. You fucked us over with an account and left me to deal with your mess. Get your shit together and fix this now!”

The message ended and Ben slid the phone back in his pocket. Hux could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my wonderful beta The-little-momaid! Running my chapters by you have helped so much. Thank you my friend!
> 
> Come chat with me on tumblr @fabradicalfem, or ya know, you could send me kudos and comments. They are honestly better than oxygen.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know I said I'd get this chapter out last week. *Nervously laughing* I'm gonna be honest with you all I absolutely suck with writing deadlines. I'm one of those pretentious assholes who needs a muse to make it work and what I had written I hated. After some reworking and praise from the-little-momaid I decided it's good enough to post! It's not even close to my favorite chapter, but it's good enough. Hopefully you like it! 
> 
> Like always let me know what you think with a shout out via comments, tumblr @fabradicalfem or a lovely kudos! 
> 
>  
> 
> xoxo

 

“How did you convince me to see a play in French?” Jessika quipped as she slipped her key card out of her purse to their shared hotel room. “I can’t understand it for shit and can only say a few words. How the hell was I supposed to enjoy that?”

Rey laughed, shrugging. “I don’t know. Curiosity? You’re the one who asked to come. You could have stayed at the Louvre longer instead.”

Jess huffed in mock agreement before slamming the hotel door behind them. Rey stripped off her black wool coat and threw it on the large chair next to a desk while Jessika headed to the bathroom and closed the door.

“What did you buy today?” Jess yelled from the other room.

“A book for myself, macarons and chocolates for Finn!” She sat down and pulled off her favorite high heeled black leather booties that were somehow sinfully comfortable considering how hot they looked on her. “We _just_ ate Nutella crepes, are you seriously still hungry?” Rey asked.

“ _Ha-ha,_ Rey, I’m such a pig,” she deadpanned, her voice echoing in the bathroom loudly.

“You can eat whatever you want! I got an extra box of each for us, plus some red wine,” Rey replied as she pulled off a skin-tight black turtleneck, undid her bra and threw both garments on her double bed.

“I need wine!”

Rey snorted at her friend’s reply, unzipped her luggage and grabbed her pjs: grey tank top and sweatpants. Sitting on the bed, she slowly rolled down her black leather leggings, sneering in pain as she went; Ben really had royally fucked her last night. She’d be sore for days. She kicked them off and threw on the tank top that still had her own cum stains on it. They were subtle though thankfully, nothing anyone else would notice. She considered finding a different tank top, but it mildly smelled like Ben. She didn’t think about why it mattered to her. Nor why she briefly considered not washing the shirt for a while.

The door creaked open and Rey glanced up to see Jess walking out of the bathroom still in her tight dress, her face now freshly makeup free and slightly pink from being scrubbed.

“That was quick.” Rey smirked at her friend.

Jess lifted an eyebrow at her and replied, “You know how much I hate makeup – I had to get it off immediately before it clogged my pores.”

Grinning, Rey stood up and bent over to pull on her baggy men’s sweatpants, ignoring Jessika as she moved around her to get to her own carry on.

“Holy shit!” Jessika stuttered.

Rey froze in confusion and turned her head to find her friend staring at her backside. “What?” she bit back, feeling a slight blush crest her cheeks at the woman’s intense gaze.

Jessika’s wide eyes went back and forth between her face and her ass expectantly.

Rey rolled her eyes, confused why she was making a big deal out of nothing. “ _So, what,_ I’m in a thong. You’ve seen my ass before.”

“ _Girl_ , have you looked at yourself in a mirror since yesterday?” Jessika chuckled dryly.

Rey’s eyebrows knitted together. “No, why? Should I?” she asked, getting genuinely concerned and angry. Did she have a rash or something? Why the hell was Jessika staring at her like that? It was wigging her out.

“You have fuckin’ _hand_ prints on your ass, Rey! How do you not feel the bruises? It must _kill_ to sit down,” she barked.

Rey’s mind flashed back to her riding Ben, his white knuckles clutching the couch and the way he then gripped her backside like it was the only thing keeping him from floating away into oblivion.

Everything clicked.

Wearing only a grey tank top and black thong, she grimaced and swiftly walked over to the floor length mirror against the door in the bathroom. Jessika following closely behind. Rey twisted her head so she could see her ass in the reflection and her mouth went dry. The shadow of Ben’s large palms were practically imprinted on her cheeks, almost completely eclipsing her pale skin. Although she should hate the marks for all the pain it would surely cause her, she couldn’t help but love the lasting reminder of his aggressiveness, his desire for her. Rey wondered why she hadn’t felt them earlier, especially on the plane or at the café where she was sitting for long periods of time. Maybe they had just begun to bruise - She reached out and ran her fingers over the now purpling skin and frowned when her skin stung. _Well, they’re painful now._

She glanced back to see Jessika, who was staring at Rey with the widest, most annoying smirk on her face. “Well, fuck, girl. I knew it was intense between you two, but _fuck,”_ Jess teased, her eyes dazzling with enthusiasm. She wanted details. Rey could practically smell the anticipation.

Rey swallowed her tongue and suddenly everything hit her at once. The moment she had walked away from Ben at the airport she was sad, but she’d buried her feelings because she felt she needed to protect herself. That was what she was doing. Right? Now, she wasn’t so sure. Regret hit her like a ton of bricks.

She’d pretended to be fine all day by staying distracted. Getting lost in school work and the food she always missed while in New York. Riffling through old musty books for hours until she found an old copy of Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing in French. Spending her time sifting through vintage stores attempting to find Finn something worthy of an apology, but settling for French pastries and chocolates, knowing he’d probably rather have the treats anyway. Her day had been good, great even. That is, until now, when the events of the past twenty-four hours washed over her fully.

Ben wanted _more._ Maybe not forever, but more. And she’d said no. Despite feeling something for him she’d said no. Something she’d never felt with another man.

Bloody hell, he didn’t even know her last name. The least she could have done was give him her number. She could have texted him for a bit. Maybe gone out on a date or two. If nothing came of it other than shameless hot sex, then so be it. By ending things before they even started she had lost any and all possibility of a future with him. Maybe it was better that way, but Rey wasn’t so sure anymore.

Instead of staying and taking a chance, she ran away like a little girl scared of being hurt by a big bad man. More than regret, she now felt shame.

She was an adult woman. She could take care of herself. She’d been doing so since she was a child. Surely, she didn’t have to run away to come out unscathed. Whatever it was she felt for Ben, she knew deep down that it could have been something real. For years, she had attempted to deal with her abandonment issues stemming from her childhood and until recently she’d thought she’d conquered them. If only Max hadn’t completely fucked her up again.

“Rey,” Jess asked softly.

She blinked away her tears and took a deep breath, steadying herself. Without a word, she walked out of the bathroom and quickly slipped on her Star Wars millennium falcon men’s sweats, pretending not to see Jess’s knowing gaze. Taking the hint, Jessika stopped talking and changed into her pajamas as well. Rey took the silence to compose herself as she busied her hands by turning on her tablet and grabbing the sweets and two glasses, filling them with wine instantly.

Once Jess had switched into a large t-shirt and little shorts she grabbed the hotel bathrobe and slipped it on like she always did; they’d shared enough rooms at this point, that they knew each other’s nightly habits quite well. Jess offered Rey the other robe and she took it, sliding the rough cotton fabric on with ease. She handed Jess her glass of wine, pulled her hair free of it’s ponytail holder and seized her own glass, taking a slow sip. Enjoying the rich sweetness as it went down her throat she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the headboard. Licking her lips, she felt an odd twist in her gut and suddenly the liquid warmth she usually loved tasted bitter; the last time she had tasted such a drink, it had been with Ben. On Ben’s lips. The echo of his sweetly deep rumble of laughter was still painfully loud in her ears. She downed the glass in one and refilled it. Rey needed to get him out of her head.

“So, what do you want to watch?” Jess inquired tentatively, breaking their silence.

Rey took another sip of wine and clicked on the Netflix app, going through her watchlist. “I haven’t seen season two of The Crown, but we could watch anything you want. I’m painfully behind on Grace and Frankie, Scandal, Jessica Jones and basically everything Marvel.”

Jess opened the small paper container of macarons from Laduree and popped one in her mouth. “You watched the whole first season of The Crown?” she asked, her mouth still full.

Rey nodded. “Yes, I think so.”

“You watched Elizabeth refuse her sister’s marriage to Peter Townson and send her own husband off on a world tour to stop the rumors that he was sleeping around?” Jessica asked, clearly unconvinced.

Rey sighed and nodded. “Yes, I remember it perfectly. I won’t bug you with questions, _okay_?” Rey knew she had a tendency to talk during a show or movie, usually from excitement or anger, and she’d gotten quite the reputation with her friends for being the annoying ‘mom’ of the group. The joke got old quick.

She smiled kindly at Rey, despite her slightly cross tone. “Okay. Episode one, season two, it is. Are you sure you don’t want to talk about your night with Ben first though?”

Rey stuck a chocolate in her mouth to give herself a moment and chewed slowly. After swallowing it and taking a sip of wine, she finally dared reply. “I’m not sure, to be honest, Jess. I don’t –,” she said a little too emotionally. “Just, how was your night with Poe? You didn’t say much earlier.” A not so subtle attempt to change the subject.

Jess shrugged noncommittally before biting into a chocolate. “The sex was fine, good enough - don’t get me wrong, he’s great in bed. He definitely knows how to use his junk, got me off easily. Twice, actually. But it was just sex. Felt good to be in someone’s arms for a bit. Nothing earthshattering or mind-blowing though. I’ll never date him.” She sipped her wine and curled up next to Rey on the bed. “I didn’t feel a spark with him when he touched or kissed me. You know, that feeling where everything around you disappears and all you can see is him? All you can do is _feel_ him. Want to feel him, I mean,” Jessika said, waving her hand around distractedly. “Kinda feels like you’re spinning in place.”

Rey watched Jess closely as she discussed her night with Poe and the familiar pang in her gut came back. “Yeah, I know what you mean… I had that spark with Ben,” Rey admitted dryly. “And I ran away.”

Jess reached over and squeezed her knee. “You okay?” she whispered.

“I will be,” she said, knowing it to be true, even if it felt like a lie.

“Does it have to do with Max?” Jessika suggested carefully.

Rey closed her eyes and groaned. She desperately wanted to stop thinking about him. Both men, actually. “Yeah, probably.”

“Babe,” Jess whined sympathetically. “That was almost a year ago and you’ve barely dated since. He was an asshole, that’s all. Don’t let him ruin the possibility of a good relationship for you.” She squeezed Rey’s leg in support again.

“I know. It’s just, it’s taken time. For me to open up to someone after he cheated on me with god knows how many women. I trusted Max and I was blindsided,” Rey sighed. “It shook me.”

Jess nodded softly and hummed in understanding. “I know, babe. He fooled us all though. Finn, Rose, Paige, me. We all trusted him.”

Rey nodded. It was true. Max was an asshole for sure, but he was a charismatic, charming asshole, who could make anyone laugh. She’d spent over a year of her life with him and when she found out he had been cheating almost the entire time, she had snapped. All the work she had done in learning to trust people outside of her small circle of friends had broken in the span of two minutes. She was still trying to claw her way back.

 “I think Ben, the idea of him, at least, scared me,” she admitted so softly that she could barely even hear herself.

 “What? Did he hurt you?” Jessika said, suddenly sounding like she would rip the man’s throat out if Rey asked. “If he laid a hand on you, I’ll kill him,” she fumed. “I’ll get Finn, Rose and Poe and we’ll hunt him down. You know Rose, she’ll rip him a new one. No one would ever expect it from such a small cutie -”

Jess stopped talking when Rey shook her head quickly, fighting back a small smirk; Jess really was the Pitbull of the group. “No, nothing like that. It was great. _He_ was great. Too great maybe,” she confessed while absentmindedly playing with the necklace she never took off. “I never felt so strongly for someone so fast. I felt safe, Jess, like it’s where I belonged, and that terrified me.” Resting her head against Jess’s shoulder, she shuttered deeply and avoided her friend’s eyes. “If being betrayed by Max shook me so badly that I couldn’t even _think_ about dating for almost a year, then I can’t even imagine how bad it would be with someone like Ben. Someone I instantly felt a connection with. Someone I know I could really open up to… Even on our best days, it was never like that with Max. I already told Ben the meaning of my tattoo.” She paused, her mouth suddenly bone-dry.

“ _The_ tattoo?”

“No, not the stars – only you and Finn know the meaning of that one – I mean the one on my ribs.”

“Oh. Oh, okay.”

“I was tired, but I did mention my parent’s death,” Rey added quietly.

“Honey,” Jess whispered. Jess knew better than anyone besides Finn that she _never_ spoke of her parents, unless absolutely necessary.

“It’s a gut feeling,” Rey continued, unable to turn her mouth off. “But I really think I could have loved him,” she said, like it was some desperate secret that no one should know. A lone tear streaked down her cheek and she ushered it away instantly with her forearm. “There was just something about the way he looked at me, like he was looking straight through to my soul…” She laughed dryly, her voice cracking slightly with emotion. “I sound ridiculous.”

Jess wrapped her arms around Rey’s shoulders and pulled her in for a tight hug. “No, you _really_ don’t… You were afraid when you realized how much you liked him. Makes sense, especially with your baggage. And there’s nothing wrong with feeling scared, babe. But if you’re constantly scared of what if’s then you’ll never find out what could be,” Jessika whispered against her forehead. “You weren’t ready for something intense and that’s okay. You have all the time in the world to date and find someone. Do you know his name?”

“Ben Solo,” Rey mumbled with her eyes closed.

“Good, when you get home, if you still wanna reach out, look him up in New York. You said he lives there, right?”

“Yeah, he does.”

Jess squeezed her shoulder in a sisterly gesture. “Okay, then. You wanna watch the show now?”

Rey nodded, thankful for the conversation to be over.

“You do realize season two deals heavily with Philip cheating on Elizabeth, right? You okay with that?” she asked supportively. “We can watch something lighter, if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ve been wanting to watch it for a while,” she breathed as she reached out and clicked play. The screen went temporarily black before shooting to life with both Elizabeth and the guy from Doctor Who having a conversation.

“Wait, that dip-shit is fucking a ballerina on the reg and _dared_ pack her fucking picture with his things!” Rey gasped in horror a little while later. “That fucking arrogant tool.”

Jess groaned in understanding and slowly slid down the headboard to get comfortable. “Yeah, let’s just say, the queen doesn’t take the news the way you did.”

Rey tilted her head at her friend, ignoring the egotistical Prime Minister speaking to Elizabeth on the small screen in front of them. “What? You mean the quiet, exceedingly proper queen didn’t curse her husband out, punch him and throw his shit on the street for everyone to see? I’m shocked.”

Eating another chocolate Jess snorted in amusement. “Well,” she said, her mouth filled to the brim with cocoa goodness. “We can’t expect everyone to be as bold as you, Rey.”

Her eyes widened at her friend’s teasing. At least Jess was starting to act normal again after Rey almost broke down crying earlier. They sat together in the oversized soft bed, watching the tablet’s screen, which was propped up on a pillow between them, and listening to the crackling of the a/c unit. 

Watching Elizabeth hold back emotion as she sat and watched her husband’s mistress dance around the stage, Rey’s heart welled for the woman, who was stuck in an unhappy marriage, in a way she didn’t know was possible. Clearing her throat, she said, “You know, as a kid growing up in orphanages and foster homes I always thought being a queen would be fun. All the wealth and status. Always being surrounded by people who take care of you. The luxurious lifestyle. It seemed stress free. But now, I don’t know… It seems lonely.”

“Cinderella isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” Jessika replied, her eyes never leaving the screen. “It would be constricting. You never know if someone is using you or actually likes you. Not to mention all the rules and regulations. The fact that it’s still a massive story that Meghan Markle is engaged to Harry is ridiculous. Have you seen how the media is handling it? So, what if she’s black and divorced? I can’t believe it was only two generations ago that the king had to abdicate the throne to marry the woman he loved just because she was married once before. Not to mention, poor Princess Margret.”

Rey made a little noise in agreement, deep in thought. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be royalty. It sounded exhausting and unfulfilling. “At least they have those massive rocks. There has to be some perks.”

Jess giggled mid-sip and shoved Rey’s arm playfully. “You’ve never care about owning nice things. Why now?”

Rey shrugged as she continued watching the show. “I don’t, really. You know me, I like the idea of nice things. I love fashion. But I’d never consider buying them. I can’t afford anything expensive. Even if I could though, the hungry scavenger in me would be disgusted with such displays of wealth,” she said, only part mockingly.

Jess snorted again, her cheeks now turning red; she was drunk, Rey realized, slightly surprised. Jess rarely got drunk.

“Scavenger? Really, Rey?”

“It’s what Finn called me in our early years in England,” she replied simply, not bothering to tell her the full story. Drunk Jess wasn’t known for being the most supportive, even if she was often hilarious when her speech began to slur.

And so, the next few hours passed by as they drank red wine, ate chocolate and cuddled up together in the hotel bed, watching The Crown and screaming at Philip and Elizabeth in disbelief.

 

A timer went off in Rey’s kitchen apartment as she quickly cut the stems of a bouquet of sunflowers and threw them into a cheap white ceramic pitcher she found at a yard sale a couple years ago. She deposited the vase on the kitchen table next to Finn’s gifts and ran over to the stove, turning off the timer and stirring the pasta one more time before straining it. Any minute Finn was supposed to be home from work and Rey wanted to greet him with a warm homemade meal; it would be the first dinner they’d shared together in almost a month. The glaring horror of the fact that she’d had no time to simply sit down and eat a meal with the man she considered her only family was why she was currently in the kitchen making a complete mess.

Grimacing she poured the newly strained pasta in with the canned alfredo sauce that was currently warming in a pan. Okay, so it wasn’t completely homemade, but could he really fault her for that? Finn had always been the cook. Rey could bake well, boil water, make pasta and some basic chicken dishes. She learned to make a mean mac and cheese with Rose in college. However, asking Rey to cook anything else, especially if sauces were involved, was usually a stretch.

The door screeched open and heavy footsteps echoed through the hallway seconds later. Rey steeled herself incase he wasn’t done fighting and turned to the door with the brightest smile she could manage. Finn stood in the doorway with eyebrows raised as he looked around the room, slowly scanning over the French pastry boxes, flowers, table settings and the pots and pans strewn across the kitchen counters.

“Hey, Peanut. What you up to?” A slow nervous smirk crossed his lips as he slipped off his coat, placing it on a hook.

Rey couldn’t hold her nerves in any longer so she crossed the room in strides and pulled Finn in for a hug. “I just wanted to thank you,” she whispered against his neck. “For being the best brother a girl could have. And to apologize.”

He squeezed her back and pulled her body away from his so he could look at her. “I’m sorry too. You know me, I can be a bit over protective… I didn’t mean to leave it like that,” Finn grimaced.

Rey smiled. “I know. Let’s eat!” she mused.

Finn chuckled, sniffing the air. “What did you make?”

“Chicken alfredo,” she said, placing a chicken breast on a plate with some noodles and sauce and handing it to Finn. “Here.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled before sitting down at the table. “Do you want a beer?” Finn asked as he opened the fridge.

“Sure.”

She grabbed herself a plate and joined him at the table where they sat in silence, drinking and eating together. It was a comfortable silence; one born of countless nights together co-existing.

“You know you didn’t need to get me treats,” Finn said suddenly in between bites. “I made you pancakes. We both cooled off and apologized. You made me dinner. We’re all good. More than good.”

Rey nodded as she stabbed a large bite of chicken and pasta. “I’m glad, but I wanted to make sure,” Rey mumbled with a full mouth. She knew there was nothing really to worry about. Despite what they had both said in the heat of the moment they always made up. In fact, they’ve had countless fights like this before over the years. No matter how bad it got though, Rey and Finn moved past it. After all, the closest thing either of them had to a real family was each other.

Finn’s eyes shimmered with something as Rey scratched her neck, shoving her hair out of the way. “What?” she asked, her lips twisting in confusion.

“I see you took some of my advice at least,” he teased. “Your neck. You got a love bite. Someone I know? Someone I _should_ know? A Frenchman perhaps?”

She took a long sip of her beer and shook her head. “Nope. Just a good fuck. Massive penis. Really knew how to use it,” Rey deadpanned.

“Ugh, Rey,” Finn whined, scrunching up his nose. “You’re like my baby sister. I don’t need to hear about you getting pounded. It’s unsettling.”

Rey slammed the bottle on the table and licked her lips ruefully. “Who said anything about getting pounded?” she asked playfully while batting her eyelashes.

“Rey,” Finn groaned in annoyance.

“I love how you talk about your sex life all the time. All the dick you get and so on. Yet, when I mention I fucked someone, you get all squirmy. It’s cute, big brother,” Rey laughed, smiling at how painfully uncomfortable he was. “We aren’t little kids anymore, you surely know this by now.”

“Yeah, yeah... I’m sorry, but I just don’t like to visualize some asshole sticking his dick in you. I like dicks. A lot, actually. Maybe too much. But I don’t need the image of one in you. Is that so wrong?” he asked bluntly.

Rey’s shoulders shook as she laughed, letting her head fall backwards. “Touché, Finn. Touché… No, it’s not.”

“Was – was it good at least?” he sighed. “It’s been a while since you slept with anyone,” he said, knowingly glaring at her.

Rey rolled her eyes. “It was a great one-night stand. Nothing more. Nothing less. So, how’s work?” she asked, her voice polite yet clipped, hoping to avoid going anywhere near a conversation about Ben Solo. A man she still couldn’t get out of her mind. Yet, refused to look up; she wasn’t desperate.

Finn pursed his lips but let it go. “Work’s good. Gwen set the date. I hear everyone at work is being invited to the wedding.”

“You think you’ll get a plus one?” she asked, taking another sip of her drink.

“Maybe. Probably,” he pouted as he rubbed his temple in frustration. “I need a boyfriend.” Finn had been perpetually single despite dating constantly.

“If you don’t find one by then I’ll happily be your plus one,” Rey offered, hoping that would ease his embarrassment slightly. It sucked going to weddings while single. “Having a friend there is better than nothing. I promise I won’t cock block you as long as you do the same for me,” she said, smirking.

“Very sweet of you, Rey… I’m sure you could get laid if you wanted to there. Men do drool over you.”

Rey snorted into her beer bottle. “Sure, Finn,” she deadpanned. “Men constantly fall at my feet.”

Finn stared at her, evidently unconvinced. “Anyway,” he said, changing the subject. “We’ll see. We’ll see, maybe I’ll find a hunk of meat I actually like by then.”

“Maybe.”

“How was Paris this time around?” he asked. “As eventful as usual?”

“Good. Jess was on my flight, so I hung out with her a lot.”

“Mm-hmm,” he said while chewing.

“I did some school work.”

Rey scratched her head in frustration. She knew she had to bring this up, but it didn’t make it any easier. Having two days to herself in Paris, she had mulled over their argument many times and she’d come to some conclusions. Conclusions she knew she needed to discuss with Finn.

“I’ve been thinking about it and you’re right. I need to slow down a bit. I mean, I would have appreciated it if you hadn’t talked down to me like a child, but you were right,” she admitted, feeling ever so slightly bitter.

“Okay. First, I’m really, _really_ sorry for what I said,” Finn apologized after swallowing his bite. “I didn’t mean to sound condescending. I know you’re an adult. That you’ve taken care of yourself for as long as I’ve known you. Even as kids you didn’t like me watching over you and I respect that, even though you at twelve years old around a bunch of older teenage boys was a bit infuriating. I respect you, Rey. I do. I hope you know that.”

Rey bit her lip and waited for Finn to finish. She knew more was coming.

“Second, I know you sometimes push yourself to the limit and eventually reel yourself back in. That’s your cycle and I get it. It was born of survival and pride. A competitive instinct. You know, the sink or swim mentality. I know I shouldn’t have told you what to do. And definitely not the way it came out. I’m sorry.”

Sighing, Rey put up her hand to silence him and shook her head. “No, I mean, thank you for the apology. I mean it. _Really._ I know you didn’t mean to sound like my parent. You weren’t trying to control me.” Rey sunk into her seat and took a long sip of her beer. “You were telling me what I needed to hear and it pissed me off. Hence, the shrieking. And some regretful choice words on my part…” Glancing behind Finn at the small framed graphic print she continued. “I’m sorry for calling you an old hag and, and some other _less_ repeatable things,” Rey whispered.

Finn chuckled as he watched her shrink in her seat. “You were angry and taking it out on me. It’s fine. I’m a very attractive old hag though,” he teased, smiling. “No wrinkles.”

Rey eyed him carefully, hoping he wasn’t faking the lighthearted tone. What she found made her relax her shoulders and release her breath.

“Really? You’re not still mad?” Rey asked, chewing on her lip. Finn may have crossed a line the other night, but so did she.

“Yep, really. We’re good, Rey. Take a deep breath. I’m not going anywhere,” he reminded her softly. “I’ve been called a lot worse. I got thick skin, remember?”

She swallowed, feeling the weight of his words wash over her. After being abandoned for the majority of her life by one person after another the illogical fear still popped up occasionally. When Finn and Rey fought it tended to get worse, which was probably why she went overkill tonight.

A slight blush crept up Rey’s neck when the realization hit her. She took a deep breath and gave Finn a gentle smile. “I know, thanks,” she admitted before continuing on their earlier conversation.

Finn resumed eating and the tension left the kitchen.

“What I was saying before though,” Rey continued. “I may not want to admit it because I can’t stand defeat, I don’t know, but I’ve been pushing myself to the limit with too many international flights and classes. Getting a degree while working is harder than I expected… I thought I could just push through like I do with everything else, you know? Never say die and all. But, this. This isn’t working. I have no time for friends and when I do I’m exhausted. All I want to do is sleep. It can’t be healthy. I haven’t had dinner with you in _weeks_ and I can’t even remember the last time I went out to a bar or club with you and the girls. I can’t keep doing this.” She sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair.

“Especially if I ever want to start dating again. The only reason it took me so long to figure out Max was cheating was because I had no time for him – I couldn’t see past my own nose… I need to make time for myself, but also my friends and maybe a boyfriend someday.”

Finn nodded and waited for her to finish, which she was grateful for. He knew her well enough to know that talking wasn’t second nature to her. It took considerable conscious effort to talk about her feelings. Ever since she was thirteen and flipped out – well, more like sobbed – on Finn for interrupting her in the middle of an important conversation he’d taken the hint accordingly.

“I had a set plan for how long my degree would take though. I, I thought I could finish it sooner, if I just worked harder. Yet, I need the work so I don’t drown in debt. It’s never ending. I’m exhausted. So, I thought about it a lot, actually, and I decided I’m going to lay off of internationals for a few months at least. I’ll take stateside flights instead and maybe some other short ones if I can get them.”

Finn clasped her hand with his and smiled supportively. “Sounds good. You’ll figure it out. I believe in you, Rey. You’ll find the right schedule for you. One that doesn’t make you go crazy or strain you past your limits. School isn’t going anywhere either. If you have to take fewer classes, maybe you should. Either way, just stop being so hard on yourself. There is nothing wrong with having goals or being career driven but you have to find some sort of balance. You don’t wanna go grey early now, do you?”

Rey nodded slowly and bit her lip. “Yeah, I want to avoid it if I can. The longer I pay this tuition though, the more it’s gonna _kill_ me.”

“Why don’t you let me help out with costs?” Finn offered. “I finally have a steady job with First Order Marketing. For once I have plenty... Let me do this for you.”

Rey pinched her eyes closed and groaned. “Finn, that’s sweet. Really. But I can’t ask that of you. You should spend your money on yourself or save it for a rainy day. Not on me.”

“Just think of it as an investment. You’re worth it. You’ll be a high-powered psychiatrist or some shit with famous clients one day. Stop worrying. I got you,” he said, squeezing her hand once before pulling away and going back to his food. “I always got you, Rey. You’re my little sis.”

Rey opened her mouth to say something, but she knew she’d lose this fight today, so she stayed silent and went back to her food. After all, she needed the money. The only logical way out of this hole would be to quit school and become a full-time flight attendant until she paid off the school loans. But even that had its limits and she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life on a flight schedule and handing out drinks to people who yelled at her. She’d find a way to save some money and pay him back.

For now, she’d just be grateful that she had friends and family who cared for her. That’s all she really needed.

“And I promise I’ll really try to stop butting in where I don’t belong. It’s hard for me to remember that you’re a full-fledged adult sometimes,” he said in between bites. “Also, thanks for the dinner and candy.”

Rey smiled at her best friend, feeling relieved that she now had the beginnings of a plan and a safely in-tact friendship under her belt.

After taking a swig of beer she said, “Jess and I watched season two of The Crown. Well, part of it at least.”

Finn dropped his fork on the plate with a loud clatter and looked up, his eyes wide like saucers. “You little bitch! You promised you’d wait for me,” he squeaked with a wide bewildered grin. “Was it good?”

Rey chuckled at his mock-offense and smiled brightly. Finn always pretended to be pissed when she watched one of his favorite shows without him. But, it was just that, pretend.

Everything was right in the world again. Rey could take a deep breath and enjoy the rest of her week off now. Maybe she wouldn’t even think of the mysterious man with comforting arms and eyes that warmed her bones.

Life was going to be fine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another mood board for another chapter: https://fabradicalfem.tumblr.com/post/175489212771/new-chapter-of-the-lay-over-is-now-up-betad-by


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important:  
> This chapter and the next will cover a heavy topic that I haven't really seen in reylo fics (I might be wrong, but I haven't come across any). I added new tags, so check those out and heed the following. I considered not using this plot because I knew it could evoke conflicting opinions and possibly spark some anger, but after a lot of thought, and I mean a LOT, I decided to go forward with the story I want to tell as planned. If you're not comfortable or find discussions of abortion triggering, for any reason, you may want to skip this chapter in particular. I'll include a chapter summary at the end to keep everyone caught up on the plot, so you could just check that instead if you want. I tried my best to handle the chapter content with care and understanding in the hopes that it will feel tasteful to everyone who chooses to read it. Hopefully, I succeeded. 
> 
> Much love my fellow reylos xoxo

For two months, once Rey readjusted her priorities, time went by with ease. She settled into a slightly lighter work schedule, spending more time on her studies and with friends. Finally, she got to the movies with Paige and Rose like she had promised months ago, but never managed to find the time. With her monthly schedule to Paris cancelled, she also had the time to celebrate Finn’s birthday with their friends on his _actual_ birthday earlier this month; something she, regretfully, hadn’t managed in two years because of her asshole of a boss. Life was becoming easier. Happier. She’d almost completely forgotten about the tall man with soft pale skin and strikingly intense warm brown eyes.

Almost.

While in bed one morning, Rey checked her calendar and saw her period should be coming tomorrow. Being wrapped up in her daily life surrounding finals, she’d forgotten all about it. She rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom to check on her stock. Despite what she’d hoped to find – thinking maybe, just _maybe_ , Rey had already remembered and restocked her supply – she was mistaken. A few lonely regulars were haphazardly left strewn about in the box. Rey groaned in frustration. She could probably get by with the short supply for a day, but she still needed to stop at CVS and she really didn’t have a lot of time to spare this week.

She threw on some sweats, not bothering with the annoyance of makeup yet, slipped on her favorite pair of worn-in black sneakers with white piping and put in headphones before heading out. She had class soon and needed to sneak in a run to decompress and get her head on straight. She still had two papers to finish by the end of the week and had barely started one of them. Let’s just say, Rey had a lot of work to do. At least she’d already taken all the flights she was assigned to for the week, making the overwhelming load a lot easier on herself.

As the sun came up Rey sprinted down the same Harlem streets she always did, went home, took a cold shower, ate a quick breakfast of eggs and set out to class at Columbia. She sat in a long lecture taking furious notes, had a meeting with her professor and then met up with Rose for lunch. She found the time to stop at CVS on her way home to restock on Tampax and Advil before heading home to write for the next three to five hours, or until Finn came home and demanded her attention at dinner time. At least that was her plan.

She walked into CVS with a wool coat on and ripped jeans, the weather still far too cold for her to go without a jacket; NYC winters were long and she hated it. She perused the same aisles she always did robotically, knowing exactly where everything was that she needed. She picked up pain killers and made her way to the tampon aisle, but stopped short when something, a small boxed package that read _Clear Blue_ caught her eye and made her pause. It was an aisle she’d never been down before but felt an instant pull towards today. She blinked once, feeling confused why she’d stop here. Then suddenly it hit her like a bucket of cold water: Rey missed her period last month. If she didn’t get it this month as well, then it was possible she was pregnant. _Not likely_ , she internally scoffed. _I was safe_ … _but it’s possible, I guess._

Rey shook off the nagging fear as ridiculous and paranoid and continued on her way to the next aisle so she could grab what she came here for in the first place. Growing up, Rey had often either been starving herself slowly out of necessity or under extreme stress. As a result, her menstrual cycle had always been unreliable, especially when she was under stress. _Last month was no different,_ Rey told herself with a shrug. _I’m fine._ _It’ll come and I’ll be_ fine _. Everything will be fine._

The next day, Rey was slowly beginning to irrationally worry, despite her insistent belief that she was making a big deal out of nothing. Her period hadn’t shown up yet, nor had she any PMS symptoms or menstrual cramps. But that was normal, right? She didn’t always have horrible PMS. Maybe it was just going to be a quick light flow this month. Hoping that it was just coming a little late, she waited with agonizingly bated breath for three days. To distract herself from her concerns she hyper focused on school work; finishing one paper early and getting through half of the other a day ahead of schedule.

Yet, the red flow of death didn’t come.

Which is why Rey was now chewing on her lip in an aisle of a pharmacy staring at a swarm of pregnancy tests that all looked alike and yet were supposedly different. She grabbed a couple of tests, the highest rated brands, and made her way to the checkout lane. On her way, she picked up deodorant and shaving cream. She placed everything on the counter and smiled nervously at the old woman standing behind the register, who looked so utterly bored Rey could almost laugh.

The woman started ringing up her items.

“Can you place the _tests_ in a different bag?” Rey asked quietly.

Her wrinkled hands stopped moving. The woman with bushy silver eyebrows and eyes that screamed ‘what the fuck are you talking about’ looked up at Rey in question. Rey swallowed and glanced down at the pregnancy tests, praying she’d catch her meaning without having to announce to everyone that she might be knocked up. The woman, Beatrice, her nametag declared, suddenly noticed the boxes and nodded, barely sparing her another glance. She got out another plastic bag and threw the pregnancy tests in one and the other items in another. Rey handed Beatrice her debit card gratefully and set about hiding the tests; she grabbed the bag and pushed it into her large leather handbag, towards the bottom and placed other things on top of it like her study supplies and other oddities. Once she paid, signed for it all and successfully hidden the undesirable items, she grabbed the other plastic bag, threw her purse over her shoulder and made her way towards the entrance, so she could meet Finn at the grocery store across the street.

An hour later, while Finn cooked them supper Rey paced the small apartment bathroom desperately trying not to panic. She checked her phone; two minutes to go. _Everything will be fine,_ she told herself. _I’m just being over dramatic. So, what if I missed a couple of periods? It happens. It happens to me all the time._

But something inside her told her she wasn’t being melodramatic. Screamed it actually, which nevertheless seemed ironic. When the timer on her phone went off she quickly turned it off and took the three remaining steps to the pedestal sink. Swallowing a wave of nausea, she picked up the white stick with shaking hands and looked at it.

Rey blinked, her eyes furrowed in shock and horror.

This couldn’t be happening.

_No. No. No._

She dropped the pregnancy test and stepped backwards as if she were physically burned by it. _No, I must have read it wrong... It can’t be true. We used a condom_! she screamed in her head. She ran to the sink again to double check the results. Grasping it tightly in her fingers she stared at the very clear plus sign with wide eyes.

“Shit!” she barked, her hand holding the stick in a death grip. She restrained herself from throwing everything in her sight.

“Rey!” Finn called from the other room. “Something wrong?”

Rey’s body was tingling and her mind went blank. Her heart was pounding in her ears as she saw all of her dreams go flying out the window because of a moment of stupidity. A sexy hot moment, but nevertheless, careless. _Why the hell did he fucking buy off brand condoms anyway,_ she thought with a shot of resentment.

She couldn’t deal with this now.

Fear consumed her. Fear of losing everything she had clawed her way towards. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what her life might now become. Fear of having a baby. A child to take care of for the rest of her life.

It was too much.

Until this moment, Rey had never even thought about whether or not she wanted to be a mother. Maybe, because she grew up in the system for the majority of her life. Maybe, because of the soul crushing memory of attending her parents’ funeral and then being carted off by social workers, soon finding herself unable to trust another adult ever again.  Maybe, it was because in her entire life the only person she could ever rely on was the one standing in the next room. Maybe, it was because since her parents died, she never had a home, a place she truly felt unconditionally safe, loved and protected. How could she provide that for someone else when she could still barely identify such a home? No matter why, she hadn’t considered such a future for herself, not ever. Being a mother was never on her radar. Surviving, was.

Growing up, Rey raised herself. She had to. Honestly, she hated to admit it, but she scarcely survived the foster system. It nearly killed her, both physically and spiritually. When she left England as a teenager to follow Finn to the States, she felt hollow inside. Broken. Rey felt like a nobody. It’s why she chose psychology at NYU as a major in the first place and why she’s continuing her studies at Columbia with a focus on childhood psych. She always tried to fix everyone else, but she truly needed to fix herself. How was she supposed to raise another human being when she didn’t even feel like an adult yet? When she was still so broken inside? How was that even fair to a child?

Rey felt all the air rush out of her body. Walls of invisible water threatened to drown her entirely as the realization of her pregnancy hit her like a wave.

_I’m not ready._

Every cell in her body told her to run. To run as fast as she could. Yet, a small voice whispered to her that no matter where she ran, this particular problem would follow. And, suddenly, rage overtook her. After everything she had been through. After everything she had done to survive, thrive and move forward, the heavens decided to throw her _this_ curveball.

It wasn’t fair.

She was seething.

Seeing only red, Rey whipped the bathroom door open, it slamming against the wall, and proceeded toward the kitchen where she knew Finn was standing. Before she could talk herself out of it she rushed into the room.

“Vader sabotaged my womb!” Rey cried. She waved around the pee stick in her hand and stared at Finn with panic-filled eyes. “This is a whole new territory of fucked up! What the fuck do I do, Finn?” she pleaded, her voice a high-pitched screech.  
  
He stood there frozen in shock as he tried to catch up with what Rey was telling him. His mouth agape as his eyes darted back and forth from her hand and face.  
  
Rey was shaking. She was fucking shaking. Great.

“Finn,” she pleaded softly.  
  
She was barely clinging to sanity. Suddenly, everything she had planned over the course of her young life was altered. Her plan was now destroyed. She felt like she was being swallowed into a never ending black hole with no escape.

Above all, she needed her fiercely loyal friend in this moment. The same man who when they were young protected and comforted her like a big brother, even when she tried to push him away. Besides herself, he was the only one she could ever trust since her parents died. She needed him now more than ever. Finn always made even the worst of times better.  
  
Forgetting the food on the stove, he shook his head and immediately took four large steps to embrace her, pulling her body close to him. Her knees felt weaker than they ever had as her heart hammered away in her ribcage. Feeling the familiar warmth of the man she considered her only family, she lost it. She wrapped her arms around him and allowed him to cocoon her as she fell against his frame. The anger and shock finally falling away, leaving her devastated. She nuzzled his shoulder and tears started falling down her cheeks as she silently sobbed.

It was too much.  
  
“Shh,” he whispered affectionately. He rubbed her arm and back like he always did when she was upset; it reminded her of the time, long ago, when Finn had found her crying after Plutt hit her the first time and instantly pulled her into the safety of his arms.  “Hey, it’s okay, Rey. I got you,” he mumbled reassuringly.

But instead of calming her down his voice ushered forth conflicting emotions, breaking down her walls completely. Dropping the pregnancy test on the floor she crumbled against him and sobbed, gripping his shirt like it was the only thing keeping her tethered to Earth.  
  
“Come on,” he whispered. He guided her to the couch, the test long forgotten, and she piled onto his lap and continued crying.  
  
She couldn’t believe this had happened. She’s pregnant. Pregnant. At twenty-two. From a fucking one-night stand with a man she ran away from like a fucking terrified child. A man she could have loved, had she let herself.

  
God, the one she didn’t know if she even believed in, was punishing her.  
  
“This shouldn’t have happened, Finn,” she said in between heaving sobs. “We used condoms _every_ time - I was super careful, especially after I got off the pill.”

“Every time,” Finn huffed. “How many times did you do it?” Rey pointedly glared at him. “Okay, okay. Not the point,” Finn said quickly before she could yell at him.  
  
He kept a steady hand on her head, dragging his fingers back and forth in a reassuring gesture, as she continued to cry against his chest. “You don’t have to explain anything to me, Peanut. You’ve always been responsible,” he said. “More responsible than you should have needed to be... If you remember, _I_ was the daredevil as a kid. I might have tried to protect you, but I didn’t have my shit together, Rey… You know this though. You were the one trying to keep the fort down.”  
  
She snorted at the memory and took a deep breath, allowing the fresh air from the open window to de-cloud her mind as it made its way into her nostrils. “What do I do?” she whispered quietly.

The words hung between them like a tightrope. One that they could fall off of at any moment if they even flinched the wrong way.

  
“Whatever you decide, I’ll be here. You know that. You _must_ know that. If you want to go to the doctor to confirm it, then I’ll come with you. If you want me there, that is.”  
  
“I do,” she replied quickly.  
  
“Okay, well that’s the first step... You _could_ have the baby, if you are actually pregnant, and I’ll be there the whole time; Uncle Finn sounds good... Or you could give the baby up or have an abortion. It’s up to you,” he said softly, his forehead resting against the back of her head. “Whatever you decide, I’ll be next to you the whole time. Hell, I’d even do midnight feedings. _Could_ I? I mean, I don’t have tits so that might be a no go.”  
  
She laughed dryly and wiped the tears away with her arm. “I don’t,” she said, sniffling. “Know, I mean. I’ve never been around babies. I hadn’t really even considered having one. I figured I could deal with that later,” she admitted. “I doubt I’d be a good mom. I mean, it’s not like we had good examples growing up.”  
  
It had been a shock to her system when she realized she might be pregnant. She wasn’t the stereotypical girl growing up who thought about her wedding, marriage or babies. She had too many other things to worry about like avoiding abuse, helping younger girls navigate the world of sexual violence in foster homes, where to find her next meal, keeping her grades up despite everything else going on in her life, and eventually moving to America to go to college and getting and keeping a job to keep the heat on.

  
“Peanut, you’d be an _amazing_ mom. You’re fierce, brilliant, patient and _so,_ _so_ loving. No matter what you’re going through yourself, you always want to help others; that’s a prime mommy quality babe. I mean, I know I mess with you about your obsession with fixing broken things. People, mostly. But seriously, you’d be a good mother. A great one… A masters in childhood psych wouldn’t hurt either.”  
  
Rey swallowed roughly and closed her eyes as she listened to her best friend rattle off all of her positive attributes. She could do this. She _could_ be a mom. Maybe she’d fail miserably at it, but she could technically do it. The big question though, the one she wasn’t sure if she was ready to answer, was, did she want to?  
  
“I’d have to give up on the masters for a while,” she sniffled while quietly listening to Finn’s steady heartbeat. “And I’d have to switch flight schedules. I know a couple of moms who only do short flights, but I barely have enough saved up to stay afloat for a few months and with no masters that would severely limit work options. And I need money.”  
  
Finn hummed quietly against her hair. “You don’t have to decide anything now. And anyway, you’d have, what, like eight months to figure stuff out before the baby came?”  
  
“Seven.”  
  
“Hmm. Seven what?”  
  
“Seven months. If... If I am pregnant then I’d be two months along.”  
  
His eyes furrowed in thought, clearly distracted. “Wait, you haven’t had sex since that layover hunk in Iceland?” he asked trying and failing to hide his surprise.  
  
She nodded firmly and stayed silent, averting her eyes.  
  
“Did you get his name?”  
  
“Ben Solo,” Rey whispered, a blush creeping up her cheeks. She’d never forget his name. Or their night together.  
  
“Well,” Finn sighed, “I guess if you decide option a or b then you should probably contact him to either sign over his parental rights or claim the kid.”  
  
Rey whined. She hadn’t gotten that far in her head. _Fuck._ What would she even say to him? Hey, Ben. It’s Rey, the woman who you finger fucked in an airport bathroom. You know, the same one who ran the next morning without even waking you up? Yeah, well, I hope you’re doing well! And, oh, yeah, I’m going to have your baby!  
  
“I can’t,” she groaned in horror. “I cannot call him. Not after everything.”  
  
“O-kay,” he breathed. “You never really talked about the mystery man when you came home... I’m taking it you blew him off?”  
  
“You could say that.”  
  
“Alright.” Finn started running his fingers through her hair gently. “Well, you haven’t made any decisions yet, so no need to think about him. Not yet, at least. If you keep it though, you’ll have to face him at some point.”  
  
She grunted in aggravation, more with herself than anything, as she sat up and rubbed her eyes.  
  
“Hey,” Finn said lightly, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears as he looked at her with compassion.

  
“I feel numb,” she sighed, the life changing news still setting in.  
  
He nodded, his eyes withholding deep concern. “I’m sure... Can I ask one more question?”  
  
“Sure,” she agreed warily.  
  
“Why the _hell_ are you blaming Darth Vader?”  
  
Suddenly, Rey burst into laughter, clutching her stomach, tears streaming down her face for a very different reason now.

 

 

A loud knock on her bedroom door alerted Rey to the world. Having spent the majority of the night awake and thinking about her predicament, Rey groaned in exhaustion and thrust her face into her pillow. When the knocking only got louder Rey gave in. “Come in!” she yelled, curling up into a ball on her side.

The soft creaking of a door opening and quiet footsteps told her Finn was next to her bed.

“Morning, peanut. I made your favorite: chocolate chip pancakes with nutmeg.”

Rey smiled into the pillow, but still didn’t open her eyes. She really didn’t want to wake up.

Finn sighed and the mattress sunk in next to her. “How are you doing this morning?”

“Bad,” she sighed.

Rey was beyond depressed, feeling hopeless and wishing she could go back in time and say no to going to Ben’s hotel. She would be fine now, if she could’ve just kept it in her pants. The only good thing coming out of this week was that she didn’t have class for a few days. However, she was supposed to be working on her finals, but she still couldn’t convince herself to get out of bed.

“I made an appointment for today, like you asked me to last night.”

“Okay,” was all she could make out in reply.

“Sweetie, are you sure you want to go today?” he asked, his voice riddled with concern. “I mean, you took five tests last night and they all came back positive.”

“Yes,” she said, nodding resolutely. “I need to know for _sure_ whether or not I’m, I’m pregnant...So, so I can plan accordingly.”

Finn leaned back against her pillows and watched Rey’s mostly hidden face closely. “Have you considered keeping it?” he whispered, unsure of whether or not he was crossing a line.

She pushed her pillow away from her eyes and glanced up at him, squinting. “Yes, and no. I could, I guess,” Rey sighed heavily. “Keep the baby, I mean, but I could never put a kid in the system. I hear America’s is just as bad, if not worse… My only other option is something I hoped I’d never have to do… I don’t know, Finn,” she groaned in frustration. “There’s a lot to consider.”

“Yea, I can’t imagine trying to choose,” he admitted.

Rey grunted in frustration and threw herself down on her pillow again, wishing she could drown out the outside world.

“The appointment is at one. Do you still want me to come?”

Rey closed her eyes and shook her head, pulling her covers up higher. “No, I’ll be fine. It’s just a blood test and stuff, right?”

“Well, I imagine there’s an exam,” Finn said uncomfortably.

“Yep. Can’t wait for the ice-cold tongs to rip me open,” she deadpanned, dreading the appointment. Once a doctor said it, she knew there was no going back; no way to ignore the truth.

“Lovely,” Finn breathed, grimacing.

“You have no idea,” Rey said.

 

Hours later, steeling herself, Rey walked into the local Planned Parenthood clinic. A young woman with soft round cheeks sitting at the front desk smiled at her. “How may I help you today?” she asked politely.

“Rey Andor,” she whispered uncomfortably. “I have an appointment with Dr. Thompson.”

“I’ll let her know you’re here. You can take a seat.”

Rey nodded and did as the receptionist asked. The second she sat down nerves settled in, her stomach churning like acid, and she instantly regretted turning down Finn’s company; sometimes, even she admitted that she was too proud. Rey often forgot that she didn’t have to do everything alone.

She could have asked Rose or Jess to come with her, but that would mean having to tell them and she didn’t know if she wanted anyone else to know. She knew Jessika was pro-choice; the sticker on her laptop made it glaringly obvious. However, she’d somehow never discussed it with Rose before, even after living together for three years.

She didn’t really need anyone to talk it through with though. After all, she was ninety-five percent certain that she was going through with the abortion. She had thought about it all night, tossing and turning, even making a pro/con list. It was the only decision she felt comfortable with.

She knew in her soul that she’d regret it if she went through with the pregnancy for more reasons than she could even try to verbalize. For one, Rey could barely afford to keep herself clothed and fed. How was she going to afford a baby? She didn’t know how much, but she knew they cost a shit ton. She didn’t want her future child to grow up worrying about bills or whether or not they could afford to get groceries that week like she did.

Secondly, she didn’t have the time to have a baby and actually be there for the child when it needed her. When she really thought about it, she realized how important this was to her. Being a single mother would mean relying on friends, who didn’t really have the time anyway, and/or paying babysitters all the time as she balanced multiple jobs to pay for everything, including the babysitting. She knew plenty of people who did so and it worked for them, but Rey didn’t want that. She wanted to be home every night to tuck in her kid, to read it bedtime stories and cuddle when they had a bad dream. She wanted to be one hundred percent there. She never wanted her baby to feel unloved or abandoned and she feared that would happen under her current conditions.

What she came to realize over the worst night of her life was that she wanted better for her own kids than what she had growing up, and she knew she wasn’t capable of it. Not yet, at least.

One day, maybe. _Maybe._ And if that day came to fruition, then she would welcome the challenge and protect the child with her life, making sure that they never lived with the pain that she did growing up. But, right now, she’d come too far in her recovery and in school to settle for anything less. Twenty-two was too young to give up. For once, she was going to be selfish and choose herself unconditionally. She deserved it, or at least that’s what her friends always told her.

For the first time in her life, Rey had moved past the countless years of living day to day under the thumb of violent and negligent foster parents and what that had done to her. Trying to protect herself and other kids. Attempting to shield younger girls and herself from the sexual abuse from foster fathers and in a couple of situations, her foster brothers. Stealing food late at night from the cupboard when her foster parents forgot or refused to feed her, so she could survive until she got a free meal at school the next day. Trying and failing to sneak by one of her worst foster parents, Plutt, when he was on a binge-er and feeling his fist slam against her cheek or a book fly into her back without warning. It changed her. Hardened her in a way she couldn’t describe.

However, Rey had lived her childhood in fear with one escape. School. It was everything to her. It was her way out. Her way to freedom, so when she felt her world crumbling around her, she studied. She hyper focused on one goal: getting into college far from home. Of getting an education so she could finally be free from everyone who wanted to control her. Free from those who would use lack of education or money against her. At fourteen years old, she promised herself she’d never be trapped again and she kept that promise to herself. She went to NYU with a partial scholarship and was getting her Masters at Columbia now. She refused to let her history, her past control her destiny, which is why she was currently sitting in a Planned Parenthood clinic.

She had a chance to choose her own happiness and desires above everything else. This was hers.

“Rey,” a soft voice called.

Breaking her from her thoughts she looked up and smiled at a tall older woman with a croaked yet sweet smile once they met eyes. She stood up, gathering her things awkwardly and followed the short woman with grey hair pulled into a tight bun in silence into a small exam room. The doctor closed the door behind them and sat down. Opening a document on her tablet, her eyes scanning the screen, the woman said, “I’m Theresa Thompson. How may I help you today, dear?”

Rey sat on the exam table and crossed her legs, licking her lips nervously as waves of nausea flooded her. “I took a few tests and I think I’m pregnant.” _More like five, but she doesn’t need to know I’m anal._

The woman hummed and nodded along as she typed away before finally seeking Rey’s eyes. With a warm and maternal smile, the doctor said, “And you’re here for confirmation, I’m guessing.”

Rey nodded, her throat painfully dry.

“Okay. I just have a few questions for you and then I’ll need you to get undressed and put on a gown, okay? I’ll –“

But before Dr. Thompson could finish her thought, Rey was fumbling to the ground, sprinting to the closest trash barrel and heaving the contents of her stomach into it. Rey whined and closed her eyes as the acidity burned her throat.

“Oh, dear. Here,” the doctor said, coming up behind Rey with a wet towel to wipe off her face.

“I’m _so_ sorry,” Rey groaned, her face flush with embarrassment and sweat.

“Don’t worry about it. I deal with pregnant women all the time. I’m used to puke,” Theresa laughed. Rey wiped off her face bashfully. “Do you need some crackers or water?”

Rey shook her head, wanting to get this appointment over with as soon as humanly possible, so she could go curl up in bed again. Hopefully, the nausea would be gone by the time she got home.

“Alright, well. As I was saying, I’ll need a blood draw as well,” the doctor finished, acting as if nothing had just happened.

Rey released a breath and sat back down again. Nodding in agreement, she steeled herself once again for the onslaught of questions she was about to get asked.

“Okay, Rey. Have you had any other symptoms than nausea?”

“Not really. Besides obviously missing my period two months in a row.”

“Any breast pain or tenderness? Headaches? Excessive tiredness or mood swings?”

“No. Not that I’ve noticed,” Rey said nervously, suddenly going over every moment in her mind with a fine-tooth comb.

“Okay… Then let’s start with the basics. How old are you?”

“Twenty-two.”

“Are you on any medications? Or have been diagnosed with anything pertinent?”

“No. Not currently, I mean. I do have PTSD and I’ve dealt with depression off and on since a teenager, but it’s been a lot better so I’m not taking anything for it at the moment.”

“Okay. Any family conditions I should be aware of?”

“Um, no. I mean, I don’t know,” Rey clarified nervously. “My parents died when I was young. I don’t know their medical histories.”

“Okay, that shouldn’t be a problem,” Dr. Thompson answered, skating by any awkwardness with kindness. “How about drugs or alcohol usage?”

“No drugs. I drink once in a while, not usually that much though. Maybe a couple of glasses of wine or beer three nights a week.”

“Do you smoke?”

“No.”

“Have you had anything to drink this week?”

“God, no,” Rey blanched uncomfortably. “I haven’t had a drink since I suspected I might be pregnant.”

Dr. Thompson glanced up at her and tilted her head to the side in a sympathetic gesture, just like Rey’s mom did when she was a little girl. The realization made Rey swallow another wave of nausea. “I’m not judging you, sweetie. I promise. It’s just something I have to ask. What you say here is completely confidential – you can tell me anything. Believe me, I’ve heard it all. I’m only here to help.” The woman’s lips twisted into a relaxed supportive smile before continuing. “Have you been using birth control?”

“Yes, I was on the pill for almost four years, but went off it a few months ago because it was making me depressed. I use condoms now,” Rey said.

The doctor nodded, ever typing. “Any STDs?”

“No.”

“When was the last time you were checked?”

“Seven months ago, at my annual.”

“Okay… Have you had an abortion before?”

“No,” Rey whispered, hating every second of this visit.

“When was the last time you had intercourse?”

“A little over two months ago. It’s the only night I could have gotten pregnant.”

“Okay, then.” Doctor Thompson put down the tablet and looked up at Rey. “Why don’t we get to the exam now. Then, I’ll ask our nurse to draw your blood to check for levels of HCG, a pregnancy hormone. The test can take anywhere between three to twenty-four hours to come back. However, it’s been relatively slow this week so hopefully I’ll be able to call you tonight with the results. Then, depending on the results, we can go from there with your options. Does that sound good?” the grey-haired woman with soft maternal eyes explained.

Rey nodded, unsure of what else to say. Should she have questions prepared?

“Great. I’ll give you a minute to get changed and grab an assistant. I’ll be right back, Rey.”

She groaned in embarrassment when the door shut behind the doctor. Quickly, Rey undressed, taking off each piece of clothing and folding it on the chair, feeling more and more vulnerable as she went.

 

Five hours and twenty-three minutes later, Rey was laying on the couch, sprawled out in her comfiest clothes and favorite socks with her long hair tied in a messy bun, waiting for Finn to bring her hot pizza while she watched old re-runs of New Girl; her absolute favorite light comedy series. She flipped over her phone to check the time and groaned. It was seven at night. Likely, the doctor had gone home by now, which meant that Rey would have to wait at least another twelve hours for confirmation. Although she was a practiced veteran at it, she really despised waiting.

“Here,” Finn mused with a too wide smile as he walked into the small living room, handing Rey a plate full of pepperoni pizza. She took it without a word and started stuffing her face, nausea now long gone.

“No word yet?” he asked quietly, sitting down beside her on the sofa.

She shook her head, mouth full and kept watching the show. They fell into a comfortable yet awkward silence until suddenly Rey’s phone rang. She tossed the now empty plate onto the coffee table and jumped up, phone in hand, to answer the call.

“Hello,” Rey breathed, her voice hitching in nerves.

“Hi, is this Rey Andor speaking?”

“Yes. Yes, I’m she.”

“Hi, Rey. It’s Dr. Thompson. I’m calling about the pregnancy results.”

“Yes, of course. I remember who you are. It’s barely been six hours,” Rey deadpanned. _But who’s counting._

“I’d really like it if you could come in tomorrow to see me.”

Rey’s stomach dropped. She knew exactly what this meant.

“I’m pregnant,” Rey whispered to no one in particular as waves of nausea reappeared and tears prickled her eyes.

“Yes, you are pregnant. Nine weeks and three days pregnant to be exact, if the timetable you gave me is correct.”

“Yea, it’s correct all right,” Rey said, her mind growing foggy.

“I would really like it if we could make an appointment to meet tomorrow. Family planning can be complex whether or not you decide on keeping the baby. I’d love to be able to discuss all your options with you. I know this was an accidental pregnancy and I believe, correct me if I’m wrong, that you’re single and without much family near you? Raising a child under any circumstances can be incredibly difficult, so I understand if you need some time to think about your options. You still have a few weeks to think it over before an abortion gets more complicated and you could always do adoption, if that feels right for you. And you have until the baby is born for that. Of course, you don’t have to do either. I’m sure you’d make a wonderful mother. But I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information on the phone. Are you available tomorrow? I know it’ll be Saturday, but the clinic is open on the weekend. I’d be happy to spend an hour with you discussing whatever you’d like and answering any and all questions about your family planning options.”

It wasn’t long before Rey’s mind blocked out the doctor’s blathering. Instead, all she could hear over and over in her mind were three words on repeat; You are pregnant. You are pregnant. You are pregnant. She knew the news was coming and she thought she had prepared herself for the likely revelation, but this was too much. She felt shell shocked and numb. Almost as if she was floating outside of her body, watching herself crumble under the weight of the truth. While processing the news she spoke to the doctor, thanked her for calling past office hours, made an appointment for tomorrow and hung up.

She threw her iphone on the couch cushion and sunk down into the sofa next to it while staring at the wall.

“Fuck it,” Finn said, suddenly standing up. “It’s time for ice cream. I’m grabbing every flavor we have.”

He walked away to give her a moment to herself. She wiped away tears with her sleeve and pulled the throw blanket up and over her legs, tucking it around her like a cocoon, sheltering her from the storm brewing under the surface within her. Shame overwhelmed her, but she quickly pushed it aside, knowing it to be irrational.

Finn dropped three pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream on the coffee table, two spoons, Hershey syrup and chocolate sprinkles. He looked down at her with a sympathetic smile and asked, “You wanna watch _A New Hope_?”

She laughed. It sounded hollow. But she nodded, a lone tear falling from her eye. “Yea, that sounds good. Thanks, Finn,” she said, her voice quivering.

Finn nodded once, sat down next to her and turned on the DVD player. Rey leaned forward to grab her favorite flavor, cookie dough, and threw some sprinkles on it. Leaning back against the couch, she silently dug into the new container. Finn clicked around until he reached her favorite Star Wars film, pressed play and then slid his arm around Rey and pulled her close to his side as the credits began rolling.

Three hours later, all three pints of ice cream was long gone and the movie over. Finn had given in and finally gone to bed because he had work tomorrow. Rey didn’t, but she had school work so she had done the same shortly after Finn retired to his bedroom. The shock was beginning to wear away, leaving her emotionally exhausted and physically drained. She needed sleep desperately.

Yet, she felt just a little bit more like herself. For the first time since learning of the pregnancy, she had a plan. She would go see Dr. Thompson tomorrow armed with questions after doing hours of research in the morning and then go from there, which would most likely be an abortion. She resolved to never abandon a child and she refused to give up her newly found freedom. Thus, leaving her with only one option.

However, sleep had other plans for her. She tossed and turned in bed, unable to rest while her mind kept conjuring images of Ben. Of his damn eyes, his smile. Of their night together. Finally, Rey gave in. She sat up in bed and pulled her tablet off of the nightstand, turning it on and bringing up google. This is it. She typed in the man’s name and the city he lived in and pressed search. A long list of men popped up. Their social media and linked-in accounts. Yet, none of them looked like Ben, her Ben, so she switched tactics. Maybe, he didn’t like social media.

Pulling up a website to track down people, she plugged in all of the information she knew about him and pressed search. With bated breath Rey practically bit off her tongue, waiting for the webpage to upload. When it finally did Rey froze in shock. She felt like the wind was knocked out of her as she repeatedly read it. In bold letters it said, “No Results Found.”

It hit her all at once. It was a lie.

_He_ was all a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Summary:  
> Takes place two months after Rey met Ben. Her life is back to normal. She's reduced her flight schedule, is spending more time with her friends and overall is less overwhelmed and stressed despite it being finals time at Columbia. 
> 
> However, shit flies when Rey misses her period for the second time two months in a row and begins to fear she's pregnant. She goes to a pharmacy and picks up some pregnancy tests and goes home to take it. 
> 
> We learn more about Rey's past. The abuse she suffered as a kid from foster parents, including Plutt. The fact that she was often starving and had to steal food to survive. The fact that the only person she ever truly trusted after her parents died was Finn when they met as foster kids. She's still never fully learned to trust adults, which is important. Until the pregnancy scare, she never thought of having kids because she was too busy trying to survive and get away from the people hurting her. Even her choice of major in school, pyschology, was a direct result of the trauma she endured growing up and wanting a way to "fix" herself. 
> 
> The test comes back positive. Rey freaks out. She runs out to the kitchen and tells Finn. He consoles her and talks her through her feelings, which is a relatively long scene filled with quite a bit of exposition. Finn finds out about Ben's existence - until now Rey never spoke of him and still barely tells Finn anything about their night together. Then we fast forward to the next morning when Finn wakes her up with pancakes and tells her he set up an appointment for her at planned parenthood (she asked him to the night before). She goes alone, because it's Rey and she refuses to ask for help, and meets a nice lady doctor who gives her an exam and takes her blood. 
> 
> Then Rey goes home and spends the night hanging out with Finn. The doctor calls and tells her she is in fact pregnant and to come in tomorrow to discuss her family planning options, highlighting that she has plenty of time to think about what she wants to do and to not rush any decisions. But Rey had already decided to get an abortion after a lot of thought.
> 
> Rey is brokenhearted at the news and Finn, the real MVP friend/brother we all should have, knowing exactly what happened on the phone call decides to put on her favorite movie, A New Hope, and bring out ice cream for them to share. That night in bed Rey decides to look up Ben Solo in New York because she couldn't stop thinking about him. Instead of finding a social media, linked-in, or any other type of account or information of his, she found nothing. Immediately, she comes to the conclusion that he lied to her and gave her a fake name....
> 
>  
> 
> OKAY, wow that was a lot of information... And SORRY folks about the cliff hanger. I couldn't figure out another way to break up the chapters. Hopefully, you all aren't TOO mad at me. Promise, reylo is endgame. I haven't forgotten that!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been two weeks, but I really really really wanted to get this chapter right! Abortion will be mentioned in passing here and there, but it's not the main topic of the chapter so I don't feel like it's necessary to do a summary. Let me know if anyone needs one!
> 
> Anyway, I won't ramble on forever. All I'll say is that in writing this I realized I will forever ship Paige Tico and Jessika Pava. It's settled. I'll die shipping them. 
> 
> xoxo loves and a million grateful thank you's to @the-little-momaid for betaing this story!

**_No Results Found._ **

 

Rey’s body froze in shock as her eyes torturously reread the same three words over and over again, her mind trying to catch up with the new information. 

 

“No results found,” she murmured slowly, her chest tight. She continued staring at the screen and silently waited for it to make sense to her exhausted brain.

 

It didn’t.

 

She knew the website was accurate, she’d used it countless times before for odd reasons. If a Ben, or, hell, even a Benjamin, Solo lived in New York City, then she would know, but there were no known Solo’s at all in New York. _ None.  _

 

Even if she couldn’t get his number, she could normally find some form of documentation that he lived in the area. At least she  _ should  _ be able to. Instead, she had nothing. It was as if the man didn’t exist. However, the fact that she’d slept with him and he’d knocked her up two months ago in Iceland made it painfully clear that the man did, in fact, exist. He just didn’t tell her his real name. That’s all. 

 

Fan-fucking-tastic.

 

When everything started to sink in she felt like a fool. Ben lied to her. He must have. If he lied about his name, then the whole night was most likely completely fake. Every glance was a lie. Every moment she thought she was seeing past what he wanted her to see was a lie. Every time he whispered her name like a goddess that night was a lie; for all she knew, maybe he hated her name. 

 

All of it, every second, was a scheme. He, whatever his fucking name was, had just wanted to get laid. And, yet, she’d gone and practically bared her soul to him. At least she never told him about her stars tattoo, hadn’t shared that bit of her soul, she reasoned with herself as she attempted to cling to any semblance of control.

 

Collapsing back against her pillows, she curled her legs up against her chest trying to protect herself from the outside world, but, mostly, herself. Staring up at her bedroom ceiling littered with shadows from her open tablet, Rey’s mind wandered. She went through that fateful night with a fine tooth comb, searching for any signs that she might have missed the first time around. When she couldn’t find anything specific besides her initial instinct to stay away from him, she groaned in embarrassment and pulled a pillow over her face. 

 

Rey knew she should have stayed away from him. She fucking knew it, but she couldn’t resist those goddamn eyes.

 

The moment she met the man, she felt there was something about him she couldn’t trust. Whether it was the way he held himself like he was a confident bastard, yet, afraid he was going to be found out. Or maybe it was the way he barely said anything about himself in that airport lounge. The only reason she’d agreed to have dinner with him to begin with was because she was hungry and it was easier to say yes to an apology burger than say no and sit in silence with him all night. It seemed like the simpler answer. Now. Not so much.

 

However, as they ate together she figured out quickly that the man was likely hiding something and, at the time, she didn’t care. She thought having a conversation with him where he gave three word answers was a fun game. But now, now she wondered if it was because he was making up an entire backstory on the spot. Even worse, maybe the prick already had one. Who knew how many women he picked up as Ben Solo. How many women he fucked in an airport or brought back to his hotel as he donned that charming smile and talked about absolutely nothing personal.

 

Rey whined softly in her darkened bedroom alone when a memory came flooding back. Her heart sank when she revisited the last conversation she ever had with the man. His attempt at her number, however rash and uncharming, was sweet. Yet, when she argued against it with a list of why they wouldn’t work, he barely said a word. It was written all over his face. For some reason, he knew they were a nonstarter, even if he didn’t want to admit it to himself or to her. And she knew in that moment, that she was right all along; Ben Solo was hiding something. Little did she know, it was his very identity.

 

But why did he wait for her the next day and ask for her number? He could have easily slipped away and never spoken to her again. She gave him an out, but he stuck around and waited for her. Why? She couldn’t make sense of it. Rather than harp on it for the next three hours in bed, she brushed it off as an oddity. Maybe he just didn’t want to seem like a dick, even though she had already ran. He clearly wasn’t going to call her. Most likely he didn’t even live in New York and if he did, it certainly wasn’t as Ben Solo. That much was painfully obvious, even to her fatigue riddled brain. 

 

The more she thought about it, the more Rey became angry. The world fizzled around her as she felt her heart pounding in her ears and her limbs shake.

 

She was duped. She was lied to and manipulated by a charming man all because he made her legs weak and her pussy wet. She felt like the biggest idiot in the world for being played. Yet, again.

 

“I’m better than this,” Rey gritted out loud, her voice rough and wavering, as a lone tear struck her cheek. “I deserve more that this shite.” 

 

She’d never admit it to anyone, but a small sneaking image of a happy two parent family and a small toddler running around had peered into her subconsciousness. It’s why she bothered to look up the man in the first place. Albeit, she was beyond exhausted and most definitely not in a good headspace, so she probably shouldn’t have done so. 

 

No matter why or whether or not she should have done it, she did and a sliver of hope had emerged in her heart. A hope that she could barely ever remember having, and almost as quickly as it had appeared, it was gone. 

 

Rey was a realist at heart; she’d gone through too much to be anything else at this point. She could barely remember who she was before her parents died and her world was rocked, but she knew that little girl wasn’t so hardened. No, seven year old Rey, the Rey that had never known heartbreak and true fear, was a giggly hopeful romantic at heart. Of course she was, she had parents who were madly in love. Parents who were always cuddling and making each other laugh. Parents who she swore were each other’s  reason for being. 

 

To this day, Rey’s best memories of them were of her dad telling stories about how he first got together with her mother while Jyn stared up at him like he was the moon and the stars to her. Seven year old Rey loved those moments, she saw how in love her parents were and wanted it for herself when she was old enough. She was sweet and innocent and wanted to be swept off her feet one day by a prince with a smile that lit up her world, like her mom’s smile did to her dad.

 

_ But it’s a childish dream _ , Rey told herself as a lump formed in her throat. Rey might never have that life, the life her parents had given her, no matter how short lived it was. She knew this, she’d always known. Yet, somehow over the past twenty-four hours a shadow of a fraction of her childlike self had crept in and taken a hold of her heart.

 

Not once since she’d found out the news had she considered not having the abortion. No, she was going through with it regardless of what’s his name. It wasn’t the right time for her to become a mother. She knew this in her very core, but the pregnancy had awakened something inside her that she had long forgotten.

 

A hope for a family. For a marriage like her parents. For kids screaming momma when she came home from work before they practically knocked her over with a hug. For tucking kids into bed and driving them to school in between whatever else married adults did with their children. Rey wanted normal for the first time in her adult life and she had no idea what to do with this knowledge. 

 

She swallowed her burned pride and brushed away her tears as she mentally distanced herself from her anger. Feeling too tired to do anything else, she resolved to move past it. She would forget _ Ben  _ ever existed, she would go through with the abortion like she had already decided and she would move on with her life. 

 

Eventually, she would find the right man and maybe, just maybe, _ s _ he’d marry him. For the first time in her life she could envision a life where she wore a gold band around her finger and woke up to the same man every morning. A life where he kissed her good morning and brought her coffee in bed. A life where he was the only person she could imagine growing old with. A life where she actually wanted to carry a man’s children and raise them together. A life built from mutual love, trust and compassion. It sounded perfect, but Rey wasn’t an idealist; she was a realist. It sounded too perfect to her ears. It felt impossible. 

 

She didn’t know how to move forward, knowing what she now knew, but she promised herself she would. Refusing to be burned again by her traitorous heart, Rey told herself she would never do something so stupid again. She would never give up her heart to someone undeserving. She would lock it away somewhere safe until she knew she could trust a man to not hurt her, and only then would she let herself love someone again. 

 

It was the only way she knew how to protect herself.

 

It was her only option.

  
  


**A Week Later**

 

Rey was curled up in a big armchair that she had recently purchased; the one she had found last month at a flea market and took home to repaint it’s arms and legs, recover the cushion with bright fabric that wasn’t ripped and stained and fix the broken seat coils so it was actually comfortable again. The same one that Finn had pointedly scoffed at and rolled his eyes over when she walked into the door carrying the oddly shaped oversized object in her arms - she couldn’t really blame him this time, it  _ was _ particularly ugly when she bought it home,  But it was ten dollars. How could she not buy it?

 

In her freetime, Rey enjoyed fixing things.  Making things beautiful that others found lost causes. The fact that she was still broke and needed furniture was only a small factor. However, if it was up to Finn they’d just buy everything from Ikea or used from college students, but it was her apartment too and she loved flea markets. After months of arguing about her bringing home “gross” things when they moved in together years ago, he’d finally given in to her weird hobby, most likely in the hopes that she’d give it up on her own. Joke’s on him. 

 

Rey didn’t.

 

The new chair, one of her absolute favorite pieces in her home now, was now located in one of her favorite spots; It sat in a corner next to a large hutch loaded with old books, her finds from all over the world, in their small living area.  

 

With her tablet perched in her lap, Rey checked her emails while wearing her usual ‘I don’t give a fuck what I look like’ comfort clothes: no bra, an oversized sweatshirt with a ripped pocket, black leggings that had stains on them that she swore even a professional couldn’t get rid of and fuzzy socks with Yoda on them. 

 

The door creaked open down the hall, which meant one thing; Finn was home. 

 

“Hey, Peanut!” he yelled as he slammed the apartment door shut. 

 

Rey deposited her now closed tablet on the coffee table and went to greet him.

“Hi,” she said, smiling softly at her best friend as he threw his keys and wallet into the bowl on the entryway table.

 

He handed her a plastic CVS bag. “Hopefully I got the right kind. There are so many types of pads, I had no clue. What the hell are ‘wings’ anyway?” 

 

“Wings are for heavy flows, so I don’t need ‘em. The doctor said I should expect some bleeding, spotting, but apparently,  _ after _ , it’s rarely as much as a normal flow.” 

 

Rey smiled at him, grateful that he was more than willing to pick up pads for her on his way home from work. 

 

“Thanks for picking some up. I haven’t used pads since I was a kid.”

 

“No problem.”

 

Finn huffed out something indistinguishable about wings being on demons, not angels, before looking at her again. “You feelin’ okay?” he asked, looking like he wasn't sure whether he should stay or run away. 

 

Rey readjusted the bag in her hand to distract herself as she thought of what to say. “Yes, I think,” she admitted. “Does that make me a bad person?” 

 

Finn gaped at her. “No, honey, of course not. It just means you made the right decision, which is  _ good _ .” 

 

Rey nodded, biting her lip. She had heard enough horror stories to assume she’d be a wreck only a day after having an abortion. The fact that besides some cramping and bleeding, all she felt was relief and left over waves of nausea made her confused and feeling slightly guilty. Shouldn’t she be feeling worse? Both emotionally and physically? 

 

Finn patted her on the arm. “Hey, why don’t you invite the girls over? Maybe Jess, she knows. Right?” 

 

She nodded briskly. “Yea, Jess knows. I told her a few days ago. Paige and Rose both know too, but I don’t know if I’m up for a crowd.”  

 

Finn looked at her appraisingly. “Okay. Then just invite Jess over. I can give you girl time if you want,” he suggested. 

 

Rey snorted. “Finn, you’ve never gotten in the way of girl time before, you won’t tonight either, but if you have plans or something, don’t feel like you need to stay. Okay?” She gave him her widest smile, but if the look on Finn’s face was any indicator it wasn't convincing. 

 

“Okay,” Finn finally said. “But I’m ordering whatever you want to eat tonight, on me.” She opened her mouth to insist it wasn’t necessary and closed it immediately when Finn’s stare hardened. “No, Rey. It’s the least I can do. No arguments.”

 

She wanted to play it off and roll her eyes but for whatever reason his insistence touched her, making her throat hitch in emotion. She pulled him in for an embrace and tucked her chin under his neck. He tugged her against his chest and squeezed tight. 

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Hey, no more crying,” he whispered against her cheek. “You’re going to be fine. Great, even, and all of this will just be a shitty dream. A bad memory. Okay?” 

 

Clearing her throat, she nodded as she breathed in his familiar scent. Pulling away from him, she said, “Yeah, okay.”

 

“Good. Go call Jess, I’ll find the takeaway menus.”

 

Shortly after, someone knocked on the door. “Coming!” Rey yelled, sauntering over to the apartment door as Finn yelled something she couldn’t understand from the other room.

 

She turned the lock causing a loud  _ click,  _ undid the door chain and then opened the door to see Jessika wearing her usual coat and carrying a large bag. 

 

“Hello, my sweet sweet Rey!” She raised the bag in her hand. “I brought goodies.” 

 

Rey pulled the door wide open to let her in and Jessika walked past without another word.

 

“What exactly did you bring?” Rey asked as she watched Jess pull off her oversized coat and scarf, revealing a simple grey zip up sweatshirt, a red tank peaking out, low riding jeans and Nike sneakers, which was basically Jess’s uniform outside of work; Rey often teased her about dressing like a prepubescent tomboy. 

 

“Popcorn. Your favorite. Extra butter, of course,” Jess said, throwing her coat onto a hook. She turned around and picked up the bag again. “And an assortment of redbox movies along with a couple from home.”

 

Rey smiled. Of course she brought over something to watch. Jess loved movies almost as much as she loved a good television show. 

 

“Depending on your mood, I have a few options,” she said, her face lighting up as she made her way to the living room, Rey following silently. 

 

“If you want a little comic book action, I brought  _ Black Panther _ and  _ Wonder Woman. _ Both solid options. I know you’ve seen Patty’s film but I figured you can’t really go wrong with Diana kicking ass, so I brought it from home anyway... If you want action, but not comic related, I got the new  _ Tomb Raider _ .”

 

“If you want funny, I got  _ Girl’s Trip,  _ which I heard was silly but still good. Or, a Melissa McCarthy classic,  _ Spy, _ if you want a little funny with an underestimated badass who saves the day and turns down the leading man... Now maybe you’d rather a lil’ fright, so I got  _ A Quiet Place _ . Oh, and if you’re more interested in a nostalgia feast, I brought the first Harry Potter film - I know how much you love that one.”

 

Jess put her hand up to stop Rey from speaking. “And, don’t worry, none of it is sappy, well, besides the annoying Diana / Trevor moment.  _ So _ , which would you like to start with?” She tossed the bag on the couch. “We got all night. I ain’t going anywhere.”

 

Rey laughed, all of the stress of the past week falling off her shoulders in seconds. No one ever said Jessika wasn’t a planner. “When did you do all of this?” she asked.

 

Jess grinned softly, looking almost, _ almost _ , embarrassed. “I knew you’d need some company sooner or later after yesterday, so I stocked up a couple of days ago in prep.” 

 

“Good idea,” Rey hummed. 

 

“So which first?” Jess asked, getting back to business.

 

“Nostalgia sounds good.”

 

“Harry Potter is it!” 

 

A while later, Rey, Jess and Finn were cuddled up on the couch watching the end of the first Harry Potter film, Rey sandwiched between her two friends. After the past week, this was exactly what she needed, she realized, as she leaned her head against Finn’s shoulder and Jessika did the same to her. 

 

A booming knock on the front door pulled Rey’s attention. “Who’s that?” she mumbled. 

 

“Um,” Finn said, shooting up from his spot on the couch and forcing Rey to fall into the now empty spot. “I’ll get it!”

 

Rey blinked, scrunching up her nose at his odd behavior. Who the fuck did he call?

 

Jess snorted next to her. “Well, he isn’t acting odd at all.”

 

Rey nodded to Jess in agreement and followed him to the door, which was now open.

 

“Finn,” she squeaked. “You called them!” 

 

He gaped at her, looking unsure like he might have made a grave mistake. “I -” 

 

But before he could say anything Rey cut him off by running over and giving him a big hug. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Hey!” Rose laughed. “No love for us? I brought you chocolate! That surely means I deserve at  _ least _ a hug.”

 

“I brought you nothing, but I always deserve a hug,” Paige quipped. “My sister, however, she gets enough hugs as it is. Ignore her.”

 

Rey laughed and separated from Finn, who quickly took the baked goods from Rose’s small hands. While Finn was busy in the kitchen she made her way over to hug Rose and Paige individually. 

 

“Thanks for coming,” Rey said shyly, after breaking apart from Paige. “I’m sorry I didn’t reach out.”

 

Rose smiled knowingly at her and squeezed her hand reassuringly. “No problem. I would have brought alcohol, but I figured a natural depressant might not be helpful tonight. Not to mention that you can’t drink while on the antibiotic the doctor prescribed after the procedure, so I brought chocolate and a facial mask for later.”

 

Rey nodded gratefully; to say that Rey was surprised when she brought up her pregnancy and soon-to-be abortion and Rose was more than supportive was an understatement. When Rose then told her about her own experience getting an abortion at eighteen after drunken sex with her high school boyfriend, Paige holding her hand the whole time, she understood why Rose wasn’t always comfortable talking pro-choice politics and why they’d somehow never broached the topic. 

 

“Chocolate is much better, thanks,” Rey said. 

 

“Okay, so what do you want tonight? I’ll go pick it up,” Paige said as they made their way into the apartment, not noticing Jessika, who was still sitting on the couch in the next room, distractedly using her phone. “Pizza? Subs? Wings? Thai? Sushi? Chinese? Vietnamese? Stop me, someone!” 

 

“Nope!” Finn said from the other room. “I’ve already called it, I’m paying!”

 

“I  _ never _ offered to pay, Finn! I offered to  _ pick up  _ because I’d rather not wait two hours for food to get here. They are two separate issues,” Paige teased loudly. 

 

Finn stuck his head out of the kitchen and glared at her. “I’ll pay. You pick up?”

 

“Deal.”  Paige turned back to Rey. “So, what do you want?”

 

“Wings and Pad Thai,” Rey answered immediately. 

 

“Daring combination, I like it. Wings; half honey mustard, half spicy garlic like usual? And 2 orders of Pad Thai for the group?”

 

Rey nodded. “Jess, sound good?” she asked, turning her head to the living room.

 

“Sure! Whatever you want works!”

 

Paige’s eyebrows shot up as she stared at Rey. “You have another friend here, but you didn’t call us?” she asked, faux upset lacing her voice. 

 

“Wait, is it  _ the _ Jess, work friend Jess? The Jess that somehow I’ve never met despite working at the same airport?” Rose said, smiling and maneuvering around Rey so she could get to the small room. Paige immediately joined her younger sister. 

 

Rey sighed, she knew they’d eventually meet and she wasn’t trying to keep them apart, but sometimes Paige and Rose were a lot to handle, especially together. Hopefully, Jessika was ready to be pestered.

 

Rey walked into the room behind her friends and noticed Jess look up from her phone suddenly to see all three girls staring at her. 

 

“Oh, sorry,” Jess mumbled as she hit the screen one last time. “I was in the middle of a raid.” 

 

She stood up and stuck her hand out to Rose, which of course, Rose being Rose, ignored it and pulled her in for a searing hug. 

 

“It’s nice to meet you,” Jess gasped as the small woman squeezed her around the middle. 

 

“It’s nice to meet you too! I’m Rose,” she said, her voice almost painfully chipper. Had it been anyone else, it would have felt fake. 

 

Rey smiled and crossed her arms. 

 

When Rose let go of Jess, Jess looked to her left and saw Paige smirking slightly, the young Vietnamese woman staring at her appraisingly. “Hi, Jessika. I’m Paige,” she said, her eyes unabashedly roaming her body. 

 

Jess blushed, something Rey didn’t even know was possible of her friend, and nodded sweetly while biting her lower lip. “Hey, nice to meet you.”

 

“So,” Rose said, awkwardly attempting to break the sexual tension with her words and not a knife, so they could get back to what was really important on a Friday night. Food. “Everyone good with dinner plans? Let’s make it three Pad Thai since we have five people.” 

 

Paige blinked and looked at her sister like she just ruined something spectacular, but quickly smiled again. “Sure, sounds good. Finn you got that!”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” he huffed as he walked into the room. “I’ll order both.”

 

“Thanks,” Rey said as she watched Paige and Jess eye each other. _ Well, that’s fast, _ she thought, feeling more amused than she had in weeks.

 

“How long have you been a flight attendant?” Paige asked.

 

Jess bit her lip. “A little over a year.” 

 

“Please say you’re of drinking age,” Paige teased.

 

“I’m twenty-two.”

 

“Good."

 

“My god,” Rey cringed. 

 

Paige glared at her before returning to Jess. “ _ Anyway _ , if they ever talk about me like I’m their mom, ignore it. I’m only a few years older than Rose. It just so happened that while in college, Rey and Rose both went through a slightly embarrassing phase where they continuously got into trouble and I had to bail them out. They haven’t moved on.”

 

“Excuse me,” Rey gaped. “You only bailed me out of jail twice and they were for minor infractions!” 

 

Jess’s eyes went wide at Rey’s admission. “Wait, what?” 

 

Blushing, Rey said, “They were nothing. Just a couple of a scuffles when I was a little too drunk.”

 

“You got into fights!” Jess laughed.

 

Rey really didn’t like this conversation.

 

“A guy came up and slapped her ass. What did he expect her to do? Just play dead?” Rose huffed.

 

“Yes, but when a man twice your size comes up to you at a bar, you should avoid punching him,” Paige said, unimpressed. “That’s basic safety, girls.” 

 

Rey snorted. “Yes, but we double teamed him thanks to Rose’s pepper spray.”

 

“How do you like it?” Rose asked politely with an uncomfortable smile. “Your job, I mean. I love working on planes, but I rarely have to deal with people. Rey tells me it can be pretty demeaning sometimes.”

 

_ Nice transition, Rose, _ Rey thought as she tried to keep a straight face at the whiplash of their conversation.

 

Jessika shrugged. “People can be assholes, but I was a waitress all through college so I’m used to it. It pisses off Rey more than me usually.”

 

“I don’t know why, but some people are just mean,” Rose said with a sad sigh. “Paige dealt in customer service for a while and the stories I heard, they’re horrible.”

 

“So,” Paige hummed, trying to gain Jessika’s attention again. “You a native of New York?” 

 

“Mmhmm,” Jess replied easily. “I’ve lived in the city all my life. I’m an Upper East Side girl.” 

 

“Nice. Rose and I grew up in upper state New York. Painfully slow and boring. Never go if you can help it,” Paige offered. “That is, unless you have good company.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes at Paige’s inability to be subtle. 

 

She always thought they would get along because in many ways Paige and Jess were a lot alike. Though she hadn’t expected them to be eye fucking each other within minutes of meeting, maybe she should have.  After all, Paige wasn’t shy and, therefore, had always been quick with her intentions when meeting a woman she liked. That much Rey had known for years, ever since Paige hit on Rey the first time they met at a bar, much to the chagrin of Rose. And it wasn’t a secret that Jess was bi; she’d dated both men and women interchangeably since high school when people still thought she was just going through a “phase.” However, she had been mostly into guys lately, not taking an interest in anyone besides Poe, well, until that went to shit, so Rey never expected  _ this _ to happen.

 

They all talked for a little while, getting to know each other until Paige cut them all off with a question. “How ‘bout you join me for the ride, cutie?” she asked Jess, just a little too coyly. “I got a car.”

 

Rose’s eyebrows shot up uncomfortably while Finn sent Rey an ‘I knew this would happen’ look, which made Rey almost break out into a fit of laughter.

 

Jess nervously pushed her hair behind her ear. “I’d like that.” 

 

“Great,” Paige said, a slight smirk tilting her glossy lips. “I always enjoy a little company.”

 

“Okay, then,” Rey shouted to break the moment. “Finn’s gonna order now and we’re gonna pick another movie!” 

 

Everyone’s eyes met hers, but Jess kept peaking a look at Paige. She silently debated why all of her friends were always so horny. 

 

She had no answers. 

 

“Who wants horror?”

 

No one moved. 

 

“ _ Black Panther _ or  _ Wonder Woman _ ?”

 

“I’m always up for a little Diana Prince action,” Paige said. It continually amazed Rey that Paige could literally make anything sound dirty. She never disappointed. 

 

Jess shrugged. “I’m game for whatever you want, Rey. Do you wanna finish Harry Potter first?” 

 

“Same,” Rose piped in. “Whatever you want.” 

 

Rey smiled at her friends. “I haven’t seen the new  _ Tomb Raider,”  _ Rey admitted. “And no, I’ve seen it a hundred times, it’s fine.”

 

“Great!” Jess said. “I’m glad I brought it then.” 

 

Everyone settled into a seat. Rey jumped on the couch, Rose sitting beside her to cuddle. Paige plopped down in Rey’s favorite chair next to the well loved sofa and Jess sat on the floor, her back pressed against the edge of the couch, when she finished getting the DVD ready. 

 

“Everyone comfy?” Jess asked, staring up at Paige, and only Paige. 

 

“Very,” Paige hummed, her tongue darting out to subtly lick her bottom lip. 

 

_ Wow, is this getting old fast, _ Rey thought. 

 

“Good,” Jess said, averting her eyes like a high schooler with a crush. 

 

“Finn should be done in a minute,” Rey said, sharing a knowing glance with Rose, who appeared just as amused and confused as Rey felt. 

 

The group of four women sat together in awkward silence until Paige leaned forward and whispered something in Jess’s ear. Jess chuckled, no, she fucking  _ giggled _ . 

 

Jessika never giggled. 

 

“Finn!” Rose chipped in relief when he entered the room again, breaking the painful tension.

 

“Forty minutes,” he said as he collapsed on the couch next to Rey. “What we watching?” 

 

Rey wanted to say foreplay, but held her tongue. Instead, she said, “ _ Tomb Raider _ .” 

 

Jess started the movie and the room fell into a comfortable silence, much like any movie night. Rey almost forgot about Paige’s sexual interest in her friend.

 

“Hey, Jess, you wanna head out?” Paige asked, her legs hanging over the arm of the chair. 

  
“It’s only been fifteen minutes,” Finn said, glaring at Paige. It was painfully obvious to everyone what Paige was really asking.   
  
Jess shot up from the ground. “Yea, we should go now. We have to pick up from two places. There might be traffic,” she explained nervously.    
  
Paige smiled at Jess, her eyes glittering with mischief. “It’s New York City, there’s  _ always _ traffic.”   
  


Rey leaned forward and paused the movie to hold their place while Paige grabbed her purse. Jess followed her out the door like a puppy.

 

“So Paige and Jess are gonna fuck,” Finn blurted out once the door shut behind them, leaving the three friends alone for the first time all night. “How do we feel about this?” 

 

Immediately Rey and Rose broke into a fit of laughter. “Hopefully, not on our food,” Rey choked out as she clutched her stomach, still reeling in hysterics. 

 

“Why my sister can’t keep it in her pants, I’ll never know,” Rose mused, settling against the back of the sofa, still giggling. 

 

Finn smiled at Rose. “There’s nothing wrong with being sexually confident.”

 

Rose blushed. “Obviously, I didn’t mean it like  _ that _ .” 

 

Rey rolled her eyes. Paige had always been more comfortable with her sexuality than Rose, and despite Rose being openly Pansexual she was still often considered the prude of the group. 

 

“How are you  _ really _ doing?” Rose asked softly, her fingers touching Rey’s arm. “I didn’t want to ask in front of everyone.”

 

“Better than I expected. I’m just really happy for it to be over. I mean, I have a check up in a week to make sure everything went fine and I didn’t get an infection, but otherwise I never have to think about it again... I’m having some pain and spotting but otherwise I’m good. It helps that finals are over too - I actually have a brief reprieve.” 

 

Rose jerked her head in agreement. “The discomfort is totally normal,” she reassured Rey. “It’ll start feeling better in a few days. You might get some mood swings too, so don’t be scared if you get a bit depressed. It’s just hormones. It’ll pass eventually, but if not fast enough you should see your doctor and maybe get back on an antidepressant.” 

 

Rey hummed in agreement, having already heard the whole spiel from the doctor. “Yeah, she warned me about that.” 

 

“Good... I know what you mean though. I was so relieved and exhausted after I got mine that I ended up crying for over an hour in the car, so my parents wouldn’t know something was up, of course.”

 

“It’s good you had Paige,” Rey said almost wistfully. 

 

“Mmmhmm, and it’s good you have  _ us _ ,” Rose replied strongly.  

 

Rey readjusted her legs on the sofa and nodded.

 

It still felt weird that she could rely on people, even after years of having a supportive network of friends. She had spent too many years on her own or with only Finn. Hell, it took her years to even truly trust him, especially after they were separated into different foster homes when she was thirteen. Although, Finn was sixteen by that point she swore she’d never see him again, assuming he’d forget all about her in a few months. When he reappeared at her school weeks later with a small prepaid cell phone for her with his number in it, she couldn’t believe it. 

 

Slowly, Rey began to trust Finn, rely on him, even, but she still felt a slight tug in her chest anytime Rose wanted her to lean on her. She’d known Rose for three years, lived with her for one, and spent countless nights chatting with her, but still Rey had too many walls up to ever truly trust someone else. No matter their heart or good intentions, it still felt wrong in some twisted way, but Rey was trying. 

 

“I know,” Rey sighed heavily. “I  _ really  _ do know I have you. You’re always there when I need you,  _ both _ of you. It’s just my childhood - I know I should be over it by now, but I can’t stop feeling like I’m alone.” Her throat felt like it was closing up, her eyes welling with something she despised. 

 

Finn leaned in closer and threw his arm around her shoulder in a silent gesture of support. Rose nodded resolutely and placed her palms on Rey’s cheeks. 

 

“Look at me,” Rose said fiercely and Rey did. “You, my friend, are never alone. Not anymore. You’re not that same kid you were when your parents died. You may not have parents or a boyfriend, but you have us. Forever. Finn is your brother and I am that weird friend who will never disappear on you. I know you can take care of yourself, but you need to know that no matter what happens, you have us. We’re glue, baby. You’re stuck with us. You hear me?” 

 

A tear fell down Rey’s cheek as Rose voiced her deepest fear. The same fear that kept popping into her brain in a fit of panic ever since she’d learned that Ben lied to her; that everyone disappeared eventually.

 

Rose wiped away Rey’s tears with her thumbs. “Paige goes wherever I go, so you have her too and it seems you have Jessika since you called her first,” Rose said with a soft smile. 

  
“You may not have the family you wanted, but you  _ do _ have a family.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked the chapter please drop a comment and/or kudos! Or come chat with me on tumblr @fabradicalfem
> 
> Every single kudos means the world to me - I can't even begin to describe it. I LOVE writing this story and have faithfully planned out the next many chapters (this could easily be a 30 chapter story peeps). The fact that any of you might enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it brings a smile to my face and makes my day. I'm so very grateful. :)
> 
> Also, for all the people wondering when the hell Ben will pop back up in the story, your waiting is almost over! He's back next chapter! I promise! 
> 
> Until next chapter xoxo


	10. Chapter 10

**Six Months Later**

 

“What the fuck does cocktail formal even  _ mean _ ?” Sitting on her bed, Rey slipped on her nude open toe heels and tied the straps. 

 

“I have no idea, Peanut!” Finn yelled from his bedroom. “But I’m wearing a tux just in case… I’d rather be overdressed. Especially with fucking Hugs as the groom.”

 

“Can’t wait to meet him,” she said under her breath as she stood up. Her navy dress hugged her curves perfectly, jutting out at the waist in tasteful pleats and ending below the knee. She readjusted the thin sleeves that hung off her shoulders, admiring the sweetheart neckline, and slipped her hand into her bra to push up her petite breasts. When she couldn’t manage even a hint of cleavage she gave up.  _ It’s useless. _

 

“What did you say?”

 

“Nothing!” Rey replied, looking in the mirror to quickly fix her makeup and pat down any wrinkles in her dress. Her hair fell in soft ringlets that looked casual yet pristine, softly framing her face and brushing her bare golden shoulders. Tiny cubic zirconia studs - she surely couldn’t afford the real thing - glimmered tastefully against her brown curls. Rey’s fingers absentmindedly played with the simple gold necklace hanging around her neck, the one she never took off. Even when showering.

 

Finn walked into her bedroom doorway in a slick black tux that looked way too nice to be rented, but was. “Ready?” 

 

Rey nodded, brushing on a tad more blush and pink lipstick. 

 

“Our fellow subway passengers will appreciate the work,” he deadpanned. “Come on, you can do your makeup then.”

 

Rey glared at him. “Do you really think I can fit much more than lipstick and my ID in this?” she asked as she threw the nude fold-over leather clutch at him. He caught it. Finn knew her routine and they weren’t even late yet, so what was his problem? “Why are you being such a tightwad?” 

 

Ignoring his attitude, she went back to throwing on a final coat of mascara to add some drama; she barely had any makeup on - in reality, she was wearing a boat load of different products that just looked “makeup free” - since it was a day wedding and she didn’t want to appear slutty. Rey had never been to a wedding before but she figured simple and bright always worked best in these situations. 

 

“Because Phasma’s my  _ boss  _ and I can’t risk being late, even a minute late, or she will have my balls in a vise for a year. I have no clue why she even invited me to begin with, so let’s not go there.”

 

Rey snorted and rubbed her lips together, smoothing out the velvety texture along the surface of her mouth.

 

Finn sighed. “You look beautiful, by the way. That dress is perfect.”

 

Rey gave him the brightest of smiles before returning to the mirror. “Thank you. Gotta hand it to  Vêtements Rebelles Boutique, they have great shite.” 

 

Finn rolled his eyes. He never understood her fascination with shopping in Paris, but she didn’t care. It took her precisely three work trips to find this dress with Jessika and she knew it was worth it. It was stunning and relatively inexpensive because it was a vintage find that needed a little work; it had a ripped hem here and there. Plus, it was highly unlikely that anyone else would be wearing it. A win win in her book, even if Finn didn’t appreciate French fashion.  

 

Rey huffed something unintelligible before rushing out of her room past Finn. “You coming!” 

 

After walking five minutes to the closest subway station they had a couple of minutes to kill before the next car came, so Rey pulled out her phone to check for any updates from her friends. It was still early, so she doubted there’d be an SOS call from Rose or a screaming all caps text from Jess about how much of a mistake she’d made. At least, not yet. But it was better to check while she could. After months of dating, Jess had finally joined Paige and Rose on their visit to upper state New York, in the fucking boonies, to meet the parents. It was a big moment for Paige - she never brought anyone home - and an equally important moment for Jessika. Rey hoped it was going as well as everyone prayed.

 

She unlocked her phone and checked: Nothing. 

 

“How was your second date with Evan?”

 

Rey groaned. Of course Finn asked the one question she did not want to answer. 

 

“That bad, huh?” he sighed. 

 

Rey checked to make sure they wouldn’t be overheard and then nodded. “The date was fine, I guess. Kind of boring. About halfway through I realized I never wanted to see him again.”

 

“You bailed?” Finn’s eyebrows shot up in concern. 

 

“No.” Rey rolled her eyes and laughed. “I fucked him.”

 

Finn moaned in protest. “Why? You didn’t even  _ like _ the guy? I don’t get it.” 

 

She shrugged. “I kissed him and felt a little something so I thought I’d test the waters and make my final judgement after. Plus, it’s been a bit over a month since I dumped Jason and my wrist was starting to hurt.”

 

Finn snorted. “I thought you had a vibrator?” 

 

Rey smiled ruefully. “Honey, it still needs an assist and it can be an awkward angle.”

 

Finn’s cheeks flushed. “Too much information.”

 

“Well, if that’s too much information, I’ll spare you the gorey details of my night,” Rey said smirking at him as he shifted uncomfortably on the pavement. “I’ll just tell Rose when she gets  home from the sticks.”

 

“Please tell me you were safe,” Finn said, exasperated. 

 

Rey glared at him, feeling deeply offended at the insinuation. “Of course, I was safe,” she spat back. He knew she got a paragard IUD four months ago, but did he really think she’d sleep with a stranger without thinking about it? “I double up every time, you know this. I always use condoms _.  _ And if one soldier gets through the rubber, the IUD will attack that fucking sperm like nobody's business. My womb is a fucking ice cave now. Nothing will survive it, not even your judgement.”

 

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like  _ that _ . I promise. I just meant STDs,” he reassured her. Trying to get back on the right track, he asked her, “Was it good? I mean, even if you won’t see him again, did you get yours?” He always came around in the end to ask the important questions even if he looked like he wanted to be swallowed alive by a shark instead of stand here with her and talk about this particular subject, especially after pissing her off. 

 

Finn was stressed about attending the wedding, so Rey rolled her eyes and let the comment slide. “It  _ was _ good enough even though I had to finish myself off, kind of, since he barely knew what a clit was and certainly couldn't find one.” Rey ran her fingers through her meticulous locks and grimaced. “And he used that fucking high school ABC’s trick when he went down on me - I swear he actually thought he was  _ good _ at eating pussy. I could have filed my tax returns, that’s how good it felt.”

 

“So it’s safe to say I’ll never meet him.”

 

“Very safe. Yes.”

 

“I’m glad I didn’t get invested.” 

 

Rey’s eyes narrowed at him. “What does that mean?” she asked tentatively. 

 

“Nothing,” Finn said q uickly, knowing he shoved his foot in his mouth yet again. The day certainly wasn’t starting out great. “Really, it’s nothing. You’ve just been dating a lot for a while and no one is sticking around for more th an a couple of weeks. Well, except Jason, but you weren’t really dating, per say. You were just fucking around. Have you  _ had _ a third date with someone over the past year?”

 

“No… Does breakfast the next morning count?” 

 

Rey bit her lower lip nervously as she compiled a list of first dates in her head, but the list substantially thinned out by the second date. She couldn’t think of a single one who’d made it past her one date a week rule, nor made it past the two dates. Even the ones she texted quite a bit in between she never saw more than twice. The only man to pass that was Jason. However, they only booty texted each other late at night. It was an easy and fun arrangement for a couple of months. That is, until she realized he wanted more. She ended it fast.

 

She tried not to overthink it, but something about it was unsettling. Had she not moved past what happened eight months ago? Six months ago? Rey thought she had, but maybe she was wrong if she ending things before they could start. Every time. 

 

“No, Rey. Morning after fucking pancakes, don’t count.”

 

An older woman with grey hair wearing a tailored suit walked up behind them at that exact moment. Rey caught her eyes, which became saucers behind wide set round glasses. The woman evidently overheard their conversation.

 

Rey smiled politely at the woman who was practically gawking at them. “That was out of context,” she apologized sweetly. Then, because she apparently had no shame today, said, “No one is having sex with pancakes. I promise.”

 

The woman looked like she was either about to say something very improper or hit them with her purse. Rey decided she’d rather the tongue lashing. She didn’t want to wrinkle her dress. Before they could find out the ground rattled, alerting everyone to the upcoming presence of another car. 

 

When the doors opened Rey and Finn quickly made their way to the front of the line and found seats together; normally, they’d happily stand, but Rey wanted to avoid standing in her stilettos as much as humanly possible. She knew her feet were going to kill by tonight, she didn’t need to make it worse on herself. 

 

Almost a half an hour later, they were both sticky with sweat - the State really needed to fix the subway a/c soon - when they jumped off at their stop: Rockefeller Center. Rey breathed a sigh of relief when they reached the top step and she felt a cool breeze on her cheeks, despite the heat from the sun wafting down on them. It was only a good leisurely six minute walk to the church; they were almost there an d, surely, i t would be air conditioned. At least Rey had that much to be grateful for. 

 

“It was a fucking sauna down there,” Finn said, stepping up next to her. He checked his watch. “We still have twenty five minutes. Good.”

 

Rey smiled. “I told you we’d be fine.” 

 

Finn rolled his eyes. “Let’s go!” He waved Rey over to follow him as he walked down the street toward the church. 

 

She bit her lip as she jogged to catch up with him, paying careful attention to any grates or cracks in the pavement. These heels were not made for walking. Yet, she, a New Yorker, owned them anyway. She really must be a masochist.

 

Once they reached the steps of St. Patrick’s Cathedral, Rey’s eyes went wide. In the past, when walking by she’d never once stopped to appreciate it. It was humongous for such a small lot, with spires that seemed to propel into the clouds and ornate carvings in the marble surface across the entire exterior. It was intimidating, but beautiful. 

 

A small crowd was gathered outside the large wooden arched doors. Finn grabbed her hand and ushered her forward, ignoring the crowd of ginger haired men talking to an older woman, and through the doors. 

 

They took a program each from a nice looking old man in robes and smiled at a woman who told them to sit anywhere that wasn’t reserved. They found an open row towards the back left and quickly slid into the mahogany pew to get out of the way. 

 

Once they were safely in their seats and not gathering anyone’s attention Rey allowed herself to look around for the first time since walking in. The building was spotless. The walls and cathedral ceiling stark white with elaborate columns made of cold marble. Stained glass windows lined the entire ceiling in stunning Neo-Gothic detail; the sun beaming in through them made the room look almost ethereal. Red roses were attached to the pews and vases of more lined the walls and stage. The contrast was enchanting. She couldn’t imagine how much it must have cost. 

 

Slowly, people filled the rows of empty seats until it was only a few minutes until the ceremony. 

 

“So,” Rey whispered into Finn’s ear so no one else could hear. “How long are Catholic ceremonies? I hear they’re long.”

 

Finn resisted the urge to laugh and instead nodded in answer. 

 

Rey sighed. She was good at waiting, but she didn’t know how long she could stand sitting here, even if it was a comfortable temperature. 

 

Everyone quieted down when a man in a black slim fit tux and a red rose on his lapel with ginger hair and a perfectly groomed beard walked into the room from the side entrance and took his place at the front of the room. He was of slender stature, his posture stiff and proud almost as if he was from a military background. He stood by the alter, waiting patiently for someone.

 

“I take it, that’s Hux?” Rey asked quietly.

 

“Mmhmm.”

 

“No best man?”

 

“I figured Kylo would be it. I don’t know where he is though.”

 

Shortly after, the wedding began and everyone, including Rey and Finn went silent.

 

Couples, strangers to Rey, slowly made their way down the aisle and parted ways at the end. Finally a little girl with red hair and freckles, wearing one of the cutest white dresses with silver embroidery Rey had ever seen, skipped down the aisle throwing rose petals as she went. Rey smiled when the girl giggled as an older woman grabbed her arm and pulled her into a pew when she appeared to change direction in order to go say hi to Hux. 

 

The music began, the violin booming over the speakers. Everyone turned in unison to see the bride walking down the aisle escorted by a man. She looked beautiful, Rey decided. She was a tall woman with bleach blonde short hair curled around her face, her makeup soft and radiant. Long diamond earrings hung from Phasma’s ears that grabbed Rey’s attention instantly, but nothing could overshadow her dress; a strapless ballroom gown with a train that could have rivaled Kate Middleton’s, glittering with beadwork in the day’s light. It was stunning on such a strong figure; She commanded the room like a general. Rey was so busy admiring Phasma’s wedding dress that she barely noticed the man until they were almost at the altar. When she did notice the familiar jet black locks, the strong shoulders and walk, it felt like someone had punched her in the gut. 

 

“Who’s walking with the bride?” Rey whispered, her voice shaking a little too much for her liking. 

 

“Oh, that’s Kylo. The guy I mentioned earlier. He works with Phasma a lot so I see him on our floor once in a while. He’s an jackass.” 

 

“Yes. Yes, he is,” she whispered to herself in observation, her muscles unable to move as she stared at him.

 

Rey was seething, almost as if everything that happened so long ago was opened anew; the anger should have abated by now, but with one sight of him Rey felt like a raw gaping wound unsure of what to do next. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. She wanted to punch him. Yes, if she could, she would. It would thrill her to bloody that fucking big nose. However, they were at a wedding, a  _ work _ wedding for Finn. She couldn’t hit Ben,  _ no _ , Kylo, so she took a few stilted deep breaths and forced herself to rip her eyes from him. 

 

_ It was eight months ago _ , she told herself.  _ I’m over it _ .

 

Kylo kissed Phasma on the cheek and whispered something to her that made her stifle a laugh before releasing her arm and turning around. For one breath of a moment, their eyes met in what Rey had believed was an impossibility in such a large crowd. She saw a mixture of shock and horror cross his features. Rey willed herself not to cry or scream at him, knowing that it would only make the situation worse. Instead, Rey quirked an eyebrow at him and forced herself to smile. 

 

He shook himself out of his revere and sat down in the front row.  _ Good,  _ Rey thought.  _ Now he’ll avoid me. _

 

****

 

With a steady arm holding Phasma they silently walked down the aisle at a snail's pace. Keeping his eyes ahead of him and avoiding stepping on the gown, like the wedding planner kept hounding him about, they made their way to the altar. To Hux. He wasn’t particularly fond of the man, much preferring the company of Phasma, but Kylo and Hux worked together, so he didn’t have much of a choice. Somehow, Phasma fell in love with the insufferable pretentious asshole, so here he was, doing his duty as a good friend. For her, he would suffer through another wedding.

 

When they reached the alter, Phasma smirked at Hux who looked flustered and nervous. He brushed away tears from his eyes - oh, he’d have to bring up  _ that  _ later - and smiled at her in a way Kylo wasn’t sure he’d ever seen a man smile. 

 

He placed his hand on her wrist, slipped his arm out from under hers and kissed her cheek lightly. “You’re positive you don’t want to run? I’ll cover the exit.” 

 

Phasma bit her perfectly glossed lips and held in a laugh before glaring at Kylo, her eyes soft and happy. “I think I’m good,” she whispered, her eyes now wet with unshed tears. 

 

He nodded softly, the beginnings of a smile on his lips, and turned to take his spot in the crowd. However, mid turn, his eyes caught the shape of something familiar in the back of the church. Someone. A girl, perhaps? When his eyes locked onto hers, he just about threw up. His stomach twisted in knots as it donned on him where he knew her from.  _ Rey. _

 

He’d never forget those eyes, even from a distance. They belonged to the same girl that haunted his dreams for almost a year. The girl that he had one blissful night with before she disappeared from his life for good. The girl that turned him down; girls rarely turned him down, he was fucking rich and a prince after all...  _ The girl that knows my real name. The name no one uses in New York. The name that no one here, in this very room, knows. _

 

He blinked when his brain caught up with his eyes and quickly sat down as to not gather further notice from onlookers. He attempted to keep his cool as they proceeded with the ceremony. Ben assumed he was putting on a fine front, he usually could. However, inside, he loathed to admit it, he was reeling. Rey was a shadow that haunted him, but he was never supposed to see her again. This wasn’t a part of the plan. 

 

His worlds were colliding.

 

After their night together, he had thought of Rey often. He mulled over in his head all the things he should have done. All the things he got wrong. He should have gotten her last name. He should have told her more about himself, for maybe she thought his silence was an answer to his availability or interest in more than her body. He should have been honest. He should have explicitly told her he wanted more the second he realized it. 

 

Although he wanted more, and berated himself for ruining his shot with her, Rey wasn’t wrong that day in the airport. Any relationship would be nearly impossible for him, unless it was to a duchess or princess of some sorts. In twenty years or so, hopefully not sooner, Ben will have to give up any semblance of a normal life to become King of Alderaan and the king needed a queen. 

 

Leia Organa had been playing matchmaker ever since he turned twenty-two, so he knew exactly who his mother wanted him to end up with. Rey, albeit intelligent, beautiful and caring, was not it. It’s why all those months ago he let her walk away from him without a fight, and despite his wishes, he knew that was best for everyone involved. It was simpler that way. Yet, a small part of Ben resented his mother for it. It was hypocritical of her to introduce him to the types of “respectable” women that would be befitting of the title of queen as she had not listened to anyone’s advice all those years ago when she married a nobody; A lowly orphaned pilot honorably discharged from the American Navy named Han Solo. 

 

Maybe, she was just trying to make Ben’s life easier now. As Queen, having a non royal, American husband wasn’t exactly easy for anyone. When his mother met his father after a short whirlwind romance, she abandoned all royal decorum and protocol and married him in a small ceremony surrounded by only close friends and family. Later, when she became queen with a New Yorker husband and two small children, it had been an adjustment for everyone, but especially his father. Ben and Kay’s relationship with their parents slowly deteriorated as the weight of the crown, it’s rules and responsibilities, choked their family. 

 

Knowing his family history and what would become of his future he, of course, had a moment of weakness all those months ago. He had a fleeting desire to turn down the crown and force his sister to wear it instead. To track down Rey and try his hand at normal for once. To break the cycle of choosing crown and country over happiness. As soon as it crossed his mind, it was gone. He refused to do to Kay what Luke did to his mother. He would not push Billie into the spotlight like what happened to him as a kid. He wouldn’t run away from his problems, from his responsibilities, forever. One day, he would go home and be the man everyone needed him to be.

 

Just not yet.

 

It had been months since he last thought of Rey during the waking hours, most likely for his own sanity. Sure, she fought her way into his dreams periodically, but he couldn’t control his subconscious. Though it wasn’t as if he hated those dreams.

 

However, as time went by they became more vague: the sound of her laughter and moans, their naked bodies collapsing onto a bed, her smile. The exact shade of her hazel eyes, the way her voice sounded when sleepy or happy, the shape of her ass and pert breasts all became more like a shadow of a memory. It had been eight months since he met the woman. Not that he had been counting. 

 

Ben tried to gain control of his breathing, to steady his heart rate, and for the most part he succeeded. But Rey was still some ten rows behind him, probably staring daggers at the back of his head because she had heard someone call him  _ Kylo _ . 

 

There was no way she’d believe him now. No way she would trust him. Not unless he told her the full truth, but he couldn’t do that. It was too risky. 

 

He swallowed the lump in his throat as he decided it was better for her to think he was a liar and a cheat.  _ She’ll hate me, but she’ll avoid me. Everyone here already knows I’m an asshole. No harm, no fowl.  _

 

He let out a shaky breath, trying to reign in his wandering thoughts to focus on the ceremony. They were already exchanging rings.  _ How much did I miss?  _ he thought, his brows creased in confusion. 

 

It wasn’t long before the wedding ceremony was over and they were on their way to the reception location: The Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. Ben didn’t understand the appeal. True to the hype, the location was beautiful. Stunning even, but Ben thought the event hall was a bit showy. It was built to give off the air of a greenhouse, but a million dollar greenhouse; One no one stored plants in. Instead, it was where rich people came to soak in the limited nature available, flowers and trees of all kind, while also seeing the tall buildings of the city around them. People wore their most expensive attire to wade through grass and paved paths of the gardens until they reached the completely enclosed glass shell of a building. Small lights hung everywhere inside. One long table breached one side, small circular tables filled the walls of the room, and a large empty wooden dance floor sat in the middle. Silver ballroom chairs sat at every table, white linen cloths sat atop each table along with tall overly designed vases holding a collection of red and white roses and greenery to make each piece elaborate.

 

Once they reached the reception, Hux and Phasma were whisked away by the photographer as were the bridesmaids, Hux’s immediate family and Ben. He followed the large group silently, hoping he could escape the shoot soon. He knew the photographer would want the couple and immediate family shots first, so he stood off to the side, his foot resting against a gargantuan tree stump. Birch, he believed. 

 

He thought of Rey as he watched the scene unfold around him. The young man, who couldn’t possibly be older than twenty-eight, herded the group of people into their proper spots. Phasma’s Maid of Honor, Bazine, was off to the side, holding Phasma’s water and a small bag of what he could only assume was makeup, while the family got into position. It was a lot easier said than done though when you had fifteen people to maneuver in a way to capture the perfect light and background. The one thing Ben could appreciate about the gardens was the myriad of location options for said photographer. 

 

If it was Ben, he’d certainly be grateful for the sunny day with only a hint of clouds and the beautifully tended scene. But he wasn’t. No. Ben didn’t have to work today, which he was also grateful for. However, he doubted he was cut from the right cloth to handle wedding photography. He much preferred his controlled shoots with models. It’s most likely why Phasma never asked Ben to do the photography at her wedding himself. Either that or she knew he’d use that as an excuse not to be in the wedding party. Either way, Phasma was right. She usually was, much to the chagrin of Hux. 

 

“Hiding out, I see,” said a young dark skinned woman in a red and white printed dress. She sidled up to Ben effortlessly and watched the shoot with him. 

 

“Hello, Nia,” Ben sighed. He came over here to be alone. Not to talk.

 

Nia laughed at his tone and smiled brightly at the man. “Weddings aren’t your thing, are they?” she asked. It sounded more like a statement than anything else. 

 

“No. They are not. Do you enjoy weddings?” He didn’t mean to sound so utterly bored, but he was. 

 

“I don’t  _ hate  _ them.” 

 

Ben nodded. 

 

He’d known Nia for four years, which was around the same time he became close with Phasma. While Bazine was Phasma’s Maid of Honor because they’d known each other since grade school, Nia and Phasma were a package deal. They lived near each other and saw each other weekly, so, of course, Ben had spent some time with her as well. 

 

“But I wish Hux had a couple of best men who weren’t either his brothers or, ya know, you.” He bit back a smirk. “It’s cliche but I like using weddings as a fuck buddy playground. It’s too bad they’re all redheads,” she said, her tone both playful and sad. 

 

“I have black hair, isn’t that acceptable,” he deadpanned.

 

She nudged his shoulder. “More than acceptable, Kylo. But I’m not gonna sleep with the one other man Phasma’s made friends with. Too risky. No offense, I’m sure you’re great in bed. Under normal conditions at a wedding I’d probably climb you like a tree.”

 

“I didn’t think you liked pale men.”

 

Nia laughed again, letting her head fall back freely, her tight curls bobbing in the slight breeze. Ben arched a brow at her in question.

 

“You’re right. I like brown men, at a minimum... I usually only date black dudes. White men can be…  _ tricky,  _ but I’m desperate tonight for a quick lay. I’m open to all options. Well, most options.”

 

Ben smirked. He’d heard enough stories from her to understand exactly what she meant.

 

“Kylo! Nia!” Phasma yelled. “You’re up!”

 

He bit back a grimace. Time to use the knowledge he acquired during his upbringing; to stand somewhere he didn’t want to be, appear pleased and smile pretty for a photo op.

 

The moment he reached the reception he grabbed a drink. Ben sipped a simple scotch - he refused to try a Dirty Hux, whatever the fuck that was, or a Captain Dark’n Stormy - as he rested his hip against the tall bar table outside the greenhouse.

 

With a practiced scowl on his face, one where most people would think he was contemplating something important and therefore should be left alone, he glanced around at the other tables where people were conversing at length and laughing lightheartedly; Rey was nowhere to be found. Waiters in simple white button ups and black pants were already making their way around the party offering small and most likely pretentious food to guests. 

 

Like all weddings, and Ben had been to many in his thirty years, it followed an order. Ceremony, photos, receiving line, pre-dinner drinks and appetizers, dinner and speeches, the cake ceremony and dessert. After would be the first dance, father daughter dance and then they would open the dance floor to guests for the remainder of the night. Depending on one’s religion there may be another ritual in there somewhere, but it usually stayed in a similar order, only varying slightly. 

 

Royal weddings had more complex routines that made Ben want to roll his eyes or scream, but Phasma and Hux’s family weren’t royalty. Rich, privileged and egotistical, yes, but not royalty. Therefore, it was a simple order Ben could rely on, even now. He would stay until the dinner, maybe even through the first dance. Then, when everyone would be too busy dancing, he would sneak away, grab a cab and go home to drown his miseries in a a bottle of 25 year old corellian whiskey. He just had to be patient and avoid the girl he couldn’t stop thinking about until then. 

 

He had a bad feeling about it, but he knew he could do it. Everything would be fine. 

 

That is, until Rey appeared, arm in arm with a man he knew. A man who worked alongside Phasma daily. A man whom Ben, on many occasions, had cursed out. A man whose name Ben had no fucking idea of. He swallowed back a groan at the fact that she was  _ his _ date, yet another reason to avoid her, and quickly darted his eyes away from her. 

 

No matter how hard he tried though, his gaze always ended up back on her sweet smile and soft eyes. 

 

Hux stepped up next to the tall brooding man who still stood by the table he claimed and clasped him on the shoulder. “I don’t know who you are glaring at, but Phas insisted I come speak with you. The whole “the bride never gets a minute to herself” turned out to be more right than I suspected. Otherwise’ she’d be over here herself.” 

 

Ben turned his head to regard Hux and brushed the man’s arm off in a sweeping motion. 

 

“Okay,” Hux said, his voice dripping in disdain as he attempted not to roll his eyes. “I take it, it’s a woman then that’s captured your attention all afternoon and made you a sullen dick.” 

 

Ben scoffed and avoided looking at the redhead while he tried to find Rey again in the crowd; she was no longer standing at the table with her date. 

 

He wanted to mourn his lost chance with her in silence. Ben certainly had no intention of bothering Phasma on her wedding day and, even if he did, there was little he could say. However, the absolute last thing he wanted was to have a conversation with Armitage Hux about it. 

 

Anyway, wasn’t it simple? Rey turned him down twice and there was no future for them. He refused to add a third time to the list, especially since this time would need to include an apology and explanation. He wasn’t sure his pride could take another punch. 

 

“My god, man,” Hux continued, clearly unaffected by Ben’s mood. “If it’s so consuming that you can’t be a civil guest at my wedding, then why don’t you fucking man up and go talk to her already?” 

 

Out of nowhere a smiling brunette in navy popped up in front of them holding a mixed drink. Ben’s heart was in his throat when the stark reality of her standing in front of him set in. Rey looked positively stunning and yet he could tell underneath her exterior she was fuming, most likely at him. She must have heard someone call him Kylo by now.  _ Fuck _ . 

 

“You know,” Rey began effortlessly as she beamed at Hux, clearly avoiding looking at Ben. “I don’t know why people still use the phrase ‘man up’ or ‘grow some balls’. On it’s most base level, it’s sexist. It’s impossible  _ not _ to be sexist, in fact, when you’re telling someone  _ not _ to act like a woman by using a woman’s anatomy as a comparison.” 

 

Rey’s stare moved to Ben for a second and he swore she was ready to hit him when she continued, a smile ever present on her beautiful lips. It took his breath away. She could be a politician, he realized.

 

“Yet, it’s even  _ more _ fascinating when you actually compare a vagina to testicles. People always seem to act as if balls are tougher, but the fact is that women literally birth children the size of bowling balls and some even end up splitting their vaginas to their assholes in the process.” Hux spit into his drink mid-sip. “I know, gross, right?” Rey said with a sympathetic grimace. “Yet, women can repeat this process an ungodly number of times and their bodies heal. It’s a fuckin’ miracle if we’re being honest.” 

 

Rey pretended not to notice Hux staring at her with a lax jaw and threw her free hand up in the air. “Not to mention, women have to deal with the pain of ten deaths every month. It feels as if someone is literally taking a knife and carving you up inside. It’s bad,” she explained. “Did you know that doctors have  _ finally _ figured out that cramps can be as painful as a heart attack? Yes, a heart attack. If they actually listened to women more often, they would have learned it long ago, but they’re men.” Rey paused and glared at Ben with wide eyes. “They think they can do  _ whatever _ they want and never face consequences.” 

 

“We get the point,” Ben gritted out, trying to sound as natural as possible, but failing miserably. His voice too gruff for a casual encounter. 

 

Rey turned on him, her eyebrows raised as she appraised him as if they were only first meeting. “Do you now, Kylo?” she asked, her voice sickeningly sweet, making his stomach do nervous flips; he’d never heard  _ that _ voice before. 

 

“Ah, you do,” she deadpanned, her eyes sparking at him, betraying her casual calm. “Because I have to admit most guys don’t. Women can get through a lot of pain. It’s something we’ve built up an immunity to, but, see,” she said, her eyes daring Ben to say anything and risk setting her wrath on him. “Testicles are a funny thing that people, men mostly, like to pretend are tough. When in fact, a simple knee to the groin could take down even the  _ largest _ of men and make him cower at even a small girl’s feet in agony, unable to breath or even think... He’d be entirely at her mercy.”

 

She stood up straighter and glanced at Hux whose eyes were darting between the two with a knowing look. 

 

“ _ Really _ , I think you should have told ol’  _ Kylo _ here to woman up and grow a vagina. Maybe if he had, he’d have already come and spoken to me and, you know, apologized.” Rey smiled politely at Hux, her tone changing to be more sincere instantly. “The wedding’s been beautiful so far. I look forward to the rest. Congratulations by the way.” And then without further ado she glanced at Ben one last time, smirked and walked back towards her table and date, looking mighty vindicated. 

 

“Well, fuck,” Hux laughed. “You’re screwed.” 

 

“Fuck off,” Ben seethed before downing the rest of his scotch. 

 

“What did you do to her?”

 

Hoping that this would be the end of the conversation, he told the man a version of the truth. “I slept with her and never called her back. Now will you fuck off and leave me in peace.”  

 

Hux chuckled darkly. “Good news is, she doesn’t seem mad.”

 

Ben glared at the man and clenched his jaw. “Why are you still here?” he barked. 

 

Hux plastered on the largest fake smile he could muster. “Because my new wife told me to and I wasn’t going to start our marriage with an argument over  _ you _ .” He spat out the last word in disgust, which made sense. It wasn’t exactly like Hux and him got along well. 

 

He sucked in a deep breath to steady himself; the last thing he needed was a scene. “You’ve done your duty. Tell her I’m fine,” Ben said.

 

After a moment of hesitation Hux nodded. “Fine. Have  _ fun _ . Hell, maybe she’ll forgive you and you’ll get laid tonight,” Hux said before making his way through the crowd towards his bride. 

 

Ben quickly grabbed another scotch from the bar and downed it in two sips. He wanted to leave now, but knew that would make Phasma upset so he didn’t. After all, he was giving a speech soon.  

 

It wasn’t long before Ben was sitting at a long table next to Bazine and Nia. As no family of her’s had been invited they were surrounded by many extended relatives of Hux’s - apparently, his family truly enjoyed procreating because their numbers were absurd at the event. 

 

Hux’s father, who Ben assumed was a likely Trump supporter, had just finished his father of the groom speech. He meant for it to be funny and a few people took pity on him by laughing at his jokes. Ben wasn’t one of them. All he could manage was a stiff smile at the man when they made eye contact across the table. Next was Hux’s mother who seemed sweet enough, but surely not very intelligent; She couldn’t be if she married into the Hux family.

 

Ben sighed. Somehow Phasma chose this family and he couldn’t understand why. 

 

“I haven’t seen you in forever,” Bazine whispered as someone else stood up to speak, her voice drawing his attention to his left to stare at her. He’d met Bazine, a friend of Phasma’s on multiple occasions over the past five years, but they rarely spoke. She was a model, so she posed for him on occasion, but nothing more. 

 

“Mmm,” he hummed, his eyebrow quirked. She wanted something, that much was clear. 

 

She bit her red colored lip, a stark contrast to her pale skin. “You look good.” 

 

“Ah,” Ben breathed, her intentions now crystal clear. “Thank you. So do you,” he said before turning his attention back to the boring speeches filled with silly stories and heartfelt but generic well-wishes. He didn’t want to listen to another goddamn speech, but it was better than a lengthy conversation with Bazine. Nia, who was sitting on his right, laughed quietly. He pretended not to notice. He was coming up next. 

 

He caught Phasma’s attention and smiled wide at her, his god awful teeth most likely showing. The blonde beamed at him. He wagged his eyebrows suggestively at her as he took the microphone from someone on the wait staff.

 

He stood up and took a deep breath; He might be an asshole, but this was in his blood. He could write and perform a speech in his sleep.

 

“I’ve known both Hux and Phasma for six years and my first impression of both of them was _ meh.”  _ The crowd laughed. _ Good, I’ve got their attention. “ _ Hux is, well, he’s Hux. He’s cold and calculated, wholly focused on work with an intensity even I admire, and anyone who knows me, knows I’m the epitome of intense…” He waited for the laughter to die down again. “And Phasma, she’s a cold hearted bitch,” Ben said, not even batting his eyelashes.

 

The room went silent for a second, but it was broken by a loud cackle of laughter coming from the bride. Ben smirked at Phasma, he knew she’d appreciate his bluntness even if no one else would, and then turned to the crowd.

 

“The thing is, I met them at work, where their personalities and hearts go out the door because of their drive, their determination to win a new client, a new campaign. It wasn’t until I met Phasma outside of work that I came to realize underneath her icy exterior was a beautiful woman with an even greater heart.” 

 

He turned to Phasma.

 

“For years I know you weren’t sure if you’d ever meet the right person and then Hux came along. Now I’m elated to say that I was one who introduced you two. See,” Ben said, turning back to address the guests. “Hux is my boss and one day in a huff he came down to the 20th floor because he heard I was there. I was… I was having lunch with my friend Phasma… Hux burst into the office, swearing like usual, and came face to face with his future wife. I can remember the moment perfectly because something changed. He changed -” 

 

Ben froze when his eyes landed on Rey once again today and swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing nervously. Instantly, he regretted the third scotch, on an empty stomach no less. She looked furious and confused that he couldn’t stop staring at her. Shaking off his nerves, he continued, but he refused to rip his eyes from her gorgeous face. 

 

“Sometimes one look at someone can change your entire world,” Ben said, going off the cuff. His brain was screaming at him to go back to the script. He didn’t. 

 

“It did for Hux and Phasma. It took some time - I won’t get into the gory details - and it wasn’t easy. But these two cold hearted idiots opened themselves up to each other. They took a risk and showed a side of themselves they rarely do. They saw beyond each other’s masks. I know it may not sound like it, but I’m not a romantic. I never have been. But to see how much love they have for one another is inspiring.” 

 

“If anything out of Hux and Phasma’s relationship, I’ve learned one very important thing. The best things, the richest things, the things that make you feel whole in a world where you can feel so very misunderstood and alone, are not always easy. Maybe they shouldn’t come easily. Maybe it’s better that way. Maybe if you can get through the mistakes and burned bridges and hurt, you can come out the other side a new person. A better person. And maybe, just maybe, the person you love will follow you through the tunnel, take your hand and choose to go on a journey with you, hopefully, forever.” 

 

Ben looked around to see a crowd filled with confused looks.  _ Oh shit.  _ He quickly glanced at the bride and groom and found similar expressions on their faces. Well, Hux looked like he wanted to murder him, but that wasn’t new. 

 

He cleared his throat and tried to get back on track. “Hux and Phasma understand each other in a way I will never truly get. I would never have guessed they would work. It’s mind boggling if we’re being honest, but it does because isn’t that what love is? It’s not logical. It’s heart. Love is a promise to always be there. To listen and support one each other through it all. Love is dedication and that is something they have always shared, which is why I know for a fact that these two will live a long and happy life together.” Ben raised his glass and grinned at Phasma, despite his reeling thoughts over his slip up. “To the bride and groom! May you go this new journey and live happily together forever.”

 

Realizing his heart was racing and his head spinning, Ben sat down and glanced at his plate. He attempted to recall everything he said, but it was foggy at best and that scared him. 

 

The remaining guests went about eating, leaving everyone in a comfortable silence as people’s silverware hit china and people muttered softly to one another. 

 

“What was that?” Nia whispered, leaning into him. 

 

Ben closed his eyes and forced himself to calm down. “Too much to drink.”

 

Nia snorted and shook her head, the afro atop her head shaking as well. “No, babe,” she said, evidently unconvinced. “You had doe eyes, boy, and that ain’t like you.” 

 

“I’m fine,” he gritted out. 

 

Undeterred, Nia asked, “Girl broke your heart?” 

 

He scoffed and took a long sip of water, trying to wash away his embarrassment and the fog that clung to his mind. 

 

“I’ll take that as a yes.” 

 

*****

 

After Kylo’s speech, Rey’s mind was whirling with the image of him with wide enraptured golden brown eyes staring at her in front of everyone. At the time, it made her uncomfortable, but now it felt like her heart was in her throat at the fresh memory. The look of longing and sincerity unsettled her and, as a result, she couldn’t get him out of her head. 

 

Thus, dinner and dessert went by in a blur of civility and attempts to keep up with the conversations at her table. Finn covered for her brilliantly, knowing something was wrong, but he mostly left her alone to her thoughts as she ate in silence amid all the chatter. She didn’t think Finn had noticed the way Kylo had been eyeing her all night, considering he hadn’t commented on it once. However, she couldn’t be sure and the last thing she wanted was to say out loud who Kylo was to her. She wasn’t ready to have that conversation with anyone, let alone the man who knew everything that had happened  _ after _ .

 

Eventually, after what felt like a torturously slow afternoon, dessert was over and people began slowly getting up from their tables to mingle. Rey took the opportunity to go grab another Captain Stormy, or whatever the hell it was called, and thanked every deity that it was an open bar. 

 

On the way back to her table a hand grabbed Rey’s forearm and pulled her aside. She jumped in surprise at the action and glanced up to see the same eyes she’d been thinking about all night, his mop of long thick raven hair falling onto his face as his eyes bored into her own. 

 

With a resigned sigh she allowed Kylo to guide her away from the crowd, past the greenhouse looking glass doors and into the garden. The sounds of water rushing in the nearby fountain and birds chirping in the distance were the only noises that broke their tense silence. She tugged her arm out of his grip before following him down a path to get away from onlookers. Rey looked around, taking in the beautiful flowers, until he stopped amid a long trail of cherry blossom trees, which hid them from sight. 

 

Rey crossed her arms, hugging herself tight with one arm while she gripped her drink in a deathlock, and stopped walking. “Why did you drag me out here, Kylo?” she spat, the slight alcoholic daze making this moment so much worse. 

 

He turned around and glared at her, his nostrils flaring as he towered over her. “Because, _ Rey, _ I’ve been trying to talk to you all day and you haven’t _ let  _ me get a word in. You either walked away from me and disappeared or you fucking lectured me in front of a colleague. ” His voice was booming in the quiet of the day. 

 

Glaring back into his impossibly intense gaze, she stood taller. “There’s nothing to say!” she yelled, her anger getting the better of her. “You  _ lied _ about who you were and then slept with me!”  _ How can he still act like he has the higher ground in this situation,  _ she thought as hot liquid anger pulsed in her veins. How fucking dare him. 

 

“Rey,” he said, his voice raspy yet soft. “That’s not -”

 

“Yes it is!” she screamed, taking a step towards him. “You told me your name was Ben Solo and there is _ no _ Ben Solo living in New York, I should know, I looked it up!” She threw her hand up in the air in exasperation and used her pointer finger to jab at his chest accusingly. “And now I run into you at a wedding and everyone fucking knows you as _ Kylo _ \- what kind of fucking name is that anyway,” she huffed. “You hurt me - ” 

 

Ben’s fist slamming into the tree behind her cut Rey off mid sentence.

 

She could feel the frustration radiating off his beaming form and the logical part of her knew she should be scared. She followed a stranger she’d screwed once into a secluded corner of the garden and he looked like he was ready to let loose on the closest thing that moved, which just so happened to be her or, actually, a tree. But she wasn’t. He might be large, but she’d dealt with plenty of men who couldn’t control their temper in her years. Rey could handle men his size when she was thirteen, so she could certainly handle Kylo now, if she had to. Plus, hitting a tree sounded good to her too. She couldn’t judge him too much.

 

Instead of wondering whether or not she should run away,  _ again _ , all she could do was stare into his expressive eyes, much like she did so many months ago while he had been thrusting into her whispering sweet nothings in her ear. The flash of a memory made her blush.

 

“I’d never hurt you,” he breathed, his chest heaving from effort as he pulled his hand back to his side, watching her closely. “I’d never lie to you, not about that. I - I never forgot. I meant what I said in bed.” 

 

She felt as if she had been kicked in the stomach, all the air rushing out of her lungs in one go. She hadn’t remembered wrong, she realized as she got lost his sweet brown eyes. He had said it in the heat of the moment as he pounded into her all those months ago and Rey had assumed he’d never remember. But he  _ did _ . He remembered telling her he’d never hurt her. She opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. She didn’t have much more than a few seconds to consider it though before he was turning away from her and walking farther down the path. 

 

Rey watched him as he walked away from her. He was sulking, she realized. She debated just going back to the party and leaving him here alone and quickly decided against it. Rolling her eyes she made her way back to the party and slipped into the bar area to grab a cloth and a bottle of 80 proof vodka when the bartenders were distracted and then walked back to where Kylo or Ben, whatever his name was, was hiding. 

 

Her heels ground against the dirt path as she walked up behind him and he stilled. 

 

“I thought you went back to the party,” he said, hiding his face from her. 

 

“I did, for a moment.” Using her free hand she tugged at his arm until he turned around. “But only to get this,” she said, holding up the vodka and rag in her hand. 

 

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked at the bottle. “You want to drink together right now?” 

 

Rey scoffed at him. “No, give me your hand. Come on,” she said, ignoring his last comment. 

 

“What -” 

 

“You know you’re a fucking tosser, right?” she mumbled as she undid the bottle. Rey grabbed his hand, which he let her do with little effort, and poured some vodka on his now bloody knuckles. “You could easily have damaged your hand by doing that.”

 

He grunted at the burning sensation and she dabbed at the open wound. 

 

“Why are you doing this?” His voice was filled with both confusion and aggravation. 

 

“Because believe it or not, I’ve dealt with similar injuries and I wanted to help you. Is that truly so difficult for you to understand?” she said, daring to glance up at his face. He visibly swallowed and it made her cheeks burn. She quickly looked back down at the hand she was attending to and focused on his knuckles, trying to distance herself from the way his warm palm made her feel and the memories it brought back.

 

“Your  _ own _ injuries or other men...?” he whispered gruffly. “You weren’t -”

 

“You’re gonna need to get this checked out tomorrow. You probably have wooden splinters stuck in it,” she said, interrupting him while biting her lip and inspecting it more closely in the dim glow of the sunset. Anything to avoid looking at his eyes. Anything to stop him from asking the question she thought he was about to ask.

 

_ He lied to you, Rey, _ she chided herself.  _ Get your shit together.  _

 

Avoiding his gaze, Rey cleared her throat and poured a little more vodka onto his hand. “I don’t know if you deserve the truth, but both. I’ve punched plenty of things in a fit of rage and I’ve bandaged up many men’s knuckles as a teenager.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Her hands froze on his and she blinked up at him. What the fuck was this man’s deal? 

 

“What exactly are you apologizing for? For almost hitting me or for lying? Or both?” she said bluntly. 

 

He deflated in embarrassment and ran his free hand through his hair. “I would never hit, I’d never - I have never and would never hit a woman,” he declared sincerely. “I’m sorry about it all. I didn’t lie to you though.” 

 

Not this again.

 

“Kylo,” Rey laughed bitterly. “The jig is up. There is nothing you could say to me that would convince me otherwise. Let’s just go back in there and pretend that we’re strangers who both just so happened to come to the same wedding. Even if we can’t pretend alone, I’m sure in front of a crowd will help. Well, it didn’t seem to help your speech, but...” She stopped herself before she said something she couldn’t take back. 

 

“Rey,” he choked out as he pulled his hand away from hers. “I wasn’t lying to you. My real name is Ben Solo.” 

 

A shit eating grin crossed her lips and she tilted her head at him. “I’m gonna need more than that.”

 

“Just give me five minutes to explain and if you still don’t believe me, then I’ll never speak to you again.” Something about his tone, made her feel like this was deathly serious. It threw her for a loop. 

 

“Okay. Five minutes,” she agreed. She slipped her phone out of the clutch she had under her arm this whole time and started a timer. “Go.”

 

“I’m a prince,” he blurted out in a panic. 

 

Rey’s eyes went wide. That’s not what she was expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter took a while to write, probably because it's 23 pages... And the wedding STILL isn't over. More Hux/Phasma wedding coming next chapter as well. Hopefully you enjoyed the lighter tone of this one. I certainly needed it after the heaviness underlying the past few chapters. 
> 
> And thanks again to my beautiful awesome beta @the-little-momaid she fucking rocks! 
> 
> xoxo


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While writing this chapter - it was supposed to be the end of the wedding - I realized that 18 pages in, I was no where near done, which lol is a lot because that's almost 40 pages just dedicated to the wedding overall. However, I decided since this is such a huge part of the story, I would break it up further, so next chapter will conclude the wedding!

Check out my chapter 11 mood board on [tumblr ](https://fabradicalfem.tumblr.com/post/177245553896/the-lay-over-chapter-11-is-now-up-on-ao3-the)with set pics and what Rey's wearing. AND NOW ON TO THE STORY!

 

“I’m a prince.”

She felt as if the world had fallen into a black hole; everything became a muted and confused void. This had to be a joke. Yet, his eyes told her a different story.

“A prince,” she deadpanned, trying to wrap her head around the mind boggling excuse. He swallowed and looked as if he wasn’t sure whether to stay in place or bolt, which only fueled the fire of her confusion and rage. “Are you going to elaborate? Because at this moment it sounds like the most bullshit excuse I’ve ever heard,” she said, her voice patronizingly icey. “Do you think I’m an idiot, Kylo? Do you?”

Ben ran his non injured hand through his hair. “Of course not… It’s complicated.”

“Mmhmm. I’m sure,” she spat. It took only two seconds to regret giving him this chance, but she said she’d give him five minutes so she stayed put. At least for another fifty seconds. Despite the overpowering need to either laugh in his face or knee his groin, she stayed quiet and glared at him.

“You think I’m lying,” he said, his throat bobbing nervously.

She rolled her eyes at his dejected tone. “Fuck yes, I think you’re lying. This isn’t a bloody Disney movie. It’s real life. Why would I believe you? I don’t even know you.”

Ben nodded curtly in agreement. “You’re right, you don’t.” He raised his right hand for her to shake his hand. “I’m Prince Benjamin Amidala Organa-Solo, heir to the throne of Alderaan.”

She mockingly glared at his hand, refusing to shake it. He dropped it and sighed heavily at her evident rejection.

 _Is he a pathological liar,_ she thought to herself. _If so, let’s make this fun_. “Alderaan,” Rey said. “Where is it?”

“It’s a small country on the borders of France and Spain. Most people have never heard of it. My sister lives in Paris - I was visiting family the day we met,” he explained quickly. “Only my parents live in the palace any longer.”

“Really?” she said, feeling nauseated at how easily he came up with the lie. “You grew up in a palace, but you live in New York City and you go by Kylo here. Sure, that sounds normal.”

Ben sighed and rolled his neck, scratching at the back of his head in frustration. “My mother became queen when I was young.” Rey looked at him like he had two heads, so he sped up. “I spent my childhood mostly in New York. My father’s from the city, so mom moved here when they married. My sister and I were born here. My mother took the crown when I was ten, that’s when we all moved to Alderaan. I lived in the palace after that.”

Rey blinked, letting his words sink in. Despite all the time she had spent over the past six months, she never once thought of this answer.

“Just google me, Rey.”

“I did,” she gritted out, feeling heat rise in her cheeks. “I fucking searched for a Ben Solo and nothing came up, which makes a hell of a lotta sense now, Kylo Ren.”

He smiled tightly at her. “That’s because Solo is my birth name, not my royal name. Google Benjamin Organa.”

Rey would have much rather punched the man and walked away, but she hated mysteries. Either this man was the best liar she ever met or he was telling the truth. She opened safari on her phone and typed in the name he suggested, biting the inside of her cheek hard enough to draw blood. True to his word, within seconds a picture of him popped up and a list of links to his wikipedia page and a multitude of articles appeared.

“Oh,” Rey mumbled as she opened a link to a well known French magazine, Elle, speed reading an article on the Hottest Wealthy Bachelors Across the Globe to find Ben’s name, mocking her. She froze on his entry, a picture of him staring at her, and quickly read it in French, translating it as she went.

Number 19: Benjamin Amidala Organa. While often appearing bored and cagey during his rare public appearances at royal events, his height, mane of raven locks, dreamy eyes and mouth would make any girl melt. His politics may be too liberal for some as he follows in Queen Leia’s footsteps, but his title as future king of Alderaan and wealth certainly don’t hurt…

“Bloody impossible,” she breathed as she finished the article.

“Only family uses Solo.”

Pretending to ignore his last comment, Rey clicked back and read another article; she couldn’t even begin to process that statement. All links directed her to much of the same. Rarely an interview directly with him. However, there were many photos taken at events, some with an older woman wearing a tiara, who she assumed was his mother. Paparazzi shots and photos taken on cell phones of mostly young women’s arms wrapped around his waist as he smiled politely at the camera graced her screen. Not to mention, lots of gossip about where the prince had disappeared to years ago for he was rarely seen in public anywhere except at his required royal appearances. It was too much for him to fake for a quick lay, she quickly realized.

This was real. Ben Solo was real.

She swallowed as it crashed down on her like a strong wave, riptide pulling her under. “But how?” she asked breathily, glancing up to meet his now shy gaze. “How the fuck -,” she started and then quickly closed her mouth in shock before she could finish her thought.

“How what?” he offered softly. His voice a stark contrast to his posture: fists clenched by his side, his back and shoulders rigid. It was as if he was preparing for her to punch him any second.

“Why… Why are you here in New York going by Kylo?” she whispered, hoping that her voice wouldn’t scare him off. If she could end up fucking a prince by accident, then nothing made sense anymore.

“Because Alderaan is a small country,” he said, not unkindly. “Not many people outside of France pay attention to us. But if word got around I was in New York, life would be different. My mother would insist on security and I like not having my family reputation dictate my life. When I moved back here as an adult I crafted a persona for myself, so I could either fail or succeed on my own. It snowballed from there.”

“So you didn’t lie to me,” she said. “You’re just lying to literally everyone else here.” The irony wasn’t lost on her.

Ben chuckled dryly. “Yes, I suppose that’s true.”

“Why do you care what I think?” Rey blurted out before her brain could catch up. “Why tell me all of this?”

Ben stopped laughing and stared at her with both a look of mirth and confusion. “You really don’t know?” he asked, his lips tilting into a subtle smirk.

If she didn’t want to kiss him so badly she’d smack him. She licked her lips, her tongue quickly disappearing again, and watched as his eyes darted to her mouth. Resisting a smirk of her own, she said, “I think I do know, so why did you give up so easily eight months ago?”

Ben grinned, his adorable dimples and crooked teeth showing for the first time all day, making Rey want to groan. It took almost nothing from this man to make her wet. Apparently, he could simply smile and she would practically gush on command.

“You’ve been counting, huh?”

Rey bit her tongue. Shit. Too specific. He knows nothing, she reminded herself. He’ll never know. It’s fine.

“You haven’t?” Rey asked with raised eyebrows, trying to play it cool despite her fuzzy brain. She really needed a fucking glass of water. “You’re the one who wanted my number. Not the other way around.”

“Yes, true and you refused.” He sounded bitter.

Rey rolled her eyes again. “Yes, I did because I knew you were hiding something. It seems I was correct.”

Ben hummed in agreement sullenly, “You were.”

“You could have fought for it a little. That is unless you know something I don’t like maybe the prince already has a betrothed?” From what she had read, Benjamin Organa was very single, but the media didn’t always know everything.

“What? No. I’m not engaged,” he hissed, abruptly shaking his head, his hair falling in his eyes. “I am entirely single.”

Biting the inside of her cheek nervously, she nodded. “You can’t date a commoner though… Won’t you need to marry a princess or something?” There was no way his parents would approve of her if they actually had exchanged numbers so many months ago. This could go nowhere good. It would only end in disappointment and heartbreak.

“My father was a working class American before he married my mother and became a duke. I can choose whoever I want.” Well, at least he hoped. He’d get to that later.

Racking her brain to come up with a good reason to walk away, she stood in front of him. “Would Alderaanians accept I’m part English part Latina?” she asked hesitantly. “I never followed the royal family closely, but it hasn’t been easy for Meghan. I know it’s different. I’m not black, but it’s not exactly like Latinas experience universal love all over the world.”

Ben blinked at her question, barely able to conceal his shock. The insinuation behind her statement was obvious. If we got married would your people accept me? It may have been too blunt, Rey realized regretfully. She was assuming too much. She opened her mouth to back track but he cut her off.

“Yes, it’s been difficult for Harry and Meghan but they managed to work through it. They were quite happy at their wedding.” A soft smile played across his features, his lips barely turning upwards.

“You went to the wedding.” Fuck, she thought. This cannot seriously be happening.

“Yes. As teenagers I became friends with Will and Harry. We aren’t close, but decorum demands we interact from time to time.” She suddenly felt even more overwhelmed. “Rey,” he whispered. It seems she wasn’t hiding her feelings too well at the moment because his eyes looked softer with a hint of concern. “Yes, there are bigots everywhere. But there is no reason why it should be a problem for us if - if you chose to date me.”

She opened her mouth to say something and closed it, so he quickly continued.

“My mother is perfectly healthy. I won’t be king for at least another twenty years. I don’t have to live in Alderaan until then. I’m free to do anything I please,” he added, his gaze so intense she was afraid she’s get burned by it. “I can have a semi-normal life for a while. Maybe even get married and have a couple of kids in New York. I can give them a normal childhood here. At home, it’s different. They’d still be royalty, but here they’d have more freedom.”

Rey’s traitorous heart beat wildly in her chest when he uttered the word “kids” and now she felt nauseated. I should walk away now, she told herself, the full reality of the situation now blaringly loud to her ears. She was terrified of what he would think if he did ever find out her secret. No matter what, she knew now was not the time to lay that on him.

“Then why didn’t you fight for my number?” She stared up into those big brown eyes, waiting for his answer. It silenced her internal panic instantly, calming her like a valium.

Ben moved his jaw, his lips practically pursed in a pout. “You seemed determined to run,” he finally answered.

“You’re not wrong. I’m not great at this,” she sighed, gesturing her hand holding her iphone between them, her other still grasping the alcohol by her side tightly.

“Oh, no. You’re fantastic at sex,” Ben said with a hint of a smirk.

Rey glared at him. “I know I’m good at that... I meant feelings or whatever’s between us. That, I’m horrible at.” Her cheeks grew red at the admission.

“I am not the most successful at dating either,” he said. Rey smiled as he awkwardly slid his hands into his pants pockets, the overconfident cocky facade slipping slightly.

Fuck it. Rey brought the alcohol to her lips and took a long swig of the burning liquid, grimacing as she swallowed; she hated the taste of straight vodka. Ben watched her closely, looking unsure of what to do now. Taking pity on him, she held the bottle out to him and nodded. He grabbed it from her hand and took a sip as well. Granted, a much smaller sip.

Rey glanced around and noticed a bench nearby. Without a word she sauntered over to it and sat down, stretching her legs and smoothing out her navy dress. The sounds of heavy footsteps on dirt made their way to her, but Rey didn’t look up. Her mind was swimming with thoughts and she didn’t quite know how to silence them now that she wasn’t so distracted.

Seconds later, he placed the vodka on the ground and sat down next to her, folding his legs in at an awkward angle to give her enough space on the bench. Smiling at the considerate move, Rey turned to look at him. His black suit jacket was now slung on his arm, the white button down clinging to his muscles and the sweet black bow tie around his neck on display. In the light of the setting sun, Rey realized, she didn’t think he could look more beautiful. She crossed her legs in a subconscious attempt to settle her nerves and the pulsing between her thighs before looking away from him. “I have so many questions,” Rey said, her lips creased in a frown.

“Ask away.”

“In your speech you said something about working with Hux and Phasma. What do you do? You never said...”

Ben nodded. “Phasma’s in a different department, one we rarely work with. I’m the Creative Director of Marketing at FO Media. Hux is VP. We handle a large assortment of commercial media campaigns.”

“And everyone thinks your name is Kylo Ren?” she whispered.

“Mmhmm.”

“Fuck. So no one knows who you really are? Isn’t -”

“You do,” he said, smiling sadly.

Rey tilted her head to the side. “Isn’t it lonely?”

“Yes,” he answered truthfully. “But being publically known as royalty is lonely as well.”

Before she could stop herself she gently pushed his hair behind his ear and ran the pad of her thumb against his warm, smooth cheek. In response he closed his eyes and sucked in his bottom lip. She desperately wanted to kiss him, but knew herself better than to give in so easily. The second she did, her concerns and questions would be thrown out the window.

“You made it sound like it was a surprise when you were a kid,” she hummed, thinking out loud.

“Hmm?” he mumbled, his eyes still closed as she rubbed small circles into his cheek.

“Was your mother not supposed to be queen?”

Opening his eyes, he slipped his hand between her palm and his cheek and held her small wrist still. “I’m sure you can find your answers on my family’s wiki page,” he replied dryly.

“I want to hear it from you,” she huffed, her eyebrows furrowed in annoyance at his tone. She tugged at his grip and he released her hand.

His hand fell to his lap, his eyes sparking with sadness or regret. Before Rey could decide, she slipped her small fingers between his own and his palm closed around hers in a gentle yet strong grip. He glanced down at his lap for a moment, taking in their clasped hands and the way it made him feel.

“She never thought she’d end up queen,” he explained slowly, his eyes taking on a wistful far off look. “My uncle Luke, my mother’s twin brother, was supposed to be king. But, he abdicated the throne unexpectedly shortly after my grandmother Breha died. He didn’t want the responsibility or some other bullshit. I don’t know why he did it. All I know is that by abdicating he threw my family to the dogs... My mother was next in line. She’s always put duty first, so she became queen. We uprooted our lives. We left New York, our schools, our friends. My father lost his career. He hated it. Still hates it, I think... He signed up to marry a princess, not a queen. All of our lives changed after that. Because of a moment of selfishness, my life is now dictated by duty as well. It always will be.”

“That sounds difficult,” Rey said after a moment. She knew what it was like to have her whole world turned upside down as a kid. She understood the way a sudden change shook a child to their core and while Ben’s childhood was vastly different from her own, nearly the very epitome of opposite, she could feel for him. “Before, did you know you were a prince?”

Ben stared at their intertwined fingers in reflection. “Yes. In theory, I knew. My mother spoke of Alderaan often in bedtime stories. Yet, we rarely visited. Our lives were normal.” Ben cleared his throat and Rey stayed perfectly still, not wanting to interrupt him. “We lived well off, of course, in a highrise in Manhattan. My mother stayed home. My father worked. Kay and I had chores like other kids and we spent our days playing, reading, watching television shows and going to school. I was only ever called Prince Benjamin in Alderaan, so when we moved it was odd. Everything became formal, felt unattached suddenly.”

He took a deep breath and released it, his shoulders shaking from the effort. Rey couldn’t stop staring at his soft eyes as he got lost in memories.

“Coming back to New York was a breath of fresh air. It was a reprieve I desperately needed. I can’t give it up… At least, not yet,” he admitted, his voice smooth. She wasn’t sure if he truly meant the city or just everything it offered. Maybe, it even included her.

Before she could get her hopes up, she said, “I noticed Alderaan’s national language is French… Is it true you really don’t speak it?”

“Like I said before,” Ben said sadly. “I never lied to you. I can speak a bit, but not much. I understand it... My mother is fluent in Spanish, French, Mandarin and English; all Alderaanians are expected to know at least French and English. She spoke French at home with my sister and I often, but we usually spoke English. My father isn’t bilingual, even now after living in Alderaan for a good twenty years.”

Rey’s eyebrows creased in confusion. “Won’t it be a problem when you become king if French is the national language?”

“Yes. I’m sure my mother will insist I get a tutor soon,” he chuckled. “So you believe me?” His voice was rough when he looked at her, his eyes conveying hope for the first time all night.

Leaning against the bench she shook her head in surprise, chuckling to herself. “Yes, for some god forsaken reason, I believe you.” Smiling apologetically, Rey glanced at him. “I don’t want to, but I’ve been gone from the party for a while. Finn will probably try to come find me soon, if I don’t go back inside.”

His carefree attitude changed in a split second as he released her hand and silently threaded his fingers through his hair in what Rey had come to understand was a nervous tick. Everyone had them, apparently even princes. “I almost forgot,” he admitted, looking behind her, towards the noise. “You should be getting back to your date.” His voice grew cold, sending an icy chill down her spine.

A wide smile broke across her glossed lips when she realized who he was speaking of. “You mean Finn?” she asked, amused.

“Yes.”

“It isn’t a date. He’s my roommate,” Rey explained. “He might as well be my brother. I’m his wingman, that’s it.” Her smile turned into a smirk. “Not to mention, he’s gay. He doesn’t like pussy. Not like you do,” she teased, remembering the way he ate her out with such enthusiasm multiple times so many months ago.

His eyes lit up in what could only be relief, his mouth slightly agape. Rey licked her lips, memories flooding back. His eyes darkened with desire and she assumed he must have been revisiting the same memories.

“Are you currently dating anyone, Rey?” he asked, his voice gruff with lust.

She shook her head. “You?”

“No,” Ben grunted, his jaw tensing as he forced himself to stay in place. “I want you. Only you.”

Rey smiled brilliantly, relief and hope filling her chest with something warm and fuzzy she had almost completely forgotten.

“Do you wanna dance?” she asked, surprising even herself.

“What?”

“I won’t tell anyone your secret, if that’s what you’re worried about. You can stop freaking out. It’s not mine to tell.”

“Thank you. I trust you. I just - are you sure?” he asked, his eyes betraying his calm exterior.

He’s worried about something else, then.

“Am I sure that I want to dance with a man who I had insanely great sex with almost a year ago? A man who didn’t lie to me and who still seems to be sweet under the rather rough exterior. Yes, of that, I am very sure.” Her lips pulled into another small smile, despite her mind screaming at her to walk away, for this was far too complicated. “Of everything else, I have no fucking clue.”

When Ben looked at her like she had just descended from the heavens, she blushed and tilted her head to the side. “What could one dance hurt?”

Ben nodded, seemingly unable to form words, and stood up when she did. With their fingers still threaded together, they walked back towards the reception side by side in a comfortable silence. Following the now familiar path to the elaborate greenhouse, Rey stopped short right outside when she caught sight of his left hand and the bloody knuckles attached to it.

“How is your hand? I could grab a first-aid kit. I’m sure the gardens has one,” Rey said, unable to stop herself.

Ben blinked at her and quirked an eyebrow before closing and opening his free hand to test his range of motion and pain level. Once satisfied he shook his head. “I’m fine.”

Rey’s eyes widened at the almost mocking tone of his response. “Your hand looks like it was smashed with a bloody nail bat… The vodka probably helped to avoid an immediate infection, but it won’t heal properly unless you clean and bandage it.”

Ben squeezed her hand, the gesture oddly intimate for someone she barely knew. “I’ll go to the doctor tomorrow. Will that satisfy you?” he asked, sounding both exasperated and entertained.

Rey smiled up at the man towering over her and nodded. “Yes, thank you.”

He hummed in response and pulled her toward the door, opening it with his free hand for her to walk through first. The pounding of the music’s bass reverberated through the event hall, making Rey groan the at sudden influx of noise. They stopped at the bar and dropped off the bottle of vodka, Ben smiling at the baffled bartender as they weaved through couples and walked towards the dance floor. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against her ear, sending electricity through her body. “I’m not a great dancer,” he whispered.

She craned her neck to look at him, and the sincerity in his gaze caught her by surprise yet again. Feeling grateful that the man almost always slouched forward, she slipped her hand from his and wrapped her arms around his neck easily, her nails dragging through the base of his hair. “Don’t worry. I got you,” she teased, biting her lip slightly.

Before he could respond someone tapped her on her shoulder, jarring her to reality. She turned in his grip, his hands somehow on her hips - when did that happen? - and came face to face with Finn.

“Finn,” she squealed, having almost completely forgotten that he was also here.

Smiling tightly, he asked, “Can I talk to you Rey?”

She straightened slightly at hearing the edge to his voice and nodded immediately. Turning back to Ben, she said, “I’ll be right back. Don’t you dare leave.”

She followed Finn off the dance floor, leaving Ben before he could reply. Once they made it far enough away from the crowd, so she could actually hear the man, she asked, “What? What is it, Finn? Everything okay?”

He looked at her like she had two heads, his nostrils flaring. “I see you met Kylo,” he offered slowly with wide eyes. “You’re getting cozy fast.”

Rey snorted at the jealousy in his tone. “I’m sorry you haven’t found someone tonight, but I’m allowed to have fun.” She crossed her arms defensively and glanced behind him. Finn was the last person she should be talking to right now or maybe he was the best person.

“Yes, but he’s my boss’s boss,” he sighed, taking a gulp of his drink. “And he’s an ass.. I know you, Rey. Something’s been off all night. You’ve always liked tall, dark and handsome… But something’s different. I may have ignored it earlier when I saw the way he looked at you during his speech, but this is too weird. Something happened between you too before, didn’t it? Do you know him?”

Rey could barely hear the music for the only pounding in her ears seemed to be her heart. Her mouth went dry at the question and when she opened it to respond her voice was caught in her throat. She had no idea how to answer him. Finn was always too observant. This time was no different.

“Hi, sexy.”

Rey and Finn were both caught off guard by the voice of a tall woman, one of Phasma’s bridesmaids, in a lively red and white printed gown who had appeared beside him in a matter of seconds. Rey released a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding when Finn looked at the woman, evidently distracted at least momentarily.

“I’m Nia,” she beamed, her red lips twisting into a beautiful smile. “Wanna dance with me?”

Finn gaped at her, at a loss for words. If only she was a guy, Rey thought sadly.

Nia smirked at him with raised eyebrows for what felt like minutes but was surely only a few seconds. “Come on, you look like you’re a man who knows your way around the dance floor,” she cooed.

Rey bit her lip, attempting to hide a snort of laughter. If only she knew Finn loved going to gay clubs. “You aren’t wrong,” Rey interjected unhelpfully. “I’m Rey. That’s Finn.”

Nia hummed, “Nice to meet you,” and turned back to her best friend, smirking. “Interested?”

He grinned sweetly and scratched his arm awkwardly. “I’d love to. I feel I should disclose I’m gay though.”

Nia chuckled, “Just my luck. You were my last solid chance tonight.”

Finn furrowed his brows in irritation. “Last chance?”

“Sorry,” Nia apologized quickly. “You’re a little short for me, that’s al1.”

“I’m taller than you,” he scoffed.

She eyed his height, her eyebrows raised. “Not tonight.”

His mouth gaped at her. “If you weren’t wearing five inch heels, I would be,” he argued defensively.

Rey bit her lip and grimaced. He’d always been touchy about his height.

Nia grinned. “They’re three inches, not five.”

“Yeah, well, your ‘fro adds height too,” he mumbled, his shoulders raised. “I’d be taller if your hair was straight.”

“Mmhmm,” Nia agreed. “Maybe.”

“You should go dance,” Rey said, trying desperately not to laugh. “Go have fun!”

“You wanna?” Nia asked. “I didn’t mean it as an insult.”

Finn chuckled, not sure if he should feel insulted or embarrassed. All he knew was that he needed this conversation to end now. “Sure,” he agreed with a shrug. Glancing at Rey, he said, “You good?”

Rey grinned at her friend and nodded. “Yep.”

“Okay.” With one last nod and a knowing look he walked off with Nia, grabbing her hand as they made it to the dance floor and raising it to help her turn to the music. She knew the conversation wasn’t over for good, but at least he’d dropped it for the night.

Sighing, Rey glanced around the crowd searching for Ben. She found quite a few tables now empty. The older crowd must be slowing leaving, she realized, because it was mainly young people on the dance floor. How long were we outside for? And don’t they want to stay for the music? Rey thought confused. Granted, the music was overwhelmingly basic, mainly old hits from the 90s; it was nothing great so far, which surprised her considering she heard someone say during dinner that the DJ was someone famous.

She noticed Phasma and Hux talking to a group distractedly before the blonde leaned forward and kissed an older couple on their cheeks. Must be saying goodbye, she decided. Moving on, she quickly found the flower girl with fire red hair dancing amongst adults, throwing her little arms in the air and screeching in delight when someone picked her up. Rey smiled and found Ben amidst the crowd easily; he was standing awkwardly by the wall. She quickly made her way to him, pushing her way through hordes of people and uttering a soft “Excuse me” or “Sorry” every now and then.

“Hi,” she said once she made it to his side again.

He turned around when he heard her voice and smiled softly, holding out a fresh drink to her. “For you.”

She took the drink from his good hand and smirked. “Drink up!” she yelled over the loud beat and vocals of Rihanna’s What’s My Name; a hit from almost a decade ago. At least it’s not from the 90s, she thought happily.

He gave her a questioning glance that looked way too cute and made her stomach flip. “We’re dancing, remember?” she laughed. “Drink up, you’ll need it!” His jaw tensed, almost as if he regretted agreeing to it. “No take backs! We’re dancing as soon as I finish this.” She gestured to her new drink and took a large sip, eying him to do the same.

He rolled his eyes, something he rarely did from what she’d seen, and nearly downed the entire glass. Licking his lips, he said, “I need another. I’ll be right back!”

She nodded silently and took another sip as Ben walked away. With a small smile she continued sipping her drink while leaning against the wall and watching those on the dance floor. It was mostly Phasma and Hux’s friends. A splattering of maybe fifty year olds and tweens were also dancing to the song, but the majority of dancers were most likely in their twenties or early thirties. She tapped her foot to the beat, sinking into the rhythm and excitedly awaiting his return though she couldn’t blame the man for wanting to get a bit more drunk first. While he was a great lay, he didn’t seem the type to be very relaxed in front of a crowd. She was already relatively drunk, a warm buzz overtaking her body, so she couldn’t judge.

When she took the last sip of her drink he walked up next to her, slid his hand behind her back, landing on her waist and pulled her against his side. “Long line. What did I miss?” he crooned, leaning down so his lips grazed her ear.

“Not much. Too bad Finn is gay. He and Nia look good together,” she hummed, still watching the two dance.

Ben chuckled, his chest vibrating, setting her cheeks aflame. She loved the sound of his laugh. “Nia’s picky,” was all he offered.

“You know her well?” Rey asked, feeling curious as she leaned her head against his chest.

“Well enough.”

Rey turned around in his arms and smirked. “What does that mean?”

“We haven’t slept together if that’s what you’re asking,” he huffed.

She shrugged, grinning. “Just checking.”

The song switched and Rey’s eyes went wide at the familiar hum of Nicki Minaj’s voice when she realized what song was playing. She playfully slapped Ben’s shoulder and sang along as he watched her with rapt attention. “Baby just get on your knees. Say pretty, say pretty, say pretty please,” she mouthed, staring at Ben with a devilish smile, her tongue peaking out of her mouth between her teeth, her nose scrunched up in delight. His eyebrows shot up at the innuendo. “I’ll be back at eleven, you just act like a peasant. Got a bow on my panties because my ass is a present,” Rey rapped.

He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, his normally soft brown eyes now darkening by the second as she played with his shirt collar and whispered the lyrics to him. “I be laughing when you beggin’ me, to just put the head in. Let me sit on your face -” Ben took a sip of his drink and coughed loudly as the lyrics got more explicit. Laughing, Rey patted his chest. “Okay, finish that drink. We’re dancing. Come on before the song is over!”

Ben grimaced in discomfort but downed the glass in one go and put his and Rey’s glasses down on the nearest table. Laughing nervously, Rey led him to the dance floor, still lip synching the lyrics to him. “It’s good for your nutrition, get head like a beautician. Got me twitchin’, finish your mission. You make it come down, you make it run down.”

His cheeks were flushed, his breathing slightly elevated and Rey knew it wasn’t from the alcohol, so she intertwined her fingers with his and started gyrating to the beat, trying to loosen him up, moving his arms with hers in the air. Staring at her like she was a miracle, he danced with her and within a minute his shoulders relaxed noticeably. She took the opportunity to turn around in his arms and curl her ass against his groin, brushing his pants slightly to the rhythm a few times. His breath hitched against her neck and she smiled, twisting in his arms to see him again when the song ended. Silence enveloped the room for a millisecond and then another popular song from 2014 came on, distracting her from his heated gaze for another moment. Jumping, Rey bounced her shoulders up to the beat as Finn danced up next to them, singing along to the song. Afterall, Bang Bang was their jam four years ago. Rey laughed and allowed herself to dance without thought, her limbs moving as if they belonged to someone else as she lost herself in the tunes.

A few songs passed in a haze as everyone danced to their own rhythm, some people completely off beat, but no one cared. Everyone was having too much fun. It wasn’t long before Phasma and Hux, who both seemed reasonably drunk by now, joined them on the dance floor and one of Rey’s favorites came on. When Rihanna’s mega hit came on Finn, Phasma, Nia, Bazine and Rey all yelled, “Bitch better have my money!” and quickly ended up singing the song together and laughing throughout the entire song while Ben smiled at Rey like she was sunshine itself.

Time went by in a whirlwind. Ben and Rey danced to countless songs by Rihanna, Ariana Grande, Beyonce, Drake, Nicki, Selena, The Veronicas and other popular artists over the past five to ten years. As time went by, their movements became more stilted, more suggestive. Ben’s hands slid all over her body while Rey felt up his chest, ran her fingers through his hair and ground against his chub.

Somewhere in the middle of the night, Rey took off her heels, so she could dance without worrying about breaking an ankle. While it felt great to not be jumping on stilts, she was almost a full head shorter than Ben now, which meant he had to lean down further to reach her. She didn’t mind it, as it meant his face was closer to hers more often, but it couldn’t be comfortable for him.

Eventually, after what felt like hours and almost a full pound of sweat excreted by the group of friends, the DJ decided to switch it up a bit. In the place of another pop classic, the sweet soulful crooning voice of John Legend came booming out of the speakers and the whole floor froze. People partnered up or left to grab another drink and cool off.

Yet, Rey was left staring at Ben, their chests heaving from exertion. She didn’t know what to do. He lifted his hand, palm up, and waited for her to take it. He smiled softly, his face a bit red and hair sweaty, and the events of the past five hours crashed over her like a wave, leaving her feeling utterly breathless.

Out of all the girls, You're my one and only girl. Ain't nobody in the world tonight.

After a momentary lapse in feeling she realized his hand was still outstretched and alone. She took it without another thought and let him take a step closer, placing his hand at her waist. She slid her free hand up to his shoulder. Rey smiled to herself as she listened to the lyrics of a song she barely knew and enjoyed the feeling of him so close to her as they swayed to the song. His touch was both steadying and unnerving.

All of the stars, you make them shine like they were ours, Ain't nobody in the world but you and I. You and I. Ain't nobody in the world but you and I.

She closed her eyes and placed her forehead on his warm chest, taking a moment to get her heart rate under control. When he placed his nose against the crown of her head and kissed her hair she swallowed roughly at the sweet gesture.

“Rey,” he whispered, his voice shaky and rough with lust and something else she couldn’t place.

She glanced up at him and saw something in his eyes she’d never seen before. She stilled like a deer in headlights. His hand came up to brush a few hairs out of her face, his fingers so gentle she could barely feel them and in this moment she knew there was no turning back. His calloused fingertips ran along the length of her jaw and tilted her chin up.

Her breath hitched in her chest as he leaned down and slotted his lips against her own in a soft slow caress. It was nothing like the first time they kissed; it was sweeter, almost hesitant and most definitely emotional. She barely had time to respond when he pulled away enough to look at her, to watch her response. She didn’t know what he saw, but it must have been good because he pulled her closer, his hand at her waist gripping her tightly as he kissed her again, his tongue darting into her mouth and suddenly she was without a care in the world. He pulled away, both breathing heavily and she swore her heart was pounding out of her chest. It didn’t matter that they were standing in the middle of the room with people all around them. She looked up into the comforting expressive eyes of Ben and knew that nothing would ever be the same. And maybe, just maybe, for the first time in her life she didn't hate the idea of change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to say, thank you all so much for following my story and commenting on it! It warms my heart and makes my day when I see each of your comments, whether it's your first or your sixth, thank you. I enjoy them so much and they keep me going. There is absolutely nothing worse than working on a chapter for hours and hours and then getting no response, so thank you from the both of my heart. It mean the world to me and gives me renewed purpose to keep writing and cranking out long ass chapter after long ass chapter - I'm apparently incapable of concise lmao. 
> 
> Let me know what you think of the chapter by commenting below or contacting me through tumblr @fabradicalfem I'd love to hear from you all! xoxo


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO this chapter is pretty much just 10k words of smut and fluff so sweet it'll rot your teeth with just a splattering of plot mixed in. Hopefully you enjoy that sorta thing ;) 
> 
> Again thanks to my lovely beta @the-little-momaid

 Check out my [chapter 12 moodboard](https://fabradicalfem.tumblr.com/post/177592393496/chapter-12-of-the-lay-over-is-now-on) on tumblr! 

 

 

Hours had gone by. How many, Rey didn’t know; She’d been too busy dancing, laughing and kissing Ben to notice anything else. The hordes of guests had thinned out until only a little more than a few dozen remained. The DJ was still playing tunes, the bar still serving free drinks and trays of bite sized desserts were still being brought around. Rey couldn’t have been happier despite the fact that they looked a drunken mess.

During the night Ben’s bow tie had somehow gotten untied, now hanging limply on his chest, a couple of buttons of his dress shirt came undone and his hair was sticky from sweat. Rey couldn’t have fared much better though she’d avoided mirrors for the past few hours so she didn’t know for sure. There were signs though. The way she had to keep blowing pieces of hair out of her face. The evident sweat beads that cascaded down her forehead, most likely ruining her makeup. The wet pools of sweat dampened fabric under her arms and breasts. She probably looked like shit, but she didn’t care. She was basking in the glow of hope and the sound of Ben’s soft breath against her neck.

The night was pitch black outside. Only the warm glow of twinkle lights reflected across the garden illuminating colorful and fragrant flowers, fields of lush green grass and trees, were visible to the naked eye.

With clasped hands Rey led him down the now familiar path, only moonlight to guide them as they walked farther away from the party. He followed a couple of steps behind her, his nose brushing up against the back of her head occasionally. Rey’s heart hammered away in her chest at the sweet gesture and everything else that had happened tonight. Adrenaline coursing through her veins made her tipsy brain scream in need. She needed to get Ben away from the crowd, away from it all. She needed to kiss him again, to feel him against her.

They needed to be alone.

Once the booming music in the distance subsided, Rey slowed down and eventually stopped. The second she did he leaned down and kissed her neck, his chest now pressed against her back. She shivered at the gentle contact and closed her eyes. “Ben,” she whimpered, resting her head against his chest as he snaked his arms around her waist to hold her against him. The feeling of his tongue darting out to lick up drying salty perspiration on her exposed neck up to her ear made her knees weak. “Fuck.”

He pushed her hair aside gently, his fingertips eliciting trails of goosebumps in their wake. She tilted her head to the side to give him more room as he went back to kissing her neck. One hand tightened on her waist while his other slid lower over her stomach, setting her body aflame.

“Let’s take it slow this time,” Rey gasped, not all together thrilled with the idea. Yet, she knew she couldn’t sleep with him here. She needed to get her head on straight before that happened again. _If_ , she corrected herself. _If it happens again_.

She felt him nod silently as he went about working on the shell of her ear. That wasn’t an answer. “Ben, please,” she said. “Say something.”

Instantly, his arms froze at her tone. “Do you want me to stop?” he whispered gruffly into her ear.

“No. Not exactly.”

His arms relaxed and he gently pulled her flush against him. He pressed a chaste kiss to her neck. She could feel his hard cock poking at her lower back and while it’s heat would normally make her whimper in anticipation, the gesture was an oddly sweet one right now.

“Date before sex,” she added, her chest heaving.

“Whatever you want,” he muttered, slurring his words slightly. She wasn’t the only one drunk. “Can we make out at least?”

Rey chuckled, nodding. “Yes,” she said, closing her eyes to fully enjoy the way his lips and hot breath felt against her ear. “Fuck, yes.”

“Birds?”

“Hmm?” Rey hummed, confused by the sudden turn in conversation.

His fingers traced a small patch of skin behind her ear that bore three small birds with wings raised. “You have another tattoo,” he mumbled, sounding surprised.

She slipped her hands over his arm on her stomach. “Ignore it, I was nineteen when I got it. Please don’t stop,” she breathed, hoping that would be the end of the conversation. It wasn’t.

“How did I miss it before?” he asked, his voice laced with confusion and something that truly perplexed her, emotion.

 _It’s just a tattoo_ , she thought, feeling slightly aggravated that he’d stopped kissing her neck or playing with her ear. “You were a bit distracted,” she said instead.

“True,” he hummed in agreement. “And we were both drunk.”

“I didn’t drink that much. We shared a bottle and a half of wine, that’s it. I’m much drunker now.”

“ _What?_ ”

Rey turned, his arms caged around her, and slung her arms around his neck so she could play with his hair. “I said I am _much_ drunker now.” She smiled wide and shrugged happily. “I was only buzzed when we got to the hotel. It wore off almost completely by the end of the night.” Ben looked at her like she had just revealed something incredibly important and she blushed. _Had he not realized?_

“Can we drop it now?” she asked, biting her lip. “I wanna kiss you.”

He never responded. Instead, he swept her off her feet, one arm now under her knees, his other wrapped around her waist.

“What are you doing?” Rey gasped, midlaugh. Her fingers dug into his shoulders at the sudden movement, enjoying the way she felt his muscles move in effort as he carried her somewhere further away from the party. _God, I love this man_ , she thought, her brain not registering the meaning in her haze.

“Privacy.” His eyes didn’t spare her a glance as he was wholly focused on the road ahead of them, trying his best not to trip or drop her.

“Ben,” she whispered, her fingers tangling in the back of his long hair. “I lov-” but she cut herself off in a panic. It was too soon to say it - way too soon - and even drunk Rey understood this so instead, she leaned forward and kissed him greedily. He groaned against her lips, making her feel bold. She opened her mouth to him, his tongue dipping in to caress her own and she gripped his head like a vice in response as their lips moved together in unison.

It felt natural to be in his arms again like they were destined to be together. His lips gliding against her own. His cologne filling her senses and enveloping her like an old friend. It felt like she was returning home.

She wanted him. She wanted this, whatever it was between them, and while she wanted him to take her here in the gardens, right now, she was terrified. This wasn’t her usual one night stand, or hell, even a two night stand. This meant something to her. Ben meant something to her. And in the back of her mind she couldn’t forget what happened _after_ the last time they slept together. It ruined the thought for her, even while plastered.

Rey closed her eyes and forced her mind to go blank. She could do this. She could forget about what had and could happen. She could live in the moment, at least for tonight, and forget about what lay ahead for them if they actually dated. Tomorrow was a different story, but she would handle it then. Right now, she just wanted to be close to the man. To feel something in her gut that she had barely dared hope for for all these years. To feel safe, cared for, cherished and maybe even loved. That’s not too much to ask for, was it?

Once they reached the familiar lines of cherry blossom trees, Ben set her down on the ground next to a particularly large one. Rey smiled wide, her head vaguely blurry, and intertwined her fingers with the man who was staring at her like she was everything and a ghost all at the same time. She took a couple of steps back and Ben followed immediately before pouncing on her, his lips attacking hers ferociously while his hands released hers to skate down her neck and bare shoulders. She backed up against the tree, hiding them both from view of onlookers, and grabbed his shirt to pull him closer as he sucked on her bottom lip, tugging at it lightly with his teeth. His knee nudged her legs apart and Rey moaned when she felt the pressure of his thigh against her clothed cunt.

He pulled away, his lips still grazing hers, and asked, his voice both gruff and concerned, “Is this okay?”

Rey nodded enthusiastically while running her fingers through his hair. “Yes.”

He smiled against her lips, his eyes still closed, as she ground her hips against his leg experimentally. Rey bit her lip and furrowed her brows as the dull ache between her legs grew at the rough friction of her lace thong, the fabric of his pants and the muscle of his thigh rubbing against her wet pussy lips, edging at her clit tantalizingly. If her panties hadn’t been soaked through by now from all the grinding on the dance floor she’s sure it would have been uncomfortable. It wasn’t.

She sped up her thrusts against his leg and threw her head back, hitting the tree with a wack that would surely ache later. She didn’t notice the pain now though. No. All she could think about was Ben’s lips and tongue as he sucked on her neck and the way it made her gasp in a mixture of pleasure and pain. His large hand gripping her ass as she rode his leg and his other hand coming up to palm her breast through her dress. Her nipples pebbled under his touch and she held onto his head for dear life, but the sensation, the burn, wasn’t enough. She groaned in frustration and pulled at his hair.

His lips dis-attached from her skin with a pop and he leaned away, tilting his head so he could see her face. “What?”

“More.”

“Rey,” he sighed, his eyes pleading. “I promised -”

“I know what you promised. You can keep that promise,” she said, her eyes closed, head tilted back against the tree. Before he could reply she grabbed his hand on her breast and slid it down her body, guiding him. With her other hand she lifted her dress slightly and guided his hand under it to where she desperately needed him. Resting his forehead against her own, he groaned as she slid his fingers inside her lace panties. “Fingers is plenty,” she sighed.

“Rey, are you sure?” he asked, his hand stilling against her cunt. “You sure you aren’t too drunk?”

Rey snorted. She was definitely drunk, but she still had her wits about her. She was fine. “I’m not slurring my words, you are. Maybe _you’re_ too drunk?”

“I’d fuck you right here, if that’s what you wanted. This isn’t about what I want,” he said sincerely, almost breathless. “You wanted a date first. I can do that.”

His response sent a pleasurable chill down her spine at the thought. She opened her eyes to look at him and found him staring at her, expression open and honest.

“I just -” Rey sighed and shook her head. “Fingers is good, Ben. Wait on other stuff?” she asked, feeling a weird sort of unease in the pit of her stomach.

“I can do that,” he said, swallowing a lump in his throat. He didn’t move.

“Ben,” she whined, grinding her cunt against his hand and snapping him to attention.

He leaned down and captured her lips in a searing kiss as his fingers slid between her folds teasing her entrance and clit, in a way that made her chest heave and her legs shake, for god knows how long. She gripped his wrist, nails digging into his flesh hard enough to leave a mark, as he pushed her thong aside and slipped a finger inside her warm tight cunt. Groaning in satisfaction, she opened her mouth to his needy tongue. She forgot how long his fingers were. Thrusting one into her made a vulgar noise that echoed in the night’s air as her juices dripped down her thigh. He did so one, two, three, no, four times and then slipped in a second finger and then a third, spreading her wide and making her core burn as she adjusted around his fingers. He peppered kisses to her mouth, cheeks and neck, slowly pushing his long thick fingers back into her cunt time and time again. He was deliberately slow as the angle of which he leaned forward and bent his knees was awkward at best, painful at worst. She wasn’t doing much better; her legs would eventually give out under his attentions, especially while in heels. After a short time he huffed in frustration, his breath warming her neck sending a chill down her spine, as her legs began to shake more violently. Rey couldn’t stand much longer. She knew it and now Ben must too.

“I can’t -” Rey began.

Not giving her the chance to finish her thought, Ben pulled his hand from her and grabbed her waist, his hands digging into her hips, lifting her against the tree harshly. Her back slammed against the cherry blossom, taking her breath away momentarily.

“Sorry,” he ground out.

Rey chuckled, her smile bright in the moonlight, as her left leg wrapped around his torso for support and his hands found her bare ass. She threw her hands around his neck, carding her fingers through his sweat drenched hair and pulling his lips to hers now that they were at a more equal height. The kiss was passionate and sweet, yet rough. It made Rey breathless. She opened her other leg wide and put her foot against his ass, hoping that it would remind him of what he was doing before. Without another word, Ben pressed his body against hers and moved one hand to her core, violently pushing her panties aside until they both heard the hem rip.

Unchallenged, Ben slipped his fingers inside her again in one deep thrust making her keen in pleasure. His forehead went to the hollow between her neck and shoulder, his eyes closed and brows furrowed in concentration as he drove his fingers into her. Leaning her head against his she pulled his forehead to her chest, her fingers gripping his head like a vise as her chest heaved, panting and moaning as the burning in her core grew and her thighs tensed. Her eyes rolled back in her head when he twisted his fingers and rubbed roughly at the spongy part inside her that made her see stars and constellations that weren’t visible to the naked eye. Her heel digging into his ass, her hands gripping his body for dear life, she came around his fingers, spasming and screaming. His free hand that gripped her ass came up and covered her mouth, dulling the feverish noise coming from her throat as her vision blurred and her mind became fuzzy.

She didn’t know how long they were huddled together, his fingers inside her, but when she came to they were both panting, his hand loosely covering her mouth, and she was still pressed against the tree. She let out a dry chuckle, her breath and lips grazing his palm, before kissing it. Taking notice to her change in demeanor he glanced up at her, his eyes wild and unfocused, but soft. So soft. He slipped his fingers from her welcoming cunt and placed one finger in his mouth, his eyes never leaving hers. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight, but she had something else in mind. Smirking wide she shook her head and received a brief look of confusion before she took his hand from his mouth and licked her own juices off of another finger. His nostrils flared and his eyes went wide. She took two of his coated fingers into her mouth, sucking and licking them before bobbing her mouth in an obscene gesture, cleaning them entirely. She released them with a slurp and a pop and leaned her head back against the tree, her eyes never leaving his.

Leaning in, he captured her lips once again, but this time it wasn’t needy or rushed. It was slow and sensual, built from undeclared love and trust. They broke apart in a desperate need for air, their chests rising and falling quickly. Resting his forehead against hers, he closed his eyes.

“May I have your number now?” he asked, smirking.

Rey licked her lips and ruffled his hair.  “Yes. I believe you’ve earned it,” she said, patting his cheek lightly.

“You’re not going to be easy, are you?” he muttered, his lips placing light pecks against the corner of her mouth.

Rey smiled. “Depends on what kind of easy you’re referring to.” Ben opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off. “Don’t answer that,” she laughed, her hands now running up and down his muscular back.

He hummed in response and kissed her softly, his lips grazing against her lazily, before placing his forehead against hers again in a gesture Rey could easily get used to. “Spend the night with me,” he breathed. His eyes closed as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against him until she could feel his bulge against her stomach.

“Ben,” she whispered, suddenly feeling unsure.

“Just sleep, Rey. We don’t have to do anything else,” he promised.

She relaxed in his arms instantly and grinned. “Okay, then. Let’s go.”

Ben’s lips curled into the sweetest smile, his imperfect teeth and large ears poking out from his messy hair making her even more grateful for her quick answer. He released his grip on her waist and she jumped down, her legs still felt slightly wobbly, but she could manage. Slipping her hand in his she smiled up at him, their height difference noticeable again and spoke before thinking. “I like tall men,” she said happily, unfazed until her words hit her. Maybe she shouldn’t have been standing yet.

“Excuse me.” He smirked and waited for an answer.

Rey groaned at her lack of filter and rolled her eyes before addressing him. “It’s nothing, just I’m 5’6. I’m not _that_ short, so a lot of men I’ve dated have barely been taller than me when I put on four inch heels.” Rey’s cheeks burned. “It’s just nice,” she whispered.

Ben cupped her cheek, tilting her chin up ever so slightly, so he could stare into her eyes. “So you’re saying 6’3 is a good height?”

Rey sighed and pushed a few strands of hair behind her ear. “Yes, Ben. It is,” she drawled, slightly annoyed. Her legs burned and her feet killed, she needed to either start walking soon or sit down. Glancing up at him and her lips quirking, she said, “Except apparently when you try to finger me while I stand, then it’s a bitch. Maybe dating someone shorter _is_ a better idea.”

His eyes flashed with something Rey couldn’t determine for it was gone seconds later. “Don’t you dare.” He took a step forward, his free hand grazing her hip bone through the fabric of her dress. “What are you doing Friday night?”

Rey’s mouth opened in shock, his body heat intoxicating in the warm summer night’s breeze. “Nothing, I think,” she admitted, unable to look away from him.

He smiled ever so slightly. “Date?” he asked, quirking his eyebrows up in question.

“Yes.”

“Good.” Ben let out a deep breath she hadn’t realized he’d been holding and used his free hand to fix her hair, running his fingers through a few knots and repositioning her waves in front of a few now blossoming bruises on her neck. “You look beautiful.”

Rey bit her lip at his tone and bent forward ever so slightly as she used her hands in an attempt to fix his mane of hair, but it barely worked. She hoped hers looked better than his. She brushed his lips with the pad of her thumb to remove any gloss before placing her free hand on his chest. She pretended not to notice the way it pounded rhythmically at the slightest touch. Rey swallowed her feelings and thoughts and patted the warm muscle of his pec. “Okay, do I look decent?” she asked, hoping that she didn’t look as wrecked as she felt.

He nodded, so she pulled their intertwined hands as she walked back to the party, Ben following closely behind her. When they made it to the elaborate greenhouse, she stopped. “I have to find Finn first,” she apologized. “You can wait out here if you want.”

Ben dropped her hand after kissing her knuckles. When he stepped back to lean against the glass wall, Rey silently nodded her head and walked inside. It looked like the event was winding down. The bar appeared to be closing, but the DJ was still here. She found Finn in the small crowd quickly. He was still dancing with Nia and a few others.

“Finn,” she said, jogging up to him after smiling at Nia in greeting.

He blinked and turned, his face lighting up in excitement. “Rey! It’s Rey, Nia!” he yelled happily. He was drunk, she realized. Very drunk.

“I’m leaving now,” she said quietly as people, guests and workers alike, curiously turned toward the noise on the dancefloor. “Will you be okay to get back on your own?” she asked, wondering just how drunk Finn had gotten. Rey was highly buzzed, her senses alight and hazy, her thoughts jumbled and her filter almost completely gone. Yet, she knew all that awaited her tomorrow was a blinding headache. Finn though seemed to be taking it to a whole other level.

“I’m fine!” His smile was blinding. “I’m great, Rey!”

“Good,” she laughed. “I’m glad. You’re phone all charged? You’ll probably want an uber.”

“Yep! I’m all set!” he slurred.

Rey nodded and resisted the urge to check herself and call an uber for him. Finn was a grown man who’d been taking care of himself for even longer than she had. He’d gotten wasted plenty of times and always ended up fine.

“Okay,” Rey relented, hugging him and kissing him on his sweaty cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have fun!” Finn yelled as she made her way off the dance floor before going back to his dancing partners.

Rey shook her head as she left the building. This wasn’t the way she expected her night to end, but it was a pleasant surprise.

When she found Ben standing in the spot she left him, she walked over and smiled. “Okay. Let’s go.”

A little while later, Ben was leading Rey into the building of an upper east side tower. She followed silently as he walked into the building and nodded to the doorman and security guard, walking past them toward the closest elevator. She noticed he used a key to gain access to the 20th floor, but didn’t know what to say. She’d assumed he made a lot of money and thus lived in a secure home, but the top floors were always penthouses in apartment buildings like this. She didn’t know how she felt about that, but perhaps that was just because her thoughts were still fuzzy. As she stood in the elevator next to Ben the balls of her feet and arches screamed at her to take off her heels, but she didn’t want to appear rude, so she bit the inside of her cheek to distract herself. Ben’s hand grazed hers as the doors opened and clasped his hand with hers before walking out into the sparse hallway.

“Do you have neighbors?” Rey asked, looking down the hall and seeing no other doors.

Ben gave her an odd look as he led her to a black door thirty feet away, unlocking it easily with a small key. “I own half of this floor. I rarely see the couple who own the other unit.”

Rey snorted at his matter-of-fact tone as he opened the door to his flat. She couldn’t imagine not seeing her neighbors. In fact, she doubted most people in NYC could say the same. She smiled softly at him and walked in, but froze ten feet inside his apartment when he turned on a light and she could look around the apartment. “Bloody hell,” she muttered under her breath when she heard Ben close the door behind them. She didn’t know what else to say.

To say that Ben’s flat was large and expensive was an understatement. The floors were wide plank wood stained a dark chocolate, the walls a soft light grey with white base molding. A small hallway led to a expansive living area with modern furnishings laid out in two sitting areas in white, brown, dark grey and even black. It felt cold and utilitarian. But what Rey couldn’t stop staring at were the windows; a long wall of floor to ceiling windows offset by thick steel in a zigzag pattern with triangular panes of glass set into the steel. The contrast of such a modern sterile design framing a city of skyscrapers and lights from such a height was stunning. Rey had never seen anything so beautiful.

Ben cleared his throat beside her and awkwardly placed his hands in his pants pockets. “Do you want to come in or just stare?”

She glanced up to see him slightly smirking at her. “Tour?” she asked, smiling back. “I’d like a tour.”

Nodding, he stepped out of the hallway and into the room she was admiring. She followed suit.

Raising his arms. “This is the main living area,” he announced. He pointed to his right. “As you can see, the kitchen’s open. Down that hall is two guest bedrooms and my home office.” He gestured to the left of the living room. “Down there is my bedroom suite.”  

Rey watched on, biting her lip as she glanced at the grey cabinets of the modern kitchen with gorgeous appliances that one would find in commercial kitchens. “You like to cook?”

Ben blinked at her curiously. “Yes. Are you hungry?” Rey shrugged, too self conscious to admit she would enjoy an after midnight snack. “I can make you something, if you want or you could peruse the pantry.”

Her eyes lit up. “You have a pantry?”

Shaking his head in amusement he said, “Yes. You wanna look?”

Rey wrinkled her nose and nodded. “If that’s okay,” she whispered sheepishly.

“Of course.” Ben placed his hand on her lower back, guided her to the kitchen and opened a door that led to a large walk in pantry.

“Ah shit, you have so much food in here,” Rey admired, looking at all her options. She had assumed he wouldn’t have any junk food, so when she found Oreos and animal crackers she turned around holding a small bag up. “What are these?” she teased, with raised eyebrows. “You eat animal crackers.”

Leaning against the side of the doorframe, Ben tilted his head at her. “I always have a stock of my nephew’s favorites in case he comes to visit,” he explained quietly.

She almost dropped the crackers. “Oh,” she said, suddenly unsure. She didn’t know he was an uncle. She found a large bag of unopened potato chips and grabbed it. “Okay if I eat this?”

He nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. She opened the bag with a pop and started eating a couple of chips. Ben grabbed a couple of bottles of water from the kitchen refrigerator and silently walked into the living room and down the hallway to his bedroom. She followed curiously, her heels clicking against the wood flooring loudly. Eating a fist full of salty chips she headed to his bedroom and looked around. The same wood panels coated the floors, but a darker grey paint sat on the walls. The furniture was nice: modern, sleek and similar shades of grey and black. Yet, again it was the view that captured her attention. The bedroom was curved slightly in a dome shape, the bed on the only wall that was free of windows or doors to what she assumed was his bathroom and closet. Glancing up she was stunned to see that the windows didn’t stop at one level. No the ceiling in this room was absurdly high and the windows went all the way to the ceiling. She opened her mouth to say something, but Ben spoke first.

“I’m sorry about ripping your underwear!” he yelled from what she believed was his walk in closet.

“It’s fine. They were old,” Rey replied, popping a chip into her mouth and chewing loudly as she plopped down on his king sized bed with silky grey sheets. She was too happy and tired and tipsy to care if crumbs coated her cheeks or his duvet, regardless of how expensive it probably was.

He walked into the room slowly, handing her a t-shirt once close enough. “Do you want shorts or something too?”

Looking up at him, she popped another chip in her mouth and spoke with her mouth full. “You don’t still have my thong, do you?” He looked confused for a moment but his cheeks turned red and he groaned in realization. “Mmhmm, Ben. You stole a pair from me that night,” she teased, remembering how she took them off in the elevator and he put them in his coat, never to be taken out again all night. “That must have been quite the surprise when you reached in your pocket the next day.” She grinned and curled her legs up under her butt, not caring if her dress got even more wrinkled or that her heels were on his bed. He’d deal.

He grimaced but walked back into his closet and seconds later walked into his bedroom holding a small piece of black fabric.

“Ah you did save it!” she laughed, enjoying her own joke as he threw the thong at her and she caught it, now playing with the black lace.

He shoved his hands in his pocket. “I cleaned them,” he mumbled.

“Mmm,” she hummed, taking another mouth full of chips from her palm.  “Sure, after _using_ them, I’m sure you cleaned them.”

His jaw clenched, but he didn’t reply or even smile. He looked lost in thought, unsure of what to admit. Her chewing was the only thing that filled the quiet apartment for what felt like minutes, but was likely only seconds. She swallowed the food and wondered if she should say something. Before she could think on it further he stepped forward and stared into her eyes. The intensity of his gaze lighting a fire inside her once more.

“Do you want me to say I’ve fucked that lace?” He stepped closer. “That I’ve touched my cock with it remembering the way your pussy felt around me? That I’ve coated that delicate fabric with my cum?”

She looked up at him, suddenly very aware that she was on this man’s bed, and got lost in his warm brown eyes. “Yes,” she breathed.

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp in frustration. He shook his head and turned around without another word. He was lost behind the closet door seconds later, leaving Rey alone for the first time all night.

Groaning she put the bag of chips on the end table and then threw her body down against the comforter, bouncing slightly against the mattress while rubbing her eyes with her palms. The mixture of exhaustion and alcohol was making resisting him harder than she expected. Sighing, she let her hands fall to the soft comforter while staring up at the boring white ceiling. She could do this. They would kiss and maybe talk and then fall asleep. Hopefully, he was too drunk and tired to get it up at this point - it was three am after all - which would make her life so much easier.

Steeling herself, she sat up and proceeded to undo the buckles on her heels, slipping them off and placing them by the foot of the bed under the bench. Next she stood up and attempted to grab the zipper on her dress to pull it down, but groaned at the way it made her shoulder ache. She considered all alternatives, but said fuck it. She walked barefoot into Ben’s walk in closet to find him shirtless and taking off his belt, his back to her. She stopped in the doorway to admire the view but quickly shook her head at the idea. It would only make her more horny.

Stepping up right behind him she kissed his shoulder blade and spoke softly.  “Can you help me?” He turned around in time to see her turn around and point to her zipper. “I can’t reach that far. I usually have Finn to help.”

Wordlessly, his hands grazed her back, sending goosebumps along her flesh at the fragile touch. He pushed her hair aside and gently kissed her neck as his large hand unzipped her dress, his other at her waist.

“I’m sorry.”

“Hmm?” Rey mumbled, her eyes closed, enthralled with the way he touched her.

“Your back,” he answered. “It looks like rug burn.”

Rey snorted. No wonder her shoulder hurt. She turned in his arms when she felt the zipper give way completely. Smiling up at him, she asked playfully, “What did you think would happen to my bare skin against a tree stump?” He opened his mouth to reply but she stood on her tip toes and kissed him, shaking her head lightly. “Thank you,” she mumbled against his lips, pecking them one more time. “I’m fine.”

She grabbed the front of her dress, securing it in place and walked out of the closet to give him some privacy as he changed. She pretended to ignore his very vocal groan as she walked away because she knew what he was seeing: her bare back with no bra, the subtle curve of her ass cheeks and a hint of g-string poking out of her now unzipped navy cocktail dress. She knew the visual would torture him. Once she made it back into his bedroom she let her dress fall to the floor and slipped off her ripped underwear, the hem completely shredded at the crotch. She threw them both on a chair in the corner and then silently walked to his bed where her thong and his t-shirt lay, feeling surprisingly comfortable being naked in a man’s bedroom who she barely knew. She slipped on the panties first and then put her head and arms through the large holes of the shirt before pulling it down over her chest and stomach. Once on, it’s hem almost hit her knees. She was swimming in the soft black fabric, but she couldn’t care less. It was comfortable and smelled like a wonderful mix of detergent and Ben’s cologne. She grabbed the extra pillows and threw them on the dark grey cushioned bench at the foot of his bed.

Pulling the comforter and sheets down, she sat and slid her legs under the silky covers and pulled them over her legs until it was resting on her lap. She grabbed the bag of chips and took another hand full of the crunchy salty snack, chewing loudly as she let her feet slide against the soft sheets. Getting comfortable against the pillows and soft headrest, she marveled at the thread count of his sheets and looked through his massive windows to the outside cityscape of towering buildings and lights galore. The fact that Ben could lay in bed and see this every night made her breathless. It was beautiful, yet despite the beauty she felt it would be easy to feel alone up in this silent tower looking down at the bustling city of over eight million people. It was striking, but also isolating, she realized, living in a penthouse without so much as a neighbor on your floor.

Before she could usher another thought on the matter, Ben walked out of his closet and shut off the light, bathing him in shadows. He wore black cotton lounge pants that sat low on his hips, revealing the band of his boxer briefs, and a white t-shirt that hugged every muscle of his chest. He stopped in the doorway with raised eyebrows and crossed his arms. “I see you made yourself comfortable,” he deadpanned, resting his hip against the door jam.

Rey swallowed a bite of chips and smiled nervously. “I’m sorry, should I have waited?”

Ben crossed the room and threw the covers of the other side down to get in bed with her. He shook his head and climbed in, pecking her lips sweetly, a slight smirk on his lips. “No. Never change.” She sat there silently, in slight shock over his comment. The bag crinkled in her lap as he held it and leaned over her to place it on the nightstand. On his way over her torso again she brought her palms to his cheeks and kissed him greedily, her tongue darting out to circle his lips and dip into his mouth, her hands slipping to his neck to card through his hair and pull ever so slightly. Groaning, he pulled away from her, his hands grasping her arms tightly.

“Rey,” he warned, his voice raspy with exhaustion and, she hoped, lust.

“Mmm, Ben?” she whispered, licking her lips and staring at him with what she could only assume were hunger filled darkened eyes. Her chest rose and fell slowly as she took a deep breath to steady herself, their faces hovering a couple of inches apart.

“If you keep doing that, I don’t know what I might do.”

Brushing her lips against his, she hummed, “I like the sound of that.” She scratched the back of his neck with her nails, threading her fingers through his long locks, eliciting a throaty rumble from the man. She smirked at how easily she could turn him on.

“Rey, you’re the one that wants to take this slow.” It wasn’t an accusation. It was a growled fact and it was clear his efforts to control himself were dwindling as the night went on.

She sighed, letting her arms drop to the sheets when he leaned back against the headrest next to her, the distance between them growing wider at his sudden move. Glanced over her shoulder at him she sunk down into the pillows, pulling the comforter up over her chest. “That’s fair,” she admitted softly. She smirked and turned on her side, her head now resting on one of his soft pillows. “Then let’s change the subject.”

He looked down at her, his eyes now sunken with dark circles. His face was still slightly pink, which against his pale skin, white shirt and dark hair looked adorable. He ran his hand through his hair and mumbled, “To what?”

“To anything. Ask me something,” Rey offered, settling into his soft mattress with ease.

“What do the stars on your foot actually mean?” His voice was barely above a whisper, but it startled her all the same.

“What?” She looked at him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“You told me the night we met, you got the tattoo because you love stars. What’s the real reason?”

His eyes conveyed such a sincerity that she was utterly flabbergasted that he even remembered that conversation. It was a sullen and flippant response of hers that night and she had assumed he had long forgotten it. He hadn’t.

Rey sighed and started playing with the hem of his shirt, attempting to divert her eyes from his gaze. “I got them when I came to the States. I do like stars, but it’s to remember my parents, especially my dad and the way he saw me.” She was speaking so quietly she wasn’t sure if Ben could hear her, but when he leaned down slightly to play with her hair and slip a few strands behind her ear and out of her face, she saw him watching her closely. He was listening intently. “My parents died when I was young. Before they were gone they were great. My dad used to call me his little Stardust. He would always tell me the same story when I came home after being bullied at school for being Latina or some other stupid shit that made me cry at the time.” With a soft smile on her face Rey’s eyes glazed over and her mind went to the memory as if it happened yesterday. “It’s silly, but the nickname helped me believe in myself.”

“It’s not silly, Rey,” he whispered, but she was lost to her ghosts.

Like so many afternoons, Rey was picked up at school, only in Year one or two, by her mother Jyn. The woman’s sweet smile and comforting scent greeting her as she smiled and hugged her at the pick up stop. Yet, she’d cried on her mother’s lap in the backseat of their car not ten minutes later because she couldn’t hold her tears back any longer. She had always tried to be strong, but sometimes it was too much. Once they made it home Rey proceeded to run into her home to find papa cooking tamales in the kitchen. She’d hugged his legs like she always did in greeting and then broke down, tears falling down her eyes again as she told him about what a classmate had called her and how it made her feel. Less than. Small. Weak. Bad. Unwanted and damaged. She didn’t have words for it at the time. She was far too young, but Rey could still remember the feeling. She could place it in a heartbeat.

As tears streaked her small face, her father crouched down and held her in his arms protectively. “What happened, Rey?” he had said in his warm yet rough accented voice that she could still somehow recall perfectly. Rubbing his scruff against her cheek in a familiar move to tickle her, she giggled and pushed his face away with her small hands, just like she always did. When she had no intention of responding, suddenly feeling embarrassed that she’d been bullied at all, he sighed and glanced at her, his eyes loving and strong.

“Do you know why I call you my little Stardust?” he asked. She shook her head silently, tears still falling down her cheek. “It’s because ever since you were born, you’ve reminded me of it; A cluster of stars so big and bright yet so far away that they look like dust. Something that looks so small and insignificant can on closer inspection be miraculous.You’re grandpa was right.” He poked her in the belly and smiled brightly at her as if she was the only thing in the entire world that mattered to him. “Just like your momma was to grandpa, you were so small in my arms when you were born. I couldn’t imagine that you would grow up to be such a strong and brave little girl, but here you are. And you’re not done growing. There is something _fierce_ in you, Rey.”  


Rey wiped away a tear that fell down her cheek as she allowed herself to get lost in one of her most vibrant memories of her parents - a memory that took place only months before they passed - while still playing with the hem of Ben’s shirt. “Never forget, you are more than your appearance and what others think of you. You’re greater than what they can see. You are my bright shining light, so small yet so fierce, Stardust. I love you,” she mumbled, having memorized the rest of her father’s words, against a pillow that smelled like the man laying next to her.

“Rey,” he croaked out, his fingers brushing against her cheek.

She glanced up and smiled sadly at him. “Getting the tattoo at eighteen when I came here was a reminder I desperately needed. Going to college and believing in myself, a hungry foster rat, wasn’t the easiest transition,” she said softly. “Now every time I look down and see it, I think of him... And it helps.”

“Come here,” he sighed as he slid down the bed ever so slightly and leaned over her so their lips could meet in a soft and loving kiss. She grinned against his mouth, understanding exactly what he couldn’t form into words, as her other hand played with his now dry hair. He scooched closer to her side, wrapping his arm under her neck and around her shoulder. “You wanna ask me something now?”

Rey smiled, appreciating the fact that he’d willingly change the subject so quickly for her. “Why do you have a shirt on?”

He looked at her like she had two heads, but his lips quirked slightly. “Why do you ask?”

“Because I’ve slept next to you before. I know you’re a heater. There’s no way you normally sleep with one on,” she admitted, though wincing slightly at her bluntness.

His chest vibrated as he chuckled quietly. “I figured the less skin touching, the better our odds would be at not screwing tonight.” His cheeks turned pink in embarrassment, so she closed her eyes and smiled, pretending not to notice.

“Mmm,” Rey hummed as she curled into the soft pillows and the warmth of his side. “What makes you think a shirt would stop me?”

Her fingers slid under the hem of his shirt and skated across his abdominals, her fingers tracing back and forth against the slight indents of his smooth and warm skin until her fingertips hit the tantalizing indent of the V on his pelvis. His muscles jumping ever so slightly against her touch, Rey followed the line down to the band of his boxers and slid her fingertips along the edge of them until she felt his hot bulge against her wrist.

She opened her eyes to see him staring at her wide eyed and hungry with his mouth agape as she taunted him. Her eyes only half open, she grinned at the man and let her fingers slide down his pants, tracing around his cock, only grazing it once in a while and feeling it jump at her touch just as his stomach did. “You like this, don’t you?” she teased happily, jutting her chin out so she could look up at the man cuddling her.

“Yes,” he growled, looking at her like he wanted to simultaneously pounce on her and run away.

She laughed, a warm buzz and exhaustion making her brain shut down. “Good,” she said as her hand slipped under his boxers to brush against his shaft for a second. “I like it too,” she admitted more quietly.

“Rey,” he groaned, his eyes closing tight as his waistband hit his skin again and her touch left him.

“Yes, Ben?” she asked, smiling deviously as her hand slid under his shirt and up to his pecs to graze his nipples and feel his heart beating wildly in his chest.

He swallowed a moan and said, “We can stop right now if you want.”

“You’re cute… But no, I don’t want to stop yet.” She sat up, pulled the covers off of him and lifted one leg over his torso so she could straddle him. “Take your shirt off, Solo,” she teased, smirking.

“Only if you do,” he countered, his jaw doing that tense clenching thing. “It’s only fair.”

Rey’s head fell back and she let out a full belly laugh, one that shook them both and the bed. She immediately began to feel better as the memories that haunted her drifted farther away. She sat on his stomach, his hard cock poking at her ass cheeks while his hands slid up her thighs.  “Even at three thirty in the morning, you still have it in you?”

“Just say when.” The growl in his voice made her clench her walls in desire and frustration, but she wasn’t about to back down.

“When.”

In unison they stripped off their tops and threw them on the floor of his room. His eyes danced over her form, only her center and a strip of her hips covered by fabric. His hands reverently splayed across her torso, touching her stomach and ribs and landing on her petite mounds. She keened, feeling a rush of wetness coat her folds as his large hands touched and rubbed and massaged her breasts, tweaking her nipples every once in a while. Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, she scooted back until her ass teasingly brushed up against his bulge. Smiling at him she lifted her hips slightly and positioned herself against him, grinding down gently. He squeezed her breasts roughly as she did it again, his eyes shooting to hers in question.

Smirking at how very high schoolish this felt, she said, “It’s not technically sex, now is it?”

He shook his head. “No. No it’s not,” he agreed.

His eyes fell to her chest as she leaned forward and placed her hands next to his torso for leverage as she ground her hips against his. Pleasure rose at the warm friction between her legs, his covered cock rubbing at her clit just so while his palms rubbed her ass, causing an extra beat of friction that made her shiver and keen as he thrusted up against her in a desperate action for relief. Breathing heavily, Rey moved her arms so her forearms could rest on his chest. Bringing them closer together, her hard peaks brushed against his chest and she moaned. She caught his eye and her breath caught in her throat. He looked up at her like she was the only woman in the world for him. Lifting his head, he kissed her as his hands helped her move against him. Her head spun as his tongue slid against her own. They sped up, making Rey break away from Ben’s lips to catch her breath. He kissed her neck, sucking on the skin and licking it before moving to another spot as his palms gripped her ass and his cock slid against her wet core, her panties soaked through now.

“Ben,” she whined. The small bundle of nerves were begging to be touched, but she could barely speak. The drunken haze and his body on hers was too much. “I - I _need.. Touch -”_

He caught the drift and slipped his hand between them. Pushing her thong aside he ran a fingertip against her clit. She gasped against his mouth and he hummed as he slid his finger down lower to gather her wetness and then circled back up to press down and rub her exactly where she needed it.

“Circles,” she gasped. “Please, Ben.”

He growled against her mouth, bit her bottom lip and did as she begged, using his middle and forefinger to rub tight circles around her sensitive bud. She ground down against his hips  rougher and his covered cock spread her soaking lips open making Rey gasp in pleasure and leaving a wet spot on his black pants. Before she could say another word though, Ben released her core and grabbed her waist, flipping her over onto her back in one motion. Her back was slammed against the soft mattress, knocking the breath out of her. Seconds later Ben was thrusting his hips against her and grunting against her open mouth. The awkwardness of a highschool dry humping session melted away as Ben pressed his forehead to hers and gazed into her eyes as his hot shaft rubbed against her core. She gripped his bare back and pulled her legs up higher, her feet sliding against his covered ass. The angle made her gasp and hold on tighter.  It was sensual and sweet when less than a minute later he came with a groan, his hips stuttering and his lips on hers. She smiled as his head fell to the crook of her neck. She carded her fingers through his hair and focused on slowly her breathing.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled against her skin.

“Hmm?”

He lifted his head to look at her. “I just came in my pants like a child and I didn’t even get you off,” he slurred, his eyes only half open.

Laughing, she shook her head. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. I got mine earlier. You’re tired. Sleep,” she whispered. “It’s almost four.”

“No,” he growled.

Her hand came up and brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Well, now you sound like a child,” Rey teased.

He gripped her waist and kissed her neck. She closed her eyes and sighed as his hand found her breast again and his mouth lowered onto her other. “Ben,” she gasped as he sucked on her nipple. “It’s fine. You don’t have to.”

He stopped, his mouth making a loud pop as he let go of her breast and looked up at her. “I want to though. You’re not telling me you don’t want my hands and mouth on you again, are you?” Rey swallowed at the wild look of determination in his eyes.

“Well, no,” she admitted.

He squeezed her breast while licking down the middle of her ribs and then slowly trailing kisses down her stomach. “Good,” he whispered against her skin.

She shivered as his soft lips kissed past her belly button and his fingers gently guided her thong down. She kicked it off and let her leg fall open wide for him. She bit her lip and watched on as he slid down her body, his head between her legs.

“Relax, babe,” Ben purred against her thigh. She threw her head back against the pillow when his fingers tentatively dipped into her folds, in her warm cunt and up to her clit, teasing her. She had been so close before, she felt like she was about to explode. He kissed his way down the inside of her thigh as his fingers teased her.

“ _More_.”

She felt him grin against her thigh as two of his fingers slid inside her wet center with no difficulty. He curled them inside her and pushed them in and pulled them out. Over and over and over again. Rey closed her eyes, fatigue and pleasure overwhelming her entirely when she felt his hot mouth against her, his tongue licking her clit experimentally. Flicking and lapping and circling her nub until she could barely breath. Until she couldn’t resist grinding her hips against his face. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to mind because she doubted she could have stopped herself. If anything, it seemed to spur him on.

The second his tongue disappeared she felt his mouth surround her clit and he began sucking on her while his tongue licked her, almost as if he was attempting to drink her. Her legs shook and her back arched at the sensation. “If you stop Solo, I swear to god,” she huffed, gripping the sheets and his hair with an intensity that even shocked her.

She felt the vibration of his laugh against her core and gasped at the sensation. Her mouth open wide in a silent scream as he sucked on her clit harshly. Never letting up, his fingers sped up to match his mouth. The pleasant burn crept through her limbs like a wildfire until she was suddenly screaming, her hips spasming against his mouth and gushing against his fingers. As she caught her breath he released her engorged clit and licked at her pussy lips, cleaning her out slowly, even dipping into her core. Rey hummed and slid her fingers through his soft hair, her eyes drifting closed.

“Thank you. And thank god, it wasn’t the alphabet,” she muttered to herself, her chest heaving.

He grinned at her ramblings and kissed her labia one last time before climbing up over her body. “You’re welcome,” he said, pecking her lips lightly and nuzzling her cheek. “I need to go get cleaned up.”

She nodded, yawning. “I’ll be here.”

He smiled softly and kissed her cheek before climbing over her. He jumped off the bed and quickly stepped into the attached bathroom. Rey stretched and pulled the covers over her naked body. Her eyes felt heavy as she curled up on her side and turned her head into the pillow. Within minutes, she was sleeping soundly. Even the noise of Ben opening the door and getting back into bed didn’t wake her. He carefully slid in next to her, in only his sleep pants after tossing his boxers in the hamper. He turned on his side and slipped his hand onto her warm waist, his other hand lightly brushing hair out of her face. He kissed her forehead and fell asleep seconds later holding her.   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the sweet comments and kudos everyone! If you enjoy the fic, then tell a friend, drop another comment or come bug me on tumblr @fabradicalfem I'd love to hear from you. My messages is always open!  
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/fabradicalfem


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have the time right now but I'll be making a mood board and posting it to tumblr @fabradicalfem tomorrow for this chapter, including pictures of the bathroom and kitchen. I'll link it in when I do it. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy another insanely long chapter!

Check out [chapter 13's mood board](https://fabradicalfem.tumblr.com/post/178152652301/fabradicalfem-the-lay-over-chapter-13-is-up-on) on tumblr including photos of what I imagine Ben's NYC apartment would look like.

 

 

Ben woke first. He grimaced as the throbbing headache behind his eyes became worse and cursed himself for not closing the curtains before he fell asleep. He blinked slowly, a stabbing pain hitting him as the light assaulted his eyes, and froze as his sleep addled brain adjusted to the knowledge of everything that happened last night. He tilted his head ever so slowly to find the sleeping form of the brunette that had haunted his dreams for so long. Rey’s warm naked body was curled against his. Her cheek pressed against his chest, her even and slow breath fanning across his skin as she snored softly. Her breasts were squished against his side, her arm loosely draped around him and her legs intertwined with his much larger ones. He swallowed at the closeness of it all. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever been held this way. Surely, not by a naked woman.

He had plenty of partners over the years, but they rarely involved much physical affection besides sex. Maybe that was his fault. In the past when a woman tried to cuddle it made him feel uptight, uncomfortable and agitated. And he didn’t hide it well. It always ended in a fight about how distant and emotionally unavailable he was, whatever the fuck that meant. Yet, something about Rey doing it made his heart race and throat clench in a surprisingly pleasurable way. It was almost as if her steady heartbeat and breathing made him feel safe. But that couldn’t be it, could it? Was it purely because it was Rey or was he just so desperately lonely that anyone hugging him would do? Neither answer warmed him. In fact, either answer concerned him.

He pushed such thoughts aside, instead focusing on studying her face and the freckles across the bridge of her nose, cheeks and eyelids. Freckles dusted her delicately tanned flesh all the way down her collarbone and onto her shoulder. He wondered where else she had them. His eyes trailed the curve of her upper body as it was undisturbed by his sheets and his mind wandered. Feeling shocked, he realized he’d be happy to spend the rest of his life staring at her form, studying it until he knew her body like a map; until he knew her every curve, every dimple, every scar and freckle that decorated her soft skin. He’d never felt that way before.

When she let out a soft snort in her sleep and nuzzled his chest he glanced up at her face. Her mascara was smudged, lipstick and foundation gone, yet, he never thought she looked more beautiful, more real, more human, than she did right now. When he spotted a small piece of chip caught in her hair the edges of his lips quirked upwards at the memory of her eating. He’d seen her eat at the airport, sure, but he’d never seen her eat without abandon until last night. She chowed down on the chips handfuls at a time in his bed no less. No one ate in his bed, even Ben didn’t. But he realized then - while she ate a bag full of chips in his bed, looking like she practically lived there - that he would never not let her. He’d rather sleep amid crumbs than miss that smile. Moving at a snail's pace, Ben lifted his hand under her shoulder and brushed it out of her chestnut hair that looked both matted and frizzy. He threw the piece of chip in the air and it most likely landed in his bed. He didn’t mind though.

He clenched his jaw at the realization that unlike eight months ago, this morning Rey hadn’t run. She’s still in his arms practically clinging to him in her sleep. He smiled to himself and lightly placed a kiss to the crown of her head, hoping he wouldn’t wake her. Slipping his arm under her, he fisted the sheets and pulled them over her chest to keep her warm and then curled his arm around her waist and placed his hand on her toned stomach, finding the rise and fall of her body oddly comforting. He closed his eyes again, taking in the soft scent of honey wafting from her hair and fell back into a restful sleep.

****

Rey woke up first. Bright light assaulted her closed eyelids making her curse as a dull throb pounded in her ears and forehead. She curled into a warm pillow, but it was too firm. It didn’t make sense. She froze and blinked, squinting up to see a knocked out Ben still sound asleep on his back.

She sighed softly and twisted her body away from his as the nights events came flooding back to her. A stab of pain spread in her forehead and back as she removed his hand from her stomach and sat up, looking for something to put on. She found his black t shirt and climbed out of bed to grab it and the thong that laid nearby. Before she could analyze or regret anything from last night she needed Tylenol and coffee, immediately.

After getting dressed she looked around for her clutch, but she could barely open her eyes because of the damn windows and the sun’s glare shining through them. Perhaps she didn’t actually like them after all.

Groaning softly, her arches throbbed as she walked across the chilly stained wide plank oak. The one thing she did know she regretted was wearing those fucking heels yesterday.

She opened the closest door softly, the hinges clearly oiled properly, and peered in hoping to find a bathroom. She had walked into this room last night. Apparently, she had been too tired and focused on Ben to remember though because instead of a bathroom, she found a large rectangular walk in closet with custom cabinets stained a similar shade of grey to the kitchen’s. The room had both his and hers sides and a large built in cabinet in the middle for more storage. While looking around through sleep crusted eyes it appeared that Ben had filled the majority of the shelving units. Jesus, how many clothes does the man own, she thought as she closed the door and walked silently to the next closest door.

She opened the other door and sighed in relief when her eyes landed on square sheets of bright white marble with deep black veining throughout walls and floors that probably cost more than her college education - which was saying a lot because she went to NYU - a large black tub that could easily fit two people and contemporary his and hers sinks with bright white marble counters and a black steel vanity with open shelving underneath. She took in the gigantic bathroom as she slowly closed the door and locked it. It was surreal how much floor space just the master bath took up. It was easily twice the size of her bedroom back home in her small apartment in East Harlem.

Squinting at the bright light coming in through the floor to ceiling windows in the bathroom - what was it with this man and windows - she walked into it and looked around. A massive walk in shower dripping in the same expensive marble with a large shower seat and glass doors stood straight ahead, but she couldn’t find what she needed. Frowning she opened a door to what she assumed was a linen closet to find a small room with only a toilet. “Well, this is private,” Rey whispered, surprised. “And weird.”

Feeling slightly claustrophobic Rey peed with the door open and then walked out into the main bathroom to wash her hands. Still squinting from the overwhelming sunlight, she glanced at herself in the huge modern oval mirror above the vanity and groaned. Her hair was a mess, balls of knots and friz galore. Her mascara was smudged around her eyes and running down her cheeks. Dark circles from lack of sleep and dehydration were colored a deep violet under her eyes, most likely the mascara wasn’t helping either, which reminded Rey of a raccoon. Her skin was pale and slightly yellow from her hangover and the rest of her makeup had been completely sweated off from last night’s events.

She looked like a fucking wreck.

Rey turned on the simplistic black faucet that no doubt cost a pretty penny and wiped off her face with a fluffy white washcloth she found underneath the vanity, dirtying it instantly. She groaned, wondering how much money that one cloth cost, and continued wiping at her face until she was rid of every last bit of makeup. She was too hungover to care, if she was being honest with herself. After her face was done, she quickly looked through Ben’s bathroom cabinet hoping to find a brush of some sorts or at least maybe a ponytail holder. Shockingly, she found both. She brushed out her hair enough to throw it up in a loose bun, so she didn’t look like a complete shit show, and decided she was ready to face him.

She opened the door and peered at the bed to find him still sound asleep, his chest rising and falling in slow succession, his mouth open and eyes shut tight, with sheets barely covering his chest. Noticing the bump below the comforter of what she could only assume was his morning wood, she smiled to herself. She’d let him sleep. Tiptoeing out of his bedroom and into his living room, she found her clutch on the kitchen islands’ vast white marble waterfall countertop. The architect of this building loved shades of white marble, she decided, as Rey quickly opened it and grabbed her phone, curious of the time.

“Shit.”

It was already past ten in the morning and Rey had plans with Rose for lunch. She shot her friend a quick text asking to push the meet back a couple of hours, put her phone down on the counter and then started looking around the kitchen for a espresso machine, a keurig or a regular coffee maker. She wasn’t picky. She’d take anything right about now. She tried to be quiet, but she was exhausted and in pain. She doubted she was capable of quiet.

****

Ben sleepily exhaled as he stretched his fatigued limbs in his bed and reached out to the side for Rey’s sleeping form. When his hand hit his sheets he opened his eyes and tilted his head to find his bed empty besides him. His heart leapt in his throat. Did she leave? He couldn’t stand the thought, but it wasn’t beyond possible. He felt the familiar rise of panic at the thought, so his body shot up and looked around the room blinking wildly.

The bathroom door was wide open, his closet door closed like he left it last night, but he heard a clatter coming from inside his apartment. His lips quirked into a hint of a smile. He listened intently to Rey opening and closing his kitchen cabinets while his eyes locked onto her dress and shoes long forgotten on the bench at the foot of his bed. The racing of his heart subsided at the realization that she was here; she hadn’t left again. Rey was here and likely only in his shirt walking around his kitchen trying to find something. He liked the idea of her feeling comfortable enough to do so, so he sat in bed for a few minutes and let her while he adjusted to the knowledge, the sun’s blinding rays and the headache that plagued his head causing shooting pain throughout his head. Once his morning erection had died down, he stood up and strolled into the living room in only his black sweats and headed towards the kitchen.

While she was busy opening cabinets Ben walked into the room, his hair rumpled and his expression grumpy. Each time she closed another cabinet he grimaced in pain. She wasn’t exactly being quiet. He stopped at the corner of the room and watched her. Her face was freshly cleaned, a light pink shade creased her cheeks and her hair was fixed. She looked beautiful as always. He doubted he’d ever think differently and smirked at the knowledge that he knew exactly what she had looked like before she awoke. His eyes skated down her neck to the black tshirt her body was swimming in, the sleeves almost hitting her elbows and the hem brushing against her thighs. She raised herself up on her tiptoes and tried to reach one of the higher cabinets, the hem on his shirt raising slightly so he could glimpse more of her lightly golden skin. He licked his lips at the sight. His eyes widened at the simple fact that he knew he could easily get used to seeing Rey every morning of his life,  rosy cheeked and frustrated. Seeing her in nothing but his clothes as she made herself comfortable in his home.

She whined as she planted her feet firmly on the ground again, unable to reach the cabinet door and turned around to find him staring at her with a mixture of shock and amusement on his face. Rey crossed her arms over her chest. “What?” she asked, looking embarrassed that she had been caught snooping in his kitchen.

He shook his head and made his way to her, his bare feet barely making a sound on the wood planks. “Nothing. I thought you left.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek light, his lips barely grazing against her skin. “What are you looking for?”

“Coffee? And Tylenol if you have any. I have a blinding headache.”

He hummed in agreement and nodded, walking over to a cabinet close to the fridge - one of the one’s Rey couldn’t reach - and grabbing a small bottle of the painkiller. He set it down in front of her and then took two bottles of water from the fridge and handed her one. “I’ll make us coffee,” he grumbled his voice laced with sleep. “Unless you want tea. I think I have green and english breakfast.”

“Coffee, please.”

“Do you want pancakes or an omelette?”

Rey took two pills and swallowed them with a quick swig of water. Her phone vibrated and a text popped up. “Sure, I’d love pancakes,” she said, glancing up at him with hesitation in her eyes.

Ben smiled softly at her, his head still pounding, and nodded. “I’ll make some then.”

A half an hour later, they were sitting at the kitchen island eating pancakes and drinking coffee in silence. Rey didn’t know what to say, that was evident in her posture and the way she avoided his eyes while she ate. And Ben didn’t know either. Maybe it was the hangover and his usual fatigue clouded mind in the morning or maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t had a woman in his apartment in over three years. His headache had subsided slightly as the pills and coffee worked their magic, but he knew he’d end up feeling miserable the majority of the day regardless; he rarely ever drank enough to feel it the next day, so this was unusual for him. They continued to sit in silence as Ben groggily ate his food and drank a second cup of black coffee.

Eventually, he realized slightly panicked that he had probably gone too long since saying something. “Are we still on for Friday?” he asked, tilting his head sideways to look at her next to him.

She picked up her large black coffee mug and nodded before taking a long gulp. “I was going to ask you the same question.”

His eyebrows furrowed. Had he not been upfront enough with her last night?

“Why?” was all he said.

Putting her folk down, she spoke. “Because I don’t know how this could work. You aren’t _Ben_ here. You work with my best friend as Kylo. And you were drunk last night.” Rey took a deep breath and smiled sadly. “Not to mention, you’re a prince. That’s not an easy admission to move past. I’m not sure if you really meant everything you said or if you were just drunk. If you didn’t, it’s fine,” she said quickly. “I can leave and we can never see each other again.”

“ _Rey_ ,” he breathed when he realized she was trying to find an easy escape. She glanced up to see him staring at her with a look of confusion and irritation. “Stop talking.” He meant for it to come out teasing or exasperated, but he sounded gruffer than he meant.

He clenched in jaw as she gaped at him. “Excuse me?”

Sighing, he ran his hand through his greasy hair. “No, I didn’t mean it - not like that,” he grumbled, his eyes still partially closed as he stabbed a piece of pancake.

“What _did_ you mean?” Rey whispered.

“How much did we drink last night?”

The question took her by surprise, but she snorted nevertheless. “Too much. You drank more than me though.”

“I don’t remember the last time I had a hangover,” he groaned, unsure of how to respond to her yet. “And I’m not a morning person.” He glanced at her with an apologetic smile.

Rey sat back on the bar stool and grabbed her coffee. “That’s okay.” She took a quick sip and put the hot drink down, needing to do something with her hands. “But I at least need a one word answer for my next question.”

“Go ahead.”

“Do you regret last night?”

Ben turned to look at her and laced his fingers with hers that were on the counter. “No. Absolutely not. You?”

She glanced down as his fingers sliding against hers lightly, the gesture sweet and gentle. “No,” she admitted, unsure of where the truth left them.

“Then let's finish breakfast,” he sighed in relief, his lips tilting into a soft smile. “And I need a shower, I feel gross.”

Rey laughed.

****

A little while later, Rey and Ben were cleaning up the kitchen. Ben had tried to convince her to just hang out and read the paper or something, but it didn’t work. After constant jabs to get under his skin he gave in and let her help clean up by placing their dishes in the dishwasher. He was cleaning off the gas stove top, wiping down the burners of all splatters of pancake batter, when she closed the dishwasher and walked up next to him, wrapping her arms around his waist experimentally. Her lips found his back in a soft peck and hummed against his skin, “I should’ve said it sooner, but good morning.”

Ben grinned, his hands freezing on the Viking’s stove top. “Tylenol’s finally working?”

Rey giggled against his back, her hands splayed across his abs. “Yes.”

“Good.” He dropped the dishcloth and turned around in her arms. His hands slid up her shoulders to her neck, his thumbs brushing at her jaw. “Morning.”

She smiled wide as her nails scratched at his lower back absentmindedly. He leaned forward, his shoulders slumped, and pressed his lips against hers in a slow kiss as his hands caressed her cheeks. It wasn’t needy or passionate like the night before, but sweet and chaste. It was perfect.

“I don’t need to leave yet,” she whispered against his lips as her hands slid up his chest.

Ben huffed out a relieved breath of air, the tension in his shoulders long gone. “You were wrong before,” he said staring into her eyes fiercely.

“Excuse me?” she asked blinking in surprise.

“I was drunk, yes, but I remember everything. I meant it all. Every word,” he declared, his hands still on her cheeks. 

Rey smiled up at him, leaning into his touch. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed more strongly. “Now what was that about a shower again... You want some company?”

Ben didn’t respond. He grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her up, throwing her over his shoulder eliciting a shriek from Rey. He smiled deviously as she kicked her legs and slapped his ass in frustration.

“Oiy! Put me down, Benjamin Solo-Organa! Right bloody now!”

He laughed and kept walking, kicking the bathroom door wide open before placing her down on the marble tiles. She slapped his chest playfully. “Never do that again,” she hissed, breathing heavily. “I wasn’t _that_ awake and I’m still hung over.”

“Duly noted.”

Rey glared at him but in a moment the look softened to something like adoration. “I doubt you’ll be noting anything besides what I’m wearing,” she teased lightheartedly before turning around, gripping the bottom of his shirt and tearing it off her body, revealing soft curves of naked flesh and the hint of black lace from her thong. He forced back a groan at the sight, his cock twitching to attention as she slipped the thong down her legs and kicked it off. She pulled the glass shower door open and glanced at him with wide eyes. “You coming, Solo?”

He kicked off his sweats and ran after her, their chests pressed together and morning breath mingling moments later.

“I should have brushed my teeth,” Rey whispered as her eyes raked over every inch of his face, mesmerized by it all. “But I don’t have a toothbrush with me - I wasn’t expecting to be going home with someone.”

“I don’t care,” Ben said while closing the glass door behind them.

“Really? You like morning breath?”

“I don’t dislike yours.”

Rey’s mouth opened, words stuck in the back of her throat. She didn’t know what to do with that information. Max had hated her morning breath with as much passion as he used when he lied to her about cheating. That is to say, a whole fucking lot. And most other men she’d spent the night with ended with awkward mornings where they barely touched, let alone kissed.

“Anyway, I didn’t brush either, so we’re even.”

Rey opened her mouth to say something again, but he took that moment to walk towards the large waterfall shower head and turn a couple of handles to start the water. Rey crossed her arms over her chest by the door a safe distance away, feeling more than a little confused at the reason for such a large shower stall. It was ridiculous unless you wanted to have an orgy in here. She snorted at the thought. Ben really didn’t seem like the type.

“What are you laughing at?” Their eyes met across the shower and her fears were washed away as he rinsed his hair.

“Nothing,” she said shaking her head while walking up to him. She kissed his lips lightly as the warm water hit her face. “Just your shower is as big as my bedroom. How many people can you even fit in here?”

With eyes shut tight Ben smirked as water droplets collected on his lashes. He pressed his forehead to hers and said, “How many people do you think could fit in here?”

Rey grinned as hot water sprinkled down on her head and shoulders, waking her up and soothing her sore muscles from yesterday. “Ten?”

Ben chuckled softly. “Probably more like fifteen.”

“Jesus, fuck that’s a lot.” Rey opened her eyes and glanced up at him, their foreheads still together so she could see four eyes staring at her. “Do you have practical knowledge of this or it is just a guess?”

“You want to know how many women have been in here with me before you?”

“And or men.” Her hands trailed up his wet chest, taunting his muscles with her touch.

Ben let out a bark of laughter and shook his head. “No men. I’m sure you’re surprised.”

“Mmm,” she said, running her hands through his wet hair to massage his scalp. “You do like pussy, but you could be bi or pan or something else. I don’t know.”

He bit back a groan as her nails dug into his hair gently and his hands found her bare waist. “No. I’m straight.” There was a moment of silence before Ben asked, “And you?”

“I suppose I’m straight. Although I’ve messed around with a woman before and didn’t hate it, so there’s that,” she said lightly. “I’ve only been in relationships with men, but it was fun for a night or two. I’ve always thought of sexuality as a spectrum and my best friends are gay or pan, so I’ve never really felt a need to label it.” Rey glanced around the shower until she found the shampoo. “Can I use yours?” she said, tilting her head towards the wall cubby cutout where his shampoo, conditioner and body gel laid.

“Sure.” She stepped out of his arms and pulled her hands away from his head, resulting in a sigh from Ben. She grabbed the shampoo, opened it and tilted it upside down when Ben said, “Let me do it.”

“What?” Rey asked, glancing up at him in confusion.

“Can I -”

“Oh.” Rey froze, water raining down on her body. “I guess, if you want?” She internally grimaced at herself. It was supposed to be a statement, but sounded more like a hesitant question.

“Yes, I’d like to.”

She swallowed and took a step forward to hand him the shampoo before turning around and closing her eyes as Ben’s hands came up to massage her scalp with shampoo. “So you’ve never found another man attractive or kissed a man?”

“No. Never felt the need,” he said, the smile in his voice painfully clear to her. He liked her asking him questions.

“Come on.” Rey rolled her eyes. “There must be some guy you find attractive. Maybe a celebrity?”

Ben scoffed in irritation but answered anyway. “Perhaps, Channing Tatum.”

She grinned, enjoying the easy way they were chatting. “Have you seen Magic Mike?”

“No.”

“We are so going to watch it some time.”

“What is it about?” Ben asked, evidently mystified.

Rey laughed and changed the subject. “You never answered my earlier question,” she said, licking her lips and smirking as shampoo suds dripped down her forehead.

“Which one?”

“You know which one.”

Rey moaned when Ben’s fingers started rubbing the sides of her head. “If you’re asking how many sexual partners I’ve had in here I -”

“I am,” she teased, interrupting him.

He chuckled as his hands slowly made their way to the back of her head. She wasn’t complaining but he was spending far more time on this than necessary. “One, besides you,” he said, his voice gruff against her ear.

She swallowed her nerves at the implication. “Then I’m guessing you rarely bring women to your apartment because this shower is bloody fantastic.” She meant for it to come out teasing, but her voice was far too breathy for that to work.

“You’re not wrong. Being Kylo Ren publicly hasn’t been the easiest with relationships. It’s always been easier to keep sexual relationships casual.”

“Did you ever tell any of your ex’s the truth?” The second the question was out of her mouth, she regretted it.

His hands stilled on her momentarily. “Step forward,” he commanded.

“Oh,” Rey said, stepping under the shower head unsure of whether she felt more disappointed over the end of her scalp massage or his non-answer.

Keeping her eyes closed he helped her rinse her hair out in silence. Once done, Rey opened her eyes and turned to see Ben staring off into the distance. “You okay?” she asked hesitantly, grabbing some shampoo and running her hands through Ben’s hair slowly. He let her, but avoided her eyes, appearing to be deep in thought.

“Yes, I’m alright,” he replied slowly as his hands came up to brush against her shoulders. “And no. Until you, I never told any of my partners my real name or anything real actually.”

Rey bit her lip and resumed washing his hair. Instead of asking the questions she desperately wanted to know she said, “That must have been incredibly lonely and difficult.”

He nodded and turned around, bending his knees slightly so she could get to the back of his head. “Yes.” They silently finished washing his hair, her assisting him as he went under the shower head. “Relationships don’t last long when you’re constantly hiding behind a mask,” he admitted.

She snorted in understanding. “Maybe, but for me it’s been the opposite.” Ben squinted at her, his eyebrows frowning in question. She shrugged as she finished rinsing his hair, her fingers gently playing with his cute ears. “Hiding behind what people think I’m supposed to be or not be always kept my relationships going too long… Well, until recently, if that makes any sense.”

Ben smiled sadly and ran his fingers up and down her back. “Maybe you were just better at hiding it than me,” he said.

“Maybe,” Rey agreed. “Or the men I’ve been with were so distracted with themselves that they never actually _saw_ me and what I was going through.” She paused at the bitterness in her voice and hoped Ben didn’t notice. “Done,” she said in a much lighter tone. She slid her hands down his neck and pulled him in for a quick kiss. They broke apart seconds later, her heart racing.

“I tried to find you, you know,” he whispered against her mouth.

“What?”

He stood at his full height with his hair matted down against his head, ears poking out. He gazed at her like she was the only thing in the world that mattered.

“What? How? I don’t understand.”

His lips quirked to the side slightly at her reaction, but he responded all the same. “I know you said no, so I waited a bit. I didn’t want to pressure you.” His fingers traced patterns along her lower back and spine as he spoke.  “A few months after our night I had to visit Paris again. I took the same flight hoping you’d be on it since you’d mentioned you flied there monthly. When you weren’t I was disappointed, but after that, every time I visited my sister I took the same flight.”

Rey gaped at him. After what could have been minutes of only the noises of their breathing and water hitting marble, she took a deep breath and placed her hands on his chest, finding the steady beat of his heart grounding. “I, uh, I cut back on long international flights with layovers. I haven’t taken a flight to Paris in months,” she whispered, her stomach twisting at the reminder.

Though it was the truth, the reason why she hadn’t taken a Paris job for over five months was because she had been terrified of running into Ben after having learned of his lie and getting the abortion. She’d been offered the flight multiple times and had turned it down, even if it meant ending up with a shittier schedule. But she couldn’t tell him.

Could she?

His fingers never stopped playing with her skin, his eyes never leaving hers. She looked at her small hands on his broad chest and sighed. “School on top of working excessively long and weird hours was too much,” she partially admitted while staring at her hands.

“You’re happy now?”

Rey shrugged at the question. It wasn’t one she heard often. “Yes, I guess? I have more time for myself and a social life, which is nice. But it blows because I have to penny pinch and I don't get to go to many exciting places.” She stopped herself from adding the next thing that popped into her head for it related to her father and the place he was born. Instead, she took a deep breath and glanced up at him to see him smiling at her, his adorable dimples painfully noticeable. “What would you have done had I been on one of your flights?” she asked, unable to stop herself.

“I would have approached you, asked you out on a proper date and hopefully taken you to bed after dinner in Paris and maybe a museum. You like museums, right?”

She couldn’t resist the smile that crossed her features while she nodded. “Yes, I do, especially art or architecture.”

His fingers lightly trailed over her spine as he continued. “Then, yes. I would have taken you to the Louvre or perhaps we would have eaten dinner under the stars at Versailles.”

Her eyes widened. “You can do that?”

“If you’re royalty, you can do almost anything… I could even get us a night or two at the Grand Trianon chateau, if you wanted. I highly doubt Macron would mind.”

“Bollocks, that’s… I don’t even know what to say.”

“Good idea?”

She felt like she’d swallowed her tongue. He was being serious, she realized. “I don’t know how to answer that,” she admitted, staring at him in confusion and distress.

Ben laughed, his palms now gliding up her neck in an effort to sooth her. “Impressed or horrified?”

Rey snorted, unsure of the answer herself. “Neither, I think. More surprised than anything.”

He smirked again, his eyes flashing shock for a moment. “It’s going to take a lot to impress you, isn’t it?”

Her hands snaked up his chest as he leaned down, their lips grazing slightly. “Money and a title don’t impress me. You were born with that.” Her mouth grew into a wide grin as he mouthed at her bottom lip. “What does impress me is a work ethic.”

“I’ll show you a great work ethic,” he said before capturing her lips in his and making her giggle.

With his hands on her waist he guided her to the wall sheeted with marble squares. Inhaling sharply at the tingle of ice against her wet skin, he lightly pushed her against the surface. She closed her eyes and smiled as his lips trailed open mouthed kisses down her neck and collarbone. Licking her lips, Rey carded her fingers through Ben’s damp hair as he sucked on her skin leaving red marks in his wake. If this wasn’t the best way to wake up in the morning, she didn’t know what was.

“Prove it,” she said with a smile so wide she thought she might break her jaw. Her fingers tugged at his hair instantly until he looked up at her, strands of sopping wet hair falling in his face, his eyes unfocused and hazy.

“Yes?” he deadpanned.

“Lower.”

A ghost of a smirk crossed his lips. Leaning down, he kissed her collarbone once more in a light peck and then slowly kneeled. She bit her lower lip at the sight of such a tall and powerful man naked and kneeling before her on a cold and slippery shower floor, his cock red and weeping against his stomach. She hadn’t touched him yet, but he didn’t seem to mind.

Finally at the perfect height Ben slid his hands lower on her hips, his fingers digging into the flesh of her ass, and placed feather light kisses to her chest. His tongue darted out to lick away beads of water, making her shiver in anticipation. His hot mouth hovered over her breast, the mixture of his breath, the steam and the cool tile making her nipples pebble deliciously and her hair stand on end. She bit back a groan as his massive palms kneaded her cheeks, making her soaked lips rub together with just enough friction to taunt her, while he took her nipple in his mouth. Sucking and licking to his heart’s content. With eyes closed shut for the shower was still running, she gasped at the subtle hint of teeth against her delicate skin and desperately tried to find something to grab onto besides Ben’s slippery form. One hand firmly gripping his neck, she pawed cold tile with her other until she found an indent in the wall. She wrapped her fingers around the shower wall inset for shampoo and whined when Ben’s mouth on her breast became punishing.

He growled against her nipple when she dug her nails into his scalp as a mixture of pleasure and pain crept through her body. He released it with a sloppy pop that sinfully reverberated throughout the bathroom and immediately kissed his way to her other one. Rey gasped and held on tight as he kissed her other breast. Leaving bruises and teeth marks on her golden skin as he made his way around her nipple, avoiding the pebbled nub. Biting her lip and brows furrowed in concentration, Rey let out a breathy sigh as one of Ben’s warm hands came up to palm her already bruised breast while his mouth and tongue went to town on her hard nipple. She closed her eyes in ecstasy when his leaking cock rubbed against her hip and she imagined it buried deep inside her.

Cunt throbbing, Ben released her breast from his mouth and slowly placed open mouth kisses down her chest, his hands skating against her sides. Wanting to whine in need Rey bit the inside of her cheek as the flat of his tongue licked down her stomach to her belly button, leaving a long strip of saliva on her skin. He mouthed at her stomach, his nose nuzzling her skin in a way that made her grin at the intimacy of it all.

She glanced down as he sat on his feet, his mouth now at the height she desperately needed and she realized something; until this moment, they’d never done anything physical while sober. Her throat clenched in something she didn’t understand as she ran her fingers through his wet hair and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath as his mouth reached her lower stomach and forced herself to calm down.

What they were doing this morning was different from the past two times. Neither of them were drunk or exhausted or trying to drown out daily stresses of a shitty day. They were no longer strangers who simply found each other attractive. They knew things about each other that they’d both confessed to never telling anyone. Ben knew about the origin of her stardust tattoo. He knew about her parents. And she knew his deepest secret. The one he hid from everyone in his life here in New York City.

This, whatever this was, was different. It was real. And besides the terror that gripped Rey at the very possibility that this could easily crash and burn, she didn’t know how she felt about it. A muddled mess of something she could only describe as a hint of hope bubbled within, barely perceptible under the hordes of walls she’d built around her heart. But it was too new, too fresh for her to sort out which of her many conflicting feelings conquered all.

Rey shook her head, deciding that if this was the last time Ben would go down on her, then she would enjoy it, god damn it. She took a few deep breaths and forced her mind to go blank, zeroing in on the way his lips and tongue felt against her skin. The way it made gooseflesh raise all over her body. The way his tongue against her stomach sent shivers down her spine at the memory of him licking her between her thighs.

Sucking a reddening bruise on her lower stomach, Ben’s hand slid down her ass and thigh, gripping the back of her knee and pulling her leg over his shoulder. Hopping on one foot, Rey grasped his shoulders to steady herself at the rushed movement while his grasp on her other thigh tightened, keeping her in place. Placing his lips against her belly button he whispered, “I won’t let you fall. I got you.”

Rey’s heart skipped a beat and her throat went dry at the sincerity of his tone. If she didn’t control herself and soon, she’d end up falling for this man hard and fast, which she was convinced could only end in disaster. Before she could contemplate such thoughts any further she took a deep breath and sighed as his lips trailed lower, her nails raking over his wet flesh.

“I wonder if you’re any better at this sober,” she teased, her head resting against the shower wall.

He mouthed at her slit, hovering over her ever so slightly. “I guess you’ll find out,” he said, his hot breath fanning across her pulsing lips, his mouth barely touching her, sending a shiver down her spine.

Licking her lips, Rey puffed out a quick breath as she felt his nose edge at her cunt, opening her to the steamy air. Resisting the urge to push his face between her thighs she lightened her grip on his hair and allowed him to tease her wet center with his tongue and nose as he kissed and licked her labia everywhere except where she wanted. No. Where she needed him. Her chest rose and fell in quick succession as his mouth wrapped around her clit in a searing kiss, his tongue flicking her with just enough intensity to make her melt against him.

With her mouth agape she glanced down to see Ben reverently watching her with rapt attention as he sucked and kissed and licked, his fingers digging into her skin delightfully. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight, not daring to look away. His irises blown so wide there was only a small sliver of brown eclipsing them. It was as if she was staring into black holes so warm and bright that she wanted to be consumed by them.

Panting heavily at the sensations of his wet lips and tongue on her skin, she gripped his neck and back for balance. Nails biting into his skin he hissed against her clit eliciting a throaty whine from her at the vibration of his mouth on her sensitive flesh. Sloppily releasing his grip on her aching cunt, he tilted his head, running his tongue along her labia while never breaking eye contact. Mouth agape and head back she uttered a visceral whine, that echoed throughout the bathroom, as he plunged his tongue inside her. Licking and sucking her as if she were an ice cream cone about to drip away into oblivion. The flat of his tongue licked circles up and around her clit and back down to graze her entrance over and over. Teasing her. Making her heart stutter and her walls contract against nothing.

After what felt like a millennia his tongue slid against her entrance and inside her, making her legs shake with a fiery pleasure as the tip of his tongue rubbed and licked her walls with gusto. Gasping in shock at the intensity of his ministrations, her leg started to give out under her weight. Bracing her hands on his shoulders, his nose bumped against her clitoris while his mouth continued his punishing pace.

“I can’t -” she started.

Ben hummed against her cunt in understanding. In a smooth motion his palms grasped the backs of her upper thighs as he pinned her against the wall, lifting her ever so slightly. Grasping for his shoulders in shock she threw her other leg over his back, his mouth never leaving her pulsing lips.

Kneeling before her with his hands on her thighs and fingers digging into her ass, he continued to eat her out in a way that made her skin tingle from head to toe, overwhelming her completely. With her back pressed roughly against the chilly shower wall and his mouth between her legs, he stared up at her with a mixture of passion and softness, almost adoration or compassion, and a dizzying intensity. She could feel the way his arms flexed and strained as he held her weight in his grasp. Instead of dropping her like she feared, he grabbed her flesh with a bruising force and never let go.

When his nose nudged at her sensitive bud and his mouth continued french kissing her between her thighs, she thought she was going to lose her mind. Everything became a blur of feeling. All she could sense was the soft noise of water droplets hitting stone and wet slurping sounds coming from Ben’s mouth. The chill, from the cool bathroom fan and the freezing tiles, and simultaneously hot steam fanning against her skin raising goosebumps in its wake across her arms and chest. And the way he looked at her. It made her head swim with something unfamiliar. It was all too much. Too soft and sweet yet rough, passionate and unyielding.

A tear fell down Rey’s cheek as she held his head and shoulders for dear life, placing all of her trust in him. In his ability to keep his word. In his strength to keep her from falling. To keep her safe. Within seconds she collapsed against him, grinding her cunt against his mouth as she came while uttering a desperately high pitched cry that bounced off the walls of the shower. He kissed and sucked her through her high, her hips grinding against his mouth, making her eyes roll back in her head. The only sounds her muddled brain could muster were her heavy panting and her pounding heartbeat in her ears.

When her breathing evened out he asked, “So, how did I do?” She could feel his lips twist into a grin against her skin.

“Deliciously,” Rey said breathily while she ran her fingers through his hair. “But I feel like I’m going to fall any second. Can you -”

“Oh.” With her hands on his shoulders, Ben helped her ease a leg off of him and to the ground and then her other. She stood on shaky legs, her hands still gripping his shoulders. “Better?”

“Thanks.”

“For what?” he teased, staring up at her with wide dark eyes, tangled and drenched hair, shiny lips coated with her wetness and his pale body glistening with water.

Rey smiled and cupped his stubbly cheek with her palm, unsure of how to respond. He slowly stood up, transfixed with her eyes, and grinned so wide that it looked as if his entire face changed. He looked younger and so much happier, she realized. All uneven teeth, dimples and goofy ears. He twisted in her hand and brushed his lips against her palm.

“You’re adorable.”

A deep throaty chuckle rumbled in his chest. “I just ate you out and you’re calling me _adorable_. Am I a puppy?” Leaning forward he kissed her neck, tickling her.

“You have some pretty good puppy dog eyes.”

“Mmhmm,” he mumbled against her skin. “Sure.”

Rey ran her hands across his back, savoring the feeling of him close to her, his body heat keeping her warm. Sighing at the way he bit her earlobe, she said, “Your turn.”

“You don’t have to in here. It’s slippery and -”

“Shh.” She put a hand against his chest to stop him. “You were very noble getting down on the floor of the shower, but I’m not about to do that.”

Ben let out a huff of air in response.

“It hurts and I have no interest in getting water in my eyes and nose,” she replied bluntly. “I have other plans.”

She took his hand and led him over to the bench away from the water. Turning around she sat down, making her eyes level with his stomach and looked up at him with raised eyebrows. He looked like he was barely holding onto his composure. His cheeks and neck were flush. Panting heavily with eyes glazed over and lips parted. He looked wrecked and she hadn’t touched him yet. The thought sent a surge of pride through her.

Her fingers ran up and down his thighs, which were shaking ever so slightly, as she kissed his stomach lightly. “Where do you want me, babe?” Rey cooed.

His breathing quickened, but he didn’t respond. He didn’t need to. She knew.

Looking up at him Rey slid her hands up his needy shaft, her fingernail lightly trailing up the vein on the underside, making him flinch and groan in response. Sitting up on her knees, she licked the leaking head of his cock, wiping away his pre-cum with her tongue and then repeating the motion over and over again against his slit making him hiss. Fisting his thick cock, Rey started pumping him slowly, her fingers staying away from his head while her tongue circled the tip of his head until he could barely focus. His hands shook on her shoulder and while pushing her hair out of her face, but he never took his eyes off of her.

Loving the way he tightened his thighs in an attempt at resisting thrusting into her mouth, she smiled and licked him thoroughly her grip tightening slightly on him. Catching him off guard she hollowed out her cheeks and slipped just the tip of his cock in her mouth, her tongue coming out to tease him as she sucked and bobbed gently.

“Fuck,” he growled, his hands digging into her shoulders as his hips thrusted forward in shock. “Shit, sorry.”

She backed off at the right moment to avoid choking and mumbled, “It’s fine. Relax, Ben.” And immediately went back to sucking on his red tip, her hands working his shaft, doing the same motions over and over again when he moaned and gasped alerting her to his favorite moves. She could take him completely in her mouth, but decided it wasn’t worth it. After all, she was still hung over and felt slightly nauseated; it certainly wasn’t worth the risk. Especially, since he was already like putty in her hands.

After flicking her tongue in a way that made him curse and groan in pleasure, she did it again while speeding up her hands wrapped around his cock. His breathing became more erratic while he continued to mutter curses under his breath, his hands resting on her head lightly.

“If you keep doing that -” he warned her, his voice a throaty whine.

She resisted the urge to smile, knowing her teeth might hit him then, and continued licking and sucking and rubbing in the same way until his legs began to shake and he couldn’t resist thrusting his hips against her mouth. She wrapped her hand around him right under his head to keep the penetration light and let him grind his hips into her a few times as he desperately searched for more of her hot mouth. A few seconds later, he came against her tongue, his cum coating her throat in spurts. She sucked him dry and released him from her mouth before kissing his shaft and stomach a few times in a simple gesture.

Licking her lips to rid herself of the tangy thick liquid, she sat on her feet. “Better?” she asked, smirking up at him as he tried to compose himself. He was evidently doing a shit job of it.

****

Satisfied and spent, the haze of lust and a burning headache long gone, Ben opened the glass door to the shower and held it while Rey stepped out, naked and dripping wet, into the sun kissed bathroom. As she turned to the wall of windows her posture went rigid. His lips quirked into a hint of a smile at her shy display for she was anything but modest last night when he finger fucked her against a tree at the wedding reception. Stepping around her dripping form he opened a nearby closet and slipped a large black robe from its hanger, handing it to her with a tilt of his head. She smiled shyly, her eyes still hazy, her cheeks and chest flushed. Taking the robe from him with a nod she slipped her arms through the sleeves and closed it with a quick knot of the tie.

Ben leaned down and grabbed two white towels from the vanity, throwing one to Rey which she caught easily. Drying her hair, she watched closely as he toweled himself off. Glancing behind her, he watched her out of the corner of his eye as she unabashedly gazed at him, her own damp hair forgotten. Quirking an eyebrow up he looked at her while wrapping the towel around his waist. She smirked and opened her mouth to say something, but froze when a low groan left his lips as a stab of pain shot through his hand. He ground his teeth at the burning sensation of sliced and raw skin, blood oozing out of the freshly opened wounds, pulling at his knuckles. The pain was like a bucket of cold water, a blunt reminder of where they were only twenty four hours ago; fighting, Rey trying one more time to run before he could tell her how he felt.

A lot had changed in a short amount of time, but had it really? Could he truly know if she was or wasn’t going to run again. After all, no less than three hours ago Rey had told him as much. “ _I don’t know how this could work,”_ she had said. _“It’s fine… I can leave and we can never see each other again.”_

The unsettlingly depressing thought sent Ben into a tailspin. Turning away from her he made his way to his closet. He needed a moment to think.

Sensing the shift in mood, Rey uttered a guttural sigh and followed silently, the sounds of her footsteps both soothing and disconcerting.

Thankful for a moment to catch his breath without needing to speak he walked into the closet and started aimlessly searching for clothes while deep in thought. It wasn’t that he wasn’t ecstatic that Rey had stayed this morning. To the contrary, he was more than overjoyed to see her standing in his kitchen in only his t-shirt when he woke up bleary-eyed and hung over.  It made his chest clench in a way he had given up hope on experiencing in his short thirty years. Yet, everything that had taken place since had been a lot to process.

Not twenty-four hours ago, he believed he would never see the woman from his dreams again. The woman who haunted his every waking thought just below the surface enough for him to deny her hold on him. That was until he saw her sitting in the church, her chestnut hair and hazel eyes wide in shock. Rey looked as beautiful, if not more so, than he remembered and that was it. He was hers in any way she wished. He knew it then and he knew it now.

He didn’t truly understand why he seemed incapable of lying to Rey. Nor what got into him when he confessed to her the truth of his life and identity. His title and childhood. And now he’d gone and told her the truth regarding his personal failures in his relationships. His feelings for this woman were inescapable. Somehow he felt off kilter around her while simultaneously safe and content. He didn’t know what to make of it.

“Ben, spill it,” she said, crossing her arms in the doorway. “What’s wrong?”

Closing his eyes and taking a deep shuddering breath, he gritted his teeth and clenched his fists letting the pain help him focus. He wasn’t sure how to do this, whatever this relationship was becoming. It was a stretch for him and he hated feeling vulnerable or clueless. That was to say, if - and that was a very big if - they were even dating. He didn't dare ask, at least not yet.

Rey rolled her eyes and disappeared, making Ben flinch. Shit. Did he do something wrong? Before he could yell after her, she sauntered into the walk in closet in his much too large robe, it falling off her shoulders, holding a small wet face cloth.

“What -”

Rey silenced him by taking his hand in hers and lightly placing the wet cloth to his raw and bleeding knuckles. “You know,” she started, voice soothing, as she dabbed at the cuts on his hand. “I appreciated your enthusiasm in the shower, but if doing that made your knuckles open, I wish you would have told me. I could have stood.”

“Could you though?” Ben’s eyebrows rose, his lips quirking in almost mirth as his heart continued to anxiously pound in his chest. He hid it well.

Pressing harder on his hand she said, “I could have at least gotten on the bench earlier.”

He hummed, pleased with the way the soft noise brought out the already noticeable flush to her cheeks. He swallowed his nerves and stripped away the layers of snark his parents had taught him so well. “I truthfully hadn’t noticed until after I put you down,” he admitted, placing his free hand onto her wrist to still her actions. “And even if I had, I would have done the exact same thing. If I could see you come undone above me, dripping wet, in more ways than one, writhing in my arms and grinding against my tongue, I would gladly deal with a lifetime of injuries.”

“Ben -” Her breath hitched in her throat.

He smiled softly, his forefinger tracing light patterns into her skin. ‘Just don’t say it. Not yet.”

Glancing up with wide eyes, she frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“The inevitable disappearing act,” he said, his voice rough and sad. “You agreed to a date while drunk, which I certainly won’t hold you to. And this morning, you avoided the question and said my life was too much. I understand if you’d rather end things now before things become even more complex but -”

“Stop talking.” Ben blinked and shut his mouth, startled momentarily by his words being thrown back at him. “You’re an idiot, you know that?” Rey laughed, her fingers curling up to brush against his skin.

“I’ve been told as such by my mother on numerous occasions.”

“She sounds like a smart woman.”

“She is.”

Rey’s smile was blinding when she looked up at him. “Would you like go out on a date with me this Friday?”

“But what about all the reasons that this wouldn’t work?” he asked, remembering those fateful words so many months before from the first time she shot him down.

Shrugging she said, “They didn’t go away… We’ll need to talk about them, but at least you’re not a liar or a cheating husband like I originally thought.”

“You thought I was married?”

“Don’t you remember?” When there was silence and a pointed stare on his end, she rolled her eyes. “The grey hairs, your stress lines, your dismissal of all family or personal questions... None of this ringing a bell?”

“Yes. How could I forget you Sherlock-ing me,” he deadpanned, smirking ever so slightly. “But you forgot,” he said, raising his hand, “No tan line.”

“I noticed, but it was winter and you didn’t seem like the tanning type. Plus, you could have been married for only a year or two. You might not have tan lines yet.”

Taking a step closer, he reached for her hands leaving them in the air palms up. “It seems you thought of everything but the truth.” Rey tentatively ran her fingers across his palms while staring up into his eyes. He grasped them before she could move her hands away and pulled one up to his mouth so he could kiss her knuckles. “And yes, Rey, I’d love to go out Friday. Pick you up at seven?”

“Sounds perfect.”

He hummed against her knuckles before loosening his grip on her hand so she could pull them away.

“What time is it?”

Ben blinked at the swift switch in subject, but turned around and pulled open a drawer filled with watches.

“Holy shit. Those must be worth a fortune,” Rey breathed.

Snorting, Ben picked up one and clasped it around his wrist before staring at the clock hands. “It’s twelve forty,” he answered casually, hoping she didn’t have to leave yet.

“Bloody fucking hell,” Rey said as she quickly pulled her hair up into a damp bun and stepped towards him. “I’m so sorry, but I have to go. I’m gonna be late meeting up with my friend.” Sliding her hands against his broad chest, she smiled softly. “I already pushed her off a couple of hours, so I could have breakfast with you. I have to get back to my flat and change or Rose is going to kill me for ditching her.”

His heart dropped slightly at the thought of her leaving as his hands slid up her covered forearms to her petite wrists on his chest. “I understand. I have some work to do this afternoon anyway; Hux being on his honeymoon is surely going to add to my workload.”

“I had a great night,” Rey whispered.

Ben leaned down and captured her lips in a passionate and unyielding yet soft kiss. She sank against his body, her hands sliding all over his torso, making his skin turn to fire and his blood rush south. The idea of slipping his robe off her shoulders and taking her in the closet, ass up and breasts pressed against the short cabinet where he kept his sleepwear and sweats burned in his brain. Her skin still damp from the shower. Being able to kiss and lick her spine as he slipped inside her warm and tight pussy from behind. Gritting his teeth, Ben broke the kiss and took a deep breath to steady himself from doing something he’d regret. Sex was off the table until Friday, maybe longer. He knew this and could respect her wishes.

Rey whined and kissed his chest. “I would stay longer if I didn’t have plans,” she whispered against his skin.

He ran his hands over her back, his fingers trailing over the familiar soft fabric of his robe. “I would have liked that, but I’d also prefer you stay alive.”

Laughing against his chest, now hugging him, she nodded. “Okay, true. I’ll let you get dressed.”

She walked away still in his robe, disappearing for a moment, and then halting in the doorway. Ben watched, his eyes never leaving her as she undid the belt and turned around smiling wide. “I don’t need this anymore,” she said as she slipped the robe off her shoulders, revealing more and more of her skin, making his cock throb, tenting his towel.

Looking down, a wicked gleam in her eye was noticeable across the room as she quirked an eyebrow at him, making him swallow hard unsure of whether or not she would risk being even later. Before he could say a word she walked back into the room. The bathrobe wide open, falling off her shoulders and sliding against the oak floors, revealing her perfect naked body, her breasts ever so slightly bouncing, her flesh coated with red bruises from him, the edges of her cunt staring him down. “Ready to go again so soon?” Rey asked when she was only a couple of steps away.

“Yes,” he admitted gruffly. There was no use denying it. His cock was painfully hard and it was obvious to anyone who looked at him. The second she left, he knew he’d have to handle it himself or he’d end up with a horrible case of blue balls.

She took a step. And another. Until she was standing in the perfect position to take him into her hand. “I have to leave, but my thongs can stay.”

He froze, unsure of whether she wanted to do anything more than talk.

Sensing his hesitation she let her fingers slide under the edge of his towel brushing against his cock, while gazing into his eyes. “I can leave them, but you need to say it, Ben. Do you want me to walk out of here in nothing but my dress and heels? Do you want me to leave my thong, all wet from my juices, for you to touch, smell or taste? Do you like the idea of me wearing nothing under a dress? It would be so much easier to touch me in public... To take me behind a tree or in a bathroom. To fuck me against a wall until neither of us could speak.”

Ben was barely breathing, holding onto a small shred of his dignity and control. “Leave them,” was all he could manage, his voice rough with lust.

A satisfied grin crossed her lips as her fingers grabbed something in the robe’s pocket and pulled it out. Holding out the thong to him with slender fingers, she let the robe drop to the floor. “Good,” she said, breathily, rubbing her thighs together.  “Because I like the idea too.”

She dropped the thong in his hand. And before he could respond she tugged at the towel’s knot until it fell to the floor in a heap making him hiss as the cool air touched his aching cock. Humming, Rey swept a fingertip over his head, focusing on his leaking slit as Ben cursed loudly.

“I thought you didn’t have time,” he ground out, forcing himself to stay still.

“I like to live on the edge,” Rey replied as she spread his wetness around his head making him groan in pleasure.

_“Rey.”_ It was a warning and she knew it.

“Yes, Ben?” she said in the most innocent voice he’d ever heard come out of her mouth.

“Fuck.” He groaned as she leaned forward and kissed his chest, her stomach rubbing up against his shaft and head, and cupped his balls.

“I can start you off at least,” she murmured against his chest before gently biting one of his nipples. The sensation made him jump, but he didn’t dislike it. Quite the contrary actually.

Teasing his head with one hand and his balls with the other, Rey kissed his chest and spoke. “If I did have the time, I’d blow you right here,” she started, whispering seductively. “I’d lick and suck your veiny cock and let you fuck my mouth until I choke.”

At a loss of control, Ben closed his eyes and whimpered, clenching his fist around the black lace,  as he was unsure of whether she’d want him to touch her.

“Or maybe you’d rather think of me splayed out in your bed, my ass in the air so you could pound into me like I know you love. Or you could fuck me on the bench in your bedroom. Or on the couch. Or on the kitchen table. Or against the wall, my ass pressed against the glass. Or maybe you’d rather my breasts and face against the glass, my legs stretched wide open so you could fuck me from behind for everyone to see.”

Ben moaned.

“You like that idea, huh?” she hummed happily as she gripped his cock at the base and massaged lightly, wrapping her other hand around his length at the head twisting. “I think I’ll touch myself to it later.”

Breathing out small puffs of air, he let himself get lost in her touch and voice knowing that it would all end too soon. He reminded himself that she had to leave and kept his hands to himself as her slim fingers fisted his leaking cock. Panting, he grimaced as a tinge of pain hit him at the overwhelmingly dry friction.

“Sorry,” Rey whispered, her voice so soothing. She looked up at him, her chin on his chest. “You should know, I don’t get on my knees for men often. They usually get on their knees for me,” she teased, her eyes wicked.

His voice caught in his throat at her words. He didn’t dare speak. In case she remembered her lunch plans. In case she actually planned on giving him head.

“When I do, I like to savor it.” Licking her lips she released him and brought her hand up to her mouth, slowly licking each finger until saliva coated each one.

Ben watched her with wide eyes. Panting heavily as he restrained himself from touching her everywhere. From kissing her lips. From licking and sucking and biting her skin until she bruised.

She brought her fingers down to his pulsing cock. Inhaling sharply at the cool touch of wetness on his skin, she wrapped her hand around him and started pumping. He leaned forward, placing his forehead against the crown of her head. Moaning at the sweet friction and heat coursing through his veins, she did so for who knows how long while he panted against her hair with eyes closed tight.

Until she didn’t.

She paused her movements, pulling her hand away from him before dusting her fingertips over his achingly sensitive head, gently tracing circles around it teasingly. He felt her smile and lightly kiss his chest. “I should go,” she whispered.

He groaned in response, unable to say anything other than beg her to take him into her mouth. But he wouldn’t do that. He still had some self respect.

Pulling away from his body, she pecked him on the lips and stepped back. Smirking wide, she sauntered over to the doorway and paused, craning her neck to see him, her hand touching the door frame. His hands were still next to him, fists clenched, as he panted with his mouth wide open. He didn’t dare move yet.

Grinning wide, her eyes glittering with mirth, she said, “Have fun, Ben. I’ll leave my number.” She walked away without another word. He heard her shuffling things around his room. The rustle of her dress as he assumed she put it back on. The sound of heels hitting the ground growing more distant.

He sighed in relief. Quickly grasping his needy cock in desperation, he fisted it and started pumping his length, moaning at the feeling of leftover saliva from Rey’s mouth between his fingers. He dropped the lace on the ground, knowing that he’d need lube to make using it comfortable, and set to work twisting the head the way Rey was doing before, imagining her much smaller hands on him. Not bothering to pace himself he worked himself over, huffing and puffing, his heart stuttering in his chest, as he thought about everything she’d just told him. Hearing his front door close he leaned his head back against the wall. No more than a few minutes later, he was growling, hips thrusting against his hands as his cum leaked from his cock and gathered on his stomach. The pleasurable haze of lush once again quickly dissipated as he grabbed his towel and cleaned himself up.

Attempting to steady his breath and not bothering with clothes, he walked out of the closet still panting and headed to the kitchen for a bottle of water. Opening the refrigerator his eyes landed on something out of the corner of his eye; A small pad of paper he kept in the kitchen for grocery list items. Closing the door, the water long forgotten, he grabbed the pad of paper and smiled to himself at the sight of Rey’s handwriting on the top page with her number and a short note.

 

_Great almost fucking. Text me when you’re done._

_Xoxo, Rey_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always if you liked the chapter/fic and wanna leave kudos, comments or if you recommend it to a friend I will love you forever. It means the world to me that people seem to enjoy my story, I can never even begin to express how much. Come chat with me on tumblr @fabradicalfem 
> 
> xoxo


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I probably shouldn't apologize for getting this out later than usual - I try to keep post updates within a two week window, but I was in the middle of a move and things were hectic to say the least. It's also why I haven't responded to most of the comments on last chapter, but I promise I will! This chapter was a struggle for me to get right. I had a lot of issues with it, but I think I finally like the end product. 
> 
> I couldn't have done this without the help of my lovely writing friends Mina, Jane, Meg, Tay, Mads, Maddy and so many more of you. You kept me company while I screamed at my laptop and I thank you so much for it. <3 
> 
> I didn't have time to do a mood board for this chapter. If I do I will link it to the chapter later!

 

 

After leaving Ben’s apartment, Rey’s week went by smoothly. He texted her almost immediately after she entered the subway. _So eager,_ she thought at the time with a small smile on her lips.

They texted off and on all Sunday. And somehow she managed to meet up with Rose without being late after stopping at her place to change into something that didn’t scream walk of shame. Even if she wasn’t chagrined, she liked to avoid instances where people openly glared at her. Hence, the outfit change. Lunch went well since Rose hadn’t heard from Finn about her dance partner from the night before; he was still far too hungover to function when she left their place. They chatted about nothing and everything while eating insanely healthy salads at a vegetarian cafe. It was a welcome distraction from her concerns. The rest of her Sunday was mundane. Doing errands and laundry and other menial activities to get ready for the work week. Finn tried to question her about how she knew Kylo that night, but she made it clear she wasn’t ready to talk. He backed off after almost a full thirty minutes of pushing.

Thank god.

From there on out every morning Ben would send her a short good morning text at an absurdly early hour. She responded in kind when she awoke and they went about their days. It was nothing much, but the thought was appreciated. Otherwise, she barely heard from him. She assumed he was just busy with work. After all, she was going to see him on Friday. They had plans. She didn’t need to rush things.

Like every week, she went to work and then came home to Finn. They discussed their days and caught up on whatever latest Netflix show they were binge watching. This was a light week; she worked Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Sunday with a mismatch of oddly short connections and a six hour flight to and from LAX. With classes still on hiatus, she had plenty of time to shoot the shit and do nothing.

She spent a good chunk of that time secretly and obsessively searching the internet for any and everything she could find on Ben and his family. Everything from adorably geeky photos of him as a small child to photos of his family at events to article after article on Alderaanian politics and royal family drama. After hours of aimlessly searching google for snippets of his life, a pattern emerged.

As an adult Ben was rarely photographed unless he was with his parents or sister, always dressed to the nines in something she would be terrified to even breath on for fear of ruining it. In his absence from public life, the Alderaanian media had run wild with absurd theories on where he was or if he was giving up his royal duties. Even going so far at one point as to wonder if he was secretly staying at a psychiatric hospital or had gone missing. What she knew that the press didn’t was that Ben moved back to Manhattan during that time. His disappearances to an outsider though must have looked suspect. She wondered how prevalent the gossip still was. Did he still get questions about it often when he went home? From the number of new pieces on them, it was clear that the French media was obsessed with Ben and his mother, Queen Leia Organa; their private and public lives were plastered everywhere on popular sites. As a teenager his sister, Kaydel, was quite the wild child, but seemed to mellow when she had a baby at an early age; photos of the boy were hard to find and it didn’t look like the father was involved. Either way, the press couldn’t seem to care less about what would have been a scandal where Rey has lived, which she figured was a good sign. She found many photos of Ben with his father at events, but none of them together otherwise. If the lack of media on him said anything, it seemed Alderaanian public often left Han Solo alone. What she couldn’t tell was whether that was from a place of respect, disinterest or dislike from the people.

After days of research she only found a few photos of Ben with his uncle Luke Organa. Only one of them together after he abdicated the throne and Ben didn’t look particularly happy in it. Thinking back to their conversation at the wedding, she tried to remember what he had said. Something about being angry with his uncle? She couldn’t remember, so she kept scrolling, looking for more information. She knew she should take everything with a grain of salt, but she couldn’t resist. If she wanted to make an educated decision on whether or not to truly go through with dating Ben, then she needed to know what she was getting into. Even if it felt like she might be breaking some sort of dating code for public figures by looking him up online.

By Wednesday night Rey had given up her online search, deciding that she would go on one date with Ben and go from there. If she felt too panicked, then maybe she would gently tell him it wouldn’t work out between then. But if she felt content, happy, excited or anything even remotely good about spending time with him, then she would give this a chance. She wanted to give him a chance.

Settling into the couch, she sighed and closed her eyes smiling to herself as her friends chatted on about nonsense. Jess was curled up in Paige’s lap, like they did every movie night, while Paige and Finn yelled at each other across the room about nothing in particular. Rose was out on a much needed date with a guy she met at a bar over the weekend, so it was just the four of them. They were seated around the living room watching a movie, eating pizza and popcorn like they did every Wednesday night. Red wine and beer abound.

After a few days at work and the upheaval of seeing Ben at the wedding, this was exactly what she needed. A normal night in with her friends to remind herself that she wasn’t alone. That even if things didn’t work out with Ben, even if they crashed and burned, she’d be fine. She’d survive and move on. She could do this; she could put herself out there and risk getting hurt. Every ounce of her told her to back off and run away - that there was absolutely no way that being with Ben was worth so much - but it was easier to silence such fears. For tonight the warmth and support of her friends meant everything to her, settling her nerves over Friday night’s date. The same date of which she was lying to her friends about.

“So,” Jessika yawned, snuggling up to Paige, “Do you want me to come over to help pick out a date outfit?”

Speak of the fucking devil.

Despite wanting company before a date she knew she’d be a nervous wreck about, she shook her head and faked nonchalance. “I’ll be fine. If I get stuck, facetime?”

“Sure,” Jess agreed happily, returning to the movie without another thought.

Rey sighed in relief trying desperately to pretend this wasn’t eating away at a part of her soul. She wanted to tell them, but Ben’s royal title was a secret. She couldn’t out him, even if she was almost completely positive that they would keep his secret. She forced her mind to settle down by focusing on her breathing and only the film. Well, at least it worked for a while.

“Holy fuck,” Jess whispered, mouth agape as she stared at her iphone in shock and horror.

“What is it, babe?” Paige said, sounding only semi curious, her eyes still glued to the television screen.

Rey glanced over, squinting her eyes as she had almost been asleep. Jess looked up from her phone and stared at Rey like she had two heads. “Are you kidding me, Rey?” she yelled, a disbelieving smile curling at her lips. “Holy fuck!”

“What?”

“Ben Solo… _Your_ Ben Solo, is Kylo Ren,” Jess said, her eyes wide as saucers. “You’re going out tomorrow with the guy you banged at the airport?  In Iceland… And he’s a Prince! A fucking Prince! Have you lost your mind?”

“What are you talking about,” Finn said exasperated as he looked between the three women. “What about Kylo Ren and some Prince dude? Wait, who’s Ben?”

Rey felt like she swallowed her tongue, her heart pounding in her ribs. “How do you know?” was all she could manage, ignoring Finn entirely as waves of panic washed over her fatigue ladened body.

Jess frowned and held out her phone to Rey who took it from her immediately. “It’s all over twitter, probably everywhere else too,” she said softly.

Paige sat up, eyebrows creased until everything dawned on her.

“Is someone going to tell me what the fuck is going on? Who is Ben? And what does this Ben have to do with someone I work with and the guy Rey’s dating?” Finn asked in quick succession, eyes darting between them all.

The voices of her friends melted away as she stared at the headline: _Prince of Alderaan’s Secret Life with Mystery Woman_. Her eyes darted to the photo underneath of herself grinding against Ben at Phasma and Hux’s wedding, his hands on her hips, their faces sweaty and distracted. Her mouth went dry at the realization that someone had taken their picture that night on the dance floor; they were both far too drunk to ever have noticed. It would have been easy. Clicking on the image she swiped left and found two more photos of them dancing: slow dancing and smiling at each other and one of them kissing. Heart in her throat, she started searching the tag Prince of Alderaan and felt a full blown panic attack set in as she realized the major news stations had picked up the story.

Finn tried to look over her shoulder, but she stopped him by closing out of twitter. “Rey, what’s going on?” he asked, confusion, irritation and sympathy crossing his features.

Her voice sounded hollow as she said, “Kylo Ren is Prince Benjamin Organa-Solo of Alderaan.”

“What!” Finn screeched. “This is a joke. It’s gotta be a joke.” Laughing to himself, he froze when she avoided his eyes.

Paige whistled in shock while Finn and Jess looked at her expectantly.

“It’s not a joke.”

Rey sighed and handed the phone to Finn who quickly pulled up twitter. His eyes widened in horror as he read. He looked up at her confusion and a hint of betrayal in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me it was him? It’s been a week, Rey.”

Jess cleared her throat and gave Rey a sympathetic nod to continue.

Running her hand through her hair and scratching at her scalp she grimaced. “I never told anyone, but um when I found out the _news_ I, uh - I looked up Ben.”

“What?” all three friends said in unison.

“I looked up Ben Solo when I found out I was pregnant, okay?” she huffed, their surprise irritating her. Of course they would be blindsided. “Not because I wanted to keep it, but just because I liked him and was emotionally exhausted and lonely,” Rey admitted, knowing she couldn’t hold this in any longer. “I looked him up but I couldn’t find a Ben Solo in Manhattan so I thought he lied. I figured he ghosted me or something.”

“Oh honey -” Jess sighed. Paige shook her head at her girlfriend to stop her.

Finn leaned forward and grasped her hand in a silent gesture to continue, which she really appreciated. A lone tear streaked down her cheek as she avoided the knowing eyes of her friends.

“I didn’t tell anyone because I was embarrassed. But then Ben showed up at the wedding and he told me everything -”

“Everything, everything?” Finn questioned.

Sniffling, she nodded. “Yes. That he’s a prince and goes by Kylo here. That his birth name is Ben Solo but his royal name is Organa, which is why I couldn’t find him online.”

“Are you going to tell him?” Paige asked, speaking for the first time since the news.

“God no, he can never know.”

“But you still wanna date him,” Finn said.

“Is that insane?” Rey asked them, her voice going up an octave. Glancing around at her friends, tears clouding her eyes, she said, “It’s asinine. This is bloody ridiculous. I should walk away right now.” She wiped away a few tears, feeling simultaneously embarrassed, conflicted and horrified with her recent decisions.

She knew it would have been easier had she blown him off at the wedding and went about her life, never to meet him again. She knew it would have been best for her own emotional health to try to move forward and forget everything that happened. To move past the abortion and the man that haunted her waking dreams; the man she believed to be a liar and possible cheat for almost a year. Yet, something about Ben felt different. It always had, even if she wasn’t ready to admit it to herself so many months ago when she first blew him off. And now that she knew the truth, she didn’t feel she could simply forget him. After thinking about him obsessively and running through her possible options an infinite number of times since that fateful day at Phasma and Hux’s wedding, she’d come to the conclusion that taking the risk could very well be worth it. But it could still blow up in her face and that terrified her.

“Hey, hey,” Finn whispered soothingly, like he did when she was younger and about to go into a panic attack. “Slow down, Peanut.”

“I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was way too drunk at the wedding and he was sweet and I couldn’t stop thinking about him for _eight_ fucking months... Guys, I don’t know what to do. Ben’s the first man I could see myself truly falling for. Max was -”

“A cheating asshole,” Paige finished.

“Yes, he was.” Rey choked back a sob. “And Ben isn’t. At least, I don’t think so… He’s been surprisingly honest with me and he’s sweet and attentive and a great listener. And I’m the one who shot him down in Iceland because I was scared. He asked for my number… I’ve totally fucked everything up. I’m a tosser, a complete and utter tosser.”

Rey turned to Jess, taking a deep breath. “I told him about my stars, Jess. I was drunk and blissed out from great head and I told him. I told him the _whole_ thing. I never even told Max that story.”

Jess and Finn both groaned in understanding while Paige watched on like an outsider. “I don’t even know that story,” she mumbled softly.

“Babe, I love you,” Jess started, ignoring Paige’s slightly bitter and confused statement. “And I’ll be thrilled if this works out and you end up happily in love, but how could you hide something so important from him? That - that _experience_ completely fucked with you for a while. If he does find out -” Jess put up her hand to silence Rey as she opened her mouth to speak. “If he found out, do you have any idea how he might respond?”

“It’s a good question, Rey,” Paige added, smiling sadly at her friend.

Finn squeezed her hand, her foster brother steady as ever by her side, lending his support. “Well,” she admitted shyly, “I sort of did some research on his family this week.”

“Yeah. And?” Finn asked, smiling at the absurd tone of her voice. She sounded like a kid for the first time in years.

“And Ben’s mom Queen Leia is supposedly very socially progressive. A few interviews I read stated that he endorsed her politics as future King.”

“Wait, fuck.” Jess laughed dryly. “He’s gonna be king one day? _And_ the man got you off five times in one night?” Huffing in surprise she mumbled, “Where can I find me one of those?”

“Hey!” Paige shouted, throwing a pillow at her girlfriend and missing her by a fraction of an inch. “Jesus, I’m _right here,_ babe.”

Jess smirked as she threw the pillow back at her, Paige catching it before the soft square could hit her. “I never said you couldn’t get the job done.”

“Keep it up, bitch, and you’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.”

“Yes,” Rey spat loudly, annoyed by the interruption. “That tends to be the case for the oldest royal child.”

Jess raised her hands in surrender. “Sorry, I didn’t know if he had siblings.”

“A younger sister, that’s it.”

“There’s a big difference between allowing something to be legal -” Paige said.

“And publicly funded,” Rey added quickly.

“Sure... And personally being okay with something,” Paige finished gently.

“I mean fuck the guy if he found out and got mad,” Jessika quickly said. “He had no right over this decision. You knew the man less than twenty-four hours. I just don’t want this to blow up in your face.”

“None of us do,” Finn said swiftly. “You deserve the world and from my experience Kylo, Ben, whatever the fuck his name is, he’s a first class jackass.”

“At least the media doesn’t have your name,” Jessika said, smiling softly at her friend. Always the one to find the good in something devastating.

“Just be careful,” Paige added. And that ended the discussion.

They sat in tense silence, the movie still playing, voices mumbling coming from the speakers as they all processed the news of the night.

It was supposed to be their usual mundane Wednesday movie night where they gorged themselves on pizza and other junk food while they catch up on movies they missed in theaters or revisited favorites. It was something normal, something easy that Rey could always count on. Tonight was anything but normal.

Well into their second movie of the night they were all sleepy, eyes partially closed, heads resting on pillows or their friends or girlfriends body parts, and semi-drunk. That is until Rey’s phone rang, the loud noise making everyone flinch, groan or throw a pillow at her in frustration. She grasped for it wildly, lifting it to her ear and pressed accept while still watching the film.

“Hello, is this Rey Andor?”

Her eyebrows furrowed in exhausted confusion, her brain not registering the voice. “Yes, who is this?” she asked, sitting up while everyone’s eyes turned to her.

“Great! This is Derek with TMZ, we’d love a comment on your secret affair with the Prince of Alderaan. Are you sleeping with him for the money? Or maybe it’s the status and title? Would you like to be queen someday, Rey? I imagine an English orphan never expected to sleep her way into royalty, huh?”

“Excuse me,” she spat, her temper flaring. “Fuck off and never call this number again!” She hung up before the man could get another word in edgewise and dropped her phone on the couch.

“Peanut, who was that?” Finn asked calmly.

“Fuck,” she whispered, running her hands through her hair. “TMZ found me. They’re all gonna know soon.”

“You should call Ben,” Paige said, eyeing her.

“I’m sure he knows,” Rey mumbled, ignoring the way they all looked at her.

“Then why hasn’t he called you to warn you?” Finn asked, his voice rising defensively. Jess kicked his leg and gave him a pointed glare.

“I don’t know,” she admitted. She’d never been through something like this. What was the protocol for being outed in the pressed as a couple? Should he have called her? Should she call or text him? Not knowing, she left it alone, hoping that would be the last of it for the night. Thankfully, her friends took the hint and dropped the subject.

Not five minutes later her phone rang, but this time she looked at the number and chose not to answer; she learned her lesson. Yet, in what she swore was under thirty seconds, it rang again. And again. And again. The friends all made eye contact and quickly opened up their social media, immediately checking google, twitter and more. Rey shut off her phone and threw it onto a pillow wanting it to shut the fuck up already.

“You’re going to need a new number,” Finn whispered. “Your name is out.”

“Mmhmm, twitter is eating this shit up. Your name has over 300 hits in under an hour and it’s international,” Jess said, her eyes wide as she glanced at all the publications that were running the story. She stopped on a tweet. “ _Fuck._ ”

“What?” Rey asked quickly.

“No don’t look -”

Rey huffed and went for the phone, grabbing it out of her hands and looking for herself. “Are you kidding me. I did NOT confirm the relationship!” she yelled as she stared at the latest crappy article by the gossip site TMZ that was most definitely written two seconds ago. “He’s not even my boyfriend!”

“We know, Peanut,” Finn said supportively.

“Do we though?” Jess mumbled under her breath. Finn glared at her and she rolled her eyes in response.

Ignoring her friends, Rey grumbled something under her breath and grabbed Jess’s phone from her hand. Turning her own phone on and muting it, she went through her contacts until she found his number. She quickly dialed, stood up and walked into her bedroom, closing the door behind her before she heard the familiar baritone of Ben’s voice.

“Who is this?”

Rey’s eyebrows rose, a small smirk creasing her lips at the anger in his tone. “It’s me,” she said, her voice cracking slightly.

“ _Rey_ , are you alright?”

She closed her eyes, resting her head against the wooden door. “You’ve heard then I take it about the photos.”

“Yes. Though, I got the notice less than a half hour ago. I was at a photo shoot and didn’t have my phone on me.”

Groaning, she nodded. Of course he was busy, that’s why he hadn’t warned her. Though she had no idea why he was at a photoshoot. Didn’t seem like something someone of his status would do at the company. Brushing it off, she sighed in relief. But her throat clenched at the reminder that there was worse news. “Are you okay?” she asked.

A dark chuckle reverberated through the phone. “Physically, yes. But shit has hit the fan. My mother is… She’s worried, to say the least. I just got off the phone with her. She wants to hire a full security team. I said no.”

Scoffing, she said, “Why the hell not? They’d keep you safe. You’re a bloody fucking prince, Ben. You could be in danger now that people know where you are.”

“I can take care of myself.” She opened her mouth to reply, exhaustion and stress about to make it’s impression on him, but he cut her off. “I’m sorry,” he said, sighing. “I shouldn’t take this out on you.”

“Fuck not,” Rey muttered to herself. Apparently she was louder than she thought because not two seconds later Ben was laughing on the other end of the line. She smiled to herself.

“Whose phone are you calling from anyway?” He sounded softer, almost relaxed.

She winced and mumbled, “My phone’s kind of been ringing off the hook.”

“What, why?”

“So, I guess you haven’t checked social media since hanging up, huh?” she groaned.

“Why would I need to check -” A sharp inhale of breath sounded in her ear. His voice steady and errilly calm, Ben asked, “Rey, did the media release your name?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Reporters have my cell number.”

“Fuck!” he spat. A loud thump could be vaguely heard through the phone.

“Ben, I’m okay,” she said quickly, hoping he didn’t punch something else. “I have tomorrow off, I’ll just switch numbers and everything will be fine.”

He grunted in reply.

Sighing Rey slid down against the door and dropped to the floor as fatigue settled into her bones. “We knew it would get out eventually. I - I know this changes things, but -”

“It changes nothing between us. That is, unless you want it to.”

“Can I be honest?”

“Yes. Please do,” he said softly.

“I don’t know what I want. This is - it’s very new and fast,” she admitted. “I know I want a date, but the media…” She stopped herself, unsure of whether or not she should tell him about the reporter.

“I understand completely. My life is a lot to handle. How about we go on a date Friday, like we planned, and go from there? Just take it one step at a time.”

She frowned at how anxious he sounded. “Okay,” she agreed easily. “One date.”

“Okay,” he said happily, sighing in what she assumed was relief. “Keep your phone off. I’ll get someone to drop off a new phone for you tomorrow morning.”

“I can change my number, Ben. You don’t need to get me a whole new phone.”

“It’s safer. Less people will have access to it - no reporters have my number yet - and you won’t have to leave your apartment. I’ll even put it under a different name if you’d like.”

Rey groaned, far too tired to say no to someone’s offer of help. “Fine, but I’m still paying the bill.”

“Deal.”

“I’ll send you my address when we hang up.”

“Rey, if reporters found your number this quickly, they might be able to get your address as well. Do you have someone you could stay with?”

She scoffed at his concern. “Ben, I’m fine here. My friends are staying the night and I have Finn with me. Stop worrying.”

“Rey -”

“No,” she said forcefully. “Just no. I’m not running away from my life because of a few arseholes.”

“Rey,” he pleaded.

“Be grateful I’m letting you get the phone.”

“Grateful?”

Smiling wide, she giggled dryly, her head still resting against the door. “Yes, grateful. Don’t get used to it. I don’t usually give in so easily.”

“That sounds like a challenge,” he said.

“Maybe, maybe not,” she teased.

“Let me send over a bodyguard tomorrow. He can stay outside the apartment and drive you around.”

“Ben, I’m not a child. I can take care of myself!”

“I know you can, but it will make me feel better.”

Rey rubbed her eyes with her free hand. “How ‘bout this, if the reporters get worse, then I’ll take you up on the offer. The story has barely been out a few hours. Let’s wait and see what happens,” she said, sighing in resignation. She doubted the story would go away so easily, but wanted her life to continue normally for as long as possible.

“Fine.”

Opening her eyes in shock, she said, “Really?”

“Yes, r _eally._ I’m not your father. It’s your life. Just be careful... _Please_.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m not sure why you’re thanking me. If it wasn’t for me, reporters wouldn’t be after you,” he said, a mixture of sarcasm and self-hatred evident in his tone.

“True, but I said yes to dating you knowing exactly who you are and what it might mean… I could have walked away and I didn’t. This isn’t your fault.”

“Maybe not. However, it is _because_ of me that you’re in this position.” Ben mumbled something under his breath she couldn’t understand and cleared his throat. “I’ll have the phone for you early tomorrow morning. Do you have work?”

Sighing gratefully, she shook her head and played with the hem of her shirt. When she realized he couldn’t see her, she quickly said, “No, I have the day off.”

“Good. You’ll probably want to stay home if the story gets any larger.”

“Please,” she scoffed. “No one will recognize me. It’s fine.”

“Rey,” he warned.

Laughing, she shook her head. “Just stop. I’m _not_ the royal one, you are. Maybe you should worry a bit more about your own safety.”

“I’m fine.”

“Sure, you are,” she replied dryly with a smirk.

They hung up shortly after, going about their prospective nights; Rey hung out with her friends, them attempting to cheer her up over junk food, while Ben went home and ate a late dinner before heading to bed so he could do it all over again. For the rest of the night, they didn’t speak of Ben Solo, Prince Organa or Kylo Ren. They finished the movie and settled in as it was past midnight and everyone else had work the next morning. Jess and Paige stayed over, cuddling on the small couch together, as they were far too exhausted-drunk to drive back to their studio apartment so late at night. Rey and Finn slept in their bedrooms. It almost felt as if nothing had changed.

Everything had changed.

She awoke to the sound of her alarm; her phone now permanently set on airplane mode. Sun streaming through the cheap curtains of her bedroom, hurting her eyes as she blinked and adjusted to the light. As she sat up the events of the night returned to her, her stomach fluttering nervously. She made her way into the living area barefoot and in only an oversized t-shirt of Finn’s and a pair of sleep shorts looking for her friends, and more specifically, for Jess’s phone. What if Ben had tried to call her?

What she found made her stop in her tracks. Sitting on the coffee table was Jess’s iphone with a sticky note on it saying, “Keep it for the day, hun.” With a bleary-eyed thankful groan, she grabbed the phone and opened it finding one text from Ben: _Evan will stop by at 8:30 with your new phone. He can stay if you change your mind._

Smirking at his unwillingness to completely back down, she went about her morning routine as she waited for the package: workout, shower, breakfast. When Evan - a thirty something man in a suit no less - arrived she smiled politely and told him she was fine alone for the rest of the day. Her afternoon was as non eventful as her morning. Boring even, if that was possible after a night of journalists hounding her. So much so that after abandoning all social media she was lulled into a false sense of security by the day’s end.

After setting up her new phone and paying a few bills, Rey went out and grabbed some groceries; Rose was coming over shortly to tell them about her date over dinner. She noticed a few people staring and a couple of phones that were raised just a little too high for normal usage, but that was it. This she could handle, she decided as she made her way up the stairs to her apartment.

Dinner went well. The vegetarian black bean enchiladas came out perfectly, which Rose appreciated more than she’d admit; she’s the only vegetarian in the group and hated putting people out, so she rarely got a whole meal tailored to her needs. While eating they heard all about the date. Rose appeared to have enjoyed her night, even going home with the man. But from the sounds of it she doubted it would become a regular thing. That’s fine. Rose needed a little fun in her life every once in a while. Rey was happy for her. They chatted about trivial things and about Rey’s current situation, which Paige had been so kind to have told Rose already. Now she didn’t have to go through every detail yet again. Rose was supportive like always while Finn mostly stayed quiet. Too quiet. Figuring that would be a thing later, she ignored his odd behavior.

“Did anyone recognize you today?” Rose asked, humming with excitement.

“Maybe? I don’t know.”

“I can’t believe you’re dating a prince.”

“We haven’t even been on a date yet. Slow down,” she said, chuckling nervously as she put her fork down.

Rey watched on as Finn took an overwhelmingly large gulp of beer.

“Everything okay?” she asked him, sighing slightly. Finn wasn’t handling the news as well as everyone else, but he was trying.

“Huh?” Blinking in shock, he put the bottle down.

Rey glared at him. “What’s wrong?”

“I got a call from Jess,” he said slowly. “A few journalists have been calling her about you.”

_“What?”_

Grimacing, Finn added, “Yeah. A couple of people have called me for a comment too.”

“Oh,” Rey said. Throat suddenly dry and heart pounding, she swelled with guilt. She didn’t know what to say. She knew this would affect her, but she hadn’t thought about how this might affect her friends lives.

“I’m sure it’ll pass,” Rose said soothingly.

“Yeah,” Finn agreed, nodding his head. “It will be fine.”

“I’m sure some senator will say something horrible and everyone will forget all about you and Ben soon,” Rose said, smiling softly.

“Yeah,” Rey said dryly, “Let’s hope.”

A few hours later, the sun was setting and Rose headed home, leaving Finn and Rey alone together for the first time since last night. Before she could think of something to say to him, she blurted out, “I’ll take out the trash!” Groaning to herself, she grabbed the trash bag from the kitchen and walked out of the apartment, down the steps and outside. A barrage of flashes blinded her eyes as people swarmed and yelled at her for a comment. Standing in sweats and holding a heavy trash bag, she blinked rapidly and gaped at the horde of people in surprise.

A multitude of reporters all screamed her name and shoved microphones in her face. As they tried to get her attention the door slammed shut behind her, blocking her only viable exit.

“Rey! How long have you been sleeping with Prince Organa?”

“Rey! Do you plan on quitting your job now that you have a man that has money?”

“Rey! I have it on good authority you’ve been dating for a year. Have you met the queen yet?”

“Rey! Have you and the prince joined the mile high club?”

“ _What_?” Rey shrieked, not knowing where to look.

“Rey! What do you have to say about your stint in jail?”

“Rey! So I guess the prince likes ‘em Latina, huh?”

“Excuse me,” she hissed, staring at the man who just spoke.

No one moved.

Her throat clenched in horror, unable to move as the bombardment of questions continued. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t move for they were pushing her closer to the door by the second. She didn’t know what to do.

“Rey! Did you cheat on your ex boyfriend with the prince like Max Shaw suggests?”

Bile rose in her throat at the mention of the cheating bastard, but she promised herself she wouldn’t bite. She wouldn’t give them what they wanted.

“Do you think a to-be-king could _really_ be serious about you, an orphan?” someone yelled.

A woman pushed her way forward and looked her over, saying snarkily, “Do you think your parents would be proud if they were still alive?”

Her nails bit into the thin plastic as she ground her teeth, keeping tears back.

“What the _fuck_ -”

Hearing Finn through the door, she desperately tried to push the paparazzi back. Turning around she found him staring at her with wide eyes as he shoved the door open enough for her to slide inside. He slammed it shut and ushered her away from the cameras.

“Are you hurt? Are you okay?” he asked in a rush. His hand came down to grab the trash bag, but hers was clenched so tightly around it, it was likely to rip open any minute.

“Yeah,” Rey gasped, trying to take a deep breath. “I’m fine. I wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.”

“Come on. Let’s get you upstairs.”

Her grip loosened enough for him to take the trash from her, which he did so silently before placing his free hand on her lower back and guiding her up the stairs, keeping her out of the vultures view outside.

Once inside the apartment Rey flopped down on the couch, her body still in shock. Finn closed the sheer curtains, which wasn’t incredibly pertinent since they were on the second floor; it was still sweet though. He brought over a glass of water and turned on Netflix for them. They sat in silence watching an old episode of Friends while they digested the news. After watching Ross and Rachel argue over nothing for twenty minutes Rey broke the silence.

“What are we going to do?” she croaked out, still staring at the television.

Taking a long swig of a new beer, Finn sighed and leaned back against the couch. “I don’t know. What do you _want_?”

“I want them to leave me alone.”

“Well, we’re all changing our numbers, which will help. I don’t know how to fix the problem outside though. We can’t exactly move in twenty-four hours.”

Scoffing at herself, she admitted, “I know. I should probably be worried about my safety right now... But I can’t stop harping on the fact that pictures of my non makeup and sweats wearing grungy arse holding fucking garbage is going to be everywhere by tomorrow. And every headline will say that woman is the girlfriend of a prince.”

Finn shot her a look and they both broke out in a fit of laughter. It had been a long twenty-four hours.

An hour later, Rey was standing in the hallway, arms crossed over her chest, waiting for Finn to return. When the familiar black head of hair popped up on the stairs she whispered, “Are they gone?”

He nodded as he reached the landing. “Yes, I guess they figured you weren’t going out tonight.”

Rey sighed in relief for the first time since she walked outside in flip flops.

“Maybe the wardrobe was a tip off?” he said, his lips twisting into a smirk. “I mean, who’s leaving the house looking like that?”

“Shut up,” Rey hissed, the reminder not at all welcome. Only he could get away with such a comment right now.

Finn smiled, but didn’t dare laugh. “It’s all clear. Hopefully, it will be in the morning too.”

“Good.” Rey nodded repeatedly as the thought sunk in. “Good.”

Finn closed the door behind them as they made their way into their home. “Why haven’t you called Kyl - _Ben_?” he said, correcting himself mid sentence. “Isn’t this something he should handle?”

She grabbed a bottle of beer and walked to the couch. “Because he’d flip and either send a security guard right now - probably that Evan dude - or he’d straight up show up at my door,” she explained, grimacing. “And I don’t need to be saved. Anyway, I got you, they can’t get in and they’re gone. We’re fine.”

Finn snickered at her dismissal. “Sure it isn’t because of the state you’re in?” he asked, waving his hand over her face and body.

“Oiy! Enough already, you prat!” she yelled, slapping him with a pillow before he could defend himself. She wasn’t angry, not really. She knew he was simply trying to make light of the situation to keep her from crying. But still. It was too soon.

“Okay. Okay. Okay,” he said, his hands raised to cover his face from her attack. “Just don’t kill me.”

“Fine,” Rey agreed with a devilish smile, throwing the pillow on the chair next to her. “I won’t.”

“Thank you,” he said, his voice raised in question as he eyed her suspiciously. He’d known her for far too long to believe she would give in so easily for anything less than her favorite chocolate cake or another equally valid reason.

“You’re safe for tonight,” she said, smiling wide. “But watch your back.”

Finn groaned. “Not _this_ again, Rey. I really don’t need another jump scare. Can’t you just saran wrap the toilet seat like normal people?”

“Never,” Rey replied with a gleam in her eye.

The familiarity of their banter was comforting. She was home and here, she was safe. It almost made her forget the shit storm brewing outside.

Almost.

After hours of hanging out with Finn ignoring the world they called it a night. While he was in the bathroom Rey decided to get ready for bed. Yawning and squinting, she half stumbled in the dark chamber of her small bedroom. The wood creaked under her bare feet as she flipped the light switch on and walked in. Turning to her closest, she sighed and gripped the bottom of her tomato stained tank top, dragging the fabric up her stomach lazily. An odd bright spark of light caught her attention out of the corner of her eye when her fingertips brushed the edge of her bra. Pausing, eyebrows knitted together in fatigued confusion she glanced out of her open bedroom window. Rey froze, her eyes going wide as the blurry shadow of a figure in a window across the street came into view. A blinding flash came from the shadow’s hand. It went off once, twice, three times in the span of seconds. Dropping her hands to her sides she sprinted to the window and ripped her plain Ikea curtains closed.

Heart pounding in her ears, she started to hyperventilate. “Finn!” she screamed, crumbling to the floor, hoping that the photographer couldn’t see her anymore; she regretted getting unlined white curtains in this moment. Her hands still held the fabric as her chest heaved, trying to catch her breath. The world spun around her as she tried to focus on slowing her heart rate.

“What?” he yelled, running into the room.

With her fist Rey wiped away tears as she hiccuped. “They almost got -” She couldn’t finish the sentence.

“What?” he asked again, even more confused. “What’s wrong?”

Grinding her teeth, she forced herself to calm down enough to speak. Despite the fact that her eyes refused to work with her, welling up and blurring her sight, she took a stuttering sharp breath and said, “A photographer almost got me shirtless.”

“What!?” Finn screamed, his voice booming in fury.

He saw her hand still holding the curtain and everything snapped together. He walked over to her and peered out the window to find the man still there. “Second floor, three windows in?” he asked softly, frowning.

“I don’t know,” she said, still breathing heavily, and shook her head. “It happened too fast.”

He nodded and closed the curtain again before kneeling on the ground in front of her. “We’re getting out of here tonight.”

A stilted breath caught in her throat as she nodded and avoided his eyes. “Okay.”

“Do you want me to call Rose or do you want to call Ben?”

She met his eyes, lip quivering, and said, “Ben.”


	15. Chapter 15

“Thanks, Evan, for staying,” Ben said, smiling politely at the man standing at his door. 

“Of course, Mr. Ren.”

They nodded to each other before he closed the door behind Rey and himself, swiftly locking it.

He slipped his hands into his pockets and clenched his jaw as Rey walked into his apartment. Giving her enough space, he followed her inside. Rey took a deep breath, inhaling the pungent aroma of garlic and butter as she took in the narrow hallway with wide eyes. The only time she had walked through here she was either drunk or hungover. It looked different now, harsher, darker maybe. 

Licking her lips she looked around and noticed on the wall a large collage of black and white photos with matching white mats and simple thin black frames placed in a grid. Stopping in her tracks she stared at them, hoping Ben didn’t mind. When he didn’t say anything she studied each photo with care. Some, she recognized people instantly. One was a blown up shot of his sister, Kaydel, in a suit, her long blonde hair whipping in the wind as her piercing eyes stared straight into the camera; she was stunning. A few others included family members that Rey recognized from her google research, but the majority of models she didn’t know. She focused on those as they were more artistic, more emotional somehow. Close ups of women screaming or laughing, the lens focusing on eyes and lips. Some looked out of focus, almost chaotic. A freckled woman with curly hair entranced her for she recognized herself in those eyes; it was like staring at herself, that lost and sad girl she’d always been. Whoever the photographer was captured emotion beautifully. 

“Who took these?” Rey asked, her voice cracking ever so slightly. 

She looked behind her, eyebrows raised, when she heard a rustle of fabric. She caught Ben glancing down, avoiding her eyes, his fists in his pockets as he played with the heel of his shoe. 

Mouth agape, she whispered, “Wait, are you the photographer? I thought you had a different -” Her voice caught in her throat when he looked at her, his cheeks pink and jaw set in dread. 

“It’s more of a hobby,” he explained, grimacing. “My sister surprised me one day by getting some of my stuff framed when I moved in. She hung them before I came home.” His lips curved into a hint of a smile. “Of course, she had to include more than one of herself, but that’s Kay. She said it was to remind me of her since I never see them anymore.” 

“They’re captivating. Beautiful.”

He could barely contain his surprise, but masked it with effortless denial. “They really aren’t.”

Tilting her head at him, she smirked. “You capture emotion like it’s a living breathing palpable thing, Ben. You should be proud.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled. 

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” he said, stepping closer to her. 

She slid her arm under his and placed her hand on his lower back. “Why are they all women?” 

“Oh.”

“I’m just curious,” she added quickly. 

“Truthfully,” he said, sighing, “It’s because I’ve had a more difficult time getting male models to open up and convey something real… It’s easier with women. They let me witness more, I guess.”

Rey hummed, not sure if it would be prying to ask the other questions that plagued her mind. Was photography an emotional outlet for him? Was this how he truly felt? Or was it just art that was supposed to make the viewer feel something _ real, _ something visceral? 

Deciding to forgo that conversation tonight, she asked with a smirk, “And the family photos?”

Snorting, he nodded. “That was her too. She guilt tripped me into keeping everything up because Billie was with her,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. “Let’s just say, he was very excited to see my reaction to the gift.” 

Looking up at him, she grinned. “So Kaydel plays dirty, huh?”

“Very. In fact, she learned it from my mother.”

“Noted,” Rey hummed as she turned around and glanced at the photos again. “Okay, so who’s who?” 

She had to at least pretend to play dumb.

Sighing, Ben shifted on his feet and pointed at numerous photos. “I didn’t take the rest, mind you, but that’s my parents at a gala when she was pregnant with me.”

Looking at the photo of a young and carefree Leia and Han looking at each other as if they were each other’s entire world, she smiled to herself. After hours of research there were clearly still some photos the press hadn’t gotten their hands on. 

“Next to it, is my mom,” he grimaced.

Rey gaped as she stared at another small black and white photo; Leia was sitting in a trash can holding a bottle of champagne. “Why -”

“Don’t ask me.” Ben laughed. “I have no clue. She was probably drunk, but Kay thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world… ‘A queen chillin’ in a dumpster’ she likes to call it. It’s a little to literal for my liking, but it makes her laugh every time she says it.”

Biting her lip she held in a chuckle, unsure of whether she was allowed to laugh at a family photo of a young and drunk Queen of Alderaan. 

He pulled her closer to her side and directed her attention to a few feet away. “That’s Kay when she was little - she was a total tomboy, which worked in everyone’s favor because I wasn’t the most coordinated as a child.”

Rey glanced up at him and smirked. “I sucked at sports too if that’s any consolation.”

He hummed, “Thank you, that does help.”

Sliding her hand up his back, she absentmindedly let her fingers splay against his spine in a circular motion and eyed the wall of photos, thoroughly enjoying herself. “Who’s the baby you’re holding?” she asked, suddenly curious as she stared at Ben who was beaming down at a small infant in his hands, his palm spread open to hold the child’s little feet; his size was staggering next to such a small human. She didn’t know how she felt about the little spark that went through her at such a soft expression on his face. 

“Oh,” he breathed. “That’s Billie - he was probably four months then. I spent a lot of time with him when Kaydel’s boyfriend up and left… Let’s just say, she wasn’t doing very well postpartum. And with his sudden split, it was bad.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey said, watching his expression change from relaxed to pained. “That must have been tough.”

“It was. But he was dick, she’s better without him.”

After spending a few moments in silence, Rey cut the tension. “So, you had big ears as a kid, huh?” she asked, beaming at the adorable photos of a minuscule Ben with a wide grin, brown eyes and ears three sizes too big for his little face. 

He groaned, his fingers digging in to her hip lightly. “I should have taken these down,” he mumbled. 

“Hell no!” she squealed, turning in his arms and laughing. “You were so cute - those ears - I could have eaten you up.”

“You still could,” he deadpanned, the corner of his plush lips twisting into a suave smirk. 

“Also, noted,” Rey said, shaking her head, but still smiling. “Who’s that?” she asked, pointing to a recent photo of Kay, Han and a man she knew who had to be Luke. 

“My uncle,” he said with just a tad too much venom. 

Rey bit her lip and thought back to their conversation at the wedding. Hadn’t he said something about hating his uncle for abdicating the throne? Or was it about something else entirely? She couldn’t remember with the haze of alcohol and exhaustion clouding her memory. Sensing the tension in the air suddenly, she decided it was probably best to change topics. 

“The photo of you holding your baby sister has to be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” she said while staring at the shot. Ben had to be six at the youngest as he sat in a massive chair and held his infant sister preciously while grinning so wide for the camera she imagined it was probably physically painful for the young boy. 

“She’s a good kid sister,” he said, the smile evident in his tone. 

“Did you like having a sibling?” Rey asked.

“Most of the time, yeah.”

Rey glanced at the wall and took in every shot at once. “Your sister isn’t subtle though, is she?”

Ben laughed. “No. No, she isn’t. Why do you ask?”

Rey turned in his arms so she could look up into his warm chocolate eyes. “So the vibe of ‘your family misses you, come home’ is here, right? I’m not imagining that?” she asked softly. 

Staring at the wall, he shook his head. “No, you're not imagining anything. Kay’s been attempting to get me to move closer for a long time. This was just one of the many ways she’s tried... The fact that she used my two year old nephew, who chose the photo of him and I, is the only reason this wall is still intact; when Billie visits, he always likes to talk about them.”

“I’m glad you kept it too,” Rey whispered, letting her head fall against his chest, still staring at his childhood memories.

He hummed in amusement - the sweet rhythm vibrating against her ear - and intertwined their fingers together. After a few moments he said, “I’m sorry, Rey.” 

“Don’t be,” she mumbled, mid yawn. 

Knowing that a bodyguard stood outside the apartment and the door man had strict orders to only allow residents in, she began to truly relax for the first time in forty-eight hours. She hadn’t realized how stressed she was until it started to dissipate, even just for the moment. Exhaustion hit her anxiety ridden body like a car slamming against a brick wall now that she felt somewhat safe. 

“Here,” he said, his voice rasping in concern as he took her duffle bag from her; she let him without an ounce of a fight. Slinging the strap over his shoulder he let go of her and walked to his bedroom. She didn’t bother following, instead looking around his living area for any other clues into his interests. 

Walking up behind her, he asked tentatively, “Are you hungry?” 

“I ate with my friends.”

Silence.

“Do you want to talk?” 

“No,” Rey admitted shyly, smiling softly at him to let him know she wasn’t angry. 

He nodded uncomfortably and sighed.  “Then what can I do?” 

“I don’t know.” Rey laughed dryly. “I’m still processing… It’s a lot. I mean, Ben,  _ everyone  _ knows. They know where I  _ live _ . I wasn’t even positive I could handle the pressure and -” 

“I know.” He stepped towards her and reached for her hands. She took them without hesitation. “Whatever you want, I’ll do it.”

“Can I take a bath?” she asked, her throat clenching at the weirdly domestic thought. “I just need -”

“Yes,” Ben said, his voice laced with relief. “I can run you a bath. Of course.” He squeezed her hands and smiled down at her. “Do you like bubbles, salts, or oils in it?” 

Rey shrugged. She couldn’t afford anything expensive so she wasn’t picky. “Anything calming would be fine,” she whispered. 

Ben quickly pulled Rey into a hug, wrapping his arms around her waist, and kissed the crown of her head. “I’ll surprise you then,” he muttered against her hair. 

She closed her eyes and let her forehead drop against his chest before inhaling the musky rich scent of his cologne. “Okay.”

He pulled away from her and walked to his bathroom with purposeful strides. Pulling off her sandals Rey followed. She watched as he twisted the faucet on the wall, adjusting the temperature, and went about getting supplies from a cabinet. He grabbed a few small bottles, a glass jar of salts, a large fluffy white towel and placed everything on a small black iron stool next to the tub. Rey crossed her arms and bit her lip nervously, her mind refusing to quiet down, as the tub filled up and he began placing drops of this or that in the warm water. 

“How do you know how to do this?” she asked, feeling utterly lost as he mixed scents. 

His lips quirked into a self deprecating smile. “My mother ran me baths when I was young. I was a nervous kid,” he explained easily. “My favorite is a mix of Rose, Ylang Ylang and Lavender with some epsom salts. It always helped with anxiety. I figured you might like it too.”

Rey opened her mouth to respond, but she didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t imagine an insecure and anxious little Ben running around. The fact that he still owned everything made her think his use of past-tense was likely a lie. Someday, maybe she’d share with him her own history with anxiety and depression. Though tonight wasn’t the night. 

Ben turned off the faucet after adjusting the temperature and threw in some salts to the warm bath water. “Is it too hot?” he asked, turning to look at her. 

She startled slightly, lost to her thoughts, but quickly walked forward and tested the water by dipping her fingers in. Shaking her head, she replied, “No, it’s good... It smells like heaven.”

He hummed. “If you need any other towels, they’re under the sink. You can use my robe if you want when you get out. Help yourself to anything in the cabinets or shower.”

“Thank you,” Rey said with tired eyes. It was a long day.

Ben kissed her on the cheek and lingered a moment. “Would you like some tea?” 

Rey’s smile grew. “Do you have chamomile?”

“I believe so.” 

“Then yes.”

He pecked her lips and hummed in response before leaving her alone and shutting the door behind him to give her some privacy. She stood there for a moment staring at the door. Besides her close friends, no one had ever attempted to care for her. Maybe she never let them or maybe a man never wanted to. Either way, Ben’s response to her needing quiet time and space made her heart soar and the tension in her stomach ease a bit. 

Yet, the guilt was still there; she couldn’t escape it. Guilt over not telling Ben everything upfront. Guilt over doing something that she knew could blow up in her face. Guilt over not confiding in Finn, regardless of how little time she had actually lied. Guilt over choosing to come here tonight instead of seeking safety at her friend’s place. It was mostly irrational, but she couldn’t shake it. 

Rey stripped off her clothes and slowly eased herself into the water inch by inch before completely sinking into the calming warmth of the black tub. She let out a deep breath and leaned her head against the edge of it, closing her eyes. The salts dissolved against her skin while the scents overwhelmed her senses in the best possible way. She relished in the way it smelled like one of those Lush bath bombs she could never afford. Letting her limbs relax against the hard surface as the salts and scents practically massaged her whole body, she sank down into the water further until it reached her neck. She stretched out her legs and smiled when she realized she couldn’t touch the other side even if she wanted to. It was huge; plenty big for Ben.

She groaned happily, wishing she could stay in here forever, and opened her eyes to glance outside at the city that never sleeps. While it’s a cliche, it was true. 

It was almost midnight and from above it looked just as busy as any morning. Small specs moved on the ground, which were clearly cars, and lights were on in every building. Every tower was either too far away or too low to look inside with the naked eye, but Rey wondered what everyone must have been doing. Were couples getting ready for bed together, brushing their teeth and talking about their respective days? Were families watching the nightly news or eating a very late dinner because work ran late? Right now were friends changing outfits together until they found the best slutty dresses to wear to a club in an hour? Scenarios crossed her mind by the dozen, but she couldn’t ignore the one that plagued her mind the most. She wondered exactly how many people were currently watching the news and witnessing pictures of her and Ben splashed across their screens as the salacious and highly inaccurate story of their romance and Ben’s secret identity was reported on. She didn’t want to know, but she couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

It made her skin crawl to think that reporters had been calling any and everyone she’d ever known to find dirt on her. That they’d all somehow found her and each of her close friend’s numbers in the span of hours. That they knew where she lived. And that they’d been so thirsty for a story that they’d staked out her apartment and found a way to sneak around the law and take photos of her in her own bedroom. Thank god she noticed the flash or she imagined photos of her bra covered chest would be all over the web. 

It was a lot for even her to handle. 

For the first time in Rey’s life she wasn’t invisible to the world and she hated it. She hated the attention and all the questions. She’d barely survived forty-eight hours. Could she really deal with this for a lifetime? 

Maybe this is a mistake, she thought sadly to herself. Maybe I’m not built for this life. I should just end things with him now before it gets even more messy… Before I sleep with him again.

She didn’t realize she was crying until tears hit the water. She wiped them away with wet hands and closed her eyes, forcing herself to steady her breathing. Rey couldn’t cry. She needed to figure out a plan. A way to make everything better. A way to fix what she broke. Maybe if the press found out they broke up, they’d leave her alone. It was worth a shot, wasn’t it? 

Before she could think on it further, Ben opened the door slowly with one hand while his other held a large black mug of steaming tea. She opened her eyes partly to find him smiling softly at her, still standing at the door and holding the mug. 

“Found some,” he whispered.

Rey tried to smile in reply, but it must have looked broken because his brow furrowed in concern and he edged his way into the room, closing the door to keep the heat in. 

“Are you okay?”

Rey snorted. She knew there was no way in hell she looked okay, so it was useless lying. “No,” she admitted, sighing as she tried to keep her body submerged while taking a sip of the drink; it was more difficult than she’d assume. She closed her legs and wrapped her arms around herself once she put the mug down on the little table next to her.  

“I’m really not,” she croaked out. She hated how vulnerable she sounded. 

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Can I join you?” 

Rey tilted her head to the side, puffy eyes widening in surprise and annoyance. Read the room, dude, she thought to herself. Instead, she softly said, “Ben, I’m tired.”

Laughing, he nodded. “Just a bath. That’s it… Is that okay?” he asked, his voice shaky.  When she looked at him confusion evident in her expression he sighed and added, “I don’t know what to do. And I need to do something. This is a lot for me too. I don’t particularly enjoy seeing you upset. I just want to hug you, that’s all I’m suggesting.”

Swallowing a lump in her throat she nodded. She could use the physical comfort right now and Ben didn’t seem like the type to try anything. He’d been more than respectable of her boundaries thus far, she doubted that would change tonight, so it couldn’t hurt. At least not more than sleeping next to the man would.

He let out a deep breath and stripped out of a dark grey t-shirt, his jeans and boxers. She silently crawled forward in the tub and looked away, trying hard not to slosh the water over the edges as he stepped into the tub with her. With his hands planted on each side of it he eased his large frame into the water behind her, sitting down. When his fingers slid along her shoulder in a soothing pattern she closed her eyes. 

“Lean back,” he muttered softly. 

Biting her tongue she scooched back slightly and let his legs hug hers as she leaned against his warm chest. She closed her eyes and hummed at the comforting sensation of feeling his slow and steady heart beat against her ear as she turned her head slightly to the side to hear it better. His hand gently came up to brush a few strands of hair out of her eyes, his fingers leaving a trail along her cheek. He curled around her and kissed her neck softly. Pulling her arm out of the water, she ran her fingers through his hair as he nuzzled her neck and intertwined their other hand together. 

“How did they get that picture of us?” Rey asked, startling Ben and even herself. 

“No clue.” He kissed her neck again and then pulled away. Leaning back against the tubs edge, he said, “It was from an anonymous source, but I’ll find out.”

Rey continued carding her fingers through his hair as his hands wrapped around her waist and landed on her stomach, pulling her closer against him. “I’m sorry. I’ve been so overwhelmed with my own stuff,” she said sadly. “How are you doing? Your whole world’s changed. There’s no hiding anymore.”

“You don’t need to apologize. You’re not used to this life… But a lot is changing,” he admitted, voice returning to his normal baritone. “Phasma called from her honeymoon and ripped me a new one. Work’s going to be different, difficult. Who knows if I’ll still have a job next week or how this will effect my life in general. My mother will likely want me to move home, for my own safety. Either that, or I’ll have hordes of bodyguards wherever I go. No matter what, Kylo Ren is dead.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey said as she cuddled closer to him. “I know how much your anonymity meant to you. How much freedom it gave you.”

“Yes,” he mumbled, his voice like gravel. “Rey, I - You know I can’t give you the life I said I could at the wedding, right? Not now that people know who I am. I can’t stay in New York until I ascend the throne. I can’t -” He paused momentarily, the air between them became thick with thoughts of the future. “I’ll eventually have to move back to Alderaan,” he finished.

She nodded, but her throat tightening in emotion. “I know,” she whispered, her lips brushing against his shoulder as she turned to kiss it. 

“I can publicly declare we aren’t a couple, if you want out. I’d understand. I thought we could have some time to be normal, but this isn’t... My life isn’t for everyone,” he explained quickly. “I wouldn’t choose it, that’s for sure.”

Rey bristled at his words, but forced herself not to overreact. Letting out a deep breath, her stomach rising and falling with steadying air, she said, “I never thought we’d truly have anything  _ normal _ if - if I chose to be with you, but I appreciate the offer.” 

Under the water, his hand splayed across her stomach carefully high, his fingers brushing her hips lightly in a gesture that made her legs go weak. “So,” he muttered softly, his voice wavering slightly, “You want to try?”

Rey chuckled, leading to a full on belly laugh accompanied by a snort. “Ben,” she gasped, her body still shaking from mirth. “I’m naked and in a bath with you. Of course, I’m still interested.” 

She felt his lips quirk up into a small smile against her hair. “Good,” he said, relief and happiness clear in this voice. 

“Good.”

“I still need to take you out on a proper date,” he said, before kissing the back of her head gently.

“Mmhmm,” Rey agreed. “Yes, you do.”

“We could still go out tomorrow night,” he said. “ I got us a chef’s tasting at Le Bernardin... I could probably rent out the restaurant for the night.” 

“Ben,” she gasped, “You’re being fucking ridiculous. That place is  _ very _ expensive. I can’t even imagine how much -”

“It’s three hundred a plate, but it’s fine.”

“No, it isn’t. How much money would renting it out cost?” she asked, her voice squeaking. 

“Depends on the length of time, but I’d probably offer four or five grand to make sure they stay quiet about it.” Her eyes went wide in horror, her mouth agape as she listened to him. “Rey, I have more money than I could ever spend, it really is okay. An uninterrupted dinner with you would be more than worth it, regardless of price.”

Sitting up taller, she turned to face him, water splashing over the edge of the tub, and glared at him. “Benjamin Organa-Solo, no. You will  _ not _ spend thousands of dollars on our first date. Do you hear me?” she said, her tone a warning that there was no room for discussion.

His grin grew wide, those cute laugh lines along his cheeks showing. “Rey, come on. What do you expect me to do? Do you want our first date to be a picnic in my living room? It will be our only option unless you let me do this. We’ll gather too much attention in a crowded restaurant right now.”

Groaning, she shook her head determinedly. “No. No way.” 

“I could fly us to Barbados instead - it’s only a four hour flight,” he said, smirking. “We could eat alone on a beach.”

The offer sounded tantalizing, but she shook her head again. “No.”

“Rey,” he said, exasperated. “What do  _ you  _ want to do for dinner then?”

“I -” she said, stopping mid sentence for she had no idea. If they couldn’t go to a normal restaurant and have dinner like everyone else, she had no clue what to do. However, his suggestions were off the table. “I - I don’t know,” she finally gritted out. “But you are not spending that much money on me. It’s not happening.”

He leaned back against the tub, water droplets running down his chest. “We can get take out from somewhere nice and have Evan pick it up,” he said, sighing in defeat. “It’s my best offer.”

“Ben,” she whined, sounding like a child about to throw a tantrum. She was too tired for this.

“Hey,” he whispered, reaching for her, his fingers dancing along her smooth elbows. “Whatever you want to do, I’ll do. I was just kidding around. I mean, we  _ could  _ go to Barbados - I know a place we rent often that’s pretty secluded - but it doesn’t matter to me.” Leaning forward, he lightly pecked her lips. “My only requirement is that I spent time with you.” 

She closed her eyes and kissed him again, lips brushing softly, tentatively. Shivering, goosebumps rose over her wet skin; a reminder of how cool the water had become. His hands cupped her shoulders and slowly rubbed her upper arms as she deepened the kiss, tilting her head slightly. 

When they broke apart seconds later he frowned. “You’re cold?”

“The water’s cold,” she deadpanned, her voice a tinge too harsh. 

He nodded once and stood up, water splashing everywhere. 

“Oiy! Ben, be careful!” she shrieked as she watched the floor become flooded with bath water. 

Ignoring her protests he wrapped a towel around his waist, deft fingers tying a knot. Picking up a second towel, he held it open for her. “Stand up,” he said, his lips twisting into a soft smile, his adam’s apple bobbing nervously. 

“You know, I can do that myself, right?” She sighed, only slightly aggravated, but stood. 

Rey stepped out of the black abyss he called a bathtub and allowed him to wrap her body in a fluffy ivory towel. She grabbed her discarded clothing before following him into his bedroom while biting the inside of her cheek. He disappeared into the closet. 

Using the time to her advantage she took a deep breath and threw the ball of clothes on the bench next to her duffel bag.

“Do you need anything?” he asked from the other room.

“No thank you!” she said. “I brought clothes this time.” 

She dug through her bag and found a ponytail holder. While twisting her damp hair into a messy bun she found some clothes: a well loved NYU t-shirt, jersey sleep shorts and a pair of low rise white briefs. Her hand froze on the small piece of cotton and internally groaned. At the time, she had been too upset to think of the fact that Ben may very well see her in them. In a rush she’d simply chosen the closest option, which seemed fine then. Wishing she’d chosen the black briefs, she picked the panties up and slowly eased her legs into it, doing a little jig as she tugged them on. Depositing the towel on top of her bag to keep his expensive looking furniture damp-free, Rey slipped on the shirt and shorts. She shoved the rest of her clothes into the bag and held onto the towel, suddenly unsure of what to do with it. 

Ben walked in wearing a similar pair of black sleep pants that he wore over the weekend. They hung low on his hips, but unlike the other night, he wore a simple grey t-shirt. For a split second Rey felt disappointed that she wouldn’t get to cuddle with his bare chest against her cheek again. Walking towards her, he smirked; however, the smile didn’t make it to his eyes. He put his hand out towards her and raised his eyebrows, smiling wider, when she unflinchingly looked at him, utterly confused. 

“The towel,” he said, trying not to laugh. 

“Oh,” Rey breathed, “Yeah.” She handed it to him and swallowed, looking away from his chest and arms. 

Something shifted between them in the bath. Maybe it was talk of the future, of what they could and couldn’t have together. But she could feel it in the awkward tension of the night. He made it clear he didn’t know how long he could live in New York. Most likely sooner rather than later, he’d need to return home and resume his prince duties, whatever those were, which meant a long distance relationship at best. Her home was here in New York with her family - her friends. She had school and a job. She had a life here. By dating Ben, by giving him a chance, did that mean she would have to give all of that up? Rey didn’t know how she felt about that, but she felt it was too soon to ask. 

Instead, she stared at his bed and contemplated whether she should wait for him to come back before getting in. 

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Oh, which side do you sleep on?” she asked tentatively. 

“You didn’t seem to care on Saturday.”

She looked up, feeling a tinge of guilt when she noticed him smirking at her, his head tilted suggestively. 

Letting out something between a chuckle and a gasp, she said, “Fair. So, which side?” 

“I sleep on the left usually.”

“Great!” Rey said, finally knowing what to do. She walked to the right side of the bed and started moving pillows. He followed her lead and did the same. They pulled the comforter back and put his pillows away in silence. 

She slipped in between the covers and grabbed her phone from the foot of the bed to put next to her. Despite having a bodyguard outside all night, she still needed it in close proximity. 

In fact, regardless of her current situation, she did so every night. It was a long standing habit she’d gained from living in constant fear of physical violence from foster fathers and brothers, she supposed. That and always knowing where her closest weapon was at all times. Right now, it would be a toss up between the oddly jagged crystal sitting atop Ben’s night stand or the lamp. The crystal would be easiest for it was sharp and heavy. The lamp, well, that would be harder. She got into an encounter once and tried using a lamp. Rey didn’t pull hard enough to begin with and the cord tugged her backwards, leaving her vulnerable.  It was an odd habit, sure, but it worked for her like a security blanket. Always knowing that she could call someone for help in a second’s notice helped ease a sense of discomfort or loss of control. Knowing what objects to use for self defense helped as well, usually more, considering the only person she ever called as a teenager was Finn. But now - now both helped. Otherwise, she didn’t sleep well. 

Tapping the crescent moon on her phone, she put it on do not disturb and softly placed it on the nightstand. 

“I’m sorry,” Ben said, sighing and turning to look at her. 

“Hmm?” she asked in confusion, still lost to her own thoughts. 

He ran his hand through his hair and rubbed his jaw. “I feel like I put a lot on you in there,” he said, pointing to the bathroom. “My life has always been complicated and, frankly, a bit fucked up underneath all the glamour and titles for as long as I can remember. I -” He paused and groaned in frustration. 

She waited for him to continue, but couldn’t help the subtle quirk of her lips. He was trying really hard and she appreciated the effort, even if talking didn’t exactly come naturally to the man. 

“I don’t want you to think that because of our -  _ my _ situation I’m asking you to give up anything. I know you have a life here. I don’t want to trample on that anymore than I already have. If I do have to move back home and you still want this, I can visit often. We could make it work - I’d find a way to make it work.”

Rey didn’t know what to say, so she played with the hem of her shirt and smiled.

He took that as a go ahead to continue. “My parents have their own jet, which I’m sure I could take sometimes. Other times, I’ll fly commercial. I could meet you somewhere on one of your layovers or just fly to New York and meet you here. I could even pay for your tickets to meet me somewhere. Hell, we could probably do skype dates. Is that a thing?” 

Tears welled in her eyes. Ben’s rambling hit her harder than she’d expect; In her twenty six years on earth no man besides Finn had ever truly cared for her. She placed her hand on his forearm to silence him. It worked, sort of.

“Wait, are you crying?” he asked, his eyes widening in evident panic. 

“I’m fine,” she said, wiping away unshed tears with her wrist. “Skype dates work, yes. I did them with Finn when he moved to New York without me.”

He nodded slowly, eying her with confusion. “What’s the problem then?”

“Nothing, surprisingly,” she admitted. She’d assumed her mind would be whirling with unanswered questions and what-ifs, but it wasn’t. For the first time in over a year her gut felt calm; Ben’s words a soothing balm to what ailed her. Resolve building, she decided she was willing to take the leap. She was ready to take a chance on him, on love, no matter the odds stacked against them.

“O-kay?”

“Let’s play it by ear,” she said. “If you do move to Alderaan and we’re still dating, we can discuss all this then. Until then though, I can only handle so many problems at one time. First and foremost, I need a new place.” She waved her free hand around his bedroom. “I can’t stay here forever and I can’t go home.” 

“Can I pay for a hotel for you until you get situated?” 

Rey glared at him and he ground his jaw. “This is going to be another ‘phone’ conversation, isn’t it?” he said flatly.

She snorted at the absurdity of it all; she hadn’t even been on a date with the man and yet he was trying to pay for a new phone, bodyguards, island vacations, hotel stays and flights to god knows where. He’d even offered up his own home as a sanctuary. Sure, some of it had to be a result of guilt for disturbing her personal life so much, but they were so far past her usual boundaries that it was almost comical. 

“I’ll stay with Rose, or maybe the Tico’s wouldn’t mind me crashing with their parents for a little while; they’re really nice. I don’t know, but I’ll find somewhere while I search for a new apartment.” 

“As long as you’re safe, whatever you want. Just take a bodyguard with you?” he asked, staring at her with open and soft eyes. 

Her breath hitched in her throat, but nodded nonetheless. It  _ would _ make her feel safer to have someone watching her back, someone she could trust was vetted properly. 

“Okay,” he agreed, smiling. “I’ll talk to the agency tomorrow about finding you someone. Unless you want Evan? He’s a good man. I’ve used him off and on for a few years and he’s never breathed a word of my situation to anyone. I trust him with my life.” 

“No. It’s fine. You have a history with him, you should have someone you implicitly trust around right now,” Rey said. 

Nodding, he turned away from her and said, “I’ll find you someone else then.”

Rey let her head fall lightly against the headboard and watched Ben as he placed his watch on the nightstand and checked his phone one last time. He appeared exhausted and disarmingly open. 

Her heart clenched at the domesticity of it all, how comfortable it felt. A fleeting thought crossed her mind that perhaps she’d be happy if she could have this for the rest of her life. It was an odd feeling for her, but she liked it and wanted to test it out further. She came up with an idea that made her heart pound in her chest with excitement. 

With a smirk, she said, “Hey, Ben?  You know, I haven’t taken a vacation in god knows how long... Probably since becoming a flight attendant.”

He glanced at her confusedly, slowly putting his phone down and shifting on the sheets. “O-kay,” he said hesitantly. 

“I imagine my boss wouldn’t mind me cashing in a few of my vacation days and _ I _ wouldn’t mind getting away from the press right now.”

His eyebrows rose. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. So I was thinking, if the offer was real, maybe I’d take you up on that trip to Barbados.” 

Ben’s eyes widened, his shoulders shifting back. “Wait, are you serious?” he asked, swallowing. 

Rey bit her lip and replied nervously, “I think we could both use a break to get to know each other outside of the public eye, don’t you?” 

Shaking himself out of his revere, he said a little too excitedly, “Yes. Yes, absolutely. I’d love to.”

“Yeah?” Rey asked, breathing a sigh of relief.

“ _ Yes. _ ” His hands came up to rest on her arms gently, pulling her closer. She let him. Smiling that adorable grin of his, he said, “I’ll make a call in the morning and see what I can do.” 

Rey’s heart soared.  “I’ll call my boss then.”

He leaned forward and captured her lips in a searing kiss: soft and sweet, yet somehow unyielding. It set her skin aflame, her heart pounding against her rib cage, as she opened her mouth for him and his warm calloused palm slid up her neck. She couldn’t escape the gut instinct that this, whatever this becomes, felt right. Nothing else mattered in this moment. She didn’t want to think. She needed to feel.

She let her hands run through his thick raven hair and slid down the mattress, pulling him on top of her. Head now resting on a pillow, his arms caged her, his torso twisted and bent over her body, she lightly bit his bottom lip and eased a prick of pain with her tongue. They paused, breathing heavily and staring at one another. 

“ _ Rey,  _ tell me to stop and I’ll stop.”

Her stomach did a flip at the way he growled her name. She wanted to hear it every day for the rest of her life. 

“Don’t you dare,” she said, her eyes smoldering, chest heaving. Without another word, Rey steeled herself and pushed him away from her, making him pause .  She quickly pulled her shirt up and off of her, throwing it to the floor. He took the not so subtle que in stride and smiled, taking off his own shirt and discarding it on the bed next to him. “Get over here,” she teased. 

He pounced on her, his arms caging her beneath him and began kissing her neck, tongue and all. She bit her lip and hummed at the way his body settled against her own, his plush lips finding the sensitive spot at her jaw. 

Closing her eyes, she let her thoughts go, focusing entirely on her senses. On the way the skin of his back felt against her finger tips. On the way his hot breath fanning against her now wet throat and against her ear made her shiver. On the way his breath hitched in his throat when one of her nails skated across his nipple absentmindedly. On the way his palm covered her breast entirely, making her squirm and moan. On the way his cock hardening between her legs made her cunt throb in anticipation. 

It didn’t take much to make Rey’s head spin with want. She needed him, Now. 

She pushed his chest lightly with both hands. Pulling himself up on his forearms without question, he made his way along her jaw to her other ear. Using the new freedom of motion she pushed her shorts and underwear down to her knees to get them out of the way. Understanding her wishes, he helped by leaning to one side and reaching down, grabbing the small amount of fabric and tugging it down to her calves so she could kick out of them. Sighing in relief she let her legs fall open and kissed him, pulling him against her. Rey attacked his mouth with savage reverence as her hands fiercely tugged at his sweats, pushing them down past his firm ass and thighs. He broke the kiss with a sloppy wet noise and pulled them off entirely. Now only in his boxer briefs he planted open mouth kisses down her chest, licking his way to one of her erect nubs, as his hand slid up her thigh, his fingers dancing around her hip. 

Whining impatiently, Rey shook her head and grabbed his head, pulling him higher. “Later,” she moaned greedily as his fingers hesitantly stroked her soaking lips.

Heavily panting in her ear, his hand now gripping her hip like a vice, he said, “We don’t have to.”

She let out a stuttering breath, her stomach clenching at his concern laced tone. All pretenses gone, she said, “No more waiting. I want you.” 

Growling, his fingers brushed the inside of her thigh again. “Are you sure? I know you said -” His voice was thick with lust and a hint of anxiety as his lips grazed the skin of her chin, oh so close to her bottom lip. 

Rey chuckled and smiled, running her fingers up his arms and enjoying the heat radiating off his form. “Yes, I’m sure, Ben…  There’s really no point in taking it slow.” 

“In that case.” 

Swiftly lifting her like she was weightless, her breath caught in her throat as he gripped her hips and flipped on his back, taking her with him. After the sudden shock abated, her mouth found his in a needy kiss as her hands settled next to his head, arching her back just right to grind against his barely covered cock. He palmed her ass easily, making her gasp at the friction.

“Condom,” Rey said, gasping for air as she tilted her neck to the side to grant him access again. Her pulse throbbed as his teeth found her skin, blurring her thoughts and sight in the best possible way.

Silently nodding he released his mouth’s hold on her now reddening skin, dropped his hands and reached over to his bedside table. She eased back onto his knees so he could reach the drawer. When he closed the drawer and settled back on the bed her eyes went wide at what laid in his hand. She felt like a lead brick had been dropped on her during a blindingly cold shower. Without thought, she quickly scooched away from him on his bed, feeling like the world had just shattered her enthusiastic escape. 

She couldn’t speak.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked, suddenly eyeing her deer in a headlights posture with caution. “Are you okay?”

“You still have those.” Her voice sounded oddly distant. Sensing an oncoming panic attack, she took a deep breath and curled her arms around her body. 

“The condoms?” he asked, his voice carefully even, almost completely absent of emotion. “As you can see, yes, I do.” 

Jumping off the bed,  Rey started pacing the room as her brain screamed at her to just tell him, but she tried to come up with an alternative. Anything would do. She grabbed the closest t shirt, which happened to be his and slipped it on.

“Rey,” he whispered, his eyes panicking at her odd display. “Talk to me.”

“We can’t use those!” she blurted out. Well, fuck that was a bad choice. 

Sitting on the bed, almost naked and very confused, his eyebrows rose at her tone. “What?” he asked, shaking his head in frustration. 

“It’s a cheap knock off brand,” she tried to reason. “I might have one. Let me check.” Rey left the room in a rush, walking to her purse while avoiding the fact that Ben was following her. 

“They worked quite well if I remember correctly,” he deadpanned, but his voice was a tad sharper than usual.

She swallowed harshly, her throat bobbing with effort, when she unzipped her pocket and found it empty. “What the fuck,” she hissed quietly, remembering she was supposed to pick some more up after things ended with Michael. 

“Rey, what the fuck is going on?” 

She had no choice. Turning slowly, suddenly painfully aware of her lack of clothes, she stared up at him. 

“Why can’t we use these?” he asked, holding up the condom with a picture of Vader’s mask on it. 

Taking a deep breath to steady herself, her mind settled on what she had to do. “Because - because I -”

“Yes?” he asked, clearly pissed at her evasive behavior as he stood in his living room without a shred of clothing.

“They didn’t exactly -” 

The phone rang startling both of them. Rey froze, her mouth still open, when he set off after the phone in a jog. Curious, she followed him into the bedroom where he opened the night stand again and grabbed an iphone Rey had never seen before. 

Ben answered it immediately. “What’s wrong?” he barked. “Why are you calling me on _ this _ ?”

She swore she could have heard a pin drop in the room as she watched on, Ben’s jaw clenching tightly as he listened to whoever was on the other line.

“Fuck!” he spat, using his free hand to throw the nearest lamp clear across the room. It crashed against the wooden planks making Rey flinch. Chest heaving, he composed himself quietly as, from the sounds of it, a woman yelled at him.

“Why didn’t dad call!” he said, his voice booming.

Concerned, she wanted to cross the room and touch him, but decided against it. Instead, she choose to wait by the bedroom doorway patiently, hoping he wouldn’t try to break anything else. 

After what felt like an hour of agonizing silence his voice sounded broken and small when he spoke. “Is she okay?” 

Rey’s throat clenched in horror. Did something happen to someone he loved? Racking her brain for a mention of family members who were women, she could only recall two: his mother and sister. 

Forgetting their almost fight and her impending admission, she took steady assured steps towards him and placed her hand lightly against his bare shoulder that shook with the rhythm of his ragged breathing. His posture softened at her touch, his breathing slowing ever so slightly, his bottom lip shaking as he listened to whoever was on the phone. Forcibly keeping his eyes forward, he watched the traffic below from his bedroom window. She kept her hand on him, her thumb brushing small soothing circles into his skin as she listened to a distinctly feminine voice through the phone. 

“Okay,” he finally said. “Where’s dad?” 

More murmuring.

“Fine. I’ll talk to you soon. Tell Billie I love him. Yeah, okay. Bye.” Ben hung up and flung his phone against the bed. He watched it bounce on the soft comforter silently, his brow wrinkled in distress. 

“What happened?” Rey asked softly, hoping her tone made it clear her skittishness was long gone. When his jaw clenched again and his nostrils flared, she pressed further. “Did something happen to your mom or sister?” 

Voice worrisomely cold, Ben said, “My mother was stabbed.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a ride to write... Please please please don't kill me for this. ://// Leia and reylo will be FINE I promise! I needed to get the plot rolling and this felt like a natural way to do so. 
> 
> As always kudos and comments are like red wine and popcorn. And you can come follow me at @fabradicalfem on tumblr if you'd like to see my chapter mood boards etc.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo it's been over five months since my last update.... And I left you on a cliff hanger. *laughs nervously*

This can’t be happening,  he thought as bile rose in his throat.

Security was always tight at the palace. The only room she could escape to alone was her bedroom suite. Otherwise, his mother was watched carefully, constantly. It made no sense. 

He listened to his sister prattle off details about their mother’s status, Kay’s flight itinerary and what she’d already set up for Ben. He nodded silently, forgetting she couldn’t see him. Coming to himself, but still feeling slightly numb and confused, he agreed and said goodbye. He threw the royal-calls-only phone on the bed and stared off into the distance, watching it bounce against the lush comforter. He wasn’t incredibly close to his mother, but hearing of the attempt sent his blood boiling. Someone was trying to hurt his family and he wasn’t there. He couldn’t stop it. A mixture of guilt and a projection of blame at the guards coursed through him. How the fuck did someone get through security? How did no one stop them? 

He swallowed, his throat suddenly bone dry, and felt a small but firm hand on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, gritting his teeth. Feeling himself spiraling, he focused on her touch. Letting it ground him to reality. He felt her move in front of him, her other hand on his other shoulder and he sighed at the contact. He needed to get himself under control. He’d already lost his temper twice in front of her and he couldn't lose it again, even if he’d like nothing more than to trash his entire bedroom at the moment. 

“What happened?” she asked, her voice soft but steady. “Did something happen to your mum or sister?” 

Feeling numb, his stomach twisting in distress, he avoided her eyes while trying to keep the anger abated. “My mother was stabbed.” 

He heard a sharp intake of breath beside him and waited for her response. 

“Oh,” she whispered, “Is she -”

“She’s stable and in a private ICU wing,” he interrupted, knowing what she’d want to know. “She’ll be fine, apparently.” The last word came out in a bitter twist of his lips. His father didn’t even bother to inform Ben of his mother’s hospitalization. Of course, Han had handed the job over to Kay. It set Ben on edge.

Breathing through his nose to steady himself, he felt her soft hands slowly rub his arms before coming up to his neck to play with his hair. The touch was gentle, sweet, compassionate, and he couldn’t decide if the touch or the simple act of standing silently with him meant more. She didn’t press. She didn’t continue fighting with him. She just waited, her soft warm palms sliding against his skin, soothing him while he sorted out how he felt. 

Eventually, after god knows how long, she let her hand slide along his neck, her nails scraping against his stubble along his jaw, and whispered, “Do you wanna sit?” 

“I’m fine,” he said resolutely, too quickly. He knew he didn’t look fine. He didn’t _ feel _ fine. He felt anything but. 

Her hand stilled on his cheek and he dared glance at her. Her eyebrows were raised in disbelief, but she stayed quiet, going back to softly stroking his neck. He looked away and continued, “It’s not public knowledge yet. Kay called as soon as she heard from my father.” His voice sounded cold, hoarse, even to himself. 

“Your dad wasn’t -”

“He’s fine,” he spat, a tiny shred of anger seeping out. Chastising himself he took a deep breath and said more softly, “Kay doesn’t know all the details, but she said no one else was injured. Well, except the asshole who fucking stabbed my mother in her own home. He’s dead.” 

“Ben,” she croaked out, gently turning his head to catch his eye, breaking him of his trance on the city. His throat hitched as he watched her glance up at him with fatigued and saddened wide hazel eyes, flecks of gold reflecting off the city lights. Rey smiled sympathetically. “What can I do?” 

He let out a shaky breath at the sincerity in her expression. It’s something he wasn’t very familiar with. Almost everyone he knew always wanted something from him for their kindness. Yet, it seemed Rey really just wanted to help. Finally, he admitted, letting his fists loosen, “I don’t know.”

She hummed that soft noise that made him both stir crazy and soothed and played with the hairs at the nape of his neck. “Okay.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist, his hands splayed across her back, fingers playing with the soft cotton of his own shirt. 

“You wanna talk or cuddle? Both? Whatever you want.”

“Bed,” he whispered, his throat painfully dry. 

Rey nodded quickly and sighed. “Of course,” she said, letting her hands fall down to his arms. She took his hand gently, waiting until he threaded his fingers with hers and then led him towards his bed. He followed her without question, both still too overcome with anger and somehow numb.

“Careful,” she said as they stepped around the mess. 

Ben’s throat tugged in embarrassment as they avoided stepping on the pile of broken clear glass and metal components. Once they reached the bed, she dropped his hand, the warmth gone. He watched her slip under the covers, making room for him next to her. After she was comfortable, he slid in next to her silently, still mostly avoiding her eyes. 

Instead, he glanced outside into the vast abyss of the New York skyline; the sprinkling of lights mesmerizing and desensitizing. He heard a rustling of sheets next to him, but didn’t look. He could see her in his peripheral vision, her arms raising and something dark getting tugged over her head. A sweater, he thought. His sweater. He swallowed and leaned back against the headboard, letting the coolness of the air conditioner brush against his bare chest. It helped, reminded him of his surroundings when he could so easily slip into his thoughts and get lost in the darkness. 

He felt her crawl closer to him. Felt her fingers brush against his wrist gently, tentatively. Felt her calf touch his knee as she crossed her legs under her. Felt her soft, sweet eyes watching him. 

Holding back a groan at the feeling of her thumb brushing soft circles against the back of his hand, he rubbed his face with his other hand. 

“Babe, talk to me,” Rey whispered. 

The term of endearment seemed to leave her lips with ease, which made him swallow his feelings and tilt his head to search her eyes. The fear and panic long gone, she looked comfortable and worried, very worried. About him, he realized. 

His heart dropped into his stomach at the softness of her gaze. He didn’t want to do this, but needed to bite the bullet. “I have to go to Alderaan.”

He watched her face as her eyes softened with something. Maybe, disappointment? 

“Oh,” she said softly, nodding. “That makes sense.”

“I’m sorry, we haven’t even -, but I have to leave tomorrow,” he admitted apologetically. 

Rey nodded enthusiastically. “Of course, I understand. You must see your mum. Make sure she’s okay.”

Ben shook his head, a frown creasing his lips. “No. I mean, yes. I  _ do  _ need to see her. But also no. Someone attempted to kill the reigning queen of my country, Rey.” He slid his fingers against hers gently, almost absentmindedly searching for some semblance of warmth to ground him as he stared into her eyes. “I have no choice as the next in line. I need to go home. And I don’t know when I’ll be able to come back.” His voice sounded hollow, but somehow strong, determined. 

“Oh,” she said, her face blank.

“Fuck,” Ben said, running his other hand through his hair. Gauging from the look on her face she was more than disappointed, she was just trying to hide it. “I’m sorry. I wouldn’t be leaving unless I had too, Rey. We didn’t get to have dinner and, now, Barbados is off the table too. We’ll have to put it all on hold. Kay and Billie are on a plane now. I  _ should _ be leaving this very second too.” 

“Are you kidding me?” Rey gaped at him, clearly angry.

He didn’t know what to make of her reaction. He’d apologized. That seemed like the appropriate reaction? Did she want him to stay, regardless of everything? He couldn’t do that. She had to understand. When he was about to open his mouth to explain further, she continued, cutting him off.

“I don’t give a fuck about dinner, Ben, or a vacation. The whole world knows I’m dating a prince. I had to switch phones, so I can get some semblance of privacy like a normal person. I can’t safely enter my own damn home without someone taking photos of me or chasing me _and_ you’re about to leave the country for god knows how long, which I obviously understand you need to do.” She squeezed his hand reassuringly - he assumed that was a good sign - despite her voice rising. “Your mum just survived an assassination attempt! And since you’re next in line, _your_ _life_ could be in danger you fucking twit. Why would I care about a fancy meal on the beach right now?”

He was lost for words. 

“You have nothing to apologize for, Ben.”

His throat clenched in something he didn’t understand as he stared at a beautiful young woman with chestnut hair and eyes he could get lost in, looking utterly relaxed and wearing his clothes in his bed as she yelled at him. 

His lips lifted into a slight smirk. 

“What?” she sighed, deflating. 

“You’re cute when you’re angry.” 

Snorting, she rolled her eyes. “Don’t be patronizing.”

He grinned for the first time since he heard the news. It felt good. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just your cheeks get a little red and you do this thing with your nose and lips when you’re mad. It’s cute.”  _ And sexy _ . But he figured after her little freak out, he should avoid telling her that fact. Whatever it was that she was going to tell him, she clearly didn’t want to. And now was definitely not the night to push her.  “I can’t help it.” 

She grabbed the closest pillow and slapped him with it, making him defend himself by grasping for her wrist and pulling her closer. 

“Oiy! Not funny!” she yelled, his face only inches from hers. “I’m being serious!”

He sighed and let go of her slim wrist before leaning forward and kissing her once. The slow brush of their lips made him calm down, his muscles relaxing slightly under her. Everything would be okay. She didn’t run away. His mother would be fine. And he’d make sure everyone was safe. 

He’d figure out the rest later.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered against her lips, his own twisting up slightly at the thought that she’d be angry at another apology. “This isn’t how I imagined everything happening for us.”

She hummed and dropped the pillow. Crawling into his lap, she pulled his arms around her waist. His expansive palms covered her stomach protectively as her head fell back against his shoulder. He couldn’t see her face, but he didn’t need to. Hunching forward, he kissed the small spot of skin of her shoulder showing under the large sweater and let his lips rest against her skin, breathing her in. The scent of rose, ylang, ylang and lavender, overwhelming her natural smell. Somehow, and despite all odds, Rey still felt like home. As if it’s where Ben was supposed to be his entire life.

“You  _ have _ to go home. For your mum. Your sister. For your country. You need to go. I do understand, as much as I can,” Rey whispered.

He sighed, his hot breath fanning across her skin as he placed a soft kiss against her neck again, a gentle reminder to himself that she was still there.

“We’ll figure it out,” she said, more determined. “But you need to go.” Her hands came up to rest against his biceps, pulling him closer against her. “You’ll see her soon and everything with be okay,” she said reassuringly, her voice smooth and soft. 

Moments like this made him realize how much he’d always sought comfort, but never allowed himself it. He never wanted to go back. He wanted her soothing voice in his ear for the rest of his life. 

Smiling softly, his eyes heavy from emotion and exhaustion, he kissed her neck again, wishing he never had to stop. Mumbling into her hair, he said, “You could come with me.”

Rey snorted and his lips twitched up at the noise, but he kept his eyes closed.  

“You can’t be serious.” When he didn’t move or say another word, she turned around in his arms. Rey caught his gaze and her eyes widened at his calm demeanor. “Wait, you are serious?” 

“Yes,” he said resolutely, his hand brushing against the shirt on her shoulder. “I am.”

“You want me to come to Alderaan? To meet your family, a fucking royal family at that, when we haven’t even gone out on an official date?”

“Yes.” 

He knew it was too soon and likely utter lunacy, but he wanted her there. He wanted her to meet Kay and play with his nephew. He wanted her to see the home that changed everything for him. He wanted her to understand him and, most importantly, what she’d be getting herself into.

Rey laughed nervously. “That’s ridiculous. We barely know each other.”

“Technically we’ve known each other for almost a whole year.”

Glaring at him, she said, “Don’t be a smartass right now, Ben.”

He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. “Should I say I’m sorry again?” He was teasing, yet it was a little too forced, even he could feel it.

“Why - Why do you want me there?” she asked softly. 

“I want you there,” he said, shrugging. It was simple. At least it was for him. “But if you’re not ready, stay here while I’m gone. Between the door man and the new security detail, you’ll be safe. Unlike in your apartment. Finn can stay here too. That way you won’t be alone and he won’t have to deal with paparazzi either; I have a couple of guest rooms he and any of your friends are free to use. You can stay as long as you’d like.” 

When Rey simply blinked at him he smiled and brushed a piece of her hair behind her ear, attempting to be supportive. He hoped he was doing an okay job. “You can think about it. I don’t need an answer tonight.”

“Don’t you need to buy a plane ticket if I’m coming with you?”

“No. Kay’s sending a private jet for me.” His once-cold voice was as warm as a thousand suns. “I can add you to the manifest at any time.” 

Her fingers absentmindedly traced patterns into his bare biceps. “I’ll think about it,” she said, her voice hitching. 

“Okay,” he said, trying to hide the grin growing on his face. “Do you want to watch Netflix?” 

Taking the out he gave her, she nodded, sliding off of his legs to lay beside him.

He grabbed the remote on his bedside table and turned on the tv. He slid down the bed and gently pulled her against his side, her head resting against the warm curve of his chest, as he switched to the streaming service. 

Licking her lips, Rey’s hand came around to play with his fingers curved around her hip while Ben distractedly talked to her about their movie options. 

It was late. Too late to start a film after such a long and loaded day. 

They fell asleep cuddled together before the credits were even rolling.

The next morning Ben awoke at six and went for a two mile run just like every morning, except for the paparazzi currently parked on his street. Too anxious - for there were far too many things to be anxious about - to skip the jog he hoped Rey would sleep in late enough for him to get back before she realized he was gone. In case she had though, he’d left a note telling her he’d be back soon and to help herself to anything in his pantry. 

After a long conversation with his sister he made his way to his favorite cafe and headed home. Dressed in only breathable sweatpants, which the paparazzi seemed thrilled about much to Ben’s chagrin, and balancing two hot coffees in his hand, he unlocked his apartment’s door and let himself in. Evan would be on duty in an hour or so, and then they could leave for Rey’s apartment at any time. Until then, he’d let her continue sleeping or he’d make her breakfast. Either way, he needed coffee immediately and a shower.

Closing the door softly behind him, he made his way to the bedroom. He hoped more than he’d like to admit that she would say yes to his proposal to accompany him to Alderaan, despite it being absurd and highly irregular. He’d never brought a woman home to meet his family. He’d never even  _ mentioned  _ a woman to them. He couldn’t imagine how his mother and father would react to the unexpected visitor. Kay would love it - he knew that for a fact - but his parents were often a mystery to him. Maybe that made the anticipation worse.

Easing the bedroom door open with his bare elbow, he walked in holding both coffees and glanced at the bed to find a bleary eyed Rey curled up in a ball staring at her phone. 

“Morning,” he whispered.

Blinking, she looked up, her lips curving into a subtle grin. “Good morning.”

He put a paper cup down next to her, his heart steadily beating despite the nerves running through him as the unanswered question hung between them. 

“What you lookin’ at?” he asked, trying to distract himself.

Sighing, Rey sat up and grabbed the coffee and took a hearty sip. “Twitter, which probably wasn’t a great idea,” she said, avoiding his eyes. 

He paused next to the bed. After spending his teenage years obsessed over what everyone thought of him he avoided social media now for a reason. The media was primarily hateful gossip. He sat at the foot of the bed, careful to keep his distance considering how sweaty he was, and took a sip of his black coffee. 

“What is everyone saying?” 

Rey tilted her head. “Like you don’t know.”

He smiled then. “I don’t,” he said, shaking his head slowly. “I don’t use social media.” 

“Not at all,” she said, unconvinced. “Not even under a fake name?”

“Nope.” He took another sip of his drink as he watched Rey hang out in his bed, looking both adorable and still completely exhausted. 

Rey absentmindedly played with a gold necklace - he wondered if she ever took it off - around her neck while staring at the phone. “Well,” she started, her voice both dripping with dread and fatigue, “Let’s just say, people either love the idea of  _ us _ or absolutely despise it… And the most recurrent nicknames used for me are whore and gold-digging slut.”

“ _ Hey _ .” Ben eased the phone out of her hand and put it on the bed next to them. “There’s a reason I avoid social media,” he said, smiling softly. “People aren’t usually very kind and their opinions rarely matter.”

“Yeah,” Rey whispered. Ben slid his palm against hers, clasping their hands together. “But -” 

“What?” Ben asked softly as his thumb rubbed slow circles onto the back of her hand. 

“Nothing,” she said quickly before taking another sip of her drink. 

Jaw set, he looked at her until she finally gave in. 

“Fine, it’s just last night you weren’t exactly thinking clearly, so I wasn’t sure if you regretted anything you said.”

“Rey-”

“No, I mean, it’s okay if you want to take the offer back. I completely understand.”

“Rey-”

“Either offer, really. It was sweet of you, _ really _ sweet, to ask me to come home with you and even sweeter to offer up your home to me and my friends while you’re away, but -”

“ _ Rey _ .” He tugged on her hand to get her attention. She looked up at him, nose scrunched up in distress. “Both offers still stand,” he said firmly. 

Rey’s eyes widened. “Are you sure? We barely know each other.”

“I know I want this, a relationship with you, in whatever way you want. So yes, I still want you to come home with me, but if you don’t want to or you think it’s too soon, you can certainly stay here as long as you want.  _ Everything _ I said last night still stands, regardless.”

Staring up at him, her bright hazel eyes perplexed, his heart fell to his stomach. 

“I don’t know what to say,” she finally admitted.

He nodded uncomfortably. “I need to be at the airport in three hours. Evan will be here in about forty minutes. Once he’s here we can drop you off or go get your luggage. I still need a shower and to pack, so you’ll have some time to think.” He squeezed her hand - unsure of what else to do - and leaned forward to place a light kiss against her forehead, lingering to smell her hair. “There are fresh blueberry muffins and lemon danish on the kitchen counter. Help yourself to anything you want.” 

Easing himself off the bed, he put his almost empty coffee cup on the nightstand.

“Thank you,” she whispered. 

He smiled once before heading off to the shower. It would take him fifteen minutes at most to shower and another five to ten to pack, but considering how lost she looked, he’d slow down his routine and give her a little more alone time. It was the least he could do.

Thirty minutes later, Ben had showered and dressed in jeans, a white t-shirt and a pair of limited edition Nike’s that Twig personally gave him months ago. Hair still wet, face freshly shaven, he took a deep breath, picked up his brown leather duffel bag and walked into the living area. 

He found Rey dressed in jeans shorts and a cream tank top, her hair fixed in a messy bun atop her head, eating a muffin while standing at the kitchen island. Typing away distractedly on her phone, she messily chomped on the food, wiping away crumbs from her cheeks. 

Smiling to himself, he stepped forward loud enough to get her attention. 

Still chewing, she turned and grinned. “Good shower?”

“Not as good as the one we took together, but yes.” He stepped forward and grabbed a danish, his eyes mesmerized by the adorable blush across her cheeks at the suggestive memory. “I’m all packed,” he said, ripping off a piece of the flaky pastry and taking a bite.

She nodded, biting her lip. “Can I ask something?”

“Shoot,” he said, taking another bite. 

“How long will you be gone for?” 

“At least a week. Hopefully, not more than two, but it depends. I could end up staying there for a month or longer.”

“Oh.”

“But I can charter a flight for you anytime. You don’t have to stay as long as I do,” he finished quickly, sensing her hesitation.

“Okay.” 

He swallowed. “Okay, what?”

“I’ll come with you.”

“Yeah?” To say he was surprised would be an understatement. 

In the shower he had planned it all out. She would say she couldn’t come. He’d go into a speech about how it wasn’t a problem and then he’d give her a key to his apartment and a list of important information about his home: all the weird quirks of the building, who to call if something goes wrong in the kitchen or plumbing and every number she could use to contact him, including Kay’s personal number (because she always knew how to contact him) or Evan among other things. It was a long list. Too long probably, but compiling it while he washed and conditioned his hair made him calmer. 

“But only for a week or two. I need to get back to work and get ready for classes to start up again.”

“Great,” Ben said, leaning over the counter to give her a chaste kiss. 

Feeling lighter than he had in days his phone buzzed in his pocket with a text from Evan. 

“Are you ready?” he asked, his lips grazing her hair line as she shamelessly finished off the crumbs of the blueberry muffin.

“Mmhmm,” she hummed while licking her lips. “He’s here?”

“He’s a bit early. We don’t have to leave yet.” 

“No, let’s go,” she said, getting up from the stool to kiss him again before turning around and heading to his bedroom to get her things. “I just hope everything I need is clean.” 

He cleaned off the kitchen counter and grabbed his bag in time for her to walk out in her shoes, carrying her overnight bag and her small purse on her other shoulder. 

He slid his hand down her back as they walked to the front door. 

“So what should I bring?” Rey asked, a little too casually. “Are jeans allowed? You’re wearing them now so I assume so, but -”

“It’s usually a little hotter than here, but the palace has decent a/c in the wings you’ll be spending the most time in.”

“How many wings are there?” 

“A few,” Ben answered, smirking. “Bring whatever you want.” He turned the door knob and kissed her hair once, falling into a surprisingly natural groove of casual intimacy. 

Rey huffed and muttered something under her breath, but dropped the subject. He assumed that would be the end of it.

The ride to her apartment was mostly uneventful. They were ushered into the underground tenant only garage of his apartment where they reached his car in peace. Once they reached her building they were greeted by a couple men with cameras, but Evan expertly pushed them back while Ben shielded her from view, keeping his head low and tilted to the side, so no one would have any clear shots of their faces. He guided her into the building with ease, hoping to keep her calm and make her feel protected. 

After the shit show that was last night, he wasn’t going to make her deal with another pap alone for a long time. He had pretended not to have known because she had seemed embarrassed, but Ben had seen the video. Shortly before Rey called him his sister had sent him a link to the paparazzi bombardment along with an all caps text about not knowing that Ben had a girlfriend. He’d been on the phone with Kaydel when Rey called him. 

Evan closed the door behind them as Rey led Ben into her apartment. She didn’t seem shaken by the media, which he supposed was a good sign, as she placed her keys on a hook in the entryway. 

When he took his eyes off of her for a second he noticed the entryway was narrow, as in he didn’t know if Rey and he could walk side by side narrow. Looking around quickly, he noticed the apartment was broken into small rooms: a kitchen he didn’t know if he could even comfortably turn around in, a living area with a couch with colorful printed pillows, fuzzy blankets and other furniture he couldn’t see, two doors leading to rooms opposite the living areas and one door straight ahead. It felt cramped and almost claustrophobic, which for a NYC apartment was the norm. 

Rey walked to the door straight ahead and called for Ben to follow. He followed her into her bedroom silently. She got to work instantly, grabbing her luggage and opening everything. 

He took the time to look around. Rey’s bedroom was a narrow rectangular room painted white with a small open window next to the head of her bed. A scant amount of light reflected through the window, setting the room in a soft warm glow. With no headboard and frame the bed was low to the floor, too low for him. Way too low. Ben wondered how comfortable it was to lay on, but when the image of Rey writhing, sweaty and naked entered his mind he quickly diverted his attention back to the room and stuck his hands in his pockets. Her bedding was simple. Mainly shades of cream with a distressed grey and white printed pillow thrown in the middle. No rug, just old creaking dark wood floors under his feet. A brick wall painted white with chipped and flaking black paint underneath ran the length of the bed. 

It would have feel cold and boring, Ben decided, if it wasn’t for the vase of sunflowers next to her bed, the prints of artwork - mainly line art of plants - and a mirid of thriving succulents throughout her room. They sat atop differently sized and shaped tables, a wooden stool, a small old trunk at the foot of her bed among mismatched candles, a black dresser and larger pots holding plants with long glossy leaves sat on the floor. It felt clean and not fussy, but warm and inviting all at once.

Ben turned, his eyes following Rey as she made her way to her closet, when his eyes landed on a large bright turquoise velvet channel back armchair. He glanced between the obscenely low bed and the velvet chair and headed for the armchair without a second thought. Awkwardly, he folded himself into the seat - it was still better than trying to sit on her mattress - as Rey started grabbing clothes from her dresser. 

His phone vibrated in his hand, but he ignored it. Instead, focusing on the curve of Rey’s tan legs - a small pattern of freckles on the back of her knee he’d never noticed before - as she leaned forward and sorted through her belongings. He looked down when his phone rang again. It was Phas. Quietly grimacing, he ignored her call again and silenced his ringer, knowing damn well that she wasn’t about to stop calling him. But he didn’t have time to deal with her right now. He needed to get to Alderaan. Everything else could wait. 

She sighed and tossed something back in her dresser. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly as he placed his phone in his pocket. 

Biting her lip nervously, Rey turned around. “What do I even bring to meet a royal family?” She motioned to her closet, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks. “Nothing I own is good enough. It’s all cheap shite I found at second hand shops.”

Ben shook his head. The last thing he wanted was to make Rey feel even more nervous about coming to Alderaan. He wasn’t worried about her wardrobe. He knew his family wouldn’t care, but he also remembered countless conversations with Kaydel growing up about the way everyone wanted to police her wardrobe choices since becoming a princess; it’s still something she rebelled against. Despite everything, there were still  _ some  _ rules. But Rey didn’t need to hear that right now.

“I’m sure whatever you bring will be great. My family doesn’t walk around in royal regalia in the family quarters.”

Rey huffed. 

He bit back a smile at the way her nose scrunched up and continued calmly, “And, believe me, Kay wears whatever she wants.” It wasn’t exactly a lie - she did, she just also paid the price once in a while. “You’ll fit in fine. If you need something more formal I’ll ask Calvin to bring some options to the room.”

Rey walked to her closet and stared at an array of clothes before turning back to Ben, her face deadly serious. “Can I bring jeans, shorts, tank tops? Or should I stick with more conservative, less American clothing?” 

Sighing, Ben realized she wasn’t letting it go. He glanced at the closet and took in her less casual clothes, thinking back to everything Kay vented about. “Okay.” 

“You going to help then?” she asked with a bright smile. 

“Generally, t-shirts, shorts, tank tops, whatever, you can wear in the family wing. If we venture outside of our wing then we could possibly walk into dignitaries or senators, so dresses, skirts, pants and a decent shirt is best, shorts are even fine as long as they’re longer and not jeans. And sight seeing off of Palace property - which I’ll have to make time for - you can wear whatever you want.” 

“Okay,” Rey mumbled as she continued staring at her clothes. “That’s helpful.”

Ben nodded, unsure of how much to share. 

“Are women allowed to show-“ 

Ben raised his eyebrows. 

“Ya know, skin?” she asked nervously. 

He smiled softly and nodded. “Unless it’s a political event, show off whatever you want. My family won’t care, regardless, and neither will the Alderaanian media, but other media outlets might pick it up if we’re in public like the US - they tend to care.” Ben took a deep breath and massaged the back of his neck nervously before adding, “My sister wore mini skirts, backless dresses and sheer tops to the majority of her events as a teenager, so please don’t take any of this to heart. It doesn’t really matter.” 

Rey pulled out a couple of dresses, seemingly ignoring his last comment, and held them up for him one at a time. “It’s just a simple shirt dress, but with a belt and sandals it’s cute. Too casual?”

Ben walked over and put his hand on hers. “It’s perfect,” he said catching her eye. “Bring a few more. We sometimes dress up for dinner.”

Rey nodded silently. 

Ben kissed her cheek lightly and grasped the hanger of an emerald dress with small white flowers on it. “This must look beautiful on. Brings out the green in your eyes.”

Rey hummed in approval and took it from his hand. “I agree.” 

She picked up three more dresses of a variety of colors and prints, two skirts and a few tops, all hanging in her closet. He barely glanced at them, sensing she was uncomfortable with her lack of choices. 

“Kay’s probably around your size, I’m sure she’d be happy to lend you anything in her wardrobe,” he offered, hoping the information would help her relax a bit. 

She nodded curtly, avoiding his eyes as she attempted to pack half her wardrobe by methodically folding and rolling the clothes to fit in her black suitcase. It felt a little like a pile up in a clown car, but he assumed she wanted to have as many options as possible with her. Ben didn’t know Rey well enough yet to know for sure, but he assumed she was a planner - she certainly seemed to be. 

In the middle of texting his sister about his mother’s condition, Ben lifted his gaze from his iphone when he heard Rey sigh. “What’s wrong?”

Biting her lip, Rey whispered, “Maybe I shouldn’t go.”

Ben sat back in the arm chair, mouth open. “Why?” he asked, immediately regretting it. Of course, she had reservations. “I mean, you don’t have to come.”

Rey crossed her arms and nodded. 

“I’d like you to come, but if you think it’s too soon, I understand,” he added carefully, thinking about how skittish she had been the night before. “You and Finn can stay at my apartment while I’m gone.”

Ben knew he was asking a lot of Rey considering their current situation, but he hated the idea of bailing on her the second the public found out about them, which was essentially what he would be doing by leaving for Alderaan today. But he had no choice. Ben had to go home. 

Rey turned to him, expression open. “What if -” she asked quietly.

“What?” He sat back, waiting with bated breath. 

Rey smiled shyly and crossed her arms. “What if your family doesn’t accept me?”

Ben stood up, crossing the room in a few steps. “Rey.” His hands gently touched her shoulders. “That is one thing today that I am not concerned about. They’ll love you. I know they will.” 

She nodded silently before looking at her closet again. He squeezed her smooth shoulders and cleared his throat. “Okay, let’s get you packed - that is if you still want to come?” he said, reminding himself midsetence. 

“Let’s pack,” Rey answered, her slender fingertips grazing against his thumb as she met his eyes. “I want to.”

Ben smiled, his chest suddenly feeling a lot lighter.

He knew it was selfish to bring Rey to Alderaan. While the Alderaanian media was a lot better than some, it was still overwhelming. Not to mention throwing her immediately to the wolves by introducing her to his family and staying with them at the palace. It made Ben hesitant, but he had a feeling she could handle it. And if not, well, then he’d know very soon if this relationship had any real potential. 

“Can you grab my passport? It’s in the black bag over there,” Rey said, pointing to a small suitcase by her nightstand.

“Sure,” Ben mumbled. 

He carefully placed the bag on the bed and rummaged through it. His fingers hit something plastic and round. Before he could convince himself not to snoop, he’d pulled a large container of peanut butter out. Staring at the food in his hand Ben blinked in confusion. Finding snacks in a flight attendant’s luggage made sense, but a jar this big? It seemed extreme.

“Oh.”

Her voice woke him from his stupor.

“So you like peanut butter, huh?” he teased, turning around to face her.

Instead of laughing or joking - like Ben had expected - Rey took the jar from his hand and said, “It’s a long story.”

“So you don’t like peanut butter?” He was even more confused now.

Rey placed the jar back in her carryon and grabbed what she needed from the bag. “I do like it. I - It’s just a habit I picked up, let’s leave it at that,” she hissed.

“Okay,” Ben said, suddenly wondering if he stepped in something he shouldn't have mentioned. 

He went back to sitting in the armchair and distracted himself on his phone, ignoring calls and answering Kay’s texts while he waited. They fell into a slightly awkward and tense silence while she packed. 

Once she finished, Rey turned to Ben and said, “Finn’s at work - I already texted him bye.”

“Alright.” Ben placed the phone in his pocket and stood up. “I’d be happy to leave a key for him in case he’d like to stay away from the press.”

Rey smiled softly, but shook her head. “I offered. He’s going to stay with our friend Rose for a while.”

Ben nodded, unsure of what to do now, so he put his hands in his pockets. 

Turning her back to him Rey pushed her shorts down, revealing a pair of basic white cotton underwear, and slipped on baggy grey sweatpants. Ben wasn’t sure if he should stay still or leave so he looked away and decided to focus on the artwork of plants and cacti on the walls. After a few moments he looked back and found Rey still in the cream tank top, but now with a hoodie wrapped around her waist and low rise sweats hanging off her hips. She picked up a pair of white sneakers and threw them on quickly before standing up. 

“I’m ready,” she declared confidently. 

Ben inclined his head to her and grabbed her large suitcase and the duffle bag, but Rey stopped him with a hand on his forearm. 

Sighing, Rey said, “Wait.”

Chewing on the inside of his mouth, Ben looked down at her.

She caught his gaze and smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry I kinda snapped back there. I -” Her voice broke off momentarily as she tried to compose herself. “It’s a bit of a touchy subject.”

Ben nodded slowly, unsure of whether or not he should speak and possibly interrupt her.

“It has to do with my days in foster care in England,” she whispered. “I don’t usually talk about it.”

“It’s okay,” Ben assured her easily, using his free hand to caress her cheek and slip a strand of hair behind her ear. “You don’t need to explain, Rey.”

Smiling brightly, Ben lost the interest in breathing and leaned down to kiss her soundly. They pulled apart moments later and he took her hand. They left her apartment, Evan in the lead, to a horde of paparazzi, cameras clicking and bodies pushing at them, until they were safely in the car with blacked out windows, giving them a hint of privacy. 

“Let’s go,” Rey said, smiling up at him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much guys for sticking with this fic it means the world to me. You have no idea. I'm finally rejuvenated from my inspiration crash and excited to write again, so I'm hoping to pump out chapters more regularly until I finally finish this beast of a story.
> 
> And as always kudos and comments are like chocolate and wine for me. They keep me going xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Kudos and comments are cherished. Or come chat with me on tumblr @fabradicalfem Really! Please do, I'm usually bored and holed up somewhere with an a/c at this time of year.


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